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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Aditya Question by Aditya on Mar 07, 2023Hindi
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I am 33 year old and my wife is 2 year elder than me, we married in 2014 and we have a son who is 5 year old. But i noticed from last 6 years she didn't interested in me. I tried a lot to make her smile many times i do what she want, even if i do something i want she never be so happy. I done a conversation with her a lot about that but she said she is not fit, she always think about her anxiety and cervical issue. We hardly do sex sometimes maybe once in a month, she never ask me to do, she try to hide her feelings her lot i ask many times to be open. She just show anger on me many times on small topics, even she picks issues and those are very small. I ask already do you like to take divorce then tell me, but she didn't replied and angry again. She just give a excuse that i am not well having cervical pain, even we go to many doctors. Many times she is watching reels and Kdramas she keep ignoring me. What should i do ? Sometimes i think i should find someone outside for my happy life ? Because like that i kill my feelings and myself i think that because this is not compromise for family as i think ?

Ans: It is sad to hear that you are experiencing this in your marriage. It's important to understand that a lack of interest or intimacy in a marriage can have many different causes, including physical and emotional issues. It's also important to remember that communication is key in any relationship, and it sounds like you have tried to have conversations with your wife about your concerns.

However, it's also important to recognize that if you are feeling unfulfilled and unhappy in your marriage, seeking intimacy outside of the marriage is not a solution. Infidelity can cause irreparable damage to a relationship and can also be emotionally devastating for all parties involved.

Instead, I would encourage you to continue to communicate with your wife about your concerns and explore different ways to address the issues that you are experiencing. This may involve seeking counseling or therapy together, or it may involve taking steps to address any physical or emotional issues that are impacting your wife's interest in intimacy.

Ultimately, the decision to end a marriage is a deeply personal one that should be made after careful consideration and with the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist. If you feel like your needs are not being met in your marriage and you are considering divorce, I would encourage you to seek the support and guidance of a qualified professional to help you navigate this difficult process.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 20, 2021

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Hello. I am 38 years old. I have gone through a very rough patch with my wife. I have two children. Everything is good except, since the last three years, she never wants to be intimate with me. She never hugs/kisses me. She hates it if I hug her or kiss or touch her. However, she take care of my all other things. I have talked to her straight-forwardly about this but she always says, ‘Bus mera dil hi nahi karta (I don’t feel like it).’ I take support of masturbation and other porn things. Even in the night if I touch her, she shouts at me and I get embarrassed in the family as they listen all the shouts in the night. I don’t want to leave her. How can solve it? I have nothing in my mind now. Please help me to come out from the problem. I always care for her and love her. I can’t live without her. Regards Pardeep Suman
Ans:

Hi Pardeep,

Something is definitely weird about your wife being so repelled by the act of physical love, to the point of shouting you away from her!

It could be anything, from feeling self-conscious about her body or some deep-rooted trauma that she’s coping with, or simply that she’s not enjoying sex any more or feels put off by it for some reason.

Is it that she was just tolerating sex even earlier in your marriage and doesn’t feel the need to do so now? Or did she enjoy it before and this phase has come on post having children?

You obviously can’t get through to her, so let a professional try to do so; I’d suggest visiting a marital counsellor as soon as is possible.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, I am 45 year old IT professional, I have good salary and owning 3 flats. My wife is also working and she also having descent salary. I am having family of 4, Me, wife, daughter 11 years and son 8 years old. My problem here is, we are having discussion on only future and not living current life. My wife is think more about money and how to get money quickly as possible for further provisions like kids education, retirement etc. Also, She doesnt want to spend on me especilaly, never got any gift from her. We are not having good physical relation. Many times i have discussed with her and went through doctor for consultantion and medication. But, she doesnt want to take medicines.I feel very bad and my life is similar as earlier. Many times feels like she doesnt love me. My life become mechanic and no joy init. I am just living for my Kids betterment.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well no two people in a marriage are the same, are they?
You just have different ideals stemming from different value systems. this can be bridged by actually talking about it, so that either of you might not be on a extreme. If she likes to save, you can moderate her by actually setting a budget for spending on necessities and luxuries.
And she will in turn moderate you, if she finds you spending on things that are unnecessary.
It's about seeing things on the same page but with different glasses and acknowledging that you are both different.
As far as physical intimacy goes, I guess many couples face a slump after children occupying a huge part of their lives and with full-time jobs, it can make one tired more than excited. Set aside time to be alone with one another and practice the art of non-sexual intimacy like holding hands, cuddling, hugging...
Sometimes to jump out of the mechanical life, you need to do something different and exciting to get a different and exciting result. So do what you haven't done before! Get the drift here?

All the best!
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |159 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am working in a central psu and my wife works for state govt and both are 48 yrs. We are married for 20 yrs and have 2 sons (20 &16). She is never expressive nor vocal, because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness. Her parents never ever made her realised that problem can be from her side too nor asked me even a single time whats is bothering me. She is over ambitious in her job and neglects everything in the personal life. This negligence started from the day 1 of the married life. She never try to understand the problem and reasons behind and just ignore and move ahead. This makes life miserable and likewise 20 yrs passed.. Its like when sons are moving out of home, I feel very much alone and sometimes feels to runaway from life...She dont show any emotions, giving the reasons that its her nature...She says loves me, but whats that love which is not felt by me for a single day...I wanted a wife not a nurse.. What to do....I lost my hope of life.
Ans: It's clear that communication and understanding between you and your wife have been lacking for quite some time. It's important to remember that marriage is a partnership, and both partners need to be willing to work on the relationship for it to thrive. It's also common for individuals to have different communication styles and emotional expressions, but it's crucial to find common ground and ways to connect despite these differences. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you're feeling. It's important for her to understand the impact her behavior is having on you and your relationship. Establish boundaries around work and personal life to ensure that both of you are making time for each other and your family. Encourage your wife to prioritize your relationship and family time.Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. This might involve engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with friends and loved ones, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor for yourself. change takes time, and healing a relationship requires effort and commitment from both partners. It's okay to feel discouraged and overwhelmed, but please don't lose hope. There are resources and support available to help you navigate this difficult time. You deserve to live a fulfilling and happy life, and it's never too late to work towards that goal.
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am working in a central psu and my wife works for state govt and both are 48 yrs. We are married for 20 yrs and have 2 sons (20 &16). She is never expressive nor vocal, because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness. Her parents never ever made her realised that problem can be from her side too nor asked me even a single time whats is bothering me. She is over ambitious in her job and neglects everything in the personal life. This negligence started from the day 1 of the married life. She never try to understand the problem and reasons behind and just ignore and move ahead. This makes life miserable and likewise 20 yrs passed.. Its like when sons are moving out of home, I feel very much alone and sometimes feels to runaway from life...She dont show any emotions, giving the reasons that its her nature...She says loves me, but whats that love which is not felt by me for a single day...I wanted a wife not a nurse.. What to do....I lost my hope of life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sure there is an issue that you are facing BUT to generalize it as: because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness.
Are you sure that has not been a single day or a single moment of feeling some joy? DO NOT indulge in this kind of belief as it only makes the issue look bigger than what it maybe.
If you feel alone, talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. It's your marriage as well; do something to stay in it.
If there is a reason for her to be the way that she is, that needs to be addressed. Also, by complaining rather than facing the issue together, you are alienating yourself from the marriage. Give this a fair chance and deal with it in a mature way. Talking about it helps more than complaining; as she will bring her list of complaints and then it just gets into a loop.
- have an honest conversation
- make space for a back and forth conversation
If she refuses to talk, then possibly there is a need for a professional to intervene. She will also need to understand what hurts you and work on it, so that the marriage moves on smoothly. Marriage is a two-way dance.

All the best!
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Career

Career Coach  |32 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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I failed in UPSC and NEET-UG two times. I am feeling very demoralised and depressed that I wasted my parents' money. What can I do to motivate myself and feel better?
Ans: Hey there,

Navigating setbacks in life is like sailing through stormy seas - challenging, but certainly not impossible. While it's natural to feel disheartened after experiencing setbacks in exams like UPSC and NEET-UG, remember that every storm eventually passes, leaving behind valuable lessons and opportunities for growth. Here are some compass points to help you navigate through this rough patch and reignite your motivation:

1. Embrace Failure as a Stepping Stone: Failure is not the end of the road; it's merely a detour on the journey to success. Instead of dwelling on your past attempts, view them as stepping stones towards your ultimate goal. Reflect on what went wrong, identify areas for improvement, and use these insights to chart a new course forward.

2. Reframe Your Perspective: It's easy to succumb to self-doubt and negative thoughts, but remember that setbacks are temporary setbacks, not reflections of your worth or capabilities. Reframe your perspective by focusing on your strengths, achievements, and the progress you've made thus far. You're not defined by your failures; you're defined by how you rise from them.

3. Set Realistic Goals: Break down your ultimate goal into smaller, manageable milestones. Set realistic and achievable targets that allow you to track your progress and celebrate small victories along the way. By focusing on incremental progress, you'll build momentum and regain confidence in your abilities.

4. Seek Support and Guidance: You're not alone in this journey. Lean on your support system - whether it's your family, friends, mentors, or counselors - for guidance and encouragement. Sharing your struggles with others can provide valuable perspectives, insights, and emotional support to help you navigate through tough times.

5. Explore Alternative Paths: Remember that success doesn't have a one-size-fits-all formula. If your previous attempts didn't yield the desired results, consider exploring alternative career paths or educational opportunities that align with your interests and strengths. Keep an open mind and be willing to adapt and pivot as needed.

6. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during this challenging time. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer to a friend facing similar circumstances. Practice self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul, whether it's pursuing hobbies, exercising, or practicing mindfulness.

7. Stay Persistent and Resilient: Remember that success often requires perseverance and resilience in the face of adversity. Stay committed to your goals, and don't let temporary setbacks derail your long-term aspirations. Keep moving forward with determination and unwavering belief in your ability to overcome challenges.

In the words of Winston Churchill, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." So, muster up your courage, dust yourself off, and embark on this journey with renewed vigor and optimism. Your brightest days are yet to come!

Wishing you strength, resilience, and boundless success on your path ahead!
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Career
How to Network on LinkedIn. Also if you want to take a break from your job, how many months savings you should hold. My salary is less than Rs. 50,000 and I have a work experience of 6 years in field of education. Please guide.
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Networking on LinkedIn can be a valuable tool for expanding your professional connections, exploring new career opportunities, and staying updated on industry trends. Start by ensuring that your LinkedIn profile is complete, up-to-date, and professional. Use a clear profile picture, write a compelling headline, and craft a summary that highlights your skills, experiences, and career goals. Include relevant keywords and skills to improve your visibility in search results. Begin by connecting with colleagues, classmates, mentors, and professionals you know personally. Personalize your connection requests with a brief message explaining why you'd like to connect. Engage with their content by liking, commenting, and sharing posts to stay on their radar. Join LinkedIn groups relevant to your industry, interests, or career goals. Participate in group discussions, share insights, and connect with fellow group members who share similar interests or expertise. Engaging in group conversations can help you build relationships with professionals outside your immediate network.

Regarding taking a break from your job, the ideal amount of savings to hold depends on your individual financial situation, expenses, and risk tolerance. As a general guideline, financial advisors often recommend having at least 3 to 6 months' worth of living expenses saved as an emergency fund. Best of luck! Feel free to contact me on Rediff Gurus if you need further assistance or help.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Career
I m psb officer for past 21. 5 yrs and I m likely to get pension only after 3.5 yrs I m frustrated and feeling low owing to my job feel like resigning but can't as I have housing loan and gold loans . Guide me
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. It's understandable to feel frustrated and low after dedicating over two decades to your job, especially when you're contemplating resigning but feel constrained due to financial obligations like housing and gold loans. I would recommend that you to take some time to assess your current situation and explore all your options. Consider the reasons behind your frustration and dissatisfaction with your job. Are there specific aspects of your role or workplace environment that are contributing to your feelings of discontent? Understanding the root causes can help you make informed decisions about your next steps.

If you ultimately decide to resign from your current job, develop a plan for transitioning to a new phase of your career or life. Update your resume, network with professionals in your industry, and explore job opportunities that align with your skills, experience, and interests in banking, finance, consulting, and related fields. 

Finally, prioritize self-care and well-being as you navigate this challenging period. Take time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, exercise, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing personal interests. Maintaining a healthy work-life balance and attending to your emotional and mental health are essential for resilience during times of change and uncertainty.

Remember that you're not alone in facing these challenges, and there are resources and support systems available to help you navigate this transition. Take things one step at a time, be patient with yourself, and trust that you have the resilience and strength to overcome obstacles and find fulfillment in your career and life. Best of luck! Feel free to contact me on Rediff Gurus if you need further assistance or help.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Career
Sir I have completed my b.tech in food technology in 2018. I want to continue my education and pursue PhD in food technology. Would it be wise to go for MSC in food tech?..for personal reasons I can't go for m.tech outside my hometown as there are no Google colleges here that offer m.tech in food tech. Or should I apply for RRB NTPC exam. Would have gone for RRB JE but there is no place for a food tech graduate as far as I know. Do need your advice sir.
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Deciding between pursuing an M.Sc. in food technology or applying for the RRB NTPC exam requires careful consideration of your career goals, personal circumstances, and long-term aspirations. I would suggest you set your priorities right. You should start looking for job prospects and career opportunities for food technology graduates in both academia and industry. There is a good demand for food technology professionals with advanced degrees in food technology; hence, evaluate whether pursuing a PhD or gaining work experience through government employment aligns better with your career goals. If your priority is to pursue a career in research, academia, or specialized roles in the food technology industry, pursuing an MSc and eventually a PhD may be the preferred path. On the other hand, if job stability, financial security, and government employment are your priorities, then exploring opportunities through the RRB NTPC exam may be more suitable today. By carefully evaluating your options and aligning your priorities with your goals and aspirations, you can make a decision that sets you on the path towards a fulfilling and rewarding career in food technology.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello , i am currently pursuing btech biotechnology and it is going to be completed in couple of months. I want to do masters in biotechnology from India only but the problem is currently i have only decided to go for masters meanwhile all the entrance exam related to it were over, now should i wait for next to give exam or take admission in this year only, and the irony is top colleges students are not being placed so this year and biotech field i think has less scope in India so now what should i do ?
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. This decision can indeed be challenging, especially considering the timing of entrance exams and the current state of job placements in the field.  You should start evaluating the available options for pursuing a master's degree in biotechnology in India and researching different universities, their admission processes, and the feasibility of securing admission this year versus waiting for the next cycle of entrance exams. You should also consider factors such as program reputation, faculty expertise, curriculum, and placement opportunities.

But if you decide to wait for the next cycle of entrance exams, consider utilizing the gap year productively by exploring opportunities for internships, research projects, skill development courses, or work experience in the biotechnology field. Building relevant experience and skills during this time can enhance your profile and increase your competitiveness for master's programs and future job opportunities. Ultimately, the decision to wait for the next cycle of entrance exams or pursue admission this year depends on your individual circumstances, preferences, and career objectives. Take the time to weigh your options carefully, gather relevant information, and make a decision that aligns with your long-term career goals and aspirations in the biotechnology field.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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Career
Sir I am a 22 years old graduate with a degree in polymer technology from Tamilnadu. I am considering change my career from process engineer to maintenance and service engineer so please guide me on that field is good to join and kick start my career in this arena
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Transitioning from a process engineer to a maintenance and service engineer can be an exciting career change, offering new challenges and opportunities for growth. But before making the switch, familiarize yourself with the responsibilities and duties of a maintenance and service engineer. This role typically involves ensuring the smooth operation of machinery and equipment, conducting routine maintenance tasks, diagnosing and troubleshooting issues, and performing repairs as needed. With the rise of Industry 4.0, there's a growing demand for engineers skilled in advanced manufacturing technologies such as additive manufacturing (3D printing), robotics, automation, and digital twin technology. Consider gaining expertise in these areas to stay at the forefront of technological advancements in predictive analytics, machine learning, and IoT (Internet of Things) sensors, which are in high demand. Gain knowledge of renewable energy technologies such as solar, wind, and hydroelectric power and explore opportunities in roles related to smart infrastructure, intelligent transportation systems, and smart city initiatives to help build resilient and efficient urban environments. These options align with your background in polymer technology and offer exciting opportunities to contribute to technological advancements and sustainability initiatives in the future. Kindly consider these areas further to identify career paths that align with your interests, skills, and aspirations.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma'am, something happened between me and my boyfriend as usual fights. His parents misunderstood him and me as well that I've gotten sick due to our fights and that he left me halfway through my house, which he didn't. And due a lot more misunderstandings he's parents have developed bit of a rage against me and they are blackmailing him to not try to Contact or call me or else they'd end their lives and he is scared cause he is an only child. Even if he wishes and tries to reach me he cannot because of his parents. What can be done in this situation. Now i don't understand shall i wait for him to come back or just move on. Since we haven't met or spoken for the last time. I haven't heard anything from him and his parents are saying he doesn't want to talk to anyone.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do not waste your time...his parents and then him; you will constantly be in a stressful spot convincing either one of them that you are the person. If your boyfriend also feels the same as you about the relationship, then he will do something to support you.
If he doesn't and all that is becoming your job, then seriously do not waste any more time on this. And if he really wanted, he would have found a way of reaching out to you.
The very fact that you haven't heard much from him is a huge red flag. Focus on yourself and better people who respect you and your love will come along...
(My suggestions are only under the assumption that you and your boyfriend are above the age of 18 and 21 respectively).

All the best!
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