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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |152 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Sumeet Question by Sumeet on Mar 03, 2023Hindi
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Hello mam, I have been married since 2011 and have one 9 yrs old child, but after the birth of our child my wife had stopped taking care of her looks. Even though we are of the same age, she looks much more aged than me and less interested in physical relationship. Whenever I start discussing about this with her, she starts arguing and gets upset. We are in our late 30s. Can you please suggest a way out of this please.

Ans: Sumeet,

It sounds like you are facing some serious concerns in your relationship, and I can understand how that might be difficult and frustrating. However, it's important to approach these issues with empathy, sensitivity, and mutual respect.

It's possible that your wife is dealing with her own struggles that are affecting her ability to prioritize her appearance and engage in physical intimacy. It's important to approach these concerns with an open mind and to try to understand her perspective. Rather than focusing on the external appearance of your wife, it might be more helpful to try and understand what is going on internally.

It's important to communicate openly and honestly with your wife about your concerns, but it's equally important to listen to her and respect her feelings. If she is not interested in discussing these issues or feels uncomfortable with the topic, it's important to honor her wishes and give her the space she needs.

If you are feeling disconnected from your wife and are concerned about the lack of physical intimacy in your relationship, it might be helpful to seek the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist. They can provide a safe and supportive space for both of you to explore your concerns and work towards solutions that honor both of your needs and boundaries.

Overall, the key to addressing these issues is to approach them with empathy, communication, and mutual respect. With time, patience, and effort, you may be able to find a path forward that strengthens your relationship and honors both of your needs.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |773 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 19, 2023

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I'm 60 yrs old & my wife is 54 years old. We are married for 33 years now and have 2 grown-up children. My wife was always having less interest towards the physical relationship. She had lost further interest since last 10 years and totally stopped since last 6 years. She sleeps in a sperate room to avoid any physical relationship. She always says we are too old for physical relationship and let is not do any such thing now. I feel an urge to have a physical relationship atleast one a week and because of no relationship, I feel irritated and this is also effecting our general relationship. Unfortunately she is not understanding this. Please suggest what to do???
Ans: Dear Sunjay,
Many of my responses in similar questions like yours have been:
1. Either your wife is in her menopause phase or has menopaused and this can cause lack of interest in sex due to hormonal changes
OR
2. It's a belief system that once you have children, sex if off the table
If it's 1, then there's a lot more empathy that you can show as a husband and possibly explore options with a doctor who can guide the two of you on sex after menopause
If it's 2, then there's a task you are up against where you need to understand where this belief system set inside of her and what it might take for her to break it

So, irritation from you may not solve your problem but only aggravate it, but if you put your mind into finding a solution, you will be interested in finding the source of the problem and eliminate that.

All the best!
(more)
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |773 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 28, 2024Hindi
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I am 65 years old and have history of sleeplessness and on tranquilizers. about two years back, it got so bad that one night I wanted to end it all. fortunately my wife was around and calmed me down. We saw a psychiatrist the next day and she put me on anti depressants. Since then I am sleeping well. But the fear is I feel I will not sleep without medication. Is it okay to take this medication life long. Is there a way I can go to sleep without medication like everybody else? allthough I am a diabetic my general health is good as I take part in endurance running and related activities.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You need medicines to sleep and now you worry that without that you worry that you won't sleep. That's how these medicines can be...make you dependent on them...
The better choice will be to grow out of them...any kind of dependence of anything or anyone is never healthy.
Speak with your doctor and state that you do not want to be dependent on medicines for something as natural as sleep...He/She will suggest ways to wean you off from the medicines and also hoping that they put you on some holistic treatment like meditation or other any alternative therapies that are known to eliminate the source of sleeplessness in you.
Be patient with this line of treatment as it will take time to identify the root of the problem but once it is found, it becomes easy to treat it once and for all hopefully taking you off medicines fully someday.
Kindly explore this option as this will help you to take charge of your life and sleep as well.

All the best!
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |773 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 29, 2024

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my husband died when my son is12.5yrs. he was fond ofcricket and after my sons birth he trained him my son is now 15 he is spineer and play verywell. secondly after my son sbirth he always with my son because he left job and taken vrs. i m single mother now. my son didnot cry cry when he dead nor whenever i talked withhim he didnot want to discuss about him . he irritate. and never from his side he talked about his papa. why i didnot understand. and what to do so that he will talk about his papa. iknow he has verygood memories with him he alawys pamper my son when he was alive. suggest what to do
Ans: Dear Shobha,
I am truly sorry for your loss...Loss of a loved one is one of the toughest phases in anyone's life!
Also, you must understand that each of us have a different way of dealing and coping with loss. Your son possibly feels more comfortable masking his sadness and not talking about how much he misses having his father around. Since you say that he has good memories of his father, spend time with him not discussing his father but actually playing on those memories and keeping those happy memories alive. Since, they bonded over cricket, talk more about that with him and how his father would have been proud of him now. Someday, when he is ready to talk about his father, he will...give him time and replay the good times as a family and especially cricket with his father.
The only time you need to be concerned is when he starts to show any signs of withdrawal from life in general...since you haven't mentioned this, I assume that your son is fine and is just not willing to discuss his father. Let him be...each of us process grief differently. Just bond with him as a caring mother that you are...that will keep him safe and stable.

All the best!
(more)
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