Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 23, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Debajit Question by Debajit on Feb 17, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Sir i had an arranged marriage through matrimonial site..after horoscopes matched and both families mutually agreed...after marriage l had observed that everyday my wife's unmarried elder sister and another married sister calls up my wife almost 10 times per day and basically brainwashing her with negative thoughts which has affected my marital life.My father in law and mother in law are indifferent inspite of knowing everything and my wife never accepts that this is too much interference. I have lost peace of mind. Please help.

Ans: I understand that this situation is causing you a lot of distress. It's not uncommon for family members to be involved in a newlywed couple's life, but it's important to set healthy boundaries and communicate openly with each other about what is acceptable and what is not.

It's possible that your wife's sisters may not be aware of the impact of their behavior on your marriage, or they may not realize the boundaries they are crossing. Have you tried discussing your concerns with your wife and her sisters in a calm and respectful manner? It's important to express your feelings and set clear boundaries on how much interference you are comfortable with.

In addition, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how her family's behavior is affecting your marriage. It may be helpful to seek the assistance of a professional counselor to facilitate this conversation and provide guidance on how to set boundaries and communicate effectively.

It's also important to remember that change takes time and patience. It's possible that your wife may need time to adjust and understand the impact of her family's behavior on your marriage. With open communication and a willingness to work together, you can find a way to navigate this challenging situation and build a stronger, healthier relationship.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 13, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear Love Guru, Please keep me anonymous. I am a 45 years old married male. Ours was an arranged marriage. My spouse as well as my in-laws have cynical attitude towards life. They are always abusive towards everyone at their back even. Earlier, I used to take it lightly and also tried to make my wife understand that there are good people also in the world. I also used to think that she may not be having the same attitude at least towards me but I was wrong. I always did my best whenever she was in trouble or otherwise, be it in her social, professional or medical needs but instead of acknowledging she always found some ulterior motive of mine. She acts sweet whenever she wants anything or to get things done from me otherwise she becomes abusive. Moreover, since beginning she discusses everything over phone with her mother and acts as per her guidance. I don't think that anything whatever happens in between us be it good or bad or in our house is not known to her mother. Whenever we have any quarrel she immediately calls her mother and tells her only her side of the things and uses abusive words for me. I have even requested her that even if she feels like calling her mother to lighten up, she may do it, but at least in privacy so that I should not hear the words she uses. But, now after 14 years I am getting fed up and don't feel like being with her. I am continuing because of my daughter as separation may affect the child. We no longer share any emotional or physical intimacy. I am exhausted. Please advise.  Regards, Anonymous
Ans:

Sounds like you’re tired of the marriage.

I would suggest attending some marital counselling together before you decide to finalise a split, if only for the sake of your daughter.

I understand that the child’s situation is taking precedence over yours, and that’s good parenting, but how long will you carry on like this? It’s been so many years already.

Your wife speaking to her mother about everything is understandable, but within earshot so that you hear it too is not. She obviously has ulterior motives.

Visit a competent counsellor. I’m sure you’ll be able to make headway in this situation.

(more)
Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear Love Guru, My wife and I are in an arranged marriage since around 15 years and there is nothing that we celebrate about our relationship, except kids which are the only reason for our existing relations. I am working abroad and have visits for a month on vacation after every couple of months. After marriage, I noticed my wife’s flirting behaviour with strange men (to seduce) during many occasions but initially ignored it. However, I found it frustrating when I felt her to be habitual flirter. I then spoke to her, which was after around 2.5 years of our marriage, and she denied the matter. Soon noticing such perpetual habits about her, we went on for non-talking terms some time and then a storm broke out in our house. My parents and her parents supported her, since I couldn’t prove any of her behaviour. She has been lying since her behaviour was noticed and even after that, but my love for her and my child (at that time) made me feel that probably that I need to avoid any suspicious behaviour. Such storm was repeated even recently few years earlier. I had thought my idea of a second child would improve our relations, but it hasn’t helped. I could still notice her flirting behaviour with strangers and even with known personnel including my relatives. I even believe her to be in relationship with one of my cousins, based on my observations of their behaviour during our every meet, which I cannot speak of due to my previous experience and which will otherwise definitely terminate our relations. Actually, we are never on good terms these days whenever I visit home and mostly converse only if required. We are also not good in bed and I have also been feeling a low erectile in bed these days. These moments have affected me psychologically and I feel very negative about our relationship. My family remains my priority and I have been trying to see that we all are all happy as a family. I have even sacrificed my own family time for better earnings so that my family can get all the best in life. She takes good care of the children and manages the house nicely. I also ensure that we, as a family, go out on long journeys for travel and my children are everything for me. I have trying to cope up with all this by focusing on work and socialising with friends to the best extent possible. However, her behaviour (in spite of my presence) makes me feel negative. How can I deal with the matter since any re-attempt on my part to speak on the same matter, even if cordially, with my wife will create another storm like earlier? I wish to sort out the differences and need your advice. Should we meet a counsellor separately on this to sort out the matter? Keep me anonymous and respect my privacy.
Ans:

You’ve been sweeping the same issues your marriage has faced from the very beginning under the carpet for 15 years. Why?

And instead of addressing the issues, you decided to go ahead and have a second child?

Having a child is a joy in itself, but it is never the solution to marital woes; in fact, in most cases it only exacerbates the problem.

From everything you’ve told me, you seem to come across as an insecure husband.

I’m not saying that what you’ve told me is untrue, but you keep suspecting your wife of flirting with random men and have no proof of it.

Both sides of the family support her and let me tell you, unless she is a master of deception, no one can conceal their true nature so well from everyone else for the better part of two decades.

Maybe what you construe as flirting is simply her being friendly? Maybe you’re just not comfortable with the manner in which she interacts with other men?

Have you ever managed to prove her inappropriate relations? And when you accuse her, she blows up at you... a guilty party would not react in so volatile a manner.

I do think marital counselling is in order. And yes, maybe separately at first and then together.

Contact a good therapist and do it sooner rather than later... 15 years has been long enough!

 

(more)
Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 11, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Hello Sir/ Ma'am I am 43 in the teaching profession based in Guwahati and had a late marriage at 40 years with a teacher girl aged 5 years younger to me. We have a 2.5 years old cute male child and I love my wife.But my in-laws have insulted my parents and my wife's 3 sisters interferes too much in our personal life and strangely my wife has turned a blind eye to all these.For example recently wife's younger sister texted me "are you nuts" which is not acceptable as I am elder. Things are going for the worse now. My patience is being tested. Please help.
Ans: It's understandable that you're feeling frustrated and upset about the situation with your in-laws and your wife's sisters. It can be difficult to navigate family dynamics, especially when there are conflicts and misunderstandings involved.

First and foremost, it's important to communicate your feelings to your wife in a calm and respectful manner. Let her know how her family's behavior is affecting you and your relationship, and encourage her to work with you to establish healthy boundaries with her family.

It's also important to set clear boundaries with your in-laws and your wife's sisters. Let them know that their behavior is not acceptable and that you expect to be treated with respect. Be firm but polite, and try to avoid escalating the situation with anger or aggression.

If the situation continues to escalate or you feel like you're not able to resolve the conflicts on your own, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a professional counselor or mediator. They can provide you with strategies for managing difficult family dynamics and help you and your wife work together to strengthen your relationship.

Remember that building strong, healthy relationships takes time and effort. It's important to be patient and persistent, and to continue to communicate openly and honestly with your wife and her family.
(more)
Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Hi Dr. Ashish, Good Afternoon, Iam 45 years old. I got married in 2010. My wife has ego and doesnt get adjusted to me and my family. I occured the experience after 2012 when my wife was 2 month pregnant. I was going to job, there was no peace of mind at all. From 2013 february we are not staying together. Her life is running as per her mother advice. We are having a communication very rarely. I had heard from her mother in law like impotent, not capable of doing anything. There are de-grading words always used and treated with no respect whenever i visited my wife house. My wife has communicated me verbally on January 2023, that she doesn't want the relationship to continue. She blocked me on whatsapp dated 03rd February 2023. I have one daughter aged 9 years. I am calling every week to get in touch with my daughter. The wife family not responding to the phones and my wife also. Request your sincere advice for permanent solution. Thanks & Regards, Deepak Shetty
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your marriage and with your wife's family. It sounds like a challenging situation, but I'll try my best to offer some general advice.

Seek professional help: Considering the complexities of your situation, it might be helpful to seek professional guidance. Marriage counselors or therapists can provide a neutral space for both you and your wife to express your concerns and work towards finding a resolution.

Legal advice: If your attempts at communication and reconciliation have not been successful, it may be advisable to consult with a lawyer to understand your legal rights and options. They can guide you through the process and help you navigate any legal implications, especially regarding your relationship with your daughter.

Open communication: While it may be challenging, try to maintain open lines of communication with your wife. Clearly express your desire to work on the relationship and be involved in your daughter's life. Choose a calm and respectful approach when communicating, even if the response is not favorable.

Mediation: Consider involving a mediator to facilitate communication between you and your wife. A neutral third party can help create a constructive environment for dialogue and negotiation, increasing the chances of finding a mutually acceptable solution.

Patience and understanding: Dealing with relationship issues takes time and effort. It's important to remain patient, understanding, and willing to work towards a resolution. Focus on the best interests of your daughter and strive for an amicable co-parenting relationship, even if the marital relationship cannot be mended.

Focus on personal well-being: Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally during this challenging time. Seek support from friends, family, or support groups. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you maintain a positive outlook.

Remember that every situation is unique, and the advice provided here may not fully address your specific circumstances. It's crucial to consult professionals who can provide personalized guidance based on a deeper understanding of your situation.
(more)
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |159 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 13, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am a 53 year old male having troubled relationship with my wife off late. I am married for 26 years & was happy for 25 years. Recently due to my friendship & chatting with some female friends my wife grew suspicious & started keeping watch on my phone & location through setting on phone. I didnt mind as I was not having any wrong intention & relationship with any female friend. Problem started when my wife started interfering in my daily work by calling during office hours and asking what I am doing and with whom I am chatting etc. 1-2 times in a week this questioning turns into arguments & she use abusive language to confront. She claims that this issue of my infidelity haunts her all day and she cant sleep properly during night. Is she having some psychotic problem? Do we have to seek counseling together or she needs a Psychologist help? She is happy for 2-3 days in a week & this problem is not a everyday problem as she is pretty normal on other days.I love her unconditionally & cant see her sinking like this. Please help.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing difficulties in your relationship. I can offer you some general suggestions that might help in this situation.

Open and honest communication: Sit down with your wife during a calm moment and have an open conversation about your concerns and feelings. It's important to express your love and commitment to her, and also address the impact her actions are having on your relationship.
Seek couples counseling: A professional counselor or therapist can help both of you navigate through these issues. Couples counseling provides a safe space for open communication and can assist in resolving conflicts, rebuilding trust, and improving the overall dynamics of your relationship.
Individual counseling: In addition to couples counseling, your wife may benefit from individual therapy to address her feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and trust issues. A psychologist or therapist can provide her with support and guidance to work through her concerns.
Establish boundaries and trust-building measures: It's important to establish boundaries that both of you are comfortable with regarding friendships and privacy. Rebuilding trust might involve setting guidelines for communication, being transparent about your activities, and reassurance about your commitment to the relationship.
Patience and empathy: Remember that this process may take time, and it's essential to be patient and understanding with each other. Try to empathize with your wife's feelings and reassure her of your love and commitment. Encourage her to express her concerns and fears openly so you can work through them together.

It's important to note that only a qualified mental health professional can provide an accurate assessment. If you believe your wife's behavior is indicative of a larger mental health issue, it would be advisable to seek the guidance of a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Ultimately, seeking professional help can provide you both with the necessary tools and guidance to work through these challenges and strengthen your relationship.
(more)
Latest Questions
Jigar

Jigar Patel  |265 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |44 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Listen
Career
I am student in 1st year of be cse(ai). I belong to tier3 college. I am confused between either i do preperation for internship or i do preparation for masters. Please advise me or suggest me some tips for both.
Ans: Thank you for contacting me. Deciding between pursuing an internship and preparing for a master's degree depends on your individual goals, career aspirations, and current circumstances. An internship provides hands-on experience in a professional setting, allowing you to apply theoretical knowledge to real-world problems, whereas, getting a master’s degree from a top college can open up new career opportunities, increase your earning potential, and position you for leadership roles in the future.

Internships allow you to explore different industries, roles, and career paths, helping you clarify your career interests, whereas, getting a master's degree can enhance your professional qualifications, increase your marketability, and improve your prospects for career advancement.

Please remember, regardless of whether you choose internships or further studies, try to focus on building your technical skills, particularly in areas relevant to your field of study. Take advantage of opportunities to learn programming languages, algorithms, machine learning, and other AI-related topics through coursework, online tutorials, workshops, and projects.

I would recommend you manage both. Consider factors such as your career aspirations, academic interests, financial situation, and time frame, and choose the option that aligns best with your long-term objectives. If you have any specific questions or need further advice, feel free to ask me on Rediff Gurus.
(more)
Archana

Archana Deshpande  |17 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach and Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 05, 2024Hindi
Career
Hi , I wish to “Write in English” as a Profession , as that happens to be one of my core competency . It gives me a lot of soulful satisfaction & propels me to continue writing further . My Drafting & command over English Writing has been my primary strength right from my schooling days but I committed the mistake of not choosing it as a career . Hence , Post doing my B.E. & M.B.A. , I worked in decent Corporates for 16 Years but went on to quit the last Job in 2021 as I felt stagnant & monotonous doing what I was into . I was immensely appreciated for my e-mail drafts & Write-ups in all the Organisations I worked in but that had no weightage in my KRA . I did pretty well in my professional career with the exception of the last couple of months wherein I felt a bit lost & as a result , was not enjoying my work . I am into my 44th Year & now convinced to follow my dream professionally ( i.e Writing & penning down what comes my way) but am somewhat clueless how to move ahead . I am not there for the in-vogue content writing stuffs , online blogs etc. but want to write on something substantial or small interesting / soothing write-ups that interests a major chunk of the readers . Kindly help me with all the specific / possible options wherein I can directly target , that would probably yield me results ASAP . Please give detailed info with the probable sources to explore-in , as generic one-liners may not help , as I am blank on whom to approach . Looking forward to your much value added counselling & the probable avenues that may break the ice for me . Thanks & Regards !!! Pls. Keep up with the Good-Work you guys are doing with this Q&A Consultancy Guided Section .
Ans: HI!!
The way you have stated your needs so clearly shows that you have good writing skills, so no doubts about your writing skills.

In the message you mentioned that you quit your job in 2021 and yet you say you are not enjoying work since the last couple of months. A little confusion there for me, I am assuming you are still working. You also mention that you did pretty well professionally, this shows a mind that can work well even when it not totally into the work heart and soul. Try to find positive reasons around your work.
You are 44 you said, at this age we all are at loggerheads with what we studied, what we are doing for a living and what we are passionate about! I have been there..

I need to say a little about myself in order to answer your question. I am an Engineer too, today I am Image Consultant and a Soft Skills Trainer. I used to work with one of the top telecom companies, my Mentor there used to say an Engineer can do anything and me and you are proving that. You are a BE, MBA and you have exceptional writing skills.

As a public speaking skills coach I used to write speeches for clients and help them deliver with panache. One of my long standing clients said no to the classes after I increased the fees. Where did she get her strength from to say no?....AI and Chatgpt, even though she always said it doesn't have the AD (Archana Deshpande) effect!! Why I am mentioning such a personal incident is to help you understand the scenario today.
You want to write good stuff and earn money too, rt? You don't want that typical content writer kind of jobs... so what I suggest is that since a BE MBA is a deadly combo and you are an intelligent man, pls continue to use these to earn money. I want you to google, "platforms for writers to make money" and check all your options, for sometime write and publish on various platforms, send it to various newspapers, see how people respond to you. I know your joy comes from writing so go for it on a day to day basis, schedule it everyday. When you continue to do tasks that bring you joy, your doing all the things that are compulsory becomes easy( like going to office). Test the waters before you quit your well paying job( and yourself mentioned you are doing pretty well). Plan to write a book on a subject that comes easily to you or a book of short stories around your experiences. Today Mrs Sudha Murthy is a celebrated writer, look at her journey as writer, it didn't happen overnight. There is no ASAP here. You want to become a writer professionally, take it slow, start writing, start publishing you work, gauge the readers reaction, keep writing, keep reinventing, it's a creative process, let it flow through you without the stress of earning money through it.... it's joy for you to write, let it remain so!! Create a beautiful space at home to allow the creative juices to flow, continue to write everyday. Apart form writing, check what else brings you joy, on a day to day basis consciously spend time doing things that bring you joy. Enthusiasm/energy for life comes from your joy list. I am listing so many things because you mentioned you are not enjoying your job. I want you to arrive at a place where you enjoy your job( it pays your bills and takes care of your family) and continue to work on stuff you are passionate about. It can be done by living a little consciously and joyously, a little shift in the mindset can do wonders!!
All the very best!!
(more)
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x