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Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Sep 09, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
I am 50 years divorced man in relation with a 42 years divorced women.
We have known to each other for the last 7 years, but only for the 8/9 months we have committed to each other. We intend to marry. But she insists for 40 lakh money and 1 flat in her name. Then only will see agree to marry.
She says if not given she will marry another guy who will meet her requirements. I am so much in love that I am thinking of giving her demands and marry her.  But the real problem is, she has many male friends with whom she regularly chats over watsup and messanger. She also goes for dinner with some friends. 
Secondly, whenever we go to any group parties (her known) she flirt around with male friends, like taking pictures holding each other, dancing closely together etc. I after ask her dance with me or take snaps with me, she just avoids.
I have seen many male friends of her touching her bump or cheeks or holding her waists, she never objects. But when I try to do the same, she objects saying what people will think etc.
She tries to stay away from me during the parties. I constantly remind her to stay with me, she says not to be so possessive and allow her some space. 
Previously we had sex once a month for 5/6 months, but for the last 3 months she has totally stopped having sex, she says will do it only after marriage. Whenever we had sex, she didnt seems to participate, she just tells me to finish off fast. 
Again, I am only one who telephones her every night for talking. She never calls me. Throughout the day she never calls and rarely chats with me.
After I propose or insists, we meet once in 10 days. she always prefers to meet in group of friends. With me she talks quite ok, but in group she becomes very lively and active.
I am confused whether to proceed for marriage by fulfilling her demands. What if after marriage she repeats the same flirteous nature and not so committed towards me.
Please advice and help.
Regards.

Ans:

You're confused? There's nothing confusing about the situation -- this woman wants nothing from you except an apartment and money.

She doesn't call you, she doesn't hang out with you, she doesn't like acknowledging you in public, she doesn't like having sex with you and she'll marry someone else if you don't fork over the moolah.

Stop considering how to ruin your life and find someone who's happy with you even minus the Rs 40 lakhs and the flat!

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Hi Anu, I’m 45 male and my wife is 44, we have been separated due to opinion difference through court she filed three cases on me , after that she with draw all cases by taking Alumni, since two years I have been wishing her on her birthday, recently two months back I wished on her birth we have small conversation asked about ourselves , like did I get married to other women or did she got married to other man. After that conversation she started talking , daily we chat looking at this I put a proposal saying that if she is willing to come back and start our life she is open for it. But she says she does not have any intension of getting married to any one she want to stay alone for life long. Sometimes she shows so much love and affection caring sometimes she completely ignore me as if am a stranger, I’m unable to judge her mood strings day by day my stress levels are going high could not control my emotions and anger I express it on any one. Please do suggest shall I be optimist and wait for some more years and its better to leave her on her own path.
Ans: Dear Prasanna,
For the time being, it appears that the separation is helping the two of you reconnect at a better level than when you stayed together.
It is a good thing as it will patch up wedges and also teach you both to appreciate one another and respect your differences.
I suggest that you let this be for a while now till it reaches a place where the two of you are cordial with one another and set aside the animosity and quell the ego. Then you can put your proposal forth to her of moving back together. She may want it or may prefer the status quo (like she has mentioned to you that she wants to stay alone). Either case, once a connection is filled with love that it is meant to, there not be a definite label or construct to that connection. So, wait for that suitable time to know where her mind is...till then enjoy the time together as a 'dating phase' and relish the moments.

All the best!
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 14, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu,I am 42 year old male and have been separated from marital relationship and i don't have children,since 13 years and living alone where my father and mother had passed away few years ago.I was searching for brides profile from matrimony websites and found a widowed woman who is selfemployed. I called and talked her. she is equivalent of my age.She has one son aged of 24.I was willing to marry her but she does not want to marry anybody rather she expressed her interest and consent to live in a cohabitation(Living together relationship).(She said that her son is a grown up boy and preparing for competitive exams and she loves him a lot,She added that it is not possible to convince him for marrying another person.I accepted it and said ok. Later on we had date and moved on.Whenever she come for a date she asks me to spend and buy apparels,asking me to recharge mobile,asking me to buy provisions ,watches and to pay water taxes of her house.I did it without hesitation and she asks me for gold ring and ear-studs.She is not having contentment and i feel that she is greedy and she does not shows any form of courtesy towards me and further she did not spend even a single rupee for me .I am worried that she is exploiting me.I was wondered and shocked that during a little discussion with her she said that she could move away from me at any point of time if she finds any other person whom she likes her.I was dejected.I said that i am not your Money wallet to swindle me.I am not ready to spend money to a girl who informs me that she will be leaving from me.I scolded her. Even when have planned to marry at that time the woman asks me that whether i am a dominating person and asking about the details of my earlier marriage and testing about my genuinity. Now the relationship has broken between us and i am very much worried that whether i have taken a correct decision or not from stepping away from her because whenever i like to see her she ask me to make surprises for her.In turn no love and affection is being received from her. Kindly advice me that whether i have taken correct decision from quitting her relationship or i have hurried a lot by taken a wrong decision. Please advice and guide me and do the needful in this regard.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have done yourself a huge favor by leaving her and the connection with her. When you started to have doubts about her being greedy was the time that you knew that she was just taking advantage of your kindness.
She was clearly never serious about this association from the beginning and spending your money and demanding more is a clear RED FLAG that she was never interested in anything long-term and that it was a convenient as long as you met her needs through money.
What more proof do you want? Are you now still worried about the fact whether you taken the right decision or not?
Kindly invest time and energy in people who nourish you and let you grow in all areas of your life. Be wise...

All the best!
(more)
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 14, 2024Hindi
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Hi Shalini,I am 42 year old male and have been separated from marital relationship and i don't have children,since 13 years and living alone where my father and mother had passed away few years ago.I was searching for brides profile from matrimony websites and found a widowed woman who is selfemployed. I called and talked her. she is equivalent of my age.She has one son aged of 24.I was willing to marry her but she does not want to marry anybody rather she expressed her interest and consent to live in a cohabitation(Living together relationship).(She said that her son is a grown up boy and preparing for competitive exams and she loves him a lot,She added that it is not possible to convince him for marrying another person.I accepted it and said ok. Later on we had date and moved on.Whenever she come for a date she asks me to spend and buy apparels,asking me to recharge mobile,asking me to buy provisions ,watches and to pay water taxes of her house.I did it without hesitation and she asks me for gold ring and ear-studs.She is not having contentment and i feel that she is greedy and she does not shows any form of courtesy towards me and further she did not spend even a single rupee for me .I am worried that she is exploiting me.I was wondered and shocked that during a little discussion with her she said that she could move away from me at any point of time if she finds any other person whom she likes her.I was dejected.I said that i am not your Money wallet to swindle me.I am not ready to spend money to a girl who informs me that she will be leaving from me.I scolded her. Even when have planned to marry at that time the woman asks me that whether i am a dominating person and asking about the details of my earlier marriage and testing about my genuinity. Now the relationship has broken between us and i am very much worried that whether i have taken a correct decision or not from stepping away from her because whenever i like to see her she ask me to make surprises for her.In turn no love and affection is being received from her. Kindly advice me that whether i have taken correct decision from quitting her relationship or i have hurried a lot by taken a wrong decision. Please advice and guide me and do the needful in this regard.
Ans: It's understandable that you're feeling confused and conflicted about your recent relationship. Based on what you've described, several points emerge:

Red flags in the relationship:

Financial demands: Her consistent requests for money and expensive gifts, without reciprocation, raise concerns about potential financial exploitation.
Lack of emotional connection: You mentioned not receiving love and affection, raising questions about her genuine interest in building a meaningful relationship.
Conditional presence: Her statement about leaving for someone else suggests instability and lack of commitment.
Focus on your past: Excessive questioning about your previous marriage could indicate insecurity or distrust.
Your decision to step away:

Given these red flags, your decision to end the relationship seems reasonable. Prioritizing your emotional and financial well-being is crucial.

Moving forward:

Focus on self-care: Allow yourself time to process this experience and prioritize your emotional well-being. Explore activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Consider therapy: Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you gain clarity, understand your needs, and develop healthy relationship patterns.
Refine your approach: Reflect on what you seek in a relationship and adjust your boundaries and expectations when seeking future partners. Don't hesitate to say no to financial requests or behaviors that make you uncomfortable.
Be patient: Finding a genuine connection takes time and effort. Focus on personal growth and building healthy relationships before actively seeking a new partner.
Remember, prioritizing your self-worth and respecting your boundaries is essential for building healthy and fulfilling relationships. Don't feel pressured to rush into anything that doesn't feel right. Focus on building a life that brings you happiness and fulfillment, and the right connections will follow.
(more)
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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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I failed in UPSC and NEET-UG two times. I am feeling very demoralised and depressed that I wasted my parents' money. What can I do to motivate myself and feel better?
Ans: Hey there,

Navigating setbacks in life is like sailing through stormy seas - challenging, but certainly not impossible. While it's natural to feel disheartened after experiencing setbacks in exams like UPSC and NEET-UG, remember that every storm eventually passes, leaving behind valuable lessons and opportunities for growth. Here are some compass points to help you navigate through this rough patch and reignite your motivation:

1. Embrace Failure as a Stepping Stone: Failure is not the end of the road; it's merely a detour on the journey to success. Instead of dwelling on your past attempts, view them as stepping stones towards your ultimate goal. Reflect on what went wrong, identify areas for improvement, and use these insights to chart a new course forward.

2. Reframe Your Perspective: It's easy to succumb to self-doubt and negative thoughts, but remember that setbacks are temporary setbacks, not reflections of your worth or capabilities. Reframe your perspective by focusing on your strengths, achievements, and the progress you've made thus far. You're not defined by your failures; you're defined by how you rise from them.

3. Set Realistic Goals: Break down your ultimate goal into smaller, manageable milestones. Set realistic and achievable targets that allow you to track your progress and celebrate small victories along the way. By focusing on incremental progress, you'll build momentum and regain confidence in your abilities.

4. Seek Support and Guidance: You're not alone in this journey. Lean on your support system - whether it's your family, friends, mentors, or counselors - for guidance and encouragement. Sharing your struggles with others can provide valuable perspectives, insights, and emotional support to help you navigate through tough times.

5. Explore Alternative Paths: Remember that success doesn't have a one-size-fits-all formula. If your previous attempts didn't yield the desired results, consider exploring alternative career paths or educational opportunities that align with your interests and strengths. Keep an open mind and be willing to adapt and pivot as needed.

6. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during this challenging time. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer to a friend facing similar circumstances. Practice self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul, whether it's pursuing hobbies, exercising, or practicing mindfulness.

7. Stay Persistent and Resilient: Remember that success often requires perseverance and resilience in the face of adversity. Stay committed to your goals, and don't let temporary setbacks derail your long-term aspirations. Keep moving forward with determination and unwavering belief in your ability to overcome challenges.

In the words of Winston Churchill, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." So, muster up your courage, dust yourself off, and embark on this journey with renewed vigor and optimism. Your brightest days are yet to come!

Wishing you strength, resilience, and boundless success on your path ahead!
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Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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How to Network on LinkedIn. Also if you want to take a break from your job, how many months savings you should hold. My salary is less than Rs. 50,000 and I have a work experience of 6 years in field of education. Please guide.
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Networking on LinkedIn can be a valuable tool for expanding your professional connections, exploring new career opportunities, and staying updated on industry trends. Start by ensuring that your LinkedIn profile is complete, up-to-date, and professional. Use a clear profile picture, write a compelling headline, and craft a summary that highlights your skills, experiences, and career goals. Include relevant keywords and skills to improve your visibility in search results. Begin by connecting with colleagues, classmates, mentors, and professionals you know personally. Personalize your connection requests with a brief message explaining why you'd like to connect. Engage with their content by liking, commenting, and sharing posts to stay on their radar. Join LinkedIn groups relevant to your industry, interests, or career goals. Participate in group discussions, share insights, and connect with fellow group members who share similar interests or expertise. Engaging in group conversations can help you build relationships with professionals outside your immediate network.

Regarding taking a break from your job, the ideal amount of savings to hold depends on your individual financial situation, expenses, and risk tolerance. As a general guideline, financial advisors often recommend having at least 3 to 6 months' worth of living expenses saved as an emergency fund. Best of luck! Feel free to contact me on Rediff Gurus if you need further assistance or help.
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Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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I m psb officer for past 21. 5 yrs and I m likely to get pension only after 3.5 yrs I m frustrated and feeling low owing to my job feel like resigning but can't as I have housing loan and gold loans . Guide me
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. It's understandable to feel frustrated and low after dedicating over two decades to your job, especially when you're contemplating resigning but feel constrained due to financial obligations like housing and gold loans. I would recommend that you to take some time to assess your current situation and explore all your options. Consider the reasons behind your frustration and dissatisfaction with your job. Are there specific aspects of your role or workplace environment that are contributing to your feelings of discontent? Understanding the root causes can help you make informed decisions about your next steps.

If you ultimately decide to resign from your current job, develop a plan for transitioning to a new phase of your career or life. Update your resume, network with professionals in your industry, and explore job opportunities that align with your skills, experience, and interests in banking, finance, consulting, and related fields. 

Finally, prioritize self-care and well-being as you navigate this challenging period. Take time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, exercise, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing personal interests. Maintaining a healthy work-life balance and attending to your emotional and mental health are essential for resilience during times of change and uncertainty.

Remember that you're not alone in facing these challenges, and there are resources and support systems available to help you navigate this transition. Take things one step at a time, be patient with yourself, and trust that you have the resilience and strength to overcome obstacles and find fulfillment in your career and life. Best of luck! Feel free to contact me on Rediff Gurus if you need further assistance or help.
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Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Sir I have completed my b.tech in food technology in 2018. I want to continue my education and pursue PhD in food technology. Would it be wise to go for MSC in food tech?..for personal reasons I can't go for m.tech outside my hometown as there are no Google colleges here that offer m.tech in food tech. Or should I apply for RRB NTPC exam. Would have gone for RRB JE but there is no place for a food tech graduate as far as I know. Do need your advice sir.
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Deciding between pursuing an M.Sc. in food technology or applying for the RRB NTPC exam requires careful consideration of your career goals, personal circumstances, and long-term aspirations. I would suggest you set your priorities right. You should start looking for job prospects and career opportunities for food technology graduates in both academia and industry. There is a good demand for food technology professionals with advanced degrees in food technology; hence, evaluate whether pursuing a PhD or gaining work experience through government employment aligns better with your career goals. If your priority is to pursue a career in research, academia, or specialized roles in the food technology industry, pursuing an MSc and eventually a PhD may be the preferred path. On the other hand, if job stability, financial security, and government employment are your priorities, then exploring opportunities through the RRB NTPC exam may be more suitable today. By carefully evaluating your options and aligning your priorities with your goals and aspirations, you can make a decision that sets you on the path towards a fulfilling and rewarding career in food technology.
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Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Hello , i am currently pursuing btech biotechnology and it is going to be completed in couple of months. I want to do masters in biotechnology from India only but the problem is currently i have only decided to go for masters meanwhile all the entrance exam related to it were over, now should i wait for next to give exam or take admission in this year only, and the irony is top colleges students are not being placed so this year and biotech field i think has less scope in India so now what should i do ?
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. This decision can indeed be challenging, especially considering the timing of entrance exams and the current state of job placements in the field.  You should start evaluating the available options for pursuing a master's degree in biotechnology in India and researching different universities, their admission processes, and the feasibility of securing admission this year versus waiting for the next cycle of entrance exams. You should also consider factors such as program reputation, faculty expertise, curriculum, and placement opportunities.

But if you decide to wait for the next cycle of entrance exams, consider utilizing the gap year productively by exploring opportunities for internships, research projects, skill development courses, or work experience in the biotechnology field. Building relevant experience and skills during this time can enhance your profile and increase your competitiveness for master's programs and future job opportunities. Ultimately, the decision to wait for the next cycle of entrance exams or pursue admission this year depends on your individual circumstances, preferences, and career objectives. Take the time to weigh your options carefully, gather relevant information, and make a decision that aligns with your long-term career goals and aspirations in the biotechnology field.
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Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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Career
Sir I am a 22 years old graduate with a degree in polymer technology from Tamilnadu. I am considering change my career from process engineer to maintenance and service engineer so please guide me on that field is good to join and kick start my career in this arena
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Transitioning from a process engineer to a maintenance and service engineer can be an exciting career change, offering new challenges and opportunities for growth. But before making the switch, familiarize yourself with the responsibilities and duties of a maintenance and service engineer. This role typically involves ensuring the smooth operation of machinery and equipment, conducting routine maintenance tasks, diagnosing and troubleshooting issues, and performing repairs as needed. With the rise of Industry 4.0, there's a growing demand for engineers skilled in advanced manufacturing technologies such as additive manufacturing (3D printing), robotics, automation, and digital twin technology. Consider gaining expertise in these areas to stay at the forefront of technological advancements in predictive analytics, machine learning, and IoT (Internet of Things) sensors, which are in high demand. Gain knowledge of renewable energy technologies such as solar, wind, and hydroelectric power and explore opportunities in roles related to smart infrastructure, intelligent transportation systems, and smart city initiatives to help build resilient and efficient urban environments. These options align with your background in polymer technology and offer exciting opportunities to contribute to technological advancements and sustainability initiatives in the future. Kindly consider these areas further to identify career paths that align with your interests, skills, and aspirations.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma'am, something happened between me and my boyfriend as usual fights. His parents misunderstood him and me as well that I've gotten sick due to our fights and that he left me halfway through my house, which he didn't. And due a lot more misunderstandings he's parents have developed bit of a rage against me and they are blackmailing him to not try to Contact or call me or else they'd end their lives and he is scared cause he is an only child. Even if he wishes and tries to reach me he cannot because of his parents. What can be done in this situation. Now i don't understand shall i wait for him to come back or just move on. Since we haven't met or spoken for the last time. I haven't heard anything from him and his parents are saying he doesn't want to talk to anyone.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do not waste your time...his parents and then him; you will constantly be in a stressful spot convincing either one of them that you are the person. If your boyfriend also feels the same as you about the relationship, then he will do something to support you.
If he doesn't and all that is becoming your job, then seriously do not waste any more time on this. And if he really wanted, he would have found a way of reaching out to you.
The very fact that you haven't heard much from him is a huge red flag. Focus on yourself and better people who respect you and your love will come along...
(My suggestions are only under the assumption that you and your boyfriend are above the age of 18 and 21 respectively).

All the best!
(more)
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