Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1330 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Me and my wife were happily love married since 15 yrs and we r in relationship since 19 yrs. In between yrs i was out of family due to financial issues and got some bad habits of sex,chatting etc.She got to know this last year and broken down. After 6 month she was caught by me with chatting , flirting with 2 men. She left all and no things has been caught since 4 months. But the life is very shaky We both want to stay bcoz of 2 children. But I m very shaky after her these activities as she was very loyal, very gud and was like God for me. Every time we on discussion, it turn on into fighting and she used to say it's u who had turn me like this, looks she never feel guilt What to do !!!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly re-evaluate what each of you have done to drain the marriage. Then maybe you both will stop blaming one another and then address the marriage issues in a more civil manner.
Both your actions have placed a huge strain on the marriage and it has deteriorated over time and 'staying for the sake of the children' is not something that is helping them or either of you. What's the point of staying when the children witness both the parents bickering over almost everything?

So, please the two of you sit down and think about:
- whether you want to rebuild the marriage or leave?
And if you truly want to fix things, then this 'blame game' has to stop...it truly has taken two to tango here and do accept responsibility for the deterioration as mature adults. Only then you can take a decision one way or the other.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1330 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1330 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I have been married from last 20 years. It's arrange marriage and before marriage told me let she had an affair with a har college friend dena hai asked that if any relation physical relation has been done she said no I trusted her and married her but after 4 years of marriage I am notice that she didn't paid any attention or don't love me I always thought that there are some mistakes from my side that's why she behave like this . From last 16 years I was suffering from the situation. Recently I come to know when I saw her mobile accidentally and I come to know that she has the same affair from last 16 years with the same guy when I ask about this she told me that it was by mistake I am sorry I won't do this again after some pressureise she also told me that she did a physical relation with him before marriage and after marriage too. I was shocked cause physically I am fit and capable to satisfy her with all the way still she cheated me. Now she confess me all the things and told me promise me that she won't do any mistake henceforth. But no problem is whenever I am trying to get physical or emotional with her some thoughts in my mind game that she did all the things with another guy and cheating me so I can't make any relation ship with her. How can I trust her again we have to kids 10 year each. Please tell me what to do I am frustrated
Ans: Dear Trade,
You need to decide if you wish to trust her or not. It is difficult obviously with what you have discovered. But if you have chosen to carry on within the marriage, the only way that the mind can be managed is to accept what has happened and work with how things are today.
Give your marriage another chance and only then you can work your work through otherwise you will spend time only thinking about her cheating and what she did with the other person which anyone is not working well for you.
So, are you ready to forgive and move on OR hold onto the past? No decision is right or wrong; it's just what you want and then when you make that decision, make everything else work in favor of that decision.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1330 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, I am a guy 45, married and with 2 lovely children. My wife and I have great relationship from the time of love marriage. I love her a lot and as a family all is great financially, emotionally. It does seem to be like a perfect family anyone can ask for. During dating she was she was flirting with others but after all our love and commitment we moved ahead. She has this nature of seeking attention from others and I was ok as long as it was harmless. After our first child, I know it must be difficult for her as a new mother etc but I caught her with her colleague, they were having affair for 1.5 years. she regretted her decision and I forgive her. I gave her more attention and we continued, she shows all the love and affection and I know in my heart she loved me a lot as I do the same. All was good, we had a second child and the pregnancy and post pregnancy was happy. She has been very happy and giving her all to the family. Our relationship was very good from every angle. yet again she had a one night stand and also another affair. This time i was heard broken. She is independent, she earns well and better than me of which I am proud of. If she is unhappy with the relationship and marriage, i am happy if she is wants to move on for her good. But she repented again and says he cannot live without me and that she only loves me. If there is so much love I am unable to understand why she is looking elsewhere. I have asked her to make me understand but she has no answer. I have forgiven her as my love for her is a lot and I know she does love me too and we continue our marriage... but I am unable to figure out this nature and for her and myself I want to understand what can be done. I am lost.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I can see that it is very unsettling for you. It might have been a huge deal to know that your wife has been vying for attention outside of marriage and also indulging in the physical angle as well.
It's possible that she is getting used to your being okay with the entire thing and just adapting to it that there has been no thought on how she can change the way that she is. Since you have forgiven her, there is nothing that needs to change in her...that's the message that you are implying to her.

She possibly is just exploring and trying new things for herself, she is looking for validation and attention outside...the reasons could be many...wandering is only an indication of something that we are not happy with within ourselves or in our lives...If you want your situation to change, I would strongly recommend Couples Therapy to unearth what exactly is happening. It might give both of you some perspective and since there's love still within the marriage, things might actually fall in place quickly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Pushpa

Pushpa R  |33 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Hi Pushpa, I start my day with morning meditation which brings calm and peace to my mind. But after first instance that angers me, the calm from the morning is lost and the mood for the entire day is disturbed. Although I don't express the anger outside in words or action, but the mind is definitely angered. What can I do so that words or actions don't anger me ? And if they do, how can I bring myself back to my calm state quickly ?
Ans: To remain calm even when faced with anger, it's essential to train the mind regularly, not just in the mornings. Here’s a simple way to handle it:

Mindful Breathing: When you feel anger rising, pause and take deep breaths. Slowly inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, and exhale for 6 counts. This simple practice can calm your mind in moments.

Witness Your Anger: Instead of reacting, observe the anger. Tell yourself, "This is just a passing emotion. I don't need to hold on to it."

Practice Gratitude: Shift your focus to something positive—like a good moment from your day. Gratitude quickly softens anger.

Carry Peace Throughout the Day: After morning meditation, visualize yourself remaining calm no matter what happens. This mental preparation helps when challenges arise.

Remember, meditation and mindfulness need consistent guidance to become effective. A yoga or meditation coach can teach you techniques tailored to your personality and lifestyle. Self-practice is good, but expert guidance ensures you build resilience faster and avoid frustration.

When anger disrupts your peace, see it as a signal to return to your breath and inner calm—each time, you grow stronger.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3930 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
Listen
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |706 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi Milind, Hope you are doing well. I am an NRI. I am 42-year-old. I am a Software engineer. My son is 11-year-old. Please share your guidance for better investment in MF or Stocks which has better returns with less risk. The plan is for my son’s education for his degree. Please find my plan. 1. I can spend 20K per month towards SIP. 2. Plan is for 8 years investment. 3. In next 8 years, my target is to make 40 to 50 lakhs Please provide your inputs to my following queries 1. Which mutual funds can help to achieve my above goal? 2. Is it better to invest in 2 to 3 mutual funds ? 3. How much I need to SIP to achieve my above goals? 4. How can I apply investments in the mutual fund from United Kingdom? 5. Do I need open DMAT account ? If so, please guide how can I do this from UK? 6. Do I need to do KYC? If so, please guide how can I do this from UK? Appreciate you if you guide me Thank you
Ans: Hello;

To generate a corpus of around 50 L in 8 years you have two options:

1. Start with 20 K monthly SIP and step it up each year by 15% upto 8 years.

2. Start with a monthly sip of 31 K which may yield you a corpus of around 50 L after 8 years.

A modest 12% return from equity mutual funds is considered.

Mutual funds will be certainly better then direct stocks from a risk perspective.

You may invest in a flexicap type mutual fund and a large and midcap type mutual fund in the proportion of 50:50 for your investment.

You may select any fund from the top quartile in these categories.

You don't need a demat account.

You will need to do KYC before investing, some investment apps/AMCs offer it to be done online even for NRIs.

Happy Investing;

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1330 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am a Single mother (divorcee) of 4year old kid. I was separated when the kid was around a year old, because of his habits and abusive nature. I didn't want my to go through the same The father or his family never asked to see the kid. Now my kid asks questions "where is my dad", "everyone has father, where is mine". It breaks my heart and i am not sure how to handle it. How can I tell my kid that the father doesn't want to be involved in a polite way so that it doesn't break my kid.
Ans: Dear Sushma,
I am sure this is really tough for you.
What I can suggest is actually reading out books to him that explain separation/divorce through stories. This will enable him to understand that there are families and not all families are the same. But do ensure that you give him a good image about his father. Bitterness as a seed can grow and that is not healthy for a child at all. As the story progresses, you may want to insert the truth that in some families, the father/mother are not involved and choose to be away. This maybe difficult for him to fathom right now but slowly comparing his life with his friends, he will have more questions as he grows up. Take it one day at a time...break the truth gently and very age appropriately and right now, stories seem to be the better way.

Later in life as he grows even older, he can choose to seek and understand the truth in his own way. It may seem like a big contrast then but he will know that you had in his childhood come from a space of concern for his emotional growth.

You may also check in with other single mothers and they will surely have some things to share on it...at the end of the day, do what you think is right as a mother for your child.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7162 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

Listen
Money
Dear Sir, I am 38 years old and I want to invest 60 lakh in mutual fund as lumpsum or STP over one year. I am planning to break it to 4 parts of 15 lakh each and invest in Nifty 50, Nifty midcap 150, one multi cap and one flexi cap. I have an invest horizon of 20 years. I have invested in real estate so I have already diversified myself so want to stick to mutual funds for 60 lakhs. Please advise if this is wise or am I being dumb?
Ans: Your financial planning shows a clear and thoughtful approach. Allocating Rs 60 lakh with a 20-year horizon is wise. However, let’s evaluate your strategy to ensure optimal diversification, risk management, and returns.

Diversification Achieved:
Your existing real estate investments ensure risk is spread across asset classes.

Long-Term Horizon Advantage:
A 20-year horizon allows you to absorb market volatility and maximise compounding benefits.

Focus on Mutual Funds:
Sticking to mutual funds for this corpus is logical and efficient.

Reassessing Your Allocation Plan
Lumpsum vs Systematic Transfer Plan (STP):
Lumpsum investment can expose you to market timing risks. Use STP over 12–18 months to reduce volatility.

Equity Fund Categories Selection:
Your idea of investing in large-cap, mid-cap, multi-cap, and flexi-cap funds is balanced.

Issues with Index Fund Allocation
Concerns with Nifty 50 and Nifty Midcap 150:
Index funds lack active management, leading to missed opportunities during market fluctuations.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:
Active funds aim for better returns through expert fund manager insights and stock selection.

Advantages of Multi-Cap and Flexi-Cap Funds
Multi-Cap Funds:
These funds provide exposure across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap segments, ensuring balanced growth.

Flexi-Cap Funds:
Fund managers can freely allocate investments to market segments based on opportunities.

Complementary Approach:
Combining these funds with active large- and mid-cap funds ensures robust diversification.

Strategic Recommendations
Adopt a Blend of Active Funds:
Replace index funds with actively managed large- and mid-cap funds.

Focus on Quality Fund Selection:
Choose funds with consistent long-term performance and experienced fund managers.

Allocate Based on Risk Appetite:
Consider 60–70% allocation to equity funds for growth and 30–40% to hybrid or debt funds for stability.

Start STP Immediately:
Park your lumpsum in liquid funds and systematically transfer to equity funds monthly.

Taxation Awareness
Equity Mutual Funds Tax Rules:

LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt Funds Taxation:
LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income slab.

Plan Exit Strategy:
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) after 20 years to optimise tax benefits.

Risks and Monitoring
Mitigate Market Risks:
Diversified fund selection and STP lower volatility risks.

Review Regularly:
Monitor your portfolio yearly and rebalance if needed.

Avoid Over-Concentration:
Ensure no single fund category dominates your portfolio.

Additional Suggestions
Emergency Fund:
Ensure an emergency fund of at least 6–12 months' expenses.

Insurance Coverage:
If not already covered, secure adequate health and term insurance.

Avoid Unnecessary Additions:
Stick to mutual funds without over-diversifying into unrelated assets.

Final Insights
Your planned allocation reflects thoughtful diversification and long-term focus. Replacing index funds with actively managed funds can enhance returns. Using an STP will balance market volatility effectively. With consistent monitoring and expert fund selection, your Rs 60 lakh investment can achieve your 20-year goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x