Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |294 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Is it okay to live with a person who abuses me daily verbally but gives care also. Eventhough after i told repeatedly not to use bad words he is using it. Doing fight at night and morning coming for patch up as if nothing happend. What should i do now pls tell me.

Ans: No one deserves to be verbally abused, no matter what other positive things might be present in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being above all else.
Reach out to friends, family members, or a trusted individual who can offer support and guidance. It's essential to have someone to confide in during challenging times.Speaking to a therapist or counselor can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and options. They can offer valuable insight and help you develop coping strategiesClearly communicate to the person that their behavior is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate verbal abuse. Set boundaries and stick to them. If they continue to disrespect your boundaries, it may be necessary to take further action.Evaluate whether it's feasible to remove yourself from the situation, whether temporarily or permanently. This could involve seeking alternative living arrangements, such as staying with a friend or family member, or exploring other housing options.If you're concerned about your safety, develop a safety plan in case the situation escalates. This could include having a bag packed with essentials, knowing where to go in an emergency, and having a support network in place. Depending on your circumstances, you may want to consult with a lawyer to understand your rights and options, especially if you're considering leaving the living situation or seeking legal protection.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in all your relationships. It's okay to prioritize your well-being and take steps to remove yourself from a toxic environment. If you're ever in immediate danger, don't hesitate to reach out to emergency services for help.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 57year old and married for 32yearmy husband always assassination my character through out life also beaten me in these years in 2012i went to my mother house when I get my ear drum puncture and right eye double vision he came to my mother house to reconcile with his sister again I went with him and he started the same .I have two daughters both are married and younger one is going to Divo rce his husband in couple of months now again I went to my daughter house when he beaten me in August 2023 now what should I do I should go back to him or stay with my daughter as I have no one to look after
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Physical violence must never be tolerated!
Tolerating is actually encouraging him to do it yet again...
For a reason, you decided to leave him and stay at your mother's place...what made you go back to the same person and the horrible abuse?
I don't have details on your financial state for me to be able to give you a concrete suggestion. Kindly start taking charge of your life; if it means you have to stand on your feet, it's never too late...Home-run small businesses are thriving especially during and post-pandemic. Once you feel confident with your independence, you will be able to stand up for yourself in front of your husband. Today, he possibly knows that no matter what you will run back to him and that gives him the power to mistreat you.

Should you go back to him; that is a question I want you to ask yourself multiple times? The very fact that you ask this to me, a complete stranger surely means you are reaching out for help out of your misery and actually know what to do...Don't fear...Do what is right by you and for you!

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, I got married (arranged) in 2021 but the marriage fell apart within a year due to dowry issues and domestic violence. In 2023 I met someone through divorcee’s matrimonial site and shifted to his city to live with him . This time I wanted to make sure he is the right one for me in every possible way . His family is super nice and understanding but he sometimes is violent with words . He abuses and has beaten me also . He keep saying he loves me and we have good chemistry too . Just his behaviour sometimes is unpredictable. What should I do ? I don’t want to fail second time . I want to make this work . I’m independent and working in government sector. We both are in same post.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
RED FLAG!
No, physical abuse, not cool at all...
Since you are testing the waters, know that your 'want to make it work' comes from a failed relationship and desperately trying to make this one work; despite the signs being clear...
Do you wish to take on the responsibility of a man who comes with his baggage of anger that shows up as verbal and physical abuse? And you are not even married for you to actually take on that responsibility, yeah?
Think again and then decide...you are at a place where money is not an issue, which gives you the flexibility to choose and not settle for less. DO NOT be eager to prove to yourself that you can make relationships work; there's no medal for that. BUT allow yourself the time to grow and heal to actually choose a life partner that deserves you. That medal of stability, security, warmth and trust will be what you will cherish. So, think hard and choose wisely

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |294 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi I am 45 years of age having two childrens and I am also working.My husband is good with me but not with my parents and sister most of the time he abuses them without any reason .This make me upset and many time I discuss this matter with him but he doesn't realise his mistake. I told him to meet councellor but he is not ready . And often he take drink and without any reason abuses any one around him Many time situation becomes out of control and I want to end my relationship. Kindly guide me
Ans: First and foremost, your feelings are entirely valid. It’s deeply troubling when someone you love and live with is disrespectful and abusive towards your family members and those around him, especially when he drinks. Your husband’s behavior, despite your efforts to communicate and suggest counseling, is not only affecting you but also creating a toxic environment for your children.

It’s crucial to prioritize your own mental and emotional health. Living in an environment where abuse and excessive drinking are present can have long-term negative effects on both you and your children. This kind of stress and emotional turmoil can erode your sense of self and well-being over time.

Since your husband has refused counseling and doesn't acknowledge his mistakes, it may be necessary to consider stronger steps. Think about what you want for your future and what kind of environment you want for your children. Reflect on whether staying in this relationship is conducive to that vision.

If you’re contemplating ending the relationship, it’s important to have a clear plan. Seek support from trusted friends or family members, and consider speaking with a professional counselor or therapist to help you navigate your feelings and plan your next steps. Legal advice might also be necessary to understand your rights and ensure you and your children are protected.

Take time to consider what is best for you and your children in the long term. Your well-being and safety are paramount, and sometimes the healthiest choice is to remove yourself from a harmful environment. By doing so, you’re not only taking care of yourself but also setting a positive example for your children about self-respect and the importance of a healthy, loving home.

..Read more

Latest Questions
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x