I am married for 7 years and I have a child, but recently I have grown very close to a colleague at work. We talk and message every day, share our personal struggles, and I find myself waiting for his texts more than my husband’s attention. My marriage is stable but it has become such a routine that neither of us seems interested in each other. My husband is a good father but as a couple, I feel something is missing emotionally. I haven’t crossed any physical boundaries with this colleague who is also married, but if we pursue it further, I know it will turn into an emotional extra-marital affair which makes me extremely guilty. But personally when I am with this colleague, I feel alive and understood in a way I haven’t felt in years. Is this just emotional dependency or a serious warning sign about my marriage? Should I hesitate or see where it leads us?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Emotions are unruly sometimes. The thing is that life, especially a long, happy married life, can start to feel too routine and mundane. Maybe that's why you are developing these feelings. Nevertheless, this is not ethical nor acceptable in a marriage that is exclusive. If you indeed love your wife, you should either make sure to keep your feelings for this other woman in check and never act on it, or you have to come clean to your wife about how you have been feeling lately. I suppose you are merely looking for some excitement, and you can easily get that with your long-term partner if you put in some effort.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

A long-term relationship might seem mundane and routine after a while but that does not permit you to develop feelings for someone else. While meeting up with your female colleagues is no big deal, when you have feelings for that colleague and doubt that you might cross a line, do you still think it's worth considering the meet-up? I doubt that.

I understand that you have a good bond with this person, and you are feeling unfulfilled in your marriage, but that still does not allow you to cheat on your wife in good conscience. I suggest three things-

1) Introspect and evaluate why you are having these feelings outside of your marriage.
2) Have a clear discussion about the same with your wife.
3) Work on the issue one step at a time, and work on it together. If needed, see a marriage counselor. We all need a little extra help once in a while.

Every marriage hits a bump or two. It will be okay once you shift your focus to the right place.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I think the other answer clears things up for you. I would like to add that asking you to keep the relationship a secret, convincing you to have an extra-marital affair, and saying things like 'your husband will be your responsibility and I will be your love' are a bit concerning. Even if you wanted to leave your partner and get together with this colleague, it should be an unforced decision. It looks like he is trying to coax you and doing so even when you are so conflicted is very selfish. I would like you to be cautious. And to confirm your doubts- yes, it is cheating if you really decide to act on these without your husband's knowledge.

Hope this helps.