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Kanchan Rai |499 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Ma'am my ex is blackmailing me..that I have to came in relationship with him.. otherwise he will show photos of your to my dad..and in past he physically abused me to..that's why I broke up with him..but now he and his friends are blackmailing me..and he my family would come to know this..they will kill me ..they are so so strict ma'am..ma'am what I should do...?? Can I file a case...but for this I have to contact a ngo....that my parents can't find....ma'am can u give me any contact number of any ngo...which can help me... please ma'am

Ans: I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's really important to prioritize your safety and well-being right now.

First, try to reach out to someone you trust—a friend, a relative, or a mentor. Having someone supportive by your side can make a big difference. Sharing what you're experiencing with someone you trust can provide emotional support and help you think through your options.

You should also consider contacting the authorities. Blackmail and physical abuse are serious crimes, and the police can provide protection and take legal action against your ex. It might feel intimidating, but the authorities are there to help protect you.

Additionally, reaching out to NGOs that specialize in supporting people in abusive situations can be incredibly helpful. They can offer you legal advice, counseling, and sometimes even a safe place to stay. For instance, the National Women's Helpline (112) is available 24/7 to provide immediate support. The National Commission for Women (NCW) can also offer assistance; you can reach them visiting their website.

You deserve to feel safe and respected, and there are people and resources ready to help you through this. Remember, you're not alone. Taking these steps can help you regain control and find the support you need.

RelationshipReply

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Anu Krishna |1449 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 16, 2023

Question by Neha - Aug 11, 2023Hindi

Relationship

Hey mam please help me. My ex boyfriend is blackmailing me by saying that he will show our pictures to my dad and call my dad to tell everything about us. My dad is very very strict . He will never spare me i am so scared what should i do??

Ans: Dear Neha,
When it has come to blackmailing, I suggest kindly involve your Dad. He knows how to protect his daughter and he will do so. But if you don't feel comfortable or you feel awkward, confide in a family member who is old enough to deal with this 'creep' who definitely seems to get a kick out of all this. If he is underage, his parents will have to be involved to drive some sense inside of him and if he is an adult, the cops giving him a warning can put him in his place.
DO NOT FEAR. Creeps like these are weak and simply prey on girls who crumble under their pressure. Put up a brave front...Also, do not speak with one-on-one OR meet him alone ever. Keep a record of all your text messages and record any future voice conversations. It will help to push him back and again: DO NOT FEAR...Feeling power within you will reach him and he will think before acting hastily...Involve an elder family member ASAP PLEASE...

All the best!

Anu Krishna |1449 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 24, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi Anu, I am Neha, I had a relationship with a guy and he turned out to be a Blackmailer & Abuser. He has my private photos & videos and he extorted almost 200,000rs by always threatening me that he will talk to my dad or come home. He planned it all very well. After a point when I felt suicidal I raised a complaint against him in the police station. But even after that he was forcing me in the relationship and he continued messaging me and even threatened me if I asked him to return my money back. Ever since then I have been completely traumatised and not been able to moved ahead in life. When I was going through all the harrassment and torture I didnt have right help or a good lawyer. Now finally I found a lawyer who is ready to take up my case and sue this monstor. But now it has been 2 months since he has come back and troubled me. Yet I am not at peace for all this torture and trauma that I went through last year because of this man. So I badly want to go ahead and sue him, but I have these 2 main fears which gives me shivers. 1. When I complain, will my photos/videos be misused by the investigating officers (cops, I understand not all men are bad). I am really really scared about this part. The thought of of few more men having to see my pvt videos is giving me nightmares and not letting me take a step forward. 2. Once I file this case, I have the fear that what if he wants to take revenge on me later. There are lot of such thoughts & questions that are conctantly running over my head not letting me sleep or be in peace or continue my regular routine. Pls advice what needs to be done. How to overcome this fear and punish a person like this for victims like us . How do we gather courage when we are in a vunerable situation while we still want to fight for justice and stand up for ourselves. Or should we just put everything behind and act like nothing has happened and look at the future ?? PLs help

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is really unfortunate that you are going through this turmoil.
A lawyer who specializes in cyber crimes will be a good bet for you. Obviously law will take its own course in at its pace.
As for the fears of what he is going to do; know that a bully loses his/her power over you once you stop showing fear to them.
The first step is to actually take your parents into confidence as this is what he has been threatening you about. Okay, your Dad will yell, scream, threaten you as well...but at least, the next time the blackmailer calls and threatens to tell your Dad, you can keep a very confident silent posture. That will weaken his stance a bit.
Nothing better than to have your family support at this time and I am sure as parents the initial anger and disappointment will turn into concern and then into support and care. Wait this out...

Having said this, you have been foolish enough to allow another person to film you. Enough has been shown on reality shows about this. Trusting someone blindly can have serious consequences, So, keep this as a lesson learned...

Turn to your parents for support and the police for immediate action (Your lawyer might be able to turn this to the lady police) and a lawyer for legal action. Usually these blackmailers straighten out after a good thrashing by the cops; so you need not worry about revenge but do mention it to the cops. I am sure they have dealt with many such cases and will advise you accordingly. Be wise and in control of yourself henceforth.

All the best!

Anu Krishna |1449 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024

Relationship

I was in a relationship with a boy who was my classmate. While we are in a relationship he get physical with other girls and when i comfort him he physically abused me and he use verbal and physical abuse against me when ever i ask question about girls and his behavior. Now i did breakup with him but he was blackmailing by calling my father and threatening me that he will come to my home and show the pictures of us while we are in relation and he told my mother about our relation and emotionally blackmailing me

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Please be honest and tell your family everything. You have got yourself in a messy situation with a fellow who has a very bad bend of mind. Who know what else he can be capable of?
So, in my opinion, keep a record of all your text and voice chats, video chats if any. When you approach the police, these will help them pin the fellow down. And yes, it is necessary for you to involve the police for your own safety.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ans: reputed Cyber Security or Coding Domain good , speak to industry people before leaving present job

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi

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Ravi Mittal |508 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025

Relationship

my mom and dad knows about me and my boyfriend .. me and my bf have never had anything sexual or something ever . but my mom the other day saw a pic of him and me in which he had his hand on my waist ans she had it up all against me she started saying all those mean thing and comparing me with the other girls who become physical in relationship . what do i do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are in a tricky situation. First, let's acknowledge that couples who decide to get intimate are not "bad." Their choice is just different from yours. You can try to explain the same to your mother- though it will be tough, everyone needs to understand this. Secondly, in this situation, all you can do is let her know that her upbringing will never allow you to lie to your mom or cross boundaries that will hurt her and your dad. This way, you might be able to regain her trust.
Best Wishes.

Ravi Mittal |508 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi

Relationship

What types of questions should I asked to a boy on the first meeting??

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no hard and fast rule that you have to ask a certain set of questions. You can ask anything you like- things that are important to you, deal breakers, attributes you would want in your partner, etc. Anything that isn't rude, or too intrusive is okay. For instance, you can ask him what are his hobbies, passions, and career plans; does he like to travel, what are his values, his religious and political stance, does he drink or smoke, is he outgoing or loves to spend most of his time indoors, family plans, does he want kids, etc. These are all questions that will help you get a better picture of who this person is- but most importantly, let the conversation flow on its own. You do not have to make a questionnaire. You will get a fair idea of what to ask once you start talking.
Hope this helps.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi

Relationship

I am a 20 years old guy and in my past romantic relationships, have shown signs of emotional instability, too much dependency and lack of awareness of boundaries which affected my relationships badly...I hadn’t interacted with people in a long while since 2020 (precisely when lockdown had started) and feel that some aspects of my personality are not developed fully as they should be at this age. How to work on this? Also, i have noticed that I am able to create a good first impression but it soon pales and I feel like I am subtly disrespected or talked down to, and this has been happening in all interactions...i am always respectful (often to a fault!) and even have people pleasing tendencies...i sometimes ask immature weird questions and that might probably be the reason (but they’re never inappropriate)...but i do want to gain insights into why i am experiencing what i am and how to navigate this situation well so that I can maintain healthy relationships in future. Thanks you!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
Navigating Boundaries- You can speak to your partner in the early stage of the relationship to understand their boundaries. This way there will be clarity and you won't overstep. You can set up some boundaries too.
For better interpersonal skills, you can proactively follow some rules- like active listening, avoiding overthinking, asking open-ended questions, and resisting the urge to seek your partner's approval.
About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
Hope this helps.

Kanchan Rai |499 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi

Relationship

I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?

Ans: it's crucial to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship brings you the happiness and fulfillment you seek, or if the challenges you face are too significant to overcome. It's important to differentiate between staying out of love and staying out of fear or obligation.

Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

Your family's disapproval complicates things further, but it's important to remember that this is your life and relationship. While their opinions are significant, they shouldn't be the sole deciding factor in your happiness. Balancing respect for their wishes with your own needs is a delicate task, but ultimately, you need to make a decision that feels right for you.

If the relationship feels unsustainable despite your efforts, it may be time to consider a different path. It's understandable that you’re concerned about her well-being, especially given her mother's trust in you, but staying out of guilt or obligation can lead to further unhappiness for both of you. If you decide to part ways, doing so with kindness and honesty can help mitigate some of the hurt.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. Weighing your feelings, the relationship dynamics, and your family's expectations will guide you toward a resolution that prioritizes your well-being and future happiness.

Kanchan Rai |499 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi

Relationship

My age is 41 years. I have two kids. Nurturing n looking after them n whole home single handedly. I am a visiting faculty in a institute . Earns very nominal earning. My husband hits me, taunts me and use very arrogant words to me like tumhe belt se maarunga n similar many worst words. His family has been always unsupportive to me . Now after 16 years of marriage, he still wants me to please his mother n other family. Which I completely avoid as they have never supported me and always boycotted me. His real brother is in politics and all family members including his cousins do follow him and boycotted me n husband. Now for everything my husband blames me and says if you gave pleased them, all might have good. But inspite of pleasing them a lot , they are like treating me like I am a stranger. I handle n manage everything still by the end of the day.... everything is in vain. Husband says...What you did for home? I will never ever give my money to you and so on. I am literally in trouble thoughts, what to do ? I even many times thought to end my life but my kids are the reason I continuously bears everything. Please suggest what shall I do.

Ans: it's important to acknowledge that no one deserves to be treated with such disrespect and abuse. Your feelings of isolation and frustration are valid. It can feel overwhelming when the people who should support you instead make you feel like an outsider.

In situations like this, it’s crucial to find support outside the immediate family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer you emotional strength and practical advice. Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide strategies for dealing with the abuse and stress.

You’ve shown immense resilience, especially for your children. They need you to be strong, and seeking help is a vital step in preserving your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, prioritizing your health is not selfish; it’s necessary for you and your children’s future.

Also, explore any legal avenues or resources available for individuals in abusive relationships. Local support organizations, legal aid, or women’s shelters can provide advice and assistance if you decide that leaving the relationship is the best option for your safety and well-being.

You have already shown great courage by managing so much on your own. Continue to seek out support and know that you are not alone in this journey. There are people and resources willing to help you find a path to a healthier and more secure life.

Milind Vadjikar |871 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi

Money

I am in debt trape around 8.5 lac with personal loan and credit card due

Ans: Hello;

What is your current monthly income?

Do you have any disposable asset?

Please take your family and friend circle into confidence and explain your difficult situation.

First priority should be to settle credit card dues since they have a very high rate of interest.

Remember the age old saying to cut your cloth according to your size.

Stop using credit cards since it cultivates tendency of reckless spending in the absence of rigorous discipline.

Henceforth do not borrow except for home loan, as far as possible.

Best wishes;

Milind Vadjikar |871 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2025Hindi

Money

I am investing in Quant active fund MF from last 12 months now and since then I am experiencing negative returns. should I stay invested or switch? If stay invested, then advise approx time to invest ?

Ans: Hello;

If you have invested for the long term(7+ years) then you should not get bogged down by such short term market volatility and drawdowns causing negative returns.

However some allegations of unfair practices against Quant AMC have surfaced.

In the backdrop of these events you may move your investment to another fund in the same category.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

T S Khurana |304 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Question by Kanagaraj - Dec 24, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi sir, I transfered 3 lakhs to my friend in 2023 as loan through bank transfer. If he repay that without any interest in 2024, should I pay income tax?

Ans: You should get the amount back through banking channel only. You would have to pay any tax on it, since this is not your income, but just return of temporary loan without interest, to your friend.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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