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Anu Krishna | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by Riya on Jan 04, 2022Hindi

Relationship

Hi Anu.
I have completed my graduation and am currently working. Side by side, I am doing a professional accounting course and have reached the final stage.
I have recently failed one exam and I feel very discouraged. I feel I should quit my job and focus on my papers instead.
However, quitting my job will lead to a career gap which is not good for long term.
I am very stressed and clueless about what to do. Please advise.
Thank you.
Riya

Ans:

Dear Riya,

Failure is only feedback. Understand what fell short while studying for the examination. Was it stress or anxiety or lack of time or simply no planning?

When you work and study, it is imperative that you manage time very well.

1. Clearly state what your goal is; break it down into mini daily goals.

2. Have a timeline for each mini goal.

3. Visualise the way you will achieve these mini goals on a daily basis.

4. Follow your visualisation strictly.

5. Pat yourself on your back every day after achieving all your mini goals.

If this doesn’t work, simply check why you are pursuing this course on the side.

If you do not have a compelling answer, you may want to ask yourself if you truly want to pursue the course or change it altogether or only focus on your career for the time being.

Whatever you come up with, remember to enjoy yourself even if it means studies…

All the best and a Happy 2022!

RelationshipReply

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Question by Md - Apr 12, 2024Hindi

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I'm a Mechanical engineer I have passed in 2017 till now I'm unemployed ... I have gave almost 100of competitive exams but failed .... My parents are getting older day by day but still I cannot did something for them .... But I thought to quit my life .... I'm frustrated.. if someone have any advice please give

Ans: Thank you for reaching out to me on Rediff Gurus. I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. It's completely understandable to feel frustrated and overwhelmed when facing challenges like unemployment and the pressure of family responsibilities. However, I want to assure you that there is still hope and support available, and suicide is never the answer. Here are a few things to consider for yourself. First of all you should know that it is not your fault that you're facing difficulties in finding employment. The job market is incredibly competitive, and many factors beyond your control can influence hiring decisions hence try to be kind to yourself and recognize that setbacks are a natural part of life.

Please consider broadening your job search to go beyond government jobs to include different industries or roles that may utilize your mechanical engineering skills in unique ways. Networking with professionals in your field and attending job fairs can also help you discover new opportunities. Kindly break down your goals into smaller, manageable steps. Instead of focusing solely on finding a job, consider setting goals related to gaining new skills, volunteering, or pursuing further education. Celebrate each small achievement along the way.

If you're still struggling with feelings of depression or hopelessness, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide personalized support and strategies to help you cope with difficult emotions and develop a plan for moving forward. You can also talk to someone you trust, whether it's a family member, friend, or mental health professional near you. They can provide emotional support, guidance, and perspective.

Always remember that difficult times won't last forever, and there are always opportunities for growth and change. Stay hopeful and keep reminding yourself that things can get better with time and persistence. You're not alone in your struggles, and there are people who care about you like your parents, and they need you. Please don't hesitate to reach out for support, whether it's from loved ones, a mental health professional, or a helpline. You deserve to find happiness and fulfillment in your life, and there are resources available to help you get there. Feel free to contact me on Rediff Gurus if you need further assistance or help.

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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi

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Hello sir I am 28 years old female working as an HR from home along with preparing for my CS exective. I have cleared its group 1 in 5 yrs and now struggling to clear group 2 since last 2 years. Once i will clear then i have to study for CS professional examination totally unpredictable that how much time it will take to complete. At 30 family will start pressurize for getting married. And i am not joining any HR jobs onsite or not taking any onsite opportunities or growing in my career coz then i will deviate from my CS study. Totally in dilemma what should i do . Please guide sir Thanks

Ans: Thank you for sharing your dilemma to me. It sounds like you're facing a lot of pressure and uncertainty about your career, education, and personal life. Please assess your priorities and set realistic goals for your career and education. Consider the time and effort required to complete your CS executive and professional examinations, and develop a study plan that allows you to balance your studies with your other commitments. Develop effective time management strategies to prioritize your tasks and allocate sufficient time for studying, work, and personal activities. Break down your study goals into manageable tasks and set deadlines to stay on track with your progress.

It is better to have an open and honest conversation with your family about your career and education goals, as well as your timeline for completing your CS examinations. Discuss your concerns and the support you need to achieve your goals while addressing their expectations regarding marriage. Remember that it's okay to seek support and make adjustments to your plans as needed. Trust yourself, stay focused on your goals, and believe in your ability to overcome challenges and achieve success in your career and education endeavors. Best of luck! Feel free to contact me on Rediff Gurus if you require additional guidance or assistance.

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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi

Career

Sir, I am 27 years old, Single. Its been 2 years + I am doing private 3 years project contractual job this contractual job.its going to complete in Dec 31st 2024. I gave Ctet teacher exam but i failed 3 time. But i m not focusing in State tet so, i want focus but in market lots of content and i dont have gude what shall i do. I am not happy with my current job. This job changes me alot in my caracter now, i cant sleep properly because if this job will finished what shall i do, till yet i have not creck any exam. And if i go in market i started to forgot ex:- After giving money i forgot to take back, after giving money i forgot to take things sometime. My age also gainig if want to marry so, i have earned money or save money i have to bear all expenses because my parents financially poor if I want save, same time i need to look my younger brother study expenses i need to bear and family running mantainance and also have EMI loans need to pay and also i am helping my parents to build their house with my own money my parents does not have money for my marriage. Now i have overthinking, depression, fear, feeling lossing confident, my dream job also get critical in this situation what shall i do. In office also staff try to polling down because i am getting higher salary what shall i do. For this reason just resently my health conditions because worse my pressure 139 felt vomit feel dizzy. What shall I do now Sir.

Ans: I have gone through your query and understand that you are at the Cross roads of Life.

It's at these times... When the going gets tough... The tough gets gong.
That's your strength.. A tough resilient young lady!
Kindly note you are doing an excellent job hence rewarded with better pay in your organization.. Obviously there's going to be jealousy..Be calm & Handle it with maturity.

Now I understand you are very committed selfless person. Who's contributing a lot to your family,... Wow in fact helping build your own new house. !

In regards to your contractual job, talk to your employer, let them know, that you would have to look for another job post December 2024 if there's no clear further commitment.

In regard to your marriage at 27 you aren't too old to find a like minded partner don't rush and regret, start the process through matrimonial apps.

I see you talk about your health, especially blood pressure, well that's because you are unduly stressed.
Add tender coconut water to your diet, talk to a proper Ayurvedic doctor..!

I am sure you will get over this mid life syndrome and invite us all for your happy day!

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi

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Hi, I'm 37 and I just started to invest in MFs regularly. My investments are listed below. Except a couple of them, all of them are either 1 month to a few days old. As mentioned below, started SIP of 40000 between Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 and Nippon india small cap. I would like to invest 40000 more in SIPs making my total investment as 1CR over the next 10 years, in the hopes of creating a portfolio of 2 CR with a 12% return on year. I understand that there are 11 MFs here but appreciate your suggestions on trimming this down while meeting the above mentioned financial goal. Thanks. 1. Motilal Oswal Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value 50000: 2. Nippon India Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 50000: 3. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value:70277: 4. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Reg-G: One Time: Investment: 24998: Current Value:38598: 5. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 52727: 6. Axis ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment:30000: Current Value: 63863: 7. Nippon India Large Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 49999.99: Current Value: 52358: 8. Motilal Oswal Midcap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 54061: 9. Quant Small Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 100000: Current Value: 103437: 10. Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 Dir-G: SIP: Investment:19999.98 Current Value: 20319: 11. Nippon India Small Cap Dir-G: SIP: Investment: 20000: Current Value 20040:

Ans: 1. Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index is a recently introduced index and hence also your funds based on this index. The back tested results look attractive however I recommend you to monitor them closely for 2-3 years and if you feel not sure about their progress you may exit and redeploy proceeds into PPFAS flexicap fund and Nippon large cap fund.

2. The additional 40 K sip proposed maybe split between either ELSS(for tax saving too) or PPFAS flexicap and Nippon India large cap fund.

3. You may merge your ELSS investments into one fund, my advice would be Mirae Asset ELSS.

4. This will help rationalize number of funds in your portfolio from 10(+2) to 7.

5. Discipline, focus and periodic review in MF investment are a must!

6. As you reach closer to your target transfer the gains from equity funds to liquid/debt funds to protect it from volatility.

I am quite hopeful that you may very well achieve the intended target with the right approach.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

Happy Investing!!

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Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi

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I met a women through a matrimonial site. I live abroad and she lives in India. I am 42 and she is 40 years old. We spoke for about 6 months. Then I came to India. Spent some time together and even met the parents. We both like each other. And have the blessings of the parents. But the problem is distance. I am very close to attaining citizenship. But still see that the process and getting an OCI could take at least 2 years. She has a good job with the central government in India. She has decent career prospects, in the country where I live. Initially, she was not interested in marrying anyone living abroad. I raised this with her when we spoke. She had come to where I live for a short diploma course, and was okay in talking with me. When I met her parents, they were also okay with her moving abroad. So far things have been good, but now we are trying to fix the dates for marriage, and trying to solve the long distance issue. I suggested that she could take a sabbatical and spend some time, or if possible pursue higher education. so she need not leave her job in India. Given her current background she also has good career prospects already. However she panics now every time I try to breach this topic. She is scared even to research n life abroad, and now she feels it is better we break up. She admits that , she is a chronic overthinker, I have been very careful in dealing with difficult topics. She has had a relatively easy life, whereas I am used to dealing with challenges personal and professional setbacks. It is really difficult to connect with someone, irrespective of age. I have worked for 18 years in India, and not keen to go through the toxic culture and harsh corporate life. She has a transferable job in India, so even in India we might struggle to be together. I am okay with retiring, from a corpoarte jb and seeking another career which would keep me financially independant and help me lead a meanigful existene. I am exploring ways, but thiis is going to take time. We both considered all the scenarios, and agreed that if she finds a good job abroad, would be relatiely the easier path. But now she is not even ready to consider this and becomes very anxious. . I feel I am more, happy healthy living abroad than in India. I was diabetic in India, and am now off medicines , after moving abroad. It has been easier for me to lead a happy and healthy life abroad, even though I live alone. I am wondering how to approach this. I do not want to hurt anyone. I can understand why she is anxious. I have told her that she does not have to leave her job, she only has to research if she has good prospects. I even offered to get her in touch with folks who have made such transition. I gave her contact details of consultants who can advic her on her career prospects. Visa etc is not an issue. Please advise if I can salvage this relationship or better to accept defeat. I really like her and do not want to hurt her.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your concerns. It is a tough choice- both for you and her. On one hand, we can't completely deny her concerns either. She has a good job here and the fear is only fair. But, given her chronic overthinking, she must have already created a worse scenario in her head. It sounds like you both are in a difficult spot where you care for each other deeply but life-changing decisions are creating anxiety. No matter how much you tell her, it isn't going to help. She has to come to terms with it herself. but there are some things you can do to speed up the process-

Acknowledge the fear- Don't make her feel like she is wrong to think this way, or that she is merely overthinking. There is some logic to her fears. Acknowledge that. It does not mean you are encouraging them. Just let her know that any big life decisions are bound to cause some panic in a person and her feelings are completely valid.

Encourage her to take small steps- Instead of asking her to talk to people who have made the shift, try casually including stories of such people in a normal daily conversation once in a while. It would not feel like a commitment but also give her an idea.

Frame the discussion in a better way- For instance, instead of focusing on the move, discuss the life you will be building together. This will give her a scope to see what she can gain if only she can get over her fears.

Do not rush- Big life decisions can't be taken in a hurry. So, give her that space and time. In the meantime, you can continue with life as it was. Let her know that there isn't a timeframe within which she has to decide. This isn't an ultimatum. Sometimes a few kind words can make all the difference.

It's still not time to give up. Is she worth trying a little more? If yes, try. Create a space that is free of judgment where she can openly share her worries, no matter how trivial they might be. It can seem that you are putting in all the effort, but for a chronic overthinker, even considering or trying to overcome a set fear is a big task. Give her a little more time. I am sure things will work out soon.

Best Wishes.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi

Relationship

So, i've started talking to this girl who was a classmate during my college. We've never talked all this time... But we started talking only after 7 years... She was currently working near my home town.. and i am working in a neighbouring state. It is 3 or 4months now.. we are talking and we liked each other...like.. we were in the same situations in life... Like.. we both lost our mothers.. and we are from the same community.. but the deadlock came here in the guise of religion. She belongs to one and i belong to another... Even though we both from same caste... We had a discussion before like.. even though we like each other... she cant move forward in relation because of religion. We had am understanding for sometime... But recently we had a discussion over the same topic and we had a fight... Now the girl and i are not fully talking to each other... Cause she was frightened on what could happen to us if we move forward in a relationship and it fails... Because we are not a stage to try and test things because we both are 29 and you know how it will be in family for a girl... So pleaseee give me advice how to save this relationship... Because i dont want to miss this girl at all. Please...

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tough spot, but if she has truly made up her mind not to proceed with the relationship, especially based on something as sensitive as religion, I cannot advise you to pursue her or try to convince her further. The only thing you can do is have one last open discussion where you express your feelings and the things you are willing to do to make this relationship work out. And for one last time, you can ask her, and only ask, if she would be willing to give it another try. If the answer is still a no, I am sorry, but it would not be wise to continue pushing this. If religion is important to her or an integral part of her family values, it would be selfish to ask her to set that aside for you.

I hope things work out for you.

Best Wishes.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi sir, I’m planning to start a new life with my girlfriend for rest of my life leaving our both families aside. Reason to do that is, I’m recently married with other girl, and my gf married to other guy. We both didn’t even completed 6 months. We are not happy with our life partners. The reason we Got married to other is lack of courage to fight elders by my girlfriend but now she is ready to do fight or even leave them aside for me and start a new complete life.I’m a simple corporate working guy. We are completely decided to live together whatever happens. Our parents wont accept us as they are thinking about our married partners. Whats the best advice you would give to us to start new life in other state?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

This is a huge decision. First, I would advise both of you to think this through. I am not discouraging you because a broken marriage is far better than a forced one. But if you have even the slightest tinge of doubt, don't rush it. A lot of people are involved in this.

Here are my two cents-

Respect your current marriage- Even if you decide to leave your spouses, you have to handle this situation responsibly and with respect. You are in love with each other, but your current partners are going to suffer for it, through no fault of their own. The least you can do is part ways with kindness and integrity.

Legalities- Divorces can be a long and complicated process. It takes a financial and mental toll on people. Be prepared for that, especially since you do not have the support of your family.

Mental health- Here I am not only talking about your mental health, you need to consider your current spouse's mental health too. And though leaving behind your family seems to be the only option, it is still a big decision. Make sure both you and your girlfriend are in the right frame of mind when you finalize the decision.

As for building a new life in a new city, as exciting as it is, it will be equally challenging. Plan everything to the last detail- finances, living arrangements, job, etc. Before you make the move, make sure both of you are financially independent and self-sufficient. That's the only way to tackle any hurdles.

My best advice is to make this decision very carefully and approach the situation with empathy for all parties involved. I urge you to be honest with your current partner, instead of ever resorting to gaslighting. This is on you, but it would be easy to pin this on your spouse. Don't take the easy route. Take the right one.

I hope things work out for you with no one getting irreparably hurt.

Best wishes.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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