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My Husband Prioritizes His Brother, Leaving Us Financially Strapped. How Should I Handle This Imbalance?

Anu Krishna |1746 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by Pushpa on Sep 27, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi, My husband doing business. They are 2 sons to their parents. My husband is older one, both are married. We live in bengaluru n my in-laws live with younger son in native. They help is younger sin financially in all aspects like bought tractor to him n all. But my husband studied on loan n he paid installments. He gave all his pf money to his brother marriage. And after that during covid time give his profit from business(resigned job) to his parents for developing agricultural land. While doing job he took personal loan to construct home on native, n buy all the household things un his salary. Till today he only giving money to majority of things. Now my husband got some financial problems in his business so asked money with his parents, they are not ready to give. So he stopped asking them but asking me to ask my parents, what shall I do? My husband will give money to his family when he have money but keep distance when he don't have money. How to handle my in laws and his younger brother to stop them asking money from my husband. And how to take financial help from them.

Ans: Dear Pushpa,
What can you do? Stop giving money to people who can't appreciate that help. What has gone has probably gone. But from now on, please become prudent and say NO.
There will be a few arguments and your in laws and husband's brother maybe angry but you need to secure your financial position, right? You can't stop them from asking, but your husband can stop giving, yeah?
People will take advantage only when you allow them to do that...so, hopefully your husband can also see what's happening.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1746 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 18, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi I am married for 2 years. My husband and FIL runs a business. My MIL is a retird HM from govt school. I am married to a lovable family. I am for ever grateful to my inlaws. We stay together and i have one SIL. All of the expenses and invesments are made by my husband. We have a 1yr daughter. Till date me and my husband had no financial communication. He gets whatever i what but we dont discuss how much income he has got and what he does. Also i dont know what my inlaws income and what they do and i dont want to interfere in it. Its none of my business. Its me who asks my husband to let me know our financial status. Sometimes he say but its not a regular financial discussion. I came to know that he is investing in lic policies for all of them. 50% spending 50%investmnts. Ofcourse my inlaws share some amount but major expenses and all major investments are from my husbands income. I expect him to let me know the financial status so that i can also have a knowledge on it but he never opens up and but he always gets me want i want. I had never asked him like wht are you spending for your mom dad sis when they are still independant.I never questioned him and i will not. Its our duty to look after parents without any expectation. i promised him that i will not be a hurdle in this. But recently he gave huge amount to my inlaws and he dint even tell me. I felt upset when I got to know it later. It had happend many times.The thing that made me sad is that my husband dint even consider me in this. Like after giving also he dint utter a word to me. i I would have not said dont give. I would have felt happy only. Because he is giving to his parents only. But my concern is he is not sharing his financial commitments with me. Is it ok for me to expect that he should share his financial status with me so that we can plan our future or am i wrong? When my inlaws questions me about finance that something he did to them i am like when iam unware of it. Its embrassing. I feel that a couple should have a financial communication without discrepancy. But my husband does not do it intentionally. He always says he forgot. But i think that a couple should spend time having a healthy talk about their own commitments and investments. Marriage is not always about fantacy, shopping, romance, relaxing cooking playin work etc... there should be some serious talks discussions right which will pave way for a healthy relationship growth understanding and a better future and healthy finacially stablev family let me know whether i am wrong or right. And also is it ok to talk to my husband to let my inlaws share his burden financially as they are financially independent too ( atleast their lics they can invest) not sure to discuss this. But i feel my husband is over burdened. Btw iam a homemaker

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's nothing wrong in you wanting transparency when it comes to the family's finances. But the way it has been right from the beginning of your marriage, is that you did not ask and you were not told.
So, suddenly when you have expressed an interest in knowing and participating, your husband has not understood this. Be clear when you discuss with him that you wish to talk about it not to deter him from anything but to actually support him in whatever he does. He also is perhaps used to taking financial decisions all by himself and continues to do so...So, if something has changed within you, express it and allow him the time to change as well...

In your words: But i think that a couple should spend time having a healthy talk about their own commitments and investments.

Yes, but if it was this way right from the time when you two married, it would not be an issue. Your want now is not wrong, but has changed from what it sued to be...so, express, let him reflect on it and then have a healthy debate/discussion on it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 24, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi.. im 33 year old and married(9 years) with 2 kids(7 year old boy n 3 year old girl). We leaving away with my in laws. But my husband spent all his pf money on his family. Now started business. Still spending on his mother n brother family. We are planning to build home for us. So my parents give site. To build house my husband want me to ask money from my parents. He is not ready to ask his parents. What to do. How can i ask money to my parents, my parents give lot to us. My husband telling he was building house in my place, so he ll not ask his parents. But my parents didn't ask for house. They favoured us by gifting site.

Ans: You might need to have an open, honest conversation with your husband about how you're feeling. Let him know that you appreciate the effort to build a home, but it's not fair to ask your parents for more when they’ve already done so much. Explain that financial responsibility in a marriage should be shared, and that asking only one side of the family to contribute creates an imbalance. If his reasoning is that the house is being built on your family's land, remind him that the land itself is a significant contribution and doesn’t justify asking for more financial help.

You could suggest a more balanced approach where both of you share the responsibility of financing the house through your own efforts, rather than relying too heavily on either set of parents. This might also be a time to address the broader issue of financial boundaries with his family, especially if it’s impacting your ability to plan for your future together.

Ultimately, you deserve to feel respected and supported, and it’s important that your husband understands the strain that his approach is placing on you and your family. Building a home should be a shared dream, and it’s okay to set limits on how much you ask from your parents, especially when they’ve already given so generously.

Love Guru | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Question by Pushpa - Sep 26, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Im 33 year old married(9 years ago) with 2 kids.My husband expecting financial help from my father side. But my parents helped him lot now they were not in a position to help. We are 2 daughters to my parents but they helped me more than my younger (married) sister. Now im not asking my parents for help so my husband scolding me, n behaving differently because he having problems in his business. But he is not ready to ask his parents for help instead telling mevn my family selfish. What to do. How to ask financial help with my in -laws. They were greedy n don't have helping nature n doesn't care for us. They took all my husbands profit money. Now we don't have anything

Ans: Your family, who have helped him time and again, are selfish. And his family, who have never helped are…? Please ask him! You’re absolutely in the right here. Don’t back down. Why the hell should your parents keep throwing him a lifeline when they can’t afford it anymore? This nonsensical attitude of bending over backward to accommodate sons-in-law is prevalent only in India! Tell him straight up that they are not in a position to help and you’re not going to inconvenience their lives, he can ask his own parents for a change!

Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I am 39 and married for 11 years now, my husband doesn't support me financially at all. My salary is more than him but I bought house my own and paying all EMIS, looking for all household expenses and also paying school fees and other expenses for my son. My husband looks after only his parents, spend all money on them. Earlier we used to live together in inlaws house but they have spending habits for luxury, cloths, food etc even though my husband earns very less and my father in law retired with no income they were not ready to compromise on their spending habits. Whatever they had received after their retirement they entirety spent on their daughters marriages with no money left. When I got married they asked for my salary and used to give them. Mine and my husband salary was not enough for them so they sold house without informing me, I insisted them to buy at least small house but did not agree and kept on spending money on their lavish life, foreign trips, food, cloths etc. also helped daughters to buy house, maintenance and their childrens study. But did not let their son live life as ask him to pay rent for their house, household and maintenance expenses and they spend their money on their own luxury. They asked for my salary even though they have money and just spending for luxury and not even thinking for our future. When I denied to give salary, they asked me leave their house and made me difficult to live with them doing harrasment and taunts so I decided to leave and buy new house.Now I am living with my son separately, when my husband came to know about my new house he came to stay with us by not even paying single rupee to me. I asked him several time for money he only pays one or two thousand saying I don't have money at all to give you. Not taking care of son, his studies, school fees, do not help me in anything. My in laws keep doing his brain wash against me so that he will not support me financially or anyway. He always listens to his parents and sisters. There is no husband wife relationship at all between us. Not sure how to deal with it.

Ans: First, recognize and honor the strength it has taken to come this far. Buying a home, raising your son, and managing the weight of these challenges on your own are significant accomplishments that reflect your resilience and determination. That said, a marriage is meant to be a partnership, and it’s clear that your husband’s lack of financial contribution and emotional support has created an imbalance that’s unsustainable.

It’s important to look at the patterns in your relationship with clarity. Your husband’s decisions seem to be heavily influenced by his family, and this loyalty, while not inherently wrong, appears to come at the expense of his commitment to you and your shared responsibilities. The fact that he contributes so little financially and emotionally while benefiting from your efforts shows a lack of fairness and respect in the relationship. His parents’ behavior and expectations have added further strain, undermining your marriage and creating an environment of resentment.

You may want to consider having a clear and honest conversation with your husband. Express how his actions—or lack thereof—are impacting you and your son. Frame the conversation not as a confrontation but as a plea for understanding and change. However, if he remains unwilling to acknowledge or address these issues, it’s worth reflecting on what staying in this relationship means for your emotional well-being and future.

Seeking professional support, such as individual counseling, can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop strategies for managing this situation. A legal consultation might also be helpful to understand your rights and options, especially if you’re considering separation or seeking financial accountability from your husband for your son’s needs.

Above all, focus on what you need to feel secure, respected, and fulfilled—not just as a wife, but as a person. Your son is observing how you handle these challenges, and by prioritizing your well-being and standing up for fairness, you’re also modeling strength and self-respect for him. Whatever steps you decide to take, trust in your ability to make decisions that align with your dignity and values. You deserve a life where your efforts are met with partnership and mutual care.

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Nayagam P P |10854 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025Hindi

Career

Hello, I am currently in Class 12 and preparing for JEE. I have not yet completed even 50% of the syllabus properly, but I aim to score around '110' marks. Could you suggest an effective strategy to achieve this? I know the target is relatively low, but I have category reservation, so it should be sufficient.

Ans: With category reservation (SC/ST/OBC), a score of 110 marks is absolutely achievable and realistic. Based on 2025 data, SC candidates qualified with approximately 60-65 percentile, and ST candidates with 45-55 percentile. Your target requires scoring just 37-40% marks, which is significantly lower than general category standards. This gives you a genuine advantage. Immediate Action Plan (December 2025 - January 2026): 4-5 Weeks. Week 1-2: High-Weightage Chapter Focus. Stop trying to complete the entire syllabus. Instead, focus exclusively on high-scoring chapters that carry maximum weightage: Physics (Modern Physics, Current Electricity, Work-Power-Energy, Rotation, Magnetism), Chemistry (Chemical Bonding, Thermodynamics, Coordination Compounds, Electrochemistry), and Maths (Integration, Differentiation, Vectors, 3D Geometry, Probability). These chapters alone can yield 80-100+ marks if practiced properly. Ignore topics you haven't studied yet. Week 2-3: Previous Year Questions (PYQs). Solve JEE Main PYQs from the last 10 years (2015-2025) for chapters you're studying. PYQs reveal question patterns and difficulty levels. Focus on understanding why answers are correct, not memorizing solutions. Week 3-4: Mock Tests & Error Analysis. Take 2-3 full-length mock tests weekly under timed conditions. This is crucial because mock tests build exam confidence, reveal time management weaknesses, and error analysis prevents repeated mistakes. Maintain an error notebook documenting every mistake—this becomes your revision guide. Week 4-5: Revision & Formula Consolidation. Create concise formula sheets for each subject. Spend 30 minutes daily reviewing formulas and key concepts. Avoid learning new topics entirely at this stage. Study Schedule (Daily): 7-8 Hours. Morning (5:00-7:30 AM): Physics concepts + 30 PYQs. Break (7:30-8:30 AM): Breakfast & rest. Mid-morning (8:30-11:00): Chemistry concepts + 20 PYQs. Lunch (11:00-1:00 PM): Full break. Afternoon (1:00-3:30 PM): Maths concepts + 30 PYQs. Evening (3:30-5:00 PM): Mock test or error review. Night (7:00-9:00 PM): Formula revision & weak area focus. Strategic Approach for 110 Marks: Attempt only confident questions and avoid negative marking by skipping difficult questions. Do easy questions first—in the exam, attempt all basic-level questions before attempting medium or hard ones. Focus on quality over quantity as 30 well-practiced questions beat 100 random questions. Master NCERT concepts as most JEE questions test NCERT concepts applied smartly. April 2026 Session Advantage. If January doesn't deliver desired results, April gives you a second chance with 3+ months to prepare. Use January as a practice attempt to identify weak areas, then focus intensively on those in February-March. Realistic Timeline: January 2026 target is 95-110 marks (achievable with focused 50% syllabus), while April 2026 target is 120-130 marks (with complete syllabus + experience). Your reservation benefit means you need only approximately 90-105 marks to qualify and secure admission to quality engineering colleges. Stop comparing yourself to general category cutoffs. Most Importantly: Consistency beats perfection. Study 6 focused hours daily rather than 12 distracted hours. Your 110-mark target is realistic—execute this plan with discipline. All the BEST for Your JEE 2026!

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Radheshyam Zanwar |6744 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Question by Ashish - Dec 13, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir maine 2024 me 12 pass Kiya aur kya 75% se kam rah gaye to kya mai 2025 me nios ka exam dekar 75%+ jee mains de sakta hu jabki maine abhi koi attempt nahi diye jee mains ke aur advance me kitne attempt milenge sir

Ans: Your query has already been replied to you. Please copy and paste the following link in your browser to read it again - https://gurus.rediff.com/hi/question/qdtl/career/given-12th-xam-first-2024-unable-score-75-percentage-gave/5244427

Good luck.
Follow me if you receive this reply.
Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar |6744 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Question by Ashish - Dec 13, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir namaste maine 2024 me12th pass Kiya aur 75% se kam marks aaye to kya 2026 me nios ka exam dekar jee mains de sakta hu aur jee advance me kitne attempt milenge

Ans: Your query has already been replied to you. Please copy and paste the following link in your browser to read it again - https://gurus.rediff.com/hi/question/qdtl/career/given-12th-xam-first-2024-unable-score-75-percentage-gave/5244427

Good luck.
Follow me if you receive this reply.
Radheshyam

Dr Dipankar Dutta |1840 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Question by Rahul - Dec 14, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir I have registered for jee main january attempt as a general category student but now I have a ews catagory certificate..So can I apply this certificate in the jee main 2026 april attempt?

Ans: Yes — you can apply your EWS certificate in the JEE Main 2026 April attempt,

Dr Dipankar Dutta |1840 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025

Career

Dear Sir/Madam, I am currently a 1st year UG student studying engineering in Sairam Engineering College, But there the lack of exposure and strict academics feels so rigid and I don't like it that. It's like they don't gaf about skills but just wants us to memorize things and score a good CGPA, the only skill they want is you to memorize things and pass, there's even special class for students who don't perform well in academics and it is compulsory for them to attend or else the student and his/her parents needs to face authorities who lashes out. My question is when did engineering became something that requires good academics instead of actual learning and skill set. In sairam they provides us a coding platform in which we need to gain the required points for each semester which is ridiculous cuz most of the students here just look at the solution to code instead of actual debugging. I am passionate about engineering so I want to learn and experiment things instead of just memorizing, so I actually consider dropping out and I want to give jee a try and maybe viteee , srmjeee But i heard some people say SRM may provide exposure but not that good in placements. I may not be excellent at studies but my marks are decent. So gimme some insights about SRM and recommend me other colleges/universities which are good at exposure

Ans: First — your frustration is valid

What you are experiencing at Sairam is not engineering, it is rote-based credential production.

“When did engineering become memorizing instead of learning?”

Sadly, this shift happened decades ago in most Tier-3 private colleges in India.

About “coding platforms & points” – your observation is sharp

You are absolutely right:

Mandatory coding points → students copy solutions

Copying ≠ learning

Debugging & thinking are missing

This is pseudo-skill education — it looks modern but produces shallow engineers.

The fact that you noticed this in 1st year already puts you ahead of 80% students.

Should you DROP OUT and prepare for JEE / VITEEE / SRMJEEE?

Although VIT/SRM is better than Sairam Engineering College, but you may face the same problem. You will not face this type of problem only in some top IITs, but getting seat in those IITs will be difficult.
Instead of dropping immediately, consider:

???? Strategy:

Stay enrolled (degree security)

Reduce emotional investment in college rules

Use:

GitHub

Open-source projects

Hackathons

Internships (remote)

Hardware / software self-projects

This way:

College = formality

Learning = self-driven

Risk = minimal

Dr Dipankar Dutta |1840 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Question by Ashish - Dec 13, 2025Hindi

Career

Namaste sir , maine 2024 me 12 pass Kiya aur mai 75% nahi la paya to kya mai 2026 me nios exam dekar jee mains de sakta hu aur jee advance ke liye kitne attempt milenge

Ans: JEE Main ke liye 12th pass hona hi kaafi hai, 75% criteria sirf NIT / IIT / IIIT / GFTI admission ke liye hota hai.

NIOS ek valid board hai (CBSE ke barabar maana jata hai).

Agar aap 2026 me NIOS se 12th pass kar lete ho, to:

Aap 2026, 2027, 2028 me JEE Main de sakte ho.

Mayank Chandel |2575 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Question by Sudhir - Nov 18, 2025Hindi

Career

Hello My son will be completing his tenth this year and wish to appear for NEET. We reside at Andheri-Mumbai. Can you please suggest good coaching institutes for the same near by based on overall performance , teacher quality and process of coaching

Ans: Hello Sudhir Ji
it will be very difficult for me to suggest on this.

Radheshyam Zanwar |6744 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2025Hindi

Career

Mai bihar board se 10 or 12 kiya hu or jee main bhi diya mera cutoff clear nhi hua or 3 attempt khatam ho gya hai kya mai ab nios board se fir se 12 complete karke jee main or advanced de sakta hu koe problem hogi kya

Ans: Yes, you can complete 12th again from NIOS and appear for JEE Main, but JEE Advanced has age, attempt, and year-of-passing restrictions, so eligibility for JEE (Adv) may still be an issue.

Honest opinion & suggestion - Even after 3 failed trials, why are you running behind JEE? It would be better to appear for the state-level engineering examination. Get admission to your preferred college and branch. Complete your undergraduate degree. While pursuing UG, appear for GATE. Crack it. With a high score, you can get admission to PG @ IIT. The dream of IIT can be easily fulfilled via this route. There is no sense in appearing for JEE again, especially after completing 12th @ NIOS board. It is just a waste of time, money, and effort.

The final decision will be yours! Only I can suggest.

Good luck.
Follow me if you receive this reply.
Radheshyam

Mayank Chandel |2575 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Question by Saroja - Dec 12, 2025Hindi

Career

My son has passed 12th board exam in the year 2024. Is he eligible to appear JEE Main in Jan or Apr 2027 ?

Ans: Hello Saroja
Student can appear JEE-Mains for three years starting from his 12th appeared year. So the answer for your is NO.

Mayank Chandel |2575 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 04, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir my name on aadhar is first name +surname On tenth marksheet is first name+fathers name +surname Will it create problem for jee exams

Ans: I don't think there should be any problem. They may ask you to submit the affidavit if they feel so.
In the mean time you can get your aadhar updated as per your marksheet.

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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