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Feeling butterflies for a non-Brahmin friend, my family disapproves: What should I do?

Dr Upneet Kaur |25 Answers |Ask -Follow

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Feb 27, 2025

Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
After completing her bachelor’s degree in Ayurvedic medicine and surgery from the SKSS Ayurvedic College and Hospital, Sarabha, Punjab, in 2008, she worked as a medical officer at various multi-specialty hospitals in Punjab, handling both physical and mental patient care and clinical decision-making. She spent the next decade leading multidisciplinary teams at various levels.
Since 2022, she has been practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor.
Dr Upneet also holds an MBA in hospital management from Alagappa University, Tamil Nadu, and an MA in psychology from the Indira Gandhi National Open University.... more

Question by Bts on Feb 22, 2025Hindi

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Relationship

Me and him are friends from 11th and he is my make best friend and after I reached clg 3rd year he said he likes me but my family won't allow this intercaste marriage as I m brahmin and he is non brahmin and I rejected him because our family won't accept it and we stopped talking to each other and the efforts he puts was he watches my fav kdrama and was there with me until I block him and we didn't even meet once but only through insta and WhatsApp and I little bit miss him and my thoughts is what if I get someone better and I feel little bit butterflies because he is the 1st male bestfriend and I don't know what to do...

Ans: Hello mam
I understand that you are confused. Plz don't be confused. There are many male friends whom you are close to but can't think of a life long commitment.
Secondly, if your parents don't want you to have a intercaste marriage but you are fully sure that you want to marry this guy, then sit patiently with your parents and share your feelings with them. But their validation is very important for any relationship. Acknowledge your feelings, understand them and then go ahead.
I hope this will help you.
All the best !
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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I have fallen in love with my male bestfriend and we love each other. But our castes are totally different and both of our families are against this. We are unable to leave each other and he is so obsessed with me that wants a casual relationship where we'll provide support to each others feelings until we find our serious partners in the future. What should i do? Should i part our ways or should i continue to be with him even though there's no future but we love each other more than anything. Is it good to have a relation that is more than friendship and less than relationship? I really want him but i'm afraid of what if i'll have flashbacks of him? Please help

Ans: I am assuming you are an adult and not a minor, if an adult - you decide on the pros and cons on what you want from this relationship. If you do go for something casual, detach emotions. Secondly do indulge in safe sex.

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hlo love gurus...i am here just to share my story and to know that have i done something wrong..... in 2018 .. it was my 10thclass final exams I met a guy on social media and he bacame my friend after that i came to know that his maternal grandparents are from my village and my family also have relation with them like families use to invite each other on occasions...but still we are living as friends.... In 2020 after my school is over i took admission in clg near to my home but after that i changes clg in one month and new clg was 150 km away.... but that was corona time so i was at home and after 1st semester i met with that friend and that day i felt something that i never felt before that feeling was amazing ..... after that we started to talk daily like i use to wake up with his call..... i use to sleep after talking to him.....in 1 month he told me that we can never marry because of family relation.. but i thought that when we both become independent our family will support us....and i told him to continue this till the time we can....and that became our daily routine..... i knew that that he is going to join a state government job that can be near to his home or in nearby district.... but after 1 month we get to know that he will have to join in shimla district so it could be easy for us to meet in 3 to 4 months...and i think it was easy to control my feelings for him him we dont meet regularly.. about when he came to join his posting was near to my clg.. just 12 km of distance.... after that we come closer i wasn't able to control my feelings .... now we both love each other and can't live without each other ... but now i am realising that he was right at that time that our family will not agree for our marriage,..... he thought that was destiny that we came closer ... his posting could be anywhere in the state but why near to my clg...... now sometimes i feel that God cheated me ????now i don't know whether we have done something wrong by loving each other.....his family is forcing him for marriage... and we can't do anything now.... i am not able to accept that... and after knowing this that his family is looking a girls for him to marry I am getting more attached to him.... i think i totally messed my life ????

Ans: Loving someone isn’t a mistake or wrongdoing. Love is a natural human experience, and the bond you shared was meaningful and genuine. However, the challenge lies in navigating the practical realities that come with that love. When families and traditions play a significant role in relationships, they can create hurdles that feel insurmountable. These challenges don’t invalidate your emotions or the value of your connection; they simply reflect the complexities of life.

It’s important now to focus on what you can control and what is healthiest for you emotionally. Acknowledge your feelings of sadness, loss, and confusion—they are part of the healing process. At the same time, recognize that your worth and happiness are not solely dependent on this relationship. You have a future filled with potential, and while it may not look exactly as you envisioned, it can still be fulfilling and meaningful.

If his family is moving forward with plans that you cannot influence, consider having an honest conversation with him about your feelings and the reality of the situation. This can provide both of you with clarity and help you decide how to navigate the future. Letting go of someone you deeply love is one of the hardest things to do, but sometimes it’s necessary to find peace and allow yourself to move forward.

Focus on rediscovering yourself and building a life where your happiness doesn’t depend on external circumstances. Surround yourself with supportive friends or loved ones who understand your emotions and can provide comfort. If you find it challenging to process these emotions on your own, seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to navigate this journey.

You haven’t messed up your life—life is simply unfolding in ways that are testing your strength and resilience. This experience, as painful as it feels, can teach you about love, boundaries, and the importance of prioritizing your own well-being. You deserve to be in a relationship where love is not constrained by external pressures, and while it may take time, you will find your way to healing and happiness. Trust that your story is still being written, and this chapter is just one part of your journey.

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It seems difficult to get a seat in NITs and that too in a decent branch. You may have to compromise with the core branches. But strong chances are there in IIITs. Thanks
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Namaste Sir, My son appeared for CBSE X Boards this year. He is very good in studies. Should he join regular college or integrated classes after the results? Kindly advice. Thank you & Best Regards

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1. Core CSE (Computer Science and Engineering)
Covers fundamental CS concepts like algorithms, data structures, databases, operating systems, networking, and software engineering.

Provides flexibility to explore multiple domains like AI, cybersecurity, data science, or software development.

Good for students who want to keep their career options open in CS-related fields.

Generally preferred by top companies as it provides a strong foundation.

2. CSE with Specialization (AI, Data Science, Cybersecurity, IoT, etc.)
Focuses on a specific field within CSE.

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If he has a strong inclination toward AI/ML, cybersecurity, or data science, then a specialized CSE course can be beneficial.

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97.8284223%tile JEE Main 1 can I get CSE in NIT (EWS Category)?

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Achieving a 97.8284223 percentile in JEE Main 2025 places you in a competitive position within the EWS category.
While the exact rank corresponding to your percentile can vary annually due to factors like exam difficulty and candidate performance, a 97.8284223 percentile typically translates to an approximate rank between 23K and 29k.

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i got 65 percentile in jee mains am i eligible for adv i am from st category can i start my prep for adv, last year for 64 percentile it was 11k st category rank how much approx rank could be this year, should i be in 2.5 lakh rank or am i eligible to write adv

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Regarding your approximate category rank, a 65 percentile score typically corresponds to a general rank between 169,542 and 92,303. However, the exact ST category rank can vary each year based on the number of test-takers and their performance. Considering that in the previous year, a 64 percentile resulted in an ST category rank around 11,000, your rank this year should be in a similar range.

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I worked for social service organization from 92 t 98 and taken PF amt after resigning. Is there a provision for claiming interest amt alone for 3 yrd after 98 Any other amt can i claim. Im now self employed. Im not aware of latest amendements .pls give clue and suggest

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in your case you have withdrawn the pf balance means account is closed.

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BIT Mesra CSE or NIT Raipur CSE what to choose?

Ans: Hi
Between BIT Mesra CSE and NIT Raipur CSE, here’s a comparison based on key factors:

1. Academics & Reputation:
BIT Mesra has a strong reputation for CSE, with a well-structured curriculum and good faculty.

NIT Raipur is an NIT, which holds a national-level prestige, but its CSE department is not as highly ranked as top-tier NITs.

2. Placements:
BIT Mesra CSE has excellent placements, with higher average and median packages compared to NIT Raipur. Top companies like Google, Amazon, Microsoft, and Goldman Sachs visit the campus. The average package is around 18–20 LPA, and the highest goes above 50 LPA.

NIT Raipur CSE has decent placements, but the average package (8–10 LPA) is lower compared to BIT Mesra.

3. Campus & Infrastructure:
BIT Mesra has a better campus, labs, and infrastructure compared to NIT Raipur.

NIT Raipur is improving, but its facilities are still developing.

4. Alumni Network & Brand Value:
BIT Mesra has a strong alumni network with good industry connections, especially in tech.

NIT Raipur, being an NIT, offers the NIT tag, which helps for government job preferences but isn’t as strong in CSE placements compared to BIT Mesra.

5. Coding Culture & Competitions:
BIT Mesra has an excellent coding culture, with students excelling in ICPC and open-source projects.

NIT Raipur has an average coding culture, but motivated students can still do well.

Final Verdict:
Choose BIT Mesra CSE if your priority is better placements, infrastructure, and coding culture.
Choose NIT Raipur CSE if you strongly prefer the NIT tag and government job advantages.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 01, 2025

Question by solar - Mar 27, 2025Hindi

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Relationship

I am in relationship with a girl for 6 year but now her parents almost fix her arrange marriage and they dont care about her choice they didnot even consider her opinion about the boy they met ..except her everyone in family like the boy because he is rich and handling his father business and here i am i dont have job i am preparing for government job i asked her family please give me some time i,ll get the job this year but they say we cant agree for the possibility of you getting job or not and her mother say we dont allow intercaste marriage i am sc and she is general and pandit .. i am 26year old what should i do .. i think ab uske parents jada jaldi krre hai shadi k loye because unhone merse baat krli to unko dhr hai ki m kuch esa vsa na krdu jisse unki society me respect vghra ko khtra hoga isliye or vo jada rishtedaro ki sunre hai... mne apni gf ko bola hai ki filhal jb tk job nhi lgti meri tb tk unhe boldo ki mere sath ab kuch nhi h that she blocks me or vo apni side se tb tk rishtey ko mna krti rhe pr uske ghr vale uska opinion about boy consider hi ni krre hai jo unke rishtedaro ne discuss krliya ladka thik h to unhone usko haan boldi ... mujhe kya krna chaiye...her parents do all emotional blackmail to her as today they even touched her feet and said hme pta h tere liye kya shi h hmne tko pala h kuch bhi esa nhi krdio jisse hmari ijat khrab hojaye m pagal hojaunga Esi dhamkiya dere h ... or usko b kse jo rishte are h unko mna kre jisse ye na lge ghr valo ko ki mere karan naa kre jare h or rishtedaro ka b dominance kse km kre bhot sare doubts h kya krna chaiye kuch nhi smjh ara h

Ans: Dear solar,
In sab ke beech, aapke girlfriend ka kya kehna hai? Woh aapne bataaya nahin. Kya woh apne parents ko tall sakegi aur kitni der kar paayegi? Kya woh aapke jon lagne tak intezzar karna chahti hai? Aisa lag raha hai ki is rishte ka wazan aap leke ghoom rake ho...thoda apne girlfriend ke saath baithkar plan kijiye taaki woh bhi aapke saath is samasya ka hal dhoond sake.
Ek baat toh hai ki uske parents ko manaana mushkil hoga aur jab tak aapki job nahin lagti woh is rishte ke liye raazi nahin honge. Toh plan yeh karna ki jab tak aapki naukri lage, tab tak aap dono is baat ko aur is samasaya ko aur uske parents ko kaise sambhalenge. Joh bhi ho saath mein milke plan karna.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1576 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 05, 2025Hindi

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Relationship

I am married 44 and wife 41 with loving twin daughters. Apart from minor compatibility issues she hates my sister's and keep shouting with his parents who almost every year come to my house and stay for 2 to 3 months. They are financially independent but they could just not let go her daughter to take it independent decisions. I never reply back to them due to my daughter's and social shaming fear. They will never settle for a mutual divorse and I don't want the trauma of court. It's very painful when I see my wife suffering when she is shouting. I even feel pain when I see my in laws in pain due to their daughter's suffering. My parents always want us to settle thing and never interfere in negative way. They keep fighting with me mostly for my mistakes/words of history. (I still think I haven't done anything wrong or used wrong words. Her parents now don't leave or visit their son's home due to issues with their daughter in law. I tried of leaving separately for few months but they did not agree. I have once slapped my wife. I almost tried sucide twice but could not do it as my parents will not survive this news. My parents and sisters want me to be happy with her. What options do I have except sucide/court.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Forget everyone... Marriage is between two people and only they matter. You can't see your wife in pain, right? Then there's obviously affection still left for her. Work this out as a couple. Take a vacation away from in-laws, sister, parents...people can complicate matters more than the couple themselves...The two of you do need this time by yourselves to rebuild your marriage. Do it with an intention to work things out and you maybe surprised as to how things can get rebuilt between the two of you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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