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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
joseph Question by joseph on Apr 06, 2023Hindi
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hey, hope you all are doing good. I just have a question in my head since 2016, i was in a relationship with a woman from 2016 to 2023 and in 2023 i got married to the same woman she's 23, things are not good with me, like ill do whatever she ask for but when its my time she always gives me an excuses, like mostly problem is love and sex its been like 7 years she neva had sex with me even after marriage, she'll make me fool and when night come she only give excuses and fall asleep. its been 15 days theres no physical contact between us shes just not interested and everday im dying . please give me a solution. Thank You.

Ans: Dear Joseph,
If I calculate her age at 2016, she would have been 16, I presume? It would have helped stating your age as well here.

Was it love for both of you at that time in 2016, that now you felt the need to seal it with marriage? At the age that she was, was she even aware of sex and love which is beyond just the physical needs? Was she living an imagined romance that she now feels isn't real anymore?
If she avoids sex with you, it could mean that she either isn't attracted to you physically or she is scared of actually the whole act of sex.
Maybe instead of focusing on WHAT she isn't into, can you focus on WHY she may not be into it?
It will help having a loving conversation where she is not pressured into performing but is simply heard. This could bring our the deepest fears and it might help you put things into perspective.
So, start by wanting to hear her and be empathetic in listening without throwing your complaints onto her. I am sure that since you have written on this platform, you are definitely interested in solving this issue and moving forward with your wife whole heartedly; so have that honest and candid conversation.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |679 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2023

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Relationship
I started a relationship with a girl. First we thought it just a relationship no marriage. But as days going we fell deep into each other that we cant live without each other. I found one thing that she loving more than needed. Im so scared of her, what will she do if i run out of her life for my marriage. This thought killed me. So I decided to leave her without telling a reason. I left her with a small issue. I really dont want to loose but i had to. I just said good bye, she also said good bye. Later i never texted her. She too never texted me. But after 2 months i felt guilty of leaving so i came back to her. Previously her parents decided to marry her to their son in law. I know this when were in relationship. So after our breakup i came back to her. But she said no to me because she is committed with her brother in law. I cant take this. Its killing me. After i said good bye she never tried to contact me for patch-up. Even no texts. Her brother in law told her that im ready to marry you. So she too said i too like you and im also ready to marry you. But their marriage will happen in 2026. I told her that untill marriage please be with me and this is our deal when we started our relationship. But she said no. I begged her many times but she always said no to me. And still now i cant believe that she said no to me. All this happened 3 months ago but still i cant forget her. Recently she deleted my number also. Everything making me feel low. What should i do now?
Ans: Dear Srikanth,

To me, it sounds like you broke up with her. No, you ghosted her. How you put her on trial isn't clear to me, given the fact that you stopped contacting her after a mere goodbye and no proper explanation. Why did she not try to contact you? Maybe she has enough self-respect to restrain herself from doing so; I cannot speak for her but judging the events, you were the one who broke up and you need to own up to it.

Moving on to her deciding to get married- I am assuming she told you she's happy to marry her intended; if so, please accept the reality and move on. Next, why is she not agreeing to be in a relationship with you till the time she gets married? To expect otherwise from any sane, self-respecting person is delusional.

You knew that the two of you could not end up together and took a decision; immature as it was, your intentions were good. Similarly, your ex chose to move on. I don't see either of you making any considerable mistakes here. Both were right in their ways, except for the "you leaving her without a word" part. It is time you move on, and let her live her life in peace. You might feel low for a while, but nothing feels worse than hurting the people you once loved, and compelling your ex to commit to you when she doesn't want to is the same as hurting her. Make the right choices.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
M 51 and she is 23 we met in office, we came up with relationship not totally of having sex but as attraction turned into love so many time like we kiss hug and caress each other but in My mind never thought about to have sex and sometimes she also was eager to have sex but she also denied later in office many of them had doubt of our relationship so some brain washed her mind and now she wants to end and she told me to discontinue as ahe factory and marriage can't be done as I m married with one kid, as also she has fear of her mother and family, ahe sometime says I got married and even now she wll get married to someone but end of this relationship but My feelings of truly love hurts me and I feel should I call her once and have sex so she will not think about ending relationship till marriage but My mind says it's wrong as I truly love her, what should I do to make her to stay or be with me as till she get married pls suggest I m in truly love can't able to sleep and too much stress became in My mind
Ans: First, she is 23 — very young, still forming her identity and values. You're 51, already married with a child. The relationship started in the context of attraction and care, but it now exists in a space of emotional imbalance and fear — not trust or possibility. She's not ending it because she doesn’t care about you; she's stepping back because she’s afraid of the consequences, societal pressure, and perhaps even the future she knows cannot unfold the way either of you may have wished.

You’re feeling pain and longing, and that’s human. But trying to convince her to stay by suggesting physical intimacy — especially when you yourself feel it’s not right — will only deepen the emotional conflict and guilt for both of you. Love doesn’t hold someone back just so we don’t feel the pain of their absence. True love honors freedom, even when it hurts.

Right now, the kindest thing you can do — for yourself and for her — is to accept that the relationship has reached a natural closure, however painful it may be. It’s not failure. It’s a sign that both of you must now return to your own paths.

If the emotional stress is unbearable — your sleep is affected, your thoughts are heavy — you may truly benefit from talking to a therapist or emotional wellness coach. Not because you’re weak, but because you deserve to heal in a healthy way.

You don't need to erase the love or the memories. But you do need to release the idea that you must hold on to her to keep yourself from breaking. You are capable of moving through this with dignity, and you deserve peace.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10924 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2025

Money
Hi Sir, I started a SIP of 3k from 3months investing in Nipon India Small Cap fund. I started investing via \xis bank mobile app. Please suggest me if thats the safe way to do through bank app. And I am willing to start another SIP of 3k per month. Planning to do it on groww app. Please suggest some good SIP plans and guide me on how good and safe to start via groww app.
Ans: I appreciate your early step into disciplined investing.
Starting SIPs shows long-term thinking.
Beginning small builds confidence and learning.
Your willingness to ask questions is healthy.

» Your Current SIP Action Review
– You started SIP of Rs 3,000 monthly.
– SIP duration is three months.
– Investment is through a bank mobile app.

This shows good initiative.
Early habits shape future wealth.

» Understanding Your Chosen Fund Category
– The fund belongs to small-sized companies category.
– Such funds are high risk.
– Such funds give high volatility.

Returns can be uneven yearly.
Patience is very important here.

» Suitability Of Small Company Funds
– Small companies grow faster sometimes.
– They also fall harder during corrections.
– Not suitable as first-only investment.

Exposure should be limited initially.
Balance is essential.

» Starting Early
– You started without waiting for perfection.
– Many delay investing unnecessarily.
– Action matters more than perfection.

This mindset helps long-term success.

» Risk Awareness Is Necessary
– Small company funds fluctuate sharply.
– Short-term losses are common.
– Emotional control is required.

Three months is too short to judge.
Time horizon should be long.

» Minimum Suggested Time Horizon
– Such funds need at least seven years.
– Shorter periods cause disappointment.
– SIP helps reduce timing risk.

Consistency matters more than returns initially.

» Bank App As Investment Platform
– Bank apps are generally safe.
– Transactions are regulated.
– Holdings are stored with registrars.

Platform safety is not the main risk.
Investment choice matters more.

» Limitations Of Bank Apps
– Limited guidance provided.
– Product pushing is common.
– Advice is not personalised.

Banks focus on convenience.
Planning depth is usually missing.

» Bank Staff Support Limitations
– Staff change frequently.
– Knowledge levels vary.
– Long-term accountability is absent.

This affects continuity of advice.

» Safety Of Investments Versus Platform
– Funds are held in your PAN.
– Platform failure does not erase investments.
– Units remain safe with fund house.

So platform safety fear is minimal.
Decision quality matters more.

» Planning Another SIP Thought
– You want another Rs 3,000 SIP.
– Total SIP becomes Rs 6,000 monthly.

This is positive growth behaviour.
But structure needs correction.

» Platform Comparison Perspective
– You plan using another app.
– Such apps promote self investing.
– Guidance quality is limited.

Ease should not replace planning.

» Direct Platform Reality Check
– Such apps promote direct plans.
– Expense difference looks attractive.
– But hidden costs exist.

Cost is not only expense ratio.
Mistakes cost more.

» Disadvantages Of Direct Plans
– No personalised advice.
– No behaviour guidance during falls.
– No portfolio review support.

Investors act emotionally without guidance.
This hurts returns badly.

» Decision Errors In Direct Investing
– Panic selling during market falls.
– Overconfidence during rallies.
– Frequent fund switching.

These mistakes destroy compounding.
They are very common.

» Lack Of Accountability In Apps
– Apps do not call you.
– Apps do not stop wrong actions.
– Responsibility lies fully on investor.

This is risky for beginners.

» Why Regular Plans Add Value
– Guidance helps discipline.
– Asset allocation stays balanced.
– Behavioural mistakes reduce.

Value is beyond commission.
Support matters during volatility.

» Role Of MFD With CFP Credential
– Certified Financial Planner gives structure.
– Advice aligns with goals.
– Long-term handholding exists.

This improves investment experience.
Returns become smoother.

» Cost Versus Value Perspective
– Direct plans save small percentage.
– Wrong decisions lose big percentages.

Net outcome matters more.
Peace of mind matters too.

» Your Current Portfolio Concentration Risk
– Only one equity category exposure exists.
– Risk is concentrated.
– Diversification is missing.

This increases volatility risk.
Balance is needed urgently.

» Importance Of Diversification
– Different funds behave differently.
– Market cycles impact unevenly.
– Balance reduces shock.

Diversification improves consistency.

» Ideal SIP Structure For Beginners
– One aggressive component.
– One stable growth component.
– One flexible allocation component.

This spreads risk evenly.
Comfort increases automatically.

» Why Avoid Multiple Apps
– Tracking becomes confusing.
– Discipline weakens.
– Reviews become difficult.

One guided platform is better.
Simplicity improves adherence.

» Data Security Perspective
– Apps are regulated.
– Data security standards exist.
– Risk is minimal.

But advice quality remains missing.

» Behaviour During Market Corrections
– Small company funds fall sharply.
– Beginners panic easily.
– SIP stoppage becomes tempting.

Guidance prevents wrong reactions.

» Emotional Support Value
– Markets test patience.
– Fear appears suddenly.
– Someone must guide.

Apps cannot replace humans here.

» Why Starting With Only Small Companies Is Risky
– Volatility is high.
– Returns are uneven.
– Confidence may break early.

Balanced start builds trust.

» Gradual Exposure Approach
– Start with core stability.
– Add aggression slowly.
– Increase risk with experience.

This improves journey comfort.

» SIP Amount Increase Strategy
– Rs 6,000 is fine initially.
– Increase annually with income growth.
– Discipline matters more than amount.

Time creates wealth here.

» Tax Awareness Brief
– Equity funds tax applies on selling.
– Long-term gains have limits.
– Short-term gains are taxed higher.

Holding longer improves efficiency.

» Avoid Frequent Changes
– Switching funds harms compounding.
– Costs increase silently.
– Discipline reduces regret.

Stick to strategy firmly.

» Monitoring Frequency
– Review once a year.
– Avoid monthly checking.
– Noise causes confusion.

Long-term vision matters.

» Avoid Social Media Influence
– Tips are often misleading.
– Past returns are highlighted.
– Risk is hidden.

Structured advice avoids traps.

» Role Of Goal Mapping
– Define why you invest.
– Time horizon matters.
– Risk choice depends on goals.

Without goals, investing feels stressful.

» Emergency Fund Reminder
– Keep emergency money separate.
– Do not mix with SIPs.
– Liquidity is essential.

This prevents SIP stoppage.

» Insurance And Protection Check
– Health cover should be adequate.
– Life cover matters if dependents exist.

Protection supports investment continuity.

» Long-Term Wealth Mindset
– Wealth grows slowly.
– Patience beats intelligence.
– Process beats prediction.

Consistency wins always.

» Common Beginner Mistakes To Avoid
– Chasing last year returns.
– Using too many apps.
– Ignoring allocation balance.

Awareness saves money.

» How A CFP Helps In SIP Planning
– Designs suitable allocation.
– Reviews yearly changes.
– Guides during volatility.

This partnership adds value.

» Confidence Building Perspective
– You already started investing.
– You are learning actively.
– Improvement is natural.

This journey will get smoother.

» Platform Safety Final View
– Bank app is safe.
– App based platforms are safe.
– Investment safety lies with fund house.

Decision quality matters more.

» Final Insights
– Starting SIP is a good step.
– Small company exposure is risky alone.
– Diversification is necessary now.
– Avoid self-direct platforms initially.
– Regular plans with CFP guidance add value.
– Consistency and discipline build wealth.

You are on the right path.
Correct structure will improve outcomes.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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