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Love Guru

Love Guru   |213 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
rohit Question by rohit on Feb 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

hello love guru.. i am 38 years old married for 15 years with 2 daughters. In 2020 i met with a call girl. Slowly i started to meet her regularly and now in last 6 months we both are madly in love with eachtother. my wife came to know and i told her i will leave her. i am not meeting her since last 1 month but mentally i am unable to move on. i am feeling gulity that i left her. please advice.

Ans: You feel guilty about ditching your mistress; where’s the guilt about cheating on your wife? That’s a done thing, is it? And did you leave your lady friend to save face and keep up appearances, or because you want to actually do justice to your marriage and your family? You need counselling for sure, and I’m sure your wife does as well, after everything you’ve put her through.

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 04, 2024Hindi
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I m 37 years old married male, last year me and my wife had to live in separate cities for 9 months and we used to meet twice a month, during this period she fell in love with an unmarried 24 yrs old boy who lived in opposite flat and made physical relationship and emotional touch speaking to him 2-3 hours daily in night. Since I was away I nvr knew. Now i caught her speaking to him and now she is saying she is sorry she fell for him as he was attractive and was always available on phone for her which I was not. I don’t know if I should stay in marriage or not. I have two kids 8 and 4 yr old. Plz guide, I loved her a lot in these 9 yrs of marriage.
Ans: The fact that she’s admitted to what happened, expressed regret, and given reasons for her choices — namely feeling lonely and drawn to someone who offered her attention — is a start toward honest communication. While her reasons may not justify her actions, they might give you a clearer understanding of what led to this, which could help you both explore whether there’s potential to rebuild trust. Since you both loved each other over the years, it might be worth taking time to process this together before making any final decisions.

If you’re open to trying to repair things, consider seeking the support of a counselor or therapist who can help you both navigate these emotions. Counseling could provide a space to work through the betrayal, resentment, and hurt, allowing you both to express your perspectives and listen openly to one another. Your wife’s willingness to commit to this process — to address her actions, rebuild trust, and make amends — will be a key indicator of her dedication to repairing your relationship.

However, forgiveness and moving forward are deeply personal choices. Take time to consider what you truly need to feel secure and fulfilled in this marriage, keeping your children’s well-being in mind as well. Whatever path you choose, make sure it aligns with your own sense of self-respect, emotional health, and vision for a peaceful, supportive family life.

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Feb 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025
Relationship
I am 46 years old male married for the fast 17 years. I have one son. My wife loves me very much. She is highly posessive about me since our marriage. I fell in love with my collegue who is a widower and 25 years of age with a daughter. She only started communicating and talking to me a lot. I was not having any kind of feelings towards her as I was overloaded with work. I got transferred to other place. There work pressure is not there. Now, I am in love with that widower. I told this to my wife also. She was shocked. After hue and cry, now my wife is back to normal and warned me to stay away from that girl.But I am not able to forget that girl. I called her over phone four to five times for a couple of times. It seems, now that girl is not interested in me. When I was with her, I never confessed that I love her. Now when I got transferred, i am keeping whats app messages which are visible only to her. I dont know whether she is not understanding this one, she is not responding. I dont want to cheat my wife and at the same time not able to forget that girl also. Please suggest me what to do.
Ans: Hello sir,
This is actually mid life crisis that you are going through, because of which you think you are having feelings for your colleague. Now that you have been transferred to a new place wirh new surroundings, take this as an opportunity to build new healthy relationships around you. You should start giving more quality time to your wife. She has given you a second chance. You should take it well and forget about your past as your colleague has also moved on now. I hope this will help you with your problem.
Take care
Dr Upneet kaur
Relationship counselor
https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 03, 2025
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Hi, my name is Dhruv, I have been married for 13 years. It was love marriage. We dont have any kids, though we tried but due to medical complications, we could not have a child. After a point of time, we both accepted the situation and moved on. Since last 3-4 years, slowly we have been drifting apart, though we are together but the love, feeling of togetherness has gone, we talk only about our regular lives, household chores, relatives etc but never about US. That feeling of being loved, even we don't hug each other anymore. Though we do care for each other but its not love anymore. Recently I met someone through work and somehow felt a connect with her, I could talk about things which I'm not able to talk with my wife. She make me feel that I'm still important and now I always think about her, want to be with her, talk to her. Though it makes me guilty also as somewhere in my heart I still love my wife and want to make it work. I am torn between what is right and what is wrong. If I think about myself, my happiness and t it hurts my wife, am I selfish or should I restrict my feelings, please advise way out
Ans: Dear Dhruv,
The easiest way to feel better when a relationship is failing is to get into another one. Searching for what you want in the original relationship cannot be found anywhere else; so giving into that temptation is only going to make things more confusing.
So, if you still love your wife and want to make it work, what have the two of you done so far to make things work?
Working on the marriage is a task that needs effort and a certain kind of stubborn nature that will help you cross over the the challenges that can emerge.
Your marriage now requires a complete RESET. So, push that button and go back to where it all began; no baggage, no expectations, no complaining...When you accept a situation, then do so fully...you can't have children; if you have accepted it then what's the reason to move apart. It only suggests that it was a compromise and not an acceptance.
Understand that acceptance is being graceful about the situation and being supportive of one another. Begin life afresh; date one another...laugh together, do things together. Bring back the little joys and bigger goals for marriage and life...
And most importantly, be in complete support of one another! That hidden love that you both share needs to be watered and nurtured even more...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |213 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2025
Relationship
I am 46 years old male married for the past 17 years. I have one son. My wife loves me very much. She is highly possessive about me since our marriage. I fell in love with my colleague who is a widow and 25 years of age with a seven years daughter. She only started communicating and talking to me a lot. I was not having any kind of feelings towards her as I was overloaded with work. Then, I got transferred to other place. There work pressure is not much as in the earlier section. Now, I am in love with that widow. I told this to my wife also but not told about this to that widow. After hearing this my wife was shocked. After hue and cry, now my wife is back to normal and warned me to stay away from that girl. But I am not able to forget that girl. I called her over phone four to five times. When I was with her, I never confessed that I love her. Now when I got transferred, I am keeping whats app statuses which are visible only to her. When ever I put up sad and love break up messages only that time she will respond by keeping whatsapp status otherwise she will be neutral. Whenever, I called her she replied and we spoke casually. Now, she also knows that I am loving her but not responding. I have deleted her mobile number but I remember it. Daily after leaving the house and before reaching the house I delete the number. I dont want to cheat my wife and at the same time not able to forget that girl also. Please suggest me what to do.
Ans: Time heals all wounds. And in this case, you definitely should let it. The girl is half your age and not interested in you. Be practical and value what you have — a wonderful family and loving wife who continues to tolerate you even after you confessed falling for someone else! This is not love my dear, it’s just a midlife crisis — an infatuation, nothing more.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8615 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 31, 2025

Money
Hi sir, My age is 45 years. I am currently investing in SIPs in mutual funds, ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund Growth (RS 2500) and Motilal Oswal Large and Midcap Fund Growth (Rs 3000), Quant mid cap (RS 3000), Kotak equity emerging (RS 3000) and Parag Parikh flexicap (RS 4000). My risk profile is high and my investment horizon is up to the age of 55 years. I will require approx 1cr for my kid's education after 10 years and for retirement (1 cr) after 10 years. I have stopped SIPs in Axis small Cap fund and Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund Growth and their amount of 56000 and 264000 has not yet been redeemed. My total investments in till date is approx 9.85 lakhs. Also I can invest up to Rs 25000/pm in SIPs. I also want to do rebalancing of Axis small Cap and Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund Growth fund amounts in small caps and hybrid fund, pls suggest. Is my porfolio suitable as per my goal. Pls suggest.
Ans: Your discipline towards mutual fund investing is admirable. You already have a good head start with your current investments. But let’s assess your portfolio, rebalance it smartly, and align it with your goals clearly.

Here is a complete 360-degree assessment of your mutual fund portfolio.

 

Portfolio Suitability as per Your Goals
You are 45 years now. Your key goals are after 10 years.

 

You want Rs. 1 crore for your child’s education.

 

You also want Rs. 1 crore for your retirement corpus.

 

These goals are achievable. But your portfolio needs alignment.

 

Your SIPs are currently Rs. 15,500. You can go up to Rs. 25,000.

 

This gives you room to restructure and grow your wealth.

 

Your risk profile is high. This supports growth-oriented funds.

 

Your investment horizon of 10 years is very reasonable.

 

So, equity-oriented funds can play a major role here.

 

You also need to reduce overlapping and duplication in categories.

 

Based on your age and goals, a proper category mix is important.

 

Also, monitoring performance is key to long-term success.

 

Evaluation of Current Portfolio
You have invested in large cap, large & mid cap, mid cap and flexicap.

 

This is a good mix across market cap segments.

 

However, some schemes have overlapping exposure.

 

You had SIPs in two good schemes that are now discontinued.

 

The Axis small cap fund has Rs. 56,000 invested.

 

The Mirae Asset emerging bluechip has Rs. 2.64 lakhs invested.

 

These are idle now. They must be rebalanced as per your strategy.

 

Total investment till now is approx Rs. 9.85 lakhs.

 

Your ongoing SIPs are across 5 different categories.

 

Portfolio rebalancing is needed to avoid overexposure.

 

There is no allocation to hybrid or balanced advantage funds.

 

You can add those for stability, especially as you age.

 

You need a mix of growth and risk control over the next 10 years.

 

Recommended SIP Structure
You are willing to invest Rs. 25,000 per month in SIPs.

 

That gives you Rs. 9.5 lakh of new investment in the next 3 years.

 

For proper diversification and balance, follow this structure:

 

Large Cap Fund – Rs. 4,000 monthly

 

Large & Mid Cap Fund – Rs. 4,000 monthly

 

Mid Cap Fund – Rs. 5,000 monthly

 

Flexicap Fund – Rs. 5,000 monthly

 

Hybrid Aggressive or Balanced Advantage Fund – Rs. 5,000 monthly

 

Small Cap Fund – Rs. 2,000 monthly

 

This structure ensures broad diversification and better returns.

 

It also provides smoother journey with balanced allocation.

 

Rebalancing of Existing Idle Investments
Axis Small Cap fund holding is Rs. 56,000.

 

Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund holding is Rs. 2.64 lakhs.

 

These amounts should not lie idle or underperform.

 

You can redeem these and reinvest as follows:

 

Rs. 1.5 lakh to hybrid aggressive fund or balanced advantage fund

 

Rs. 1.2 lakh to a small cap fund of your choice

 

Use STP if you are shifting full amount to equity funds again.

 

Spread the switch over 6 to 9 months to reduce volatility risk.

 

This will bring back discipline and better long-term compounding.

 

It will also bring stability and growth into one basket.

 

How to Align Portfolio with Education and Retirement Goals
Your education and retirement goal both need Rs. 1 crore each.

 

So you need Rs. 2 crore in total after 10 years.

 

You already have Rs. 9.85 lakh invested.

 

You plan to invest Rs. 25,000 per month now.

 

This disciplined investing with proper fund mix will help.

 

Small cap, mid cap and flexicap will deliver long-term growth.

 

Hybrid and large cap will bring portfolio stability.

 

Rebalancing and yearly review will help you stay on track.

 

Avoid reacting to short-term volatility and stay invested.

 

Key Adjustments to Improve Returns
Avoid duplication in similar category schemes.

 

Select only one strong fund from each major category.

 

Shift idle lump sum into hybrid and small caps via STP.

 

Avoid sector funds, thematic funds or international funds now.

 

Increase SIP by 5% every year if income allows.

 

Review SIPs yearly. Drop laggards. Replace only after 3-year review.

 

Stick to 5-6 funds maximum in total.

 

Keep your funds manageable and meaningful.

 

Regular vs. Direct Funds
You should always invest through regular plans via a trusted MFD.

 

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can guide you better.

 

Direct funds may save some cost but give no advisory support.

 

They are for experts who understand the markets deeply.

 

Wrong selection in direct mode leads to poor returns.

 

In regular plans, your MFD with CFP gives continuous support.

 

This is key when markets are volatile or during fund underperformance.

 

Proper advice leads to better overall results than cost savings.

 

SIP Discipline and Risk Management
Continue SIPs without breaks. Markets may fluctuate.

 

But long-term SIPs deliver strong results with compounding.

 

Rebalance every year. Shift part of equity to hybrid over time.

 

In final 2 years before goal, reduce equity to protect capital.

 

Keep emergency fund in liquid mutual fund for peace of mind.

 

Review your portfolio performance every 6 months.

 

Track progress towards Rs. 2 crore goal.

 

Tax Considerations for Mutual Fund Investors
Equity fund long term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

 

Short term capital gains (STCG) taxed at 20%.

 

Debt and hybrid fund gains taxed as per your income slab.

 

Plan redemptions smartly to reduce tax outgo.

 

Use STP or SWP to manage taxes near goal maturity.

 

Insurance and Emergency Cover
Ensure you have health insurance and term life cover.

 

Keep 6 months’ expense in liquid fund as emergency buffer.

 

Do not mix insurance with investment.

 

No ULIPs, no endowment or money back plans.

 

Your focus must remain on mutual funds only.

 

Final Insights
Your investing habits are strong. You are consistent.

 

Your fund categories are well selected but need tweaking.

 

You must act on idle investments to improve overall returns.

 

Add hybrid and small cap exposure smartly.

 

Avoid over-diversification and direct plans.

 

Keep a long-term view and follow up every year.

 

Increase SIPs when possible and do goal-based planning.

 

You are on the right track. Some rebalancing will take you faster towards your goals.

 

Keep emotions out. Let data and strategy guide your investment path.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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