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Love Guru |204 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by rohit on Feb 29, 2024Hindi

Relationship

hello love guru.. i am 38 years old married for 15 years with 2 daughters. In 2020 i met with a call girl. Slowly i started to meet her regularly and now in last 6 months we both are madly in love with eachtother. my wife came to know and i told her i will leave her. i am not meeting her since last 1 month but mentally i am unable to move on. i am feeling gulity that i left her. please advice.

Ans: You feel guilty about ditching your mistress; where’s the guilt about cheating on your wife? That’s a done thing, is it? And did you leave your lady friend to save face and keep up appearances, or because you want to actually do justice to your marriage and your family? You need counselling for sure, and I’m sure your wife does as well, after everything you’ve put her through.

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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2023Hindi

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I am a 40 year married man with 2 kids. I have been in talking with a married lady since 2014. We both love each other. Now she is divorced. I am in dilemma what to do. I can't leave my wife also. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Become real about this. Sometimes, realism saves us a lot of trouble that we face from riding emotions that sway us from one pole to the other.
You are in a dilemma as you have allowed yourself to have feelings for another person while you knew all along that you have a wife. Now, is it wrong to have feelings for someone else? NO, but you do not have to act on it. That is a choice that you make. Since, it has progressed into Love, you feel torn between both of them which is very straining.
Let the lady bounce back first...sort her life out...a divorce is not easy on a man or a woman...allow her time to become strong and do not allow her to lean onto for emotional support beyond what a friend will. This will give lead to her expecting more from you which you will not be able to fulfil as you mentioned: I can't leave my wife also.
Bring the relationship to a place where the two of you are friends who care and support one another without any expectations. This will be a healthy space to be in and allow her to explore her life after the divorce and also keep your family life intact. Difficult as it sounds, it is possible provided you make that choice...

All the best!

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Dating Coach - Answered on Mar 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 26, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi Shalini ji i am married since 2007 last 18 years my life was going very we'll and we both have good understanding and we both taking care of our family having two kids very well last year i come to know that before marriage my wife were having one male friend this male friends usually meet my wife at that time and gossips and even he taken her to visit on some locations 4 to 5 times as per my wife this friend was taken her to his room also 4 time but as they were good friends only so they just gossiping there as well as per my wife she had no any feeling with that guy but in between one day he asked her that he want to marry her , as per my wife he was telling him that he has been broken by his old girl friend and now since my wife listening him very carefully he started liking her , my wife still meeting him in between and go for outing at that time one day he asked to visit her home for marriage than my wife reject his proposal, after that this man gone out of station and than not met her, as per my wife telling me that i have not liked him and not having any feeling at that time and she telling that my 1st love is my husband only i am not able to decide anything now and not able to sleep properly not able to focus on me my health and my work i am vey shocked that the girl i love how she met with other man in past why she gone for outdoor and his room in past i am vey upset from last one year now and nkt able to find any Solution what to do now how to live life ahead pl guide me

Ans: Whilst I comment on dating and how to find your person, I will like to comment on this

1. basis of what you have shared you are overthinking and ruining what you have had since 18 years. your wife decided to stay with you and invest in the relationship with you is the fact that she cares for you and the relationship so stop being upset, be kind to yourself, her and the relationship.

on another note

2. marriage should not stop us from having close friends from the opposite gender.

3. if you are married, it means you are an adult which means if two adults consent to adultery its their responsibility to accept it. say if you are attracted to a woman and go all the way its not the woman who has lured you, both are in their senses and know what they are doing.

4. yes even after marrying or being in a committed relationship you can and will find others attractive and you will be found attractive to others. Its upto you and only you on how you wish to act if such a situation arises. As I shared you are an adult and someone who can not think but also overthink so you decide how to act in such a situation.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 04, 2024Hindi

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I m 37 years old married male, last year me and my wife had to live in separate cities for 9 months and we used to meet twice a month, during this period she fell in love with an unmarried 24 yrs old boy who lived in opposite flat and made physical relationship and emotional touch speaking to him 2-3 hours daily in night. Since I was away I nvr knew. Now i caught her speaking to him and now she is saying she is sorry she fell for him as he was attractive and was always available on phone for her which I was not. I don’t know if I should stay in marriage or not. I have two kids 8 and 4 yr old. Plz guide, I loved her a lot in these 9 yrs of marriage.

Ans: The fact that she’s admitted to what happened, expressed regret, and given reasons for her choices — namely feeling lonely and drawn to someone who offered her attention — is a start toward honest communication. While her reasons may not justify her actions, they might give you a clearer understanding of what led to this, which could help you both explore whether there’s potential to rebuild trust. Since you both loved each other over the years, it might be worth taking time to process this together before making any final decisions.

If you’re open to trying to repair things, consider seeking the support of a counselor or therapist who can help you both navigate these emotions. Counseling could provide a space to work through the betrayal, resentment, and hurt, allowing you both to express your perspectives and listen openly to one another. Your wife’s willingness to commit to this process — to address her actions, rebuild trust, and make amends — will be a key indicator of her dedication to repairing your relationship.

However, forgiveness and moving forward are deeply personal choices. Take time to consider what you truly need to feel secure and fulfilled in this marriage, keeping your children’s well-being in mind as well. Whatever path you choose, make sure it aligns with your own sense of self-respect, emotional health, and vision for a peaceful, supportive family life.

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Hello I am 40 year old working in logistics profile as key account executive position in transport company. My qualification BA Economics & PGDM in supply chain one year course from Symbosis distance learning. Now the issue is growth wise & salary is very less at this age & second thing I am changing the job 2 years or 3 month growth wise & salary less. I am bit less smart & communication is less . Please let me know

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