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Confused about property registration: How should I move forward?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 18, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Anu, I would prefer to remain anonymous. I am 37 year old. My father purchased an apartment for around 35 lakhs, with an initial payment of approximately 5 lakhs. At the time, I believe he intended to pay for it himself, as my career was quite unstable. However, over the last four years, I have moved back to my hometown due to the pandemic and have since found success in my career, earning a substantial income. My father then started asking me to deposit money into his account so that he could continue making payments for the apartment. His reasons varied, ranging from being short on legitimate (white) money to wanting to use my legally earned income for this purpose, and I complied without much thought because I’ve always been an obedient child. Over the last six months, I contributed the final 7 lakhs for the property, and I was led to believe that it would be registered in either my name or my wife’s name. However, just two days ago, my father informed me that it must be registered in his name. This has left me feeling manipulated and betrayed. Despite contributing a significant sum of around 30-32 lakhs, I still feel I have no say in the property. I’ve never been able to communicate openly with my father, and this situation has only made things worse. When I confronted him, the conversation didn’t go well, and my mother expressed deep disappointment in me, implying that I am not a good son. They made me feel guilty, and I am now left with a sense of profound loss. Regardless of the outcome, I feel like I’ve lost. If the property is registered in my name, I feel like a terrible son, and if it isn’t, I feel like I’ve lost both my savings and my dignity. I would appreciate any advice or guidance on how I should approach this situation, or what I should believe in moving forward. Just for context, my father has a decent business, owns the house we live in, and possesses other assets, so it’s not as though he is dependent on my income for survival.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I assume that you are part of an Indian family system where the son is still expected to take on the responsibilities of caring for his parents. Now, this need not be challenged as it is rooted in firm beliefs but what still seems inexcusable is the manner in which your father has tried to achieve it.
A simple conversation around this would have helped you understand his thoughts around the property, money surrounding it etc...
You say that you have never been able to communicate openly with your father and maybe all that is happening is a lesson for you to start becoming more expressive with him. Say NO when it is a NO...saying Yes has caused you to lose money at a time when it was not necessary.
You can still communicate with your father and this time do it not to confront him with anger but to clearly express your sadness over the way things were done regarding money. You also need to let him know how this has affected your financial situation and that getting back what is yours will only help you not depend on him (your father). Express clearly as to what you want...You are not a terrible son if you are looking out for your own family and your future. Be wise about it!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 14, 2022

Relationship
Hello Anu,I am under severe confusion and frustration. Wanted to consult with some psychiatrist but then I got to know about you. I have an issue with my father.I'm a 29 years old working man.My family background was not good, my father was the sole bread earner in the family of 9 including my uncle and grandparents.But my father invested in his children.He gave us a good education.He sent me for IIT coaching in Kota. I couldn't clear IIT but cleared AIEEE.Today I'm earning a lot. I'm a software engineer with 7+ years of experience in IT in a big giant firm earning Rs 62 lakhs an annum. But the picture does not look like it is.My father takes all my money.Literally he does that.He has been doing it for last 7 years, every single month.He has taken my all salaries till now, 80+ months' salaries to be precise.And his modus operandi is- he knows my monthly in hand salary after deductions, which is around 3.5 lakhs now.He calls me around 25th of the month saying 'Don't use the salary. I need 4 lakhs this month. He asks me more than my salary, then says ‘okay you don't have this much, so give me as much as you can.’Earlier when my salary was Rs 85,0000, he used to ask for Rs 1 lakh.When salary became Rs 2.2 lakhs he used to ask Rs 2.5 lakhs.I keep approx Rs 15-20,000 for myself and give the remaining to him.Why do I give him all my money?Because I have this feeling that whatever I am today, it's all because of him.He went against all odds to educate us, otherwise I would have been a poor kid somewhere in my village doing farming.The sad part is, he does not use this money for himself.If he would have used it for his needs I would have been the happiest person. He gives loans to his relatives free of cost.People come to my father and request that they need money for some XYZ reason. They say you have a lot of money, your son is earning so much, so please help us. My father says okay.He calls me and says that he has given his word, now he can't step back and I will have to arrange the money. And this money never comes back.Till now nobody has returned a single penny.When I ask my father, he says ‘it's okay, you will earn more. They can take only your money, not your destiny.’I'm not exaggerating but I don't have even a RO filter in my home. I spend Rs 1,500 on water.I'm fed up with all this.I had a discussion with my father regarding this many a times that I can't keep doing this.He says What will you do with the money? Tell me the item you want, we will purchase it for you.So far I have given more than Rs 1 crore. I'm such a fool.I don't want to spoil my relationship with my father but at the same time I also want him to understand that I'm a human not a money-making machine.The problem has started now, because now he is doing the same with my younger brother as well.He recently started his job after college, and earns around Rs 55K.My father takes 50K from him and has deliberately kept him with me so that we can save on rent and he can keep the money.Till now when he was taking my money, I was not so much hurt.But now when my brother is giving money, I can't bear it. He is a small kid who does a lot of hard work and even his money is taken away.I cannot share this with anyone.I keep asking myself if I'm a bad son who thinks like this about his father.But I can see the reality which is very discouraging.I'm not able to digest the fact that this is actually happening.Please suggest what I should do.Should I tell this to someone? But then the other person will think bad about my father which I don't want.I'm lost. Please suggest me something.
Ans:

Dear RS,

If by now you haven’t figured out that you are being used for playing the role of a good son, then when is it going to dawn on you?

It feels unreal even if your father took all that money for himself without realizing that his son needs his hard-earned money to set up his life. But here, it’s going to relatives and everywhere.

And now, it’s the turn of your brother too.

There is really no need to set this example as an older brother to just bend over backwards for your father. Instead, change the role and let your brother do the same.

Take charge of your finances and share what you deem fit with your father that covers his expenses (assuming that he is retired).

This way, you will fulfil the duty of being a good son taking care of his father. Beyond this, save your money and invest it wisely and please spend on yourself.

What will you do when you marry?

You think your wife is going to support this flow transaction of money between you and your father?

And when she tries to reason out with you, either you or your father will blame her for being selfish. In fact, she will only be looking out for your wellbeing.

So, before this gets even more murkier, make a point by sitting your father down and asserting that you are taking charge of your finances and reassuring him that he will always be taken care of.

His need to please his relatives by giving away your money has to stopped.

This might be met with a lot of resistance from your father, but you know what is to be done. Else, this will grow even with your brother and get progressively worse. So, step in NOW.

All the best!

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6340 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, sorry it's a very long post My mother is 60year old homemaker(nil income) and father is 68yr old retired govt employee (recieving pension).we are 3 children [2 daughters ( all aged between 30-40yr)]to our parents.All of us are married and earning for our livelihood. We sisters are contributing to parents health insurance and other financial things since we started earning and even after marriage ( as my father is an alcoholic too not looking after the household well).Mother has a property in her name given to her by her father as a gift deed. Father had one house and a plot in his name and some ancestral property. Brother went to abroad for studies in 2018 and came back in 2020. He had a girlfriend since his college days( he married to her in 2022, never had objection from anyone of family members ). Since his arrival, he and his girlfriend started involving in all financial matters of my maternal house to the extent he was using my father's debit card for his own use( father says he has given card to brother willfully). Brother wanted to construct a commercial building in my mother's property. He and my father started threatening my mother to register her property ( actually located near Brother's girlfriend house) in name of brother saying if she doesn't agree ,they won't marry off my sister( who got married in 2022 in the presence of grandparents, mother and myself and both my father and brother didn't attend the marriage). They even extracted money from mother's account (which was given now and then to her by me and my sister).During all these process even brother's girlfriend ( wanted a source of income by renting my parents house)also started abusing my mother and involved in all financial matters ( that freedom was given to her by father and brother as my mother was suppressed and we sisters were not aware of things going on). Everything led to the abandonment of my mother who stayed in her friend's place then I brought her to my house. Now after 3 years ( during the course our wellwishers tried counselling and mediation between my father, brother and mother without sisters which didn't work out). my brother got my parents house( and a plot which was in my father's name) registered to his name as a gift deed from my father without informing mother. All the documents of the property gift deeded to my mother by her father is with my brother and father. They are threatening my mother if she enters her own property. Now my mother has no place and income though she had contributed extensively to upliftment of the family all over these years. She ran a grocery store for 15years during which one plot was bought and house was built in that. Another plot was bought after my parents marriage with the help of dowry money given to my father ) but all the properties were registered in my father's name. She has her contribution financially, emotionally and physically. Now doesn't my mother has right to ask back the house and the property given to my brother without her knowledge and to ask for maintenance from my father and also sue all three of them for mental and physical torture..? We sisters want her to lead a peaceful life in her final years of her life.. please guide us.
Ans: Evaluating Your Mother’s Rights

Your mother has been through a lot. Let's explore her legal and financial rights. She deserves to live peacefully in her final years.

Legal Rights Over Property

Your mother owns property gifted by her father. She has full rights over this property. The property can’t be taken without her consent. If your brother and father took documents, this is illegal.

Action Steps for Property

Retrieve Documents: Seek legal help to get back property documents.
Consult a Lawyer: Discuss the possibility of reclaiming the property.
File a Complaint: If threatened, your mother can file a police complaint.
Maintenance from Your Father

Your father has a duty to support your mother. She can claim maintenance from him. This can be done through legal channels.

Action Steps for Maintenance

Seek Legal Advice: A lawyer can help your mother file for maintenance.
Family Court: File a petition in family court for maintenance.
Right to Ancestral Property

Your mother contributed to the family. She can claim a share in ancestral property. The law supports her right to ancestral property.

Action Steps for Ancestral Property

Legal Consultation: Discuss the possibility of claiming ancestral property.
File a Suit: If needed, file a suit for partition of ancestral property.
Mental and Physical Torture

Your mother faced mental and physical torture. This is a serious issue. She can seek legal action against your brother, father, and sister-in-law.

Action Steps for Torture

File a Complaint: Lodge a complaint with the police for harassment.
Protection Orders: Seek protection orders from the court.
Health Insurance and Financial Support

You and your sister have supported your parents. Continue to ensure health insurance coverage. Your mother may need financial support until her rights are restored.

Action Steps for Financial Support

Joint Efforts: Continue supporting your mother financially.
Plan for Future: Set up a fund for your mother’s needs.
Investments for Secure Future

Consider investing in mutual funds for your mother’s secure future. Regular funds with the help of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) are beneficial. Avoid direct funds due to lack of professional advice.

Benefits of Regular Funds

Professional Management: CFPs manage the funds, ensuring optimal returns.
Less Hassle: No need for your mother to manage investments actively.
Tailored Advice: Investments tailored to her risk profile and needs.
Regular Review of Investments

Regularly review investments with a CFP. Adjust them based on your mother’s needs and market conditions. This ensures her financial security.

Final Insights

Your mother has rights over her property. She can claim maintenance from your father and her share in ancestral property. Legal action can be taken for mental and physical torture. Continue supporting her financially and ensure her health insurance coverage. Invest wisely with professional advice for her secure future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Pradeep

Pradeep Pramanik  |174 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 19, 2024
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Dear Mr Pradeep, how does one deal with workplace burnout? A young CA working for EY recently succumbed due to work pressure and no one from the office attended her funeral. Is this normal? What are your thoughts? What should one do in a situation like this? What is your advice to young professionals
Ans: Dear ,

You have raised a valid point which most of the young professionals are passing through. What a paradox in Indian context , at one hand,. public sector companies do have quite liberal working conditions and virtually No direct accountability to push your to the stress level to that high of opting for ending life. whereas in most private or proprietorship companies , right from reaching office in time to achieving the set objectives days after days , months after months keep on increasing. There is limit of tolerance of abusive behaviur or working styles , hence many find ways to move to other comanpies, some quite the job , some move out to other industries . There are many companies , why only talk about EY or IT sector companies ,I can give true exampples of BFSI/NBFCs/Telecom/ Industrial products companies / Real Estate cos/ FMCG/FMCD/Pharma cos where many avoid to opt for even when they are offered high packages , Reason, - High work pressure , abusive work conditions , Job Uncertainity , worst approach of top management . You are treated like slaves .
However taking own life as the CA at EY did was really heartwrenching . More so the approach of the management , After all a young talented girl . lost her life due to work pressure as mentiioned in her notes. To be honest , no one attending funeral from management side is not normal . In most cases some one represents management . May be, due to legal complications, Sr managers avoided attending the funeral . As far as my advice to young professionals is concerned , Be bold , take challenges as part of your life and when you feel . it is crossing your limits , You must expose the truth to top management as many a times , putting so much pressure on young professionals are the handiworks of Line managers or HR manager , which top management might not be aware about . She being a CA should not have any issues in finding another good paying job or even joining any CA firm as Sr manager taxation or in auditing. She should have fought back. You must have seen many army /police /CISF or Bank professionals commit suicide under work pressure which is really painful . One should fight back or find better options available than ending own life.

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Samraat Jadhav  |2026 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

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