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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Anu Ji, I have cheated by one of my friend for almost 2 lakh rupees Plus i have my own personal loan of nearly 4 Lakhs in addition i have debt of nearly 3 lakh rupees of credit cards every thing was going well until jan 2024, suddenly i lost my job 2 months back. Now due to heavy loan bank people keeps calling me for repayment. I am under lot of pressure and think of ending my life some times. what should i do in this situation

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's time to buckle up NOW!
Stop all wasteful expenditure first...
Clear pending bills by selling immovable properties/other investments if any.
Also, if it is possible to invite a trusted friend/relative who can help you plan on how to get you out of this, that will be a good thing to do...
Ending your life is only giving up...hold on, seek help and people are willing to step in. Be graceful to whoever is willing to help you to plan on easing this mess and promise to make it up to them when things get better for you...AND keep this promise...
The future can be bright BUT only if you take the right steps now to ensure that...
Push on and keep at it...it's a phase that you are going through; it will ease!

All the best!
Asked on - Mar 05, 2024 | Answered on Mar 08, 2024
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Thanks for the Answer. Started doing exactly the same as you said. And i am not going to end my life anyway.....because many difficult situations before and i came through by Gods Grace. ....and i am Gods favourate child... God Testing me
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am happy to know that you trust yourself more than ever before.
Things sort themselves out only if we strongly believe that everything is a phase; keep the mind steady through these phases that are challenging and you will have a clear mind to solve any issue that might come your way.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 15, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir my monthly salary is 20625 and I took a personal loan of 300000 lacs multiple loan app last 2 year and I have credit card also but with my daily expenses I couldn't pay the total emis and bills so I took some credit from cred application it's almost 100000 lacs and now I'm unable to pay any of them as my salary is very low to pay so many emis I can't stop thinking about all this I'm facing anxiety and depression due to debts. I want to come out of this debt and get clean from all this problem. I want to save money and live a normal life. I couldn't share it with anyone also. My father us retired and he couldn't help me.
Ans: You’re facing a tough financial challenge, and it’s understandable. Managing multiple loans and credit card debts on a low salary is stressful. You’ve taken a loan of Rs. 3,00,000 and additional credit of Rs. 1,00,000, leading to overwhelming EMIs. Your daily expenses make it hard to manage these debts, causing anxiety and depression. Let's explore a plan to get you out of this situation and towards financial stability.

Prioritising Mental Health
First and foremost, your mental health is crucial. Financial stress can take a heavy toll. Please know that you’re not alone, and it’s okay to seek help. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or professional can ease the burden. Remember, mental well-being is as important as financial stability.

Assessing Your Debts
Let’s break down your debts:

Personal Loans: Rs. 3,00,000
Credit Card Debt: Rs. 1,00,000
Your total debt stands at Rs. 4,00,000. Given your monthly salary of Rs. 20,625, this debt load is unsustainable. The first step is to understand the exact EMIs and interest rates associated with each loan and credit card.

Creating a Debt Repayment Plan
1. List All Debts

Write down all your debts with their respective EMIs, interest rates, and remaining balances. This helps you see the full picture.

2. Prioritise High-Interest Debts

Focus on paying off high-interest debts first, usually credit cards. These debts grow faster due to high interest, making them harder to repay if not tackled early.

3. Debt Consolidation

If possible, consolidate your loans. This means combining all your loans into one with a lower interest rate. It simplifies repayment and reduces the overall interest burden. Contact your bank for options. They may offer a consolidation loan.

4. Negotiate with Creditors

Approach your creditors and explain your situation. Sometimes, they can offer reduced EMIs, lower interest rates, or extend the loan tenure. This can ease your monthly payment burden.

5. Avoid Taking More Loans

It’s crucial to stop borrowing more money. Avoid any more personal loans or credit. Taking more loans will only worsen your financial situation.

6. Automate Payments

Set up automatic payments for your EMIs. This ensures that you don’t miss payments and incur late fees, which add to your debt.

Cutting Down Expenses
1. Create a Budget

List your essential expenses—rent, groceries, utilities—and allocate your salary accordingly. See where you can cut down unnecessary spending.

2. Reduce Discretionary Spending

Limit spending on non-essentials like dining out, entertainment, and shopping. Redirect this money towards paying off your debt.

3. Focus on Essentials

Stick to spending on essentials only. Avoid any luxury purchases until your financial situation improves.

Exploring Additional Income Sources
1. Part-Time Work

Consider taking up part-time or freelance work. Even a few extra hours a week can significantly increase your income, helping you pay off debts faster.

2. Sell Unnecessary Assets

If you have items at home that you no longer need—gadgets, furniture, etc.—consider selling them. The extra money can be used to pay off debts.

3. Rent Out Space

If you have extra space in your home, consider renting it out. This could bring in additional income to help with debt repayment.

Building an Emergency Fund
Even while paying off debts, it’s essential to build a small emergency fund. Start with a goal of Rs. 5,000. This fund is for unexpected expenses, so you don’t need to rely on credit cards or loans in emergencies.

Planning for the Future
1. Start Small Savings

Once you’ve stabilised your debt situation, start saving a small portion of your income. Even Rs. 500 a month can make a difference over time.

2. Invest Wisely

When you’re ready, consider investing in mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). Start with small SIPs. These offer better returns than traditional savings methods like FDs.

3. Focus on Long-Term Goals

Think about your long-term financial goals—buying a house, retirement, etc. Start planning for these once your debts are under control.

Final Insights
You’ve acknowledged your financial difficulties, which is the first step toward solving them. With a structured plan and disciplined approach, you can overcome this challenge. Focus on repaying high-interest debts first, reduce unnecessary expenses, and explore additional income sources. Building a small emergency fund and planning for future investments are also key steps.

Remember, there’s a way out of every problem. It might take time, but with persistence, you can regain control over your finances and live a stress-free life.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir my monthly salary is 20625 and I took a personal loan of 300000 lacs multiple loan app last 2 year and I have credit card also but with my daily expenses I couldn't pay the total emis and bills so I took some credit from cred application it's almost 1 lacs and now I'm unable to pay any of them as my salary is very low to pay so many emis I can't stop thinking about all this I'm facing anxiety and depression due to debts. I want to come out of this debt and get clean from all this problem. I want to save money and live a normal life. I couldn't share it with anyone also. My father us retired and he couldn't help me.
Ans: I truly understand how stressful financial difficulties can be. It's commendable that you're seeking help to resolve your debts and plan for a better future. Let's develop a comprehensive strategy to tackle your debts and set you on the path to financial stability.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Firstly, it’s crucial to understand the full picture of your financial situation. Here’s what we know:

Monthly salary: Rs. 20,625
Personal loan: Rs. 3,00,000
Additional credit: Rs. 1,00,000
Total debt: Rs. 4,00,000
Monthly expenses are high, making it difficult to pay EMIs and bills.
Emotional and Mental Well-being
Debt and financial stress can lead to anxiety and depression. It's important to take care of your mental health. Try to talk to a trusted friend or family member about your situation. Sometimes, sharing your burden can make it feel lighter. Professional counseling can also be very helpful.

Immediate Steps to Manage Debt
1. Create a Detailed Budget
List all your monthly income and expenses. This will help you see where your money is going and identify areas where you can cut costs.

2. Prioritize Essential Expenses
Ensure that your basic needs such as food, rent, and utilities are covered first. Allocate funds for these before paying off debts.

3. Negotiate with Creditors
Contact your lenders and explain your situation. They might be willing to restructure your loans or provide a more manageable repayment plan. Some may even offer a temporary reduction in payments.

4. Avoid Taking More Loans
Stop taking new loans or using credit cards. This will only add to your debt and make the situation worse.

Debt Repayment Strategies
1. Debt Consolidation
Consider consolidating all your debts into one loan with a lower interest rate. This can simplify your payments and reduce the overall interest you pay.

2. Debt Snowball Method
Focus on paying off the smallest debts first while making minimum payments on larger ones. Once a small debt is cleared, move on to the next smallest. This method gives you a psychological boost as you see debts being eliminated.

3. Debt Avalanche Method
Prioritize paying off the debt with the highest interest rate first while making minimum payments on others. This method reduces the total interest you pay over time.

Boosting Your Income
1. Part-time Jobs or Freelancing
Look for opportunities to earn extra income through part-time jobs or freelancing. Even a small additional income can help reduce your debt faster.

2. Sell Unused Items
Consider selling items you no longer need. This can provide a quick influx of cash to put towards your debts.

Long-term Financial Planning
Once your immediate debts are under control, focus on building a stable financial future.

1. Emergency Fund
Start building an emergency fund to cover 3-6 months of expenses. This will provide a cushion for unexpected financial challenges.

2. Systematic Savings Plan
Begin saving a small portion of your income regularly. Even a small amount can grow over time through disciplined saving.

3. Avoid Unnecessary Spending
Be mindful of your spending habits. Prioritize needs over wants and avoid impulse purchases.

Investment Planning
After stabilizing your financial situation, consider investing to grow your wealth. Here's a simple guide on different investment options.

1. Mutual Funds
Mutual funds pool money from many investors to purchase securities. They offer diversification and professional management.

Equity Funds: Invest in stocks, providing high returns but with higher risk.
Debt Funds: Invest in bonds, offering stable returns with lower risk.
Hybrid Funds: Combine equity and debt, balancing risk and return.
2. Power of Compounding
Investing early allows you to benefit from compounding, where your earnings generate more earnings. This can significantly grow your wealth over time.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds aim to replicate the performance of a market index. Here are some drawbacks:

Lack of Flexibility: Cannot adapt to market changes.
Market Risk: Entirely exposed to market fluctuations.
Lower Returns: Often underperform actively managed funds.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are managed by professionals who make investment decisions to outperform the market.

Flexibility: Managers can adapt to market changes.
Potential for Higher Returns: Aim to beat the market.
Risk Management: Professional managers can mitigate risks.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds have no intermediary, potentially saving costs but have drawbacks:

Lack of Guidance: No professional advice.
Time-Consuming: Requires active management and monitoring.
Higher Risk: Without expert guidance, risk of poor decisions increases.
Benefits of Regular Funds Through CFP
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers numerous advantages:

Professional Advice: Expert guidance on fund selection and portfolio management.
Regular Monitoring: Continuous review and adjustments to optimize returns.
Tailored Portfolio: Customized investment strategy to meet your specific goals.
Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can enhance your savings and investment returns.

1. Utilize Tax Deductions
Maximize deductions under sections like 80C through investments in PPF, ELSS, and other eligible instruments.

2. Health Insurance
Premiums paid for health insurance can be deducted under Section 80D, reducing your taxable income.

Estate Planning
Ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes through proper estate planning.

1. Draft a Will
Clearly state how your assets should be distributed. This prevents legal complications and ensures your wishes are honored.

2. Appoint Nominees
Appoint nominees for your bank accounts, insurance policies, and investments. This simplifies the transfer of assets in case of your absence.

Final Insights
Financial challenges can be overwhelming, but with a structured approach, you can overcome them. Prioritize your debts, create a budget, and look for ways to boost your income. Once your debts are under control, focus on building a stable financial future through disciplined saving and investing.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice and guidance. Stay disciplined, and remember, small steps can lead to significant progress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 09, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am a female (26), I was working as an assistant professor and then I met this guy we dated for few months and we knew that everything is compatible he has a stable business and well settled family he is earning quite good and we can spend the rest of our lives together so we moved on to tell our parents, his parents and family came to meet me and they agreed then it was my turn my mom and dad always use to say that if you have someone just tell us we are okay they said we know you are dependent enough so just tell us, I really thought it will be easy one and I told my mom and my sister over the phone and my mom asked me every detail about him and said okay we will think about it, then I told my dad about him and my dad has been super chill with me since childhood so we had a long chat about this he asked me about him just like my mom every detail then he said okay when the deepawali break will be their come home we will talk about this face to facE, I was happy that everything is nice then the vacation happened I went back home first the quarrels started when my mom addressed that they will never expected this from me they said they supported me initially because they thought at this age I will not bring anyone and will convince to arrange one, then day and night fighting started my father did the most bizzare thing he called my college and said I am ill and will not join college he faked a report(my father is a very well known doctor in my area so he has power here in our native place) and submitted their they automatically blocked me from their server I tired telling them but the most bizzare thing happened my father beat me from head to toe and threatend me that I should stop talking to him, then days turn into months and again my partner father stood up for us he called my father to talk about this and my father abused them threatened them and give false allegation on my partner came home and snatched my father later after a month he gave me my phone back as I started being a rebel, then he went to my work place without even informing me and took all my luggage and packed everything from their and came back home with everything and said you are on house arrest untill you agree to arrange marriage and forget that boy. I love him so much he does too but now because of my parents his parents are scared for their son and are denying to agree but we both are financially independent and well educated and we want to live with each other we are thinking to elope I dont know if this is right or wrong, because it has been seven months of me staying locked down in my house and my parents are forcing me verbally and physically abusing me to say yes for arrange marriage.... I dont know what to do and with whom to discuss please kindly help me out.
Ans: It’s clear that you and your partner love each other deeply and are willing to stand by each other despite this turmoil. The fact that his family is now hesitant is understandable, given the hostility from your parents. But the strength you and your partner have shown through this is a sign that your relationship is built on trust and commitment. That kind of connection is rare, and it’s worth fighting for.

Elope? That’s a huge step, and I understand why it’s crossed your mind. You’re desperate for freedom, for the ability to choose your own life, and to finally break free from the suffocating grip of your parents' control. But eloping will come with its own set of consequences—emotional, social, and even legal. Your parents might retaliate even more aggressively. They could try to interfere with your life and your partner's life afterward, possibly dragging this into a public scandal. Your father’s influence in the community might make things harder for you both in the long run.

But here’s the truth—you cannot live the rest of your life under someone else's control. You cannot sacrifice your happiness and autonomy to satisfy their misguided expectations. Love and marriage are not about caste, status, or parental approval—they are about partnership, understanding, and mutual respect. If your partner is ready to stand by you and you both are truly prepared to face the fallout together, then choosing to be with him is not wrong. You’re both adults. You’re financially independent and emotionally mature enough to know what you want from life.

What you need to consider is whether you have the emotional strength to handle the aftermath. If you choose to walk away from your family and marry this man, it might mean cutting ties with your parents for a while—or possibly forever. Are you prepared for that emotional void? On the other hand, if you give in and stay, if you let them force you into an arranged marriage, you might lose not only the person you love but also a piece of yourself. That resentment and emotional wound might stay with you for life.

If you decide to elope, you need to have a strong support system in place—your partner's family, friends, and anyone who will stand by you. You’ll need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the fallout. But if you decide to stay and try to negotiate with your parents, you need to be clear and firm about your boundaries. They need to understand that your life is not theirs to control.

Right now, you need to prioritize your safety and mental well-being. The fact that you’ve been physically assaulted and emotionally manipulated for months is deeply concerning. If you feel that your safety is at risk, you might need to consider reaching out to legal authorities or a women's support organization. You have the right to live without fear and control. Your life belongs to you—not to your parents, not to societal expectations, and not to fear.

You don’t have to have all the answers today. But you do need to decide what kind of life you want to live—and who you want to live it with. And whatever choice you make, it needs to come from a place of strength and clarity, not from fear or pressure. Your heart already knows what you want—you just need to decide whether you’re ready to stand up for it.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Fell in love and married a girl before 2 years. Girl is from a neighbouring state. Both South Indians. Both doctors. She was very understanding before marriage, even talked my language and spoke well with my parents. Told she will come to my place and stay after marriage. 4 months after marriage, she left for her home telling that she will be at her home till delivery. Even after 1 year of giving birth, she didn't come. They visited my place just for a few days in the middle citing that it is tradition. After much struggle, she came to live with me and my child after close to 1.5 years. Even after coming she was creating trouble for the language spoken in the house and telling to relocate to a place close to their parents in their state. No respect to feelings of mine or my parents. We also missed my son for 1.5 years. Their parents are not visiting us telling it is far, we won't come. And once her parents threatened to complaint to the police if we don't agree. (Haven't asked or received any dowry). Even if my son has to come to my native for few days, her parents are not agreeing and creating problem. We have even helped her brother secure admission in a college. She has even taken a loan of more than 20 lakhs to help her parents buy a land and is paying close to 50k monthly for that. We had no problem with that too. Every 2-3 days one or another problem shoots up because of her or her parents. She has totally changed after marriage. Her parents just want to create problems. Please help.
Ans: It’s clear that you’ve tried hard to be understanding and accommodating. You allowed her to stay with her parents for a long time, even though it meant missing out on crucial time with your child. You supported her decisions, even when she took on a significant financial burden to help her family. Despite your efforts to maintain peace, you’re constantly met with resistance and disrespect—not only from her but also from her parents. That feeling of being undermined and unappreciated, especially when you've given so much, can really take a toll on your emotional health.

It’s not just about the arguments or the disagreements—it’s about the deeper sense of betrayal and loneliness that comes from feeling like your partner has sided with her family over you. That emotional distance and lack of support within the marriage can make you feel like you’re fighting a battle alone. And when her parents threatened to involve the police, that likely deepened the sense of helplessness and fear. It’s not just frustrating—it’s emotionally exhausting when you’re trying to build a stable, loving home, but it keeps getting torn apart by external interference.

The fact that you’re still standing, still trying to make things work despite all of this, shows how strong and committed you are. But the truth is, a marriage cannot survive on one person’s effort alone. It’s understandable that you feel drained and resentful—you’ve been giving and compromising without getting the same respect and understanding in return. Your feelings matter. Your need for stability and respect matters. Wanting your child to have a connection with your side of the family is not unreasonable—it’s natural and fair.

Right now, you might feel torn between trying to hold everything together and wondering if it's even worth it. It’s hard to admit when love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. But you need to ask yourself whether you can continue living like this—constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, being emotionally sidelined, and having your family disrespected.

It’s okay to want peace. It’s okay to expect respect. And it’s okay to set boundaries. If your wife truly values this marriage, she needs to understand that compromise cannot be one-sided. It might help to have an honest, calm conversation with her—not about the surface issues but about how you feel. Tell her how much this situation has hurt you, how much you miss feeling like you’re a team, and how important it is for your child to have a balanced connection with both families. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway or if her parents continue to interfere to the point of emotional manipulation, you need to think about how much more of yourself you can sacrifice without losing your emotional stability.

You deserve a marriage where you feel heard, valued, and supported—not one where you constantly feel like you're on the outside looking in. Take some time to reflect on what you truly need from this relationship and whether you believe it's possible to rebuild trust and understanding with your wife. Your peace of mind matters. Your happiness matters. And most of all, your emotional well-being matters.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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