Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hello Madam,I am 48 year old ,Widower.My wife died last year after a long fought battle with Cancer. I have 2 daughters ,elder one who is 18 year old and younger 13 year old. Financially I am well placed. My wife had a short lived affair 6 years back with one of our family friends but she stayed with me for her daughters and started loving me once her friend got shifted to another city. I never showed her that I knew anything.What should I do now? I love my daughters very much and cannot leave them alone.Should I remarry. My wife also used to say that I should marry after her death.

Ans: Give them some time to grieve their mother’s loss and don’t jump into another marriage right away. You are certainly entitled to some happiness as well, and getting remarried if you wish to. But your children and their wellbeing should be your first priority, and also the priority of anyone who will step into the role of a stepmother. If you end up with the wrong person, it will only cause a terrible family situation, so tread carefully and be sensible about it.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Madam, I am 61 years old , retired from Govt service an year ago. I have a problem in my family. Though my wife is a post graduate, she refused to take up any Job and wants all others including her in laws to give her money eternally. Misbehaved with my parents & sent them out of our house for their supposed conservative style and refused to allow my sisters family on a visit and quarreled with me on this ground time & again. She quarrels with me on silly issues loudly infront of kids. She reflects her mother`s attitude in dealing with my parents & relatives. Later She re-started her love affair with her ex lover . Fed up with quarrels at home and keep her away from unwarranted affairs, I decided to go abroad and took her also with me with our 2 daughters. There again, she started another illicit affair with my classmate cum colleague (whom i knew for 2 decades and i treated like a brother and was already married with kids). After 18 months of secret affair , behind me, they finally disclosed and wanted to elope leaving their families behind. Stunned by their ghastly betrayal , I sent my family back to India and also reported the matter to boss, who repatriated that Traitor back. I had to forgive my wife for sake of my Daughters who were aged 12 yrs and 9 yrs then. I am unable to come to terms with their ghastly actions though 2 decades have since passed. We sleep in separate rooms and I have no physical relation with her, ever since as our marriage is over for all purposes. I believe that mutual Trust & respect are the foundations of any marriage. Both are lost in our case. Now my daughters aged 31, 29 are Post graduates but are sitting idle at home wasting time in TV and refuse to do any job as their mother keeps telling them why should women work ?. They refuse to receive any external counselling nor willing to get married nor take up a job nor pursue any studies. They are financially dependent on me. I am now retired and live on Govt Pension. They refuse to understand the reality around them. They have no friend either in Relatives or in their college circles. What to do with their Intransigence? .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At 61, you look back and reflect; what choices have you made that has led you to be where you are right now?
Have those choices robbed you of your peace of mind and a better life?
If Yes, it still isn't late to rework and revisit those choices and make better ones.

But for that, this obsession with their ghastly affair must end. The more you are focused on the past, it becomes difficult to create anything beautiful for today and tomorrow. Yes, you felt hurt and were in pain, but to continue to feel the pain is a choice and that is only going to make you more bitter. Consider what is happening with your marriage; you might have to accept that this is the way it will be. If you are not happy with this, then think of what you want to do about it.

It's a good thing that you have begun to focus on your children. They seem to be in need of focus and direction. Since they are adults, it's time you gave them an ultimatum to find a job and move out of home. It sounds cruel, but at times, as a parent you need to do the right thing for your children. So, act NOW and without hesitation.
As for you, as you decide what you want to do with your marriage, involve yourself in social circles and hobbies, travel etc. It will give you a distraction and also a way to calm your mind to take decisions.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu! I am 46 yrs old. I am married and have two daughters. I fell in love with a woman of 3-4 yrs younger to me, around 8 yrs ago. She was not happy with her marriage and she took divorce as I helped her to come over her trauma. It was very fine relationship between both of us. Now she is asking me to give divorce to my wife and to get marry with her. I really love my wife and her also, b'coz she also loves me so much and so do I. What to do now as my wife doesn't want to accept her and neither she wants to accept my wife.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No man would want to be where you are; seriously!
Now, how you got yourself in this mess is anybody's guess...but for the sake of your family (things are going well for you), make a decision that works best for everyone; at least in the long term. (It is ethically not right for me to make a decision for you).

It maybe unfair to either of the women and you are going to have to bear the consequences...
Now, I am not judging you or what you have done but you obviously knew all along that being in love with the other lady was a choice...also, now the expectation that she has from you is something that is uncomfortable to you.
Did she ever get this message from you that if she divorced her husband, that you will also divorce your wife and join her?
More than love, this has become neediness with demands...

Bottom line: Make a decision, stick by it and also help either of them tide over this! You owe them both that!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4488 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 06, 2025

Career
Sir , i got 67000crl rank and 20000obc rank in jee mains . I also got 18000 rank in vit. I am also going to write cusat, met and bitsat , i think i might not crack jee advance . i am hoping to pursue mechanical or electrical, Could sir kindly tell me its scope. From my current options which college should i choose among GFTI,s North east nits, VIT, MET, BITSAT for me to develop a good career
Ans: Rohan, considering your JEE performance, disregard BITSAT as it requires a minimum score of 250 out of 390 for admission into Mechanical Engineering or Electrical branches. Designate CUSAT as your primary selection if your Home State is Kerala and you qualify for OBC Category consideration. Compile a list of 4-5 esteemed colleges affiliated with CUSAT that possess commendable placement records. Secondly, prioritize GFTIs and North East NITs over alternatives such as VIT and MET. Regarding GFTIs and NITs, it is prudent to examine the placement records of the past three years and assess them prior to selecting preferences in JoSAA. Consider MET as your final alternative. Here is a step-by-step guide for predicting your chances of admission into NIT, IIIT, or GFTI following the JEE Main results.

Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories both Home State (HS) i.e. State you belong to & also Other State (OS).
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in, separately for HS & OS Categories for a quick reference.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.

Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4488 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 06, 2025

Career
what are the college options i can look up to at 91.8% in jee and 1.21 lakh crl
Ans: Valerica, Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories both Home State (HS) i.e. State you belong to & also Other State (OS).
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in, separately for HS & OS Categories for a quick reference.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.

Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1603 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on May 06, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, as my son Inter bord got 91% but in Jee mains 1st attempt got 50% and 2nd attempt got 70%, but he was not eligible for Advance, and he was wrote other college exams as (IIIT Hyd + VIT+TSEAPCET) in that VIT got results as 1.20 Lakh rank and he was eligible for Round of Category of 5th for VIT-AP & VIT-Bhopal, and expecting results for IIIT Hyd and also waiting for other Exams as (COMEDK + MIT + BITS), he was sincerely trying the efforts private college entrance exams, but the results which is not satisfy for him, and getting disappoint, but I was giving the motivation for other exams and do the hard work and focus on, BITS & IIT-Hyd also very tuff and more competitive, as i need to think for the negative side, if he could not get any cut of marks, what is the next option....? I request you pls give any other alternate suggestions for which is alternate engineering university for the course of (CSE AI & ML), my son interested in CSE course only
Ans: Hello Rakesh
First and foremost, I would like to commend your son for his earnest efforts in preparing for a range of engineering entrance examinations. His dedication is commendable, even if the outcomes so far haven't aligned with expectations. As you’ve mentioned, he has not yet been able to meet the required cutoff, which understandably may lead to feelings of disappointment or frustration.
However, the journey isn't over. Significant opportunities still lie ahead with BITSAT and IIIT-Hyderabad, both of which are known to be less about difficulty and more about testing strategic thinking and conceptual clarity. It appears that your son may be facing challenges in effectively managing the vast syllabus or might not yet have identified the right approach to tackle these competitive exams. Understanding how to study smartly for such tests often makes all the difference.
It’s important to maintain a positive outlook and avoid negative assumptions at this stage. You haven’t mentioned your financial circumstances, but if your son is determined to pursue fields like Computer Science, Artificial Intelligence, or Machine Learning, and if merit-based options don’t materialize, admission through the management quota could be a viable alternative. This route is typically available in reputed private engineering colleges, though it comes with a higher financial commitment.
Before considering this option seriously, I would recommend waiting for the results of all the remaining entrance exams. At the same time, it would be wise to proactively visit a few reputed institutions to inquire about the availability of management quota seats, associated costs, and relevant terms and conditions. Many parents secure such seats early on, anticipating the challenges their child might face in clearing competitive cutoffs.
Stay optimistic, there are still several promising pathways ahead.
Follow me if you like the reply. Thanks
Radheshyam

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x