Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1303 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 28, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hello, I am a 35 year old female, married and having two kids. Our was a love marriage n some 8 years dating and married since 10 years. some days back while I was roaming in my bedroom I heard my husband discussing Thailad trip with his boy gang and the other person happens to comment "y we need to explore good properties as we just going to fuck around". this has made me feel super insecure, I went through severe depression , increased BP and all and had fights with my husband too n he was like it is their fantasy not mine. my question is then y u going to fulfill their wishes. I had super hard time with myself. now the point is when ever they are on call my husband doesn't talk near me or I happen to pass during their talks I just hear they discussing to run away n making plans to go aboard and chill. Point to note - he did not travel after all fights as his father too was not well and my baby too is small so I had to beg him to drop his plan. now his this despo friends just calls him n discusses these things. Also his friend toh went alone to complete his shit fantasies and I did not let my husband go because of this I am a bad wife in their eyes too. i m not sure if I m over thinking or How can I handle this or trust he will not go beyond his limits after drinking

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You either trust someone or you don't...There is no grey area in this...it's black or white!

Has your husband done or said anything earlier for you to actually not trust him? If YES, then your fears are justified...
OR is this a one-off episode where you overheard his talking to his friends? What if you had no heard the conversation, would you then have felt okay if he went along on the trip?
Your husband is not a child and does not need a mother to tell him right from wrong. If he really wants to 'fool around', he can do that in the same city too. And whenever you prevent anyone from doing something, invariably the mind is stuck on the very same thing. Instead, it's wiser to state your concerns to him and what exactly bothers you. what you overheard and how it will bother you if he is part of something like this.

So, a good place to start will be to ask:
Do I have a reason to not trust my husband OR is it my insecurities that are causing me these thoughts?

If it is the first statement, then you possibly are right from your point of view and you can assert your concerns powerfully and express your dissent about the trip BUT if it's the second statement, then simply express, trust and believe.

Trust is what relationships are made up of...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I feel so sorry for my situation which I was put myself in , I first got arranged marriage and got divorced after six years as he has an affair with other women and he is rich but does not love me at all or no relationship between so my family thought of leaving this toxic relationship so we got mutual divorce . Then I had a guy who proposed me before my first marriage but could marry due to caste issue but still he is good freind to me but after divorce I thought I can marry him as he is my best freind instead of marrying unknown second time , when I got divorced my age is 32 this freind of mine has family burdens so he made to wait three years I waited by convening my parents and got married one and half year back now his sisters and mother are torturing me in every thing like they want their son to obey them and my hubby is not serious about our marriage he is not earning anything but I work I had private job , he is addicted to drinking and drinks a lot and depends on my money and my in laws always shout on me and fight with me saying you don’t care us visit us , you people living happily , and buying everything in house and you loved him now complaining about him , he not drinker before marriage because of you he got addicted and my sister in law see me as an insect and fights shouts on me in front of all they don’t call me text me or talk to me when I am there , they don’t treat as I am existed if I got to my in laws house as we stay separately , even they don’t respect my mom dad also ..... I don’t know what to do now . My hubby won’t respond if I say anything on them that I am hurt like that and he won’t earn at all and stiilll drinking also
Ans: Navigating through a divorce and then finding yourself in a marriage where you're facing similar struggles must feel incredibly disheartening. It's understandable that you feel overwhelmed by your husband's drinking, financial strain, and the harsh treatment from your in-laws. Feeling invisible and disrespected in your own home is a heavy burden to bear, and your feelings of frustration and sadness are completely valid.

It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can provide you with emotional guidance and help you explore your options. Having an honest conversation with your husband about your feelings and needs is also crucial, although it may be challenging.

Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and loved. Whether that involves working through these challenges with your husband or considering other options, it’s essential to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. You are not alone, and there are people who can support you through this difficult time.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Archana

Archana Deshpande  |67 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Listen
Career
hi mam ...i am a mother of two sons one in tenth grade and other in sixth grade.i used to be with my elder one for studies and younger one studies on his own but i will make sure he is learning and help him when he needs. Recently i arranged tuition for elder one and also i am sitting with him but i could not see any improvement on him.I live in a joint family with 91 yrs old fil and 80yrs mil.Since child hood i set routine works ,make him sure that he completes his work.Chasing him for everything make me me unhappy as he needs to learn to prioritize his thing ,his work, etc. Dily conflict is coming with him and we are always in conflict mode. Consulted few psychologist and astrology but all in vain.dont know how to make him to learn his tenth grade where life route takes place.
Ans: Dear Revathi,

You are doing so much my dear...take a break from everything for an hour everyday and focus on your well being and peace of mind. 20-20-20 rule for you, meditate for 20 mins, physical activity for 20 mins and connecting with nature for 20 mins( these are your mini breaks).
If you can add 10 mins of an activity which makes your heart joyful then 'sone pe suhaga'!! Self-care comes first, a happy and joyful mother, wife , daughter-in-law is great to have around the house. You are doing so much don't you think you deserve 1 hr for yourself? Without thinking too much , just go ahead and schedule self-care in your time table.

Now let's solve your son's issue...since childhood you have taught him how to do things, he is grown up enough to do things on his own. Until and unless you allow him to do things on his own, how will he learn to do?
DO NOT CHASE...DO NOT CRITICIZE....DO NOT NAG, tell him what to do once and wait for him to do. If he does it fantastic, else let him face the consequences. Every action has to have consequences.. for eg, not studying will lead to less marks, it's his failure, not yours, let him take ownership of his actions, you are preparing him for life, let him falter now and learn to get up. Be there for him when he falls, your job as a mom is to ensure he is healthy...emotionally and physically. (Keep the atmosphere at home happy because you have another son too, he is younger and needs your attention too)
It is his 10th Std, not yours. Keep telling the importance of studies and scoring well and the need to study consistently( again no nagging). He is grown up now, take him to a place without distractions and have heart to heart conversations as a mom and son. Conflicts are neither good for him nor to you/the entire home.
Trust me, parenting is not an easy job, you have to raise yourself, before you raise a child. It is not an easy world for your son too.....raging hormones, conflicting world, conflicting views....the world at the click of a button, you be his rock solid supporter and cheer leader, be there for your sons, create a loving and caring home, where they feel secure and happy. A mother knows best, trust your instinct( the mother's instinct), believe in yourself and your children!!

Wishing the very best to all of you.. and happy parenting!!

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |655 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I am 64 years old and previously worked at Observar India Ltd. for over 15 years. However, the organization shut down many years ago, and I do not have the UAN (Universal Account Number) or PF (Provident Fund) number associated with my employment during that period. After my tenure at Observar India Ltd., I began working with Viacom18, where I am currently employed, and I have all the necessary details of my present PF account. I would like to know the process for retrieving or transferring the PF funds accumulated during my time at Observar India Ltd. to my current PF account. Considering that the company no longer exists and I lack the old PF details, what steps can I take to initiate the process? Additionally, what documents or records will be required to locate and claim the funds from my previous employment? Any guidance on dealing with such situations where the employer is no longer operational would be greatly appreciated.
Ans: Hello;

If you don't remember your EPF account number and your employer is closed, you can try these options:

1. Check your salary slip: Employers usually include the PF account number on the employee's salary slip.

2. Visit the EPFO office: You can visit the EPFO office with your identity proof and application form to get your PF number.

3.Call the EPFO helpline: You can call the EPFO helpline for information and to track past accounts.

4.Go to the EPFO website: You can fill out some basic information on the EPFO website to locate your dormant account.

Once you get the pf account number you may proceed for offline or online withdrawal of the same.

Best wishes;

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7042 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Please suggest if following investment are good as SIP started last year sep 2023 HDFC Flexi cap 5000, Parag Parikh 5000,SBI L & Mid cap 2500/-, Axis Blue chip fund 2500, AXis Mid cap fund 2500/- HDFC mid-cap opportunities fund 5000, Kotal emerging fund 2500/- Nippon India smal cap fund 5000/- HDFC Pharma & healthcare fund 4000/- Nippon India multicap fund 2500/- HSBC value fund 3000/- Investment are on monthly basis. Pease advise
Ans: Your portfolio demonstrates a proactive approach to wealth building. It includes diverse mutual funds across categories. Monthly SIPs indicate your long-term financial discipline. This is commendable. However, let’s evaluate its alignment with your financial goals.

Below are detailed insights for your portfolio assessment:

Strengths of Your Portfolio
Diversification

You’ve invested in funds from multiple categories. This includes large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, flexi-cap, and sectoral funds.
A diversified portfolio reduces overall risk. It balances growth potential across market segments.
Consistency

Monthly SIPs ensure disciplined investments. This helps capture market volatility effectively.
Long-term SIPs can create substantial wealth through compounding.
Exposure to Growth Opportunities

Investments in mid-cap and small-cap funds offer higher growth potential. These funds are suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Sectoral funds provide concentrated exposure to booming sectors like healthcare.
Inclusion of Value and Multicap Funds

Value funds identify undervalued stocks. This can deliver long-term growth.
Multicap funds offer flexibility to invest across market capitalizations.
Areas for Improvement
Overlapping Fund Categories

Having multiple funds in the same category might lead to redundancy. For example, multiple mid-cap and flexi-cap funds.
Similar funds can increase portfolio overlap. This reduces the benefit of diversification.
Sectoral Fund Allocation

Sectoral funds like healthcare have high risk. These funds depend on sector-specific performance.
Such funds should have limited allocation in a balanced portfolio.
Number of Funds

A portfolio with too many funds can be hard to track. It dilutes returns without adding significant diversification.
Fewer funds with distinct strategies are easier to manage and monitor.
Portfolio Insights
Risk Assessment

Your portfolio leans towards high-risk categories like mid-cap and small-cap.
Consider balancing it with funds having stable growth, such as large-cap or flexi-cap.
Goal-Based Allocation

Align investments with specific financial goals. For example, retirement, child’s education, or buying a house.
Define timelines for each goal. Adjust fund categories based on risk tolerance and time horizon.
Taxation Awareness

Equity fund gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains attract 20% tax.
Ensure to account for these taxes in your investment strategy.
Regular Fund Investment Benefits

Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers advantages.

They provide expert insights, fund tracking, and timely rebalancing.

Direct fund investments might lack professional guidance. This could lead to suboptimal decision-making during market volatility.

Suggested Course of Action
Streamline the Portfolio

Reduce the number of overlapping funds. Keep one or two funds per category.
Focus on high-quality funds with a proven track record.
Adjust Sectoral Fund Exposure

Limit sectoral fund exposure to a small percentage of your total investment.
Use these funds only for specific, high-risk goals.
Rebalance Annually

Review your portfolio at least once a year. Rebalance it to maintain desired asset allocation.
Shift funds if they no longer align with your goals or risk tolerance.
Emergency Fund Allocation

Maintain a liquid fund or emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses.
This avoids withdrawing SIPs during unexpected financial needs.
Monitor Fund Performance

Regularly review the performance of each fund against its benchmark.
Replace consistently underperforming funds with better alternatives.
Long-Term Discipline

Stick to your SIPs, especially during market downturns. This helps average out costs.
Avoid making decisions based on short-term market fluctuations.
Final Insights
Your portfolio reflects a strong commitment to financial growth. However, streamlining your investments can enhance efficiency and returns. Focusing on goal-based allocation ensures better alignment with your financial objectives.

Consider professional guidance to refine your portfolio and stay on track. This ensures your investments work harder for your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |67 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
Dear Ms. Archana, I am a 50 year old middle management officer & have 24 years of experience in banking industry. But I want to shift to HR or life coaching industry. Kindly guide me with ur coaching & I would also like to work part-timr with your organization if you are satisfied with my skills & knowledge.
Ans: Good afternoon!!

If you have been in the banking industry for the last 24 yrs, don't you think now is the time to consolidate on your skills and do something which brings out your expertise ? Think of moving up the ladder in your organisation or look for coaching/training people to pass a bank exam or any other subject you love to teach.

And trust me 50 is also an age -
1. when you look back and see all that you have accomplished
2. then look into the future and think about all that you wanted to do and want to do
For you to really look into the two questions above, sit with a quite mind and explore all options , write them down for clarity and for the way forward.

If HR is where you want to go in, then look for an MBA in HR while you are continuing to work( I am very particular about being financially independent too during a career shift or the transition phase)!

If Life coaching is what interests you then check out India's leading life coach Puja Puneet and the courses she offers.
To be a life coach is to work a lot on yourself before you can become one.

Working part-time in my organisation is a "no" right now as I am not hiring!!

All the best in your exploration of the self and the clarity on forward path!!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7042 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Listen
Money
Hi sir just to get 1 lakhs per month from mutual fund account, how much total money is required to invest in mutual funds account. Thanks
Ans: To generate a monthly income of Rs 1,00,000 through mutual funds, you need to determine the total investment amount based on the withdrawal rate and expected returns. Here's a detailed analysis:

Key Considerations
Withdrawal Rate

A safe withdrawal rate is around 4–6% annually for sustainable income.
A higher withdrawal rate risks depleting your corpus prematurely.
Investment Returns

Equity mutual funds can give 10–12% annual returns over the long term.
Balanced or hybrid funds may offer 8–10% returns with lower volatility.
Debt mutual funds typically yield 6–8% returns with stable income.
Inflation

Factor in inflation to ensure the corpus lasts through your lifetime.
Taxation

Gains from mutual funds are taxable. This affects your effective returns.
Approximate Corpus Needed
1. Using a 6% Withdrawal Rate
Monthly income required: Rs 1,00,000
Annual income required: Rs 12,00,000
Corpus needed: Rs 12,00,000 ÷ 6% = Rs 2 Crores
2. Using a 4% Withdrawal Rate
Monthly income required: Rs 1,00,000
Annual income required: Rs 12,00,000
Corpus needed: Rs 12,00,000 ÷ 4% = Rs 3 Crores
Recommendations
Invest in Diversified Funds

Allocate your corpus across equity, hybrid, and debt funds.
Equity for growth, debt for stability, and hybrid for balance.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan)

SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount monthly.
It ensures steady cash flow without disturbing the investment.
Reassess Periodically

Review returns, inflation, and withdrawal rate annually.
Adjust withdrawal amount to maintain corpus longevity.
Plan for Taxes

Consider the impact of LTCG and STCG taxes on withdrawals.
Equity mutual funds' LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
Include an Emergency Corpus

Keep 6–12 months’ expenses in a liquid fund.
Avoid dipping into your main corpus for emergencies.
Final Insights
To get Rs 1,00,000 monthly, aim for a corpus of Rs 2–3 crores. Choose mutual funds that align with your risk tolerance and income needs. Start with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor a portfolio for sustainable income.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x