Hello, I am 32 year male, got married last year almost a year now. My wife has not been able to perform intercourse with me since our marriage, we both are virgin. She is having fear of penetrating and also even if I try to perform fingerring, she feels pain and feels irritation there. We both are happy couple but I am worried how to go ahead as I already tried water based lubricant, forplay everything. Please suggest.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Immediately after delivery the hormones in a woman's body get more attuned to nurturing and caring for the baby, so that baby is not deprive of the mother's love and can grow and develop.
But if it's still like that even now, it can be more an emotional response to something that is still triggering her.
Is she too tired from household chores?
Is she the only one managing the child all day?
Do you connect with her outside of the bedroom like holding hands, cuddling or simply laughing together?
When was the last time you appreciated her or complimented her?
Do you share the household responsibilities?
Do the two of you spend time alone without the child with you at all times?

Intimacy in the bedroom first begins outside the bedroom where emotional aspects are what a woman look for like care, love, attention and a lot of support. This is where men can fall short and feel rejected. There is no need to look at it as rejection now that you know what can be done.
Also I suggest that a thorough check-up to rule out any physical ailment that might be keeping her away from intimacy. Having said this, be patient and supportive and do not bring up this lack of sex again and again in front of her; it will only push her away as though she is being asked to perform. So be patient and caring and allow Nature to take its course.

All the best!

Ans: Post menopausal women go through certain changes in their genital tract due to hormonal imbalances.
She would need natural progesterone cream which will be available in medical stores. Please consult her Gynae

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's obviously an issue when it comes to sexual intimacy. But when you are very strictly focused on something not happening, it becomes stress and sexual intimacy in stress never happens.
If there is no medical issue, then it's purely about indulging in a lot of foreplay, a lot emotional bonding and most importantly learn to laugh a lot together. This releases a lot of strain and stress if any from both of you as a couple which in turn will help in intimacy.
If this still doesn't work, do get a medical opinion on any possible reasons that maybe preventing either of you from enjoying the process.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/