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Can I marry a divorced woman with a child and financial difficulties?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |612 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Expert, I am in a committed relationship with a divorced woman who has a 6-year-old daughter. We have known each other for six years and became deeply involved in relationship after her divorce, which was finalized a year ago. She is currently 23 years old and was married at the age of 14. She endured domestic harassment during her marriage, leading to a separation, and has been living apart from her ex-husband for the past four years before their legal divorce. Presently, she has no source of income and relies on her parents, who themselves face financial difficulties. Despite these challenges, we both wish to marry and build a life together. However, I am facing some concerns that I hope you can help me address: I am uncertain about how to approach my parents regarding our relationship, given her previous marriage, her young child, and her challenging circumstances. Her ex-husband is my colleague and is currently unaware of our relationship. I fear that he will react negatively, potentially tarnishing my and my family’s reputation among friends and relatives or even attempting to harass us in the future. I'm seeking your guidance on the following: 1. Is marrying her and embracing this responsibility a prudent decision, considering her past and the challenges we may face? 2. How can I effectively address her ex-husband's behavior and protect our relationship and my and family's reputation? 3. What strategies can I use to gain my parents' understanding, acceptance, and support? 4. How can we ensure a strong and healthy future together, considering the complexities of our situation?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Let me address your issues one by one
1. Is marrying her and embracing this responsibility a prudent decision, considering her past and the challenges we may face?
I can't tell if it is prudent but I don't see it to be a dangerous decision as well. Yes, I understand your concerns, but you have been with her for a long time now. You must have considered all of these concerns beforehand. But if you think you are not sure, I would suggest you don't keep her hanging with hope. Discuss the doubts and concerns directly with her.

2. How can I effectively address her ex-husband's behavior and protect our relationship and my and family's reputation?
Her previous marriage involved domestic harassment and that's how the relationship ended. You had no part in it. You came into the picture after their separation. Why should her husband have any say in her life after divorce? Be strict with him from the very beginning. As a part of courtesy, you can let him know that you are considering marrying his ex, but besides that, you owe him no explanation.

3. What strategies can I use to gain my parents' understanding, acceptance, and support?
Highlight the positives in your partner; let them know how happy she makes you and how much she means to you. Parents being unsupportive in such cases are very common, but with some persistent counseling from your end can make things work out in your favor.

4. How can we ensure a strong and healthy future together, considering the complexities of our situation?
The complexities of the situation don't necessarily have to play part in your future together. Let her move on from this past and if anything, you should help her move past this divorce and harassment instead of bringing that into the future. Yes, it is a part of who she is, but is so much more than just a divorcee and a very young mother; she is the person you fell for- there must be some solid reason for that. After all, you fell knowing all the complexities. That makes her even more special. All you have to do is remember those.

Hope this helps.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 11, 2023

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Hello, I am 45 yrs old, divorced , in love with 29 yrs old girl. We deeply are in love with each other, however Girl’s Parents are not agreeing to our marriage, citing age gap. It’s been 2.5 yrs, have met her Parents many times at their home. Her Parents consider me as a nice guy , but the age gap factor is not letting them to approve our relationship. Am seriously stressed and want to wary that girl only. Request you to kindly suggest 🙏
Ans: It can be challenging when families do not approve of a relationship due to age differences or other factors. However, it's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to enter into a relationship and get married is a personal one that should be based on the feelings and desires of the two people involved.

It's important to continue to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend and her parents about your feelings and intentions. Try to listen to their concerns and address them in a respectful and thoughtful way. It may also be helpful to enlist the support of a neutral third party, such as a family counselor or mediator, who can help facilitate a productive conversation between you and your girlfriend's parents.

However, it's also important to recognize that ultimately, you cannot control the decisions of others. If your girlfriend's parents continue to disapprove of the relationship, it may be necessary to consider whether the relationship is sustainable in the long term. It's important to consider not only your feelings for each other, but also the practical realities of your situation and whether you can build a fulfilling and happy life together despite any external challenges.

Ultimately, it's up to you and your girlfriend to decide what is best for your relationship and your future. It may be helpful to continue to work on building a strong foundation of trust, communication, and mutual support, regardless of the outcome with her parents.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |612 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 27, 2024Hindi
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Hello everyone who sees this post! I've a very unique dilemma to deal with, but I'm sure someone could help me! I (M23) am in a relationship with this girl(F23) for 5 years and in the first 3 months I've told both of our parents her and mine that we're in a relationship, but my parents won't agree for her and her parents wants me to marry her daughter immediately (meaning just after I told them we're in a relationship that was 4 years back and PS:- I'm not yet married) So yeah, I didn't want to upset either one (my parents/ her parents/ her) so I somehow found a middle ground and persuaded mine & her parents for an engagement and wait for marriage till I earn. But now my parents don't want us to meet till I get a decent career/job. (That too can be a hoax) And this action is making her/parents to conclude that they (my parents) want us to get separated. So now, I must either listen to my parents (who wants their sons best is what I believe) or her/parents (who wants the best for this relationship). I don't know what to do, and yeah this is a brief! If someone could advice me I'll tell all the details so it would be easy for gurus to sum up an advice.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This sounds like a challenging situation and I understand the pressure you must be feeling; being torn between the expectations of your parents and your partner is not a pleasant feeling.

Here are a few things you can consider doing-

• Talk to your parents. I am sure you have done it but this time, do it with an open mind and put in the effort to understand their perspective. As you mentioned, they must have the best of your intention in mind. Ask them why they are hesitant about the relationship and also give you a solution where you can keep both them and your partner happy. This conversation can make them feel valued and they will also know that you want to keep them in the loop.
• Do the same with your partner and her parents. Let them give you a solution too. Explain the pressure you are experiencing and explain how some of your parent's concerns are valid. We cannot really deny that being financially stable is very important before getting married.
• Based on the conversations, set realistic goals. It can be achieving some career milestone, saving a certain amount to get married, or a date before which you will try to be financially independent. This will show all parties involved that you are serious about your commitment.
• Of course, it is important to value everyone's feelings, but it is equally important to take yours into account. Communicating with everyone will allow you to look at the matter from different perspectives but the ultimate decision must be yours. While you respect everyone's wishes, you should also prioritize your own.

If you feel the stress is overwhelming, do not shy away from seeking help.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |612 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am writing to seek advice on a personal matter that has been weighing heavily on me. Several years ago, I became close to a neighbor who was in a very difficult situation. She was married at a very young age (around 14) and has a young child (now 6 years old). Her husband, who is much older (34 years old), was abusive, often drinking and mistreating her in front of others. She lost all her freedom and was unable to express her pain to him. As her neighbor, I witnessed these daily struggles and tried to support her whenever her husband was not around. Over time, we developed a deep connection, and she expressed that she wanted only two things in life: her child and me. We have been in a relationship for almost five years. To help her, I arranged for her to stay with her parents in a distant village, far from her husband. Despite the distance and the challenges, I supported her financially and emotionally. She eventually filed for divorce, and I assisted her throughout the legal process. After the divorce, she moved to a different location, and our communication ceased. I later learned that she was trying to enjoy the freedom she had missed, engaging in activities like visiting beauty parlors and socializing. Currently, she is not responding to my calls and has disconnected from me entirely. She is living with her child and relying on her parents for financial support. My attempts to meet or communicate with her have been unsuccessful, and I am deeply troubled by this situation. I am struggling with her memories and the sudden distance she has created between us. Now, I face pressure from my parents and relatives to get married, but I am conflicted. I care deeply for her and worry about her future, especially since she has no stable income. I am unsure how to proceed, as I do not want her to suffer, but I also cannot ignore my family's wishes. I am reaching out to you for guidance. How should I navigate this difficult situation? I want to make a decision that is best for both of us, but I am struggling to find the right path. Thank you for your time and understanding.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

First of all, I am so glad she found someone as amazing and supportive as you in her time of need. I understand that you are going through a difficult time and it is also understandable that the sudden distance between the two of you has taken a toll on you. From a general well-wisher’s perspective, I would say you did a great job but now, maybe, it is time for you to move on because she does not seem to want to pursue a relationship with you. Now, that is just a general well-wisher’s perspective. There might be a lot of things that we are missing. She might be interested but conflicted because of her child, because of where she is coming from, or she might be merely more in love with freedom than you. Each one of the reasons is completely valid. So instead of taking an emotional call, your best bet is to be logical and weigh the pros and cons-

1. Take some time to understand your feelings- do you want her to be with you or are you more concerned about her well-being? These two do not have to be mutually exclusive, but which is more important will guide you to make the right call.
2. I am sure you have tried to communicate with her, but try it once again and this time, instead of asking for an explanation or expressing how her absence is making you feel, tell her that you understand and wanted to let her know that you are happy that she is happy. Sometimes acceptance can do wonders.
3. Give her space. She has been in bounds for the longest time. How precious freedom is, only the ones who have been captive can understand. Understand that this is not about you; it is about her.
4. Now, if you have a family member you can trust, share your story with them. See how they react to it. You will get a rough idea of how the rest of the family will take the news of you wanting to commit to her. If it isn’t positive, it might not be a good idea to put her through it after all she suffered.
5. But even if you decide to respect your family’s wishes, you do not need to rush. Explain to them that you need time.
6. Don’t rush even if you get a positive response from both her and your family. Take the time to comprehend if a future with her will be aligned with your preferences, goals, and values.

Ultimately, the decision should be yours and yours only. It should be according to your values and not family or societal pressure.

Also, please feel free to consult a professional counselor who can help you in this situation in a more structured way.

Best Wishes.

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How should I prefer among these choices I am a girl from gujarat IT at A D Patel institute of technology vallabhvidhynagar Electrical engineering at GCET v v nagar Electrical engineering at Charusat changa Electrical engineering at IITRAM ahmedabad Electronics and communication engineering at L J Institute of technology Mechanical at Charusat Changa
Ans: All six options offer AICTE-approved, NBA-/NAAC-accredited curricula, modern laboratories, PhD-qualified faculty, active industry collaborations and placement cells. IT at A D Patel Institute of Technology (ADIT) provides cutting-edge software-development, networking and cybersecurity labs, strong CVM-CVMU backing and 75–80% placement consistency. Electrical Engineering at GCET boasts power-systems, control-systems and instrumentation labs, a focused EE department under CVM University and 70% placements with recruiters like Infosys, Torrent Power and TCS. Charusat’s EE programme at CSPIT features AI/ML, EV-systems and power-electronics labs, minor specializations, industry-supported internships and 85% placement rates. Mechanical Engineering at Charusat offers CNC machining, thermal-systems and materials labs, robust project support and 78% placement eligibility. IITRAM Ahmedabad’s EE stream, an emerging Institute of National Importance, delivers industrial internships, advanced power and infrastructure labs, median salary of ?8.84 L and 90% branch-wise placements. ECE at L J Institute of Technology Ahmedabad leverages 95% CSE/ECE placements, specialized VLSI and embedded-systems labs, global tie-ups and active alumni support.

Recommendation: Prioritize IITRAM Ahmedabad EE for its supernumerary IIT status, superior median salary and 90% placement consistency; next, opt for LJ Institute ECE for its 95% placements and autonomous labs; follow with ADIT IT for its balanced curriculum and 75–80% placements; then choose GCET EE for its focused power-engineering exposure; consider Charusat EE for its specialized AI/ML and EV-systems tracks; finally, select Charusat Mechanical for its foundational labs and 78% placement eligibility. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Hello sir, How should I prefer among these choices I am a girl from gujarat IT at A D Patel institute of technology vallabhvidhynagar Electrical engineering at GCET v v nagar Electrical engineering at Charusat changa Electrical engineering at IITRAM ahmedabad Electronics and communication engineering at L J Institute of technology Mechanical at Charusat Changa
Ans: All six options offer AICTE-approved, NBA-/NAAC-accredited curricula, modern laboratories, PhD-qualified faculty, active industry collaborations and placement cells. IT at A D Patel Institute of Technology (ADIT) provides cutting-edge software-development, networking and cybersecurity labs, strong CVM-CVMU backing and 75–80% placement consistency. Electrical Engineering at GCET boasts power-systems, control-systems and instrumentation labs, a focused EE department under CVM University and 70% placements with recruiters like Infosys, Torrent Power and TCS. Charusat’s EE programme at CSPIT features AI/ML, EV-systems and power-electronics labs, minor specializations, industry-supported internships and 85% placement rates. Mechanical Engineering at Charusat offers CNC machining, thermal-systems and materials labs, robust project support and 78% placement eligibility. IITRAM Ahmedabad’s EE stream, an emerging Institute of National Importance, delivers industrial internships, advanced power and infrastructure labs, median salary of ?8.84 L and 90% branch-wise placements. ECE at L J Institute of Technology Ahmedabad leverages 95% CSE/ECE placements, specialized VLSI and embedded-systems labs, global tie-ups and active alumni support.

Recommendation: Prioritize IITRAM Ahmedabad EE for its supernumerary IIT status, superior median salary and 90% placement consistency; next, opt for LJ Institute ECE for its 95% placements and autonomous labs; follow with ADIT IT for its balanced curriculum and 75–80% placements; then choose GCET EE for its focused power-engineering exposure; consider Charusat EE for its specialized AI/ML and EV-systems tracks; finally, select Charusat Mechanical for its foundational labs and 78% placement eligibility. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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My son getting mechanical in VIT vellore & CSE in VIT bhopal, which is better , dont have amy branch preference. Mechanical in VIT vellore or in Manipal Which one is better if opting for mechanical?
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Recommendation: For higher placement consistency, a broader recruiter network, and slightly stronger average packages in core engineering, choose MIT Manipal Mechanical; if you prioritize VIT’s brand recognition and its specific automotive-industry connections, opt for VIT Vellore Mechanical, balancing lower placement rates with targeted internships. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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