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Should I be offended if my brother's wife prefers to sit in the backseat of my car?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1480 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

One day my mom asked me to drop my brothers wife somewhere i obliged. When I bought my car to drop her off she asked me if she could sit in the backseat instead of riding shotgun this hurt me and me feel uncomfortable but I tired not to show it and just dropped her off. I am not a driver and she makes me feel uncomfortable like this many a times what should I do.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You simply talk to your brother's wife and tell her how her behavior is making you feel. Also, not many people understand that sitting at the backseat gives different roles to the one who is driving and to the one who is sitting behind. So, it may just be a matter of expressing and being clear.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1480 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 07, 2023

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I am brought up in a middle class family where both my parents were working. I am the elder sister and I have a younger brother. Since childhood i feel that my mother has given more time and efforts towards my brother. When he asks something he gets it and when I ask I'm told that it's not required. My mother pretends that she treats both of us equal but i can feel the difference. I'm currently married with a 4 year old kid. My husband is very loving and we have a happy family. My issue now begins when my mother comes to stay/visit us. She begins pointing faults and imposing decisions on us. She does that same with my husband and he doesn't like it either. My mother wants to prove herself right even if she is wrong and will never accept her faults. She is interfering with my child's upbringing too. She will never ever behave like that with my brother. I won't deny the fact that she comes to help when I need since I have no inlaws but just because she knows that we need her she will try to dominate over us. One example is that when my child was 10 months i got a potty seat and she never let me put my kid on it saying that kid is too young and because of this my kid never sat in toilet till he turned 4 years. Another is that she used to feed my son only biscuits all the time even when I used to oppose. Also, once she fed my son ice cream when he was 1 year old and my child developed fever next day and she put blame on me saying I took him our for walk in the evening hence my child got fever. When I used silicon brush to brush my kids teeth she stopped me saying there's no need to brush before 1 month when i objected and continued doing it she blamed .e whenever my kid cried saying that his gums are hurting because you brushed his teeth. Many more such incidents where she puts blame on me and tries to prove me wrong She will almost daily try n tell me that my husband is blaming her for groceries getting over/ equipment not working etc which I know my husband does not (he is very kind hearted ) and she just keeps all this misunderstanding in her head. Many times I've clarified by talking to both of them together. Now, my husband is going out of town and again my mother will be coming. I'm fed-up of these fights n arguments but when in emergency i have to rely on her but she takes full advantage of the fact that I need her. I can't take this anymore and its affecting my mental health
Ans: Dear Leena,
I hear you!
But do allow me to give you a perspective. Relationships are never easy to maintain and manage as they involve emotions and layers through it all. Mothers can at times see their daughters as people who they need to groom for life. It's possible that your mother is doing the same thing. She has made it her sole responsibility to continue to groom you so that you earn a good name in your husband's household. This isn't me saying it, it's the way age-old beliefs could be seeping through your mother.
Now, it has become an interference and it must be conveyed to her. At first, it will hurt her and she might react to it by reminding you of all the sacrifices that she has made in order to raise you; but mind you, be steady in what you convey.
She will eventually understand that her daughter does not need to be monitored and taught to lead her life, but just needs a support system around her. Of course, there might be a withdrawal when she has to help you, but be firm on how you would like be treated from now on.
Polite yet firm is something that works well to avoid conflicts within relationships; so use that well.
Also, the differentiation between you and your brother might just be that she gives you tough love. Tough love is shown by a parent/authority figure to another in order to toughen the other person up and in severe cases it may result in submissiveness. In your case, it is likely that she has a certain belief on how boys and girls must be raised. It will change only when she changes her belief. For now, focus on creating a better environment at home by taking charge and being polite and firm with your mother.
And do know, at the end of the day, she is a mother....love sets everything right.
All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am from Middle class family. Our parents, 2 brothers, my sister and Me.My Father is no more and my mom lives alone. She does not want to stay with any of us. We all live out of country and my mother lives in India. My mother is not dependent on us financially and she can manage on her own and does not expect money from any of us. She is getting old and we need to take care of her, but I feel I am only one who checks on her and arranges for any small things she needs. My sibling don't even talk about it, I feel they think if they talk about it then they have do something. Like every other old person my mother and me have a lot of differences on everything like managing finances, or renewing something or going to hospital etc and I become the bad person because of these matters. My siblings don't get involved they just call her once a while and talk for while and manage to stay in her good books. I know that it is my duty to take care of her but I feel not appreciated or rejected when she ignores all the things I do for her when others don't. She is also old school and favors boys over girls and reject me saying that I am from a different family and always guilt traps me saying that she educated me but i earn and spent on my husband family. She hates my in-laws, but they are nice people and my husband is very supportive. Since it is my mother I don't tell these issues to anyone even my husband and it is destroying my Peace.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your relationship with your mother. It can be challenging when there are differences in opinions and expectations, especially when it comes to caregiving and managing family dynamics. Here are a few suggestions that might help you navigate this situation:

Communication: It's important to have open and honest communication with your mother. Try to express your feelings calmly and respectfully, and listen to her perspective as well. Sharing your concerns and thoughts can help create a better understanding between both of you.

Seek support: While you may not want to burden your husband with these issues, it's still essential to have someone to talk to and seek support from. Consider confiding in a close friend or a counselor who can provide an objective viewpoint and offer guidance on how to cope with the emotional stress.

Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is crucial in any relationship. Make it clear to your mother what you can and cannot do, taking into account your own personal and family commitments. It's important to find a balance between caring for her and taking care of yourself and your own family.

Sibling involvement: If you feel overwhelmed and alone in taking care of your mother, you can try to involve your siblings more actively in the process. Have an open conversation with them, express your concerns, and see if they can contribute in any way, whether it's by providing emotional support or assisting with certain responsibilities.

Patience and empathy: Understand that your mother's behavior and expectations may be influenced by her upbringing, cultural beliefs, and personal experiences. Try to approach situations with empathy, even if it's challenging. Remember that she may be experiencing her own struggles and fears as she grows older.

Self-care: Taking care of your own well-being is essential. Ensure that you make time for yourself, engage in activities that bring you joy, and maintain a healthy work-life balance. By taking care of yourself, you'll be better equipped to handle the challenges that arise in your relationship with your mother.

Remember, it's normal to feel frustrated and emotionally drained in such situations. However, with patience, understanding, and effective communication, you may be able to improve your relationship with your mother and find a balance that works for both of you.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7820 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 30, 2025Hindi
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I am 27 years old with 2 cr corpus to invest planning to retire at the age of 35 can realistically consider??
Ans: You have built an impressive corpus of Rs 2 crore at 27. This is a great achievement.

Planning to retire at 35 is ambitious, but not impossible. It requires careful investment, expense control, and passive income generation.

Let’s evaluate if your corpus is enough for lifelong financial security.

Key Strengths in Your Plan
Strong starting corpus of Rs 2 crore at a young age.

A long investment horizon for wealth compounding.

No mention of liabilities, which keeps finances flexible.

Time to take calculated risks, as you have many earning years ahead.

Challenges to Consider
Retiring at 35 means funding expenses for 50+ years.

Inflation will significantly reduce purchasing power over time.

Medical costs will increase as you age, requiring a long-term plan.

You need passive income sources, as early retirement stops active earnings.

Investment growth must outpace withdrawals, or funds will deplete early.

Critical Factors for Early Retirement
1. Expected Monthly Expenses After Retirement
Your current expenses will rise due to inflation.

Lifestyle, travel, and healthcare costs will add to financial pressure.

Unexpected emergencies require backup funds.

You need a sustainable withdrawal plan to avoid exhausting your corpus.

2. Investment Growth vs. Inflation
A major risk is slow portfolio growth against rising expenses.

Bank FDs and conservative instruments won’t sustain early retirement.

Actively managed mutual funds provide better long-term returns.

Avoid index funds, as they lack flexibility in volatile markets.

Your portfolio should have growth and stability in the right proportion.

3. Sustainable Withdrawal Strategy
You need income-generating investments to replace active earnings.

Systematic withdrawals from mutual funds can support expenses.

A portion of funds should stay in equity for long-term growth.

Debt funds and fixed-income instruments can provide stability.

Avoid high-risk investments, as capital preservation is crucial.

Is Rs 2 Crore Enough to Retire at 35?
If your monthly expense is Rs 1 lakh, it will grow with inflation.

Your corpus should sustain withdrawals for at least 50 years.

A mix of growth and income investments will improve longevity.

A structured asset allocation plan is necessary for risk management.

Working with a Certified Financial Planner will help optimise your strategy.

Steps to Strengthen Your Retirement Plan
1. Increase Your Investments Till 35
Keep investing aggressively till retirement.

SIP contributions should increase yearly, based on income growth.

Avoid direct funds, as regular funds with CFP guidance perform better.

Diversify between equity and debt funds for stability.

2. Build Passive Income Sources
Dividend-paying funds can provide stable returns.

Rental income is unreliable due to maintenance costs and tenant risks.

A withdrawal strategy from mutual funds ensures liquidity.

A mix of growth and income funds will sustain long-term cash flow.

3. Plan for Medical and Emergency Expenses
Health insurance is important, but personal medical reserves are also needed.

Unexpected health issues can disrupt finances if not planned.

A dedicated medical fund ensures long-term security.

Finally
Rs 2 crore is a great start, but more investment is needed before retiring at 35.

You must grow your corpus aggressively over the next 8 years.

Avoid index funds and direct plans, as active management provides better results.

Create a structured withdrawal plan to avoid running out of money early.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner to build a sustainable early retirement plan.

With the right asset allocation and investment discipline, early retirement is possible.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7820 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

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Money
I am 37 years old with 75 lakhs in equity, 6 lakhs in bonds and 3 lakhs in emergency fund. I don't own a home . Living in rental house. Monthly salary is 1.5 lakhs with savings of 60k per month. Have three kids of 7 year and twins 1 years . How can I plan my financial situation.
Ans: Your financial situation is stable, and your savings rate is good. You have a strong base in equity and a small portion in bonds. Since you have three young children, long-term planning is critical. Below is a structured financial plan for you.

1. Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
Equity investments: Rs 75L

Bonds: Rs 6L

Emergency fund: Rs 3L

Monthly salary: Rs 1.5L

Monthly savings: Rs 60K

Living in a rental house

Three children: 7-year-old and 1-year-old twins

You have a good salary and savings rate. Your equity exposure is high, but bonds and emergency funds are low. You need to focus on asset allocation, risk management, and future expenses.

2. Setting Up a Strong Emergency Fund
Emergency funds should cover at least 12 months of expenses.

You currently have Rs 3L, which may not be enough.

Increase it to at least Rs 12L.

Keep it in a mix of liquid funds and bank FDs.

This will protect you from sudden financial shocks.

3. Asset Allocation for Stability
Your current portfolio is heavily tilted towards equity.

You need to balance risk by adding more bonds and fixed-income instruments.

Maintain at least 20-25% of your portfolio in debt.

Increase investments in bonds, debt funds, and other safe instruments.

This will provide stability during market downturns.

4. Future Education Expenses
Your children’s education will be a major expense.

Start a dedicated investment plan for their higher education.

Use a mix of equity mutual funds and debt funds.

Increase allocation as your income grows.

Avoid investment-linked insurance policies.

Planning now will reduce financial stress later.

5. Retirement Planning
You need a strong retirement corpus.

Continue investing in equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Increase your SIPs every year.

Add some allocation to debt to reduce risk as you age.

Do not rely on real estate for retirement income.

Early planning will give you financial freedom.

6. Life and Health Insurance
With three children, life insurance is critical.

Get a term insurance plan with a high sum assured.

Avoid ULIPs and endowment policies.

Health insurance should cover all family members.

Get a super top-up policy for extra coverage.

Proper insurance will secure your family’s future.

7. Investing Your Monthly Savings
Rs 60K savings per month is good, but it should be structured well.

Allocate funds to equity, debt, and emergency reserves.

Increase equity investments through SIPs in actively managed funds.

Avoid index funds due to their rigid structure.

Invest in actively managed funds through a CFP-certified MFD.

A structured investment plan will maximize returns.

8. Planning for Children’s Marriage
Children’s weddings can be a large expense.

Start a dedicated investment for this goal.

Invest in balanced funds to reduce risk.

Increase allocation as the event gets closer.

Early planning will help you manage this cost easily.

9. Managing Rent vs. Buying a Home
You are currently living in a rental house.

Avoid emotional decisions when buying a home.

Consider renting if it is more cost-effective.

Focus on liquidity and flexibility.

This approach will help you maintain financial stability.

10. Tax Planning
Use tax-saving instruments efficiently.

Maximize deductions under Section 80C and 80D.

Invest in ELSS funds for tax benefits.

Avoid tax-inefficient investments like traditional insurance plans.

Proper tax planning will increase your net savings.

11. Periodic Review of Your Portfolio
Financial planning is not a one-time activity.

Review your portfolio every year.

Adjust asset allocation based on market conditions.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for better insights.

Regular review will ensure you stay on track.

Finally
Your financial journey is strong, but improvements are needed. You must balance risk and plan for future expenses. Continue disciplined investing and review your plan regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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