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Should I marry a man who prioritizes his brother over our future?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |368 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 16, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2024Hindi
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My boyfriend,aged 34 has an older brother who has 2 daughters and wife .My bf parents are no more. My BF wants to marry me but he has no saving ,no mutual funds and no property. When I ask my BF to start concentrating on his own life instead of helping him financially,he gets irritated. His elder brother is deals in visa business,but he didn't helped my BF for thesame.My BF is very bothered and wanted to contribute for his brother's kid and future,funds and education,but I haven't felt same excitement when discussing future with me. I am very confused,I love him but I want him to focus on himself and his future financially.I can sense something awkward in his family relations but if I get married I don't want all of this message. We have communicated on the same but he gets hurts everytime . What should I do

Ans: You're in a tough spot where your boyfriend's focus on supporting his brother's family is overshadowing his attention to your future together. It seems like he feels responsible for his brother’s kids, especially since their parents are no longer around, but this comes at the expense of his own financial planning and goals with you. While it's admirable that he wants to help, it’s essential for him to also prioritize the future you're trying to build together.

The fact that he gets irritated when you bring this up may suggest guilt or a deeper emotional attachment to his brother's family. However, a successful partnership requires shared goals, including financial stability. If he continues to avoid conversations about your future and gets hurt without making changes, this could point to deeper compatibility issues.

You’ve voiced your concerns, and it’s important to be clear about your needs and expectations. If he’s unwilling to focus on your shared future, you might need to question how committed he is to building a life with you. It’s essential that both of you are on the same page before moving forward, or this dynamic could lead to more tension down the road. Trust your instincts, and don’t hesitate to reconsider the relationship if your needs aren't being met.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

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Me(20 year) and my boyfriend(23 year) were in serious relationship about 2 years now. I am a student persuing my bachelor's in computer science in other hand my bf is working in his father's company which is a average company with less amount of profit . He completed diploma in mechanic and now earning 35K per month. Before starting of relationship i told him about that I have an idea about settling in abroad country and that's my dream. At that time he said ok we can both work together to achieve that. Years passed in Feb 2023 his mom decided to buy a villa worth of 60L ( which is not at all necessary now ). Here comes the problem they were planned to buy 60L villa by housing EMI( *EMI is paid for 20 years*) . He and his mom who's gonna be paying the EMI ( *his father is not willing to pay the debt*). And also he is spending 7k for petrol for his bike. Till now he has no savings. I don't want to start my life with debt. And also even if I got abroad job offer, he is not willing to move with me in abroad. Now he's saying that I should wait 10 years for him to develope the company. But i don't have that much time. I don't know what to do 😔😔?
Ans: Dear Aarya,
Time moves and so do people move along with the situations that they face.
Yes, you had both decided life in a particular way; but now it has suddenly shifted to something else. Why they want the Villa with so much of debt mounting, is their decision!
But you can certainly decide if you want to start your life with that debt, repay it along with them, give up on your dreams of living abroad? You can decide it NOW. Your decision will determine your life's path. So choose and decide very wisely.
You have a job offer on hand; so is it going to be life with your boyfriend in debt or starting life afresh on your own terms. Weigh the pros and cons of both and choose wisely.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi there, I have many things going in my life right now and I’m confused what to do, first thing I’m in a relationship with a man who’s 7 years older than me and is also not earning much, we are from different religions. Now as I’m 25 my parents are asking me to get married but some how I’m avoiding it, I’m currently living with them and I’m constant with growth in my career so they also want me to look for better opportunities. The thing is my boyfriend is also in the same city and I’m sad about going far away. He’s very supportive and motivates me to look further opportunities. But again my parents want an answer from me about marriage. And I discussed with my boyfriend as well and he understands that too but he doesn’t want to marry me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When he does not want to marry you, then what makes you waste so much time on him?
Move on with your life; it's not about getting married like the way your parents intend BUT more a signal to yourself to stop in your tracks and focus on what's important to you; your life...

He can be a good friend still supporting you (If the two of you can find that maturity) and you will both be able to walk on your own paths which isn't happening now. When he is clear that he is not going to commit to it, it should be enough data for you to look into yourself and know that you are trying hard to make something happen that does not want to happen. Making sense here?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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