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Arranged Marriage: He seems uninterested after exchanging numbers. What should I do?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

In an arranged marriage I was talking to a boy we both liked each other. So we exchanged our what's app no. Then he texted one day we talked that day he seemed to be not interested in talking as he was replying very late. After that I sent him a good morning messege. Then we had no talking for 2 days straight. Then after that my father called his father to ask why is the boy taking this much time to respond to this his father told that you can show your girl to others and we have no problem. Then after that I sent a hi massege to him. Then he asked me when will I be free to connect. Then he calls at 11pm and says that we can call another day as it's too much late. Then next day also same but that day we chatted on whatsapp to around 1'o clock today. But now I have decided that I will not text him first. What should I do now I am really puzzled to what to do.

Ans: Your decision to stop texting him first is a healthy step because relationships should feel balanced and mutual. Constantly initiating conversations can leave you feeling undervalued or unsure about where you stand. By taking a step back, you give him the opportunity to show whether he genuinely wants to engage and invest in building a connection with you. This isn’t about playing games but about respecting your own feelings and worth.

At the same time, try to observe his actions rather than just his words. Does he initiate conversations on his own? Does he make an effort to get to know you better? If he continues to show inconsistent interest, it may be a sign that he isn’t ready or committed to the idea of building a relationship right now. And that’s okay—it just means he may not be the right match for you.

Trust your instincts as you move forward. If his behavior leaves you feeling confused or unimportant, it’s okay to walk away and focus on finding someone who values you and communicates in a way that feels fulfilling. Your time and emotions are precious, and it’s important to seek a connection where you feel respected, understood, and appreciated.

Finally, don’t let this experience discourage you. These situations are part of learning what you want and need in a partner. Give yourself grace, and remember that the right relationship will come with clarity, mutual respect, and ease.
Asked on - Dec 13, 2024 | Answered on Dec 13, 2024
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Thank you.
Ans: All the best

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |627 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2024Hindi
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I am 33 year old women and have been looking for matches in matrimony from year 2021 but was not getting suitable matches. Got connected with multiple profile but it didn't workout well.Just last month i saw one profile i liked it and sent request. My request got accepted and then i shared the contact no with my dad which was registered on matrimony. My dad called his dad and discussed about profiles and they liked it. Now the guy is in USA and his dad said he will be coming back next year. Till then his dad said let them connect on video call. So his dad shared my contact no with him and said he will call me. 2 days passed but he didn't call so my dad informed his dad and his dad called him and then he said he is quite busy in work and will ping me either in weekdays if free or on weekends. But then i didn't receive any reply and then again my dad called them after 10 days and asked why their son has not called yet so his dad also said he is busy but he will definetly call her and till then as per their earlier request we also said if you want to come and meet the family then can do that.so his dad said if we don't have any plan for the next week on weekends[i.e on 24th nov] then we will surely come but then on 23rd nov my dad called them regarding the meet and then they said they are out so mostly will not be able to come tomorrow and his dad said i will ask son to talk to your daughter first today. After this there was no conversation bcoz his son didn't call. Later when i searched him on facebook coincidently on one of his post i saw his contact number and i checked on whatsapp and then i came to know he has saved my contact no. But then i am confused why he haven't called me yet. First time i have got some good vibes about someone but this is really killing me. I was doing lot of overthinking then i asked my dad again if we can ask his contact number and my dad said no this will look desperate to them. I already have his contact number but confused like should i text him what can be the consequences.Lots of thoughts running into my mind. Please help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, there is no hard and fast rule that says that men have to make the first move. If you like someone, you can easily give him a call or drop a text. If a man finds that desperate, you should not settle for someone like that.

Next, judging by the series of events, I would say there is a good chance of either of two things happening- first, he might actually be very busy. But I don't think people are ever so busy that they can't take five minutes of their time to make a call. But then again, you are still strangers and hence, you are not his priority currently. Second, they might be breadcrumbing you. Just giving you enough hope to keep you hooked while they search for more potential matches. The most concerning thing is that the entire family can't keep their word or have the decency to inform about the change of plans.

Your father is not wrong; right now if you contact him after he has repeatedly failed to contact you, it will not look good, and worse, you will not feel good about it. My question is, do you really want a man like this? I know you have been trying for a while and not getting good results can be frustrating, but that does not mean you have to settle for this. I truly believe you deserve better. You can wait some more and see where it goes, but I strongly suggest not pursuing things from your end anymore. Let them do so if they are truly interested. Suppose they don't, understand that you have dodged a bullet.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |627 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 06, 2025Hindi
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Hi, I'm 31yrs old lady from India, my parents are searching for marriage proposals for me since 4yrs, but due to numerous reasons like different career or dowry or my appearance, none were successful. And I din invest my time in knowing about the past proposals personally. However, recently my parents came to me with a proposal- guy settled abroad and told me he will talk to me. Before I tell yes I researched about how I can relocate to the place where he is by contacting the different institutions from his place as our both career fields were totally different I knew he won't be on much help if I have to get job aftr marriage at his place in abroad. In the meantime, he had texted me, whenever he texts it will be on weekends..and first time when he texted I had replied 2hrs late bcz of our different time frame in our locations. But after i replied his message came aftr few hours telling he is not well so he will call later. So his next text was a week later on weekend. That day since I was busy for half a day, we spoke aftr my work. The call lasted for 30min with basic Convo about our job, hobbies, culture at his place etc. and the call ended with him telling we shall talk again and he ll inform his parents abt our talk. It was voice call, we saw each other only in photos. So I waited again for a week for his call or text but I was told by my dad that his dad informed that they won't proceed further. Now, here I am invested my talk and thoughts for nearly 3-4weeks and thinking abt my future with him, in addition I liked the guy because of his politeness and understanding nature and was hoping for this proposal to work. Now, even aftr a month of this rejection, I am still hoping for a miracle to happen and he comes back to my life. I am hoping he can try to understand me better before telling no. I want to know the reason for his rejection too. I have the urge to reach out to him, text him and ask his reasons and to ask if there is any chance to change it to yes. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand it must be confusing- you spoke to him and from your perspective, things went smoothly and yet they dropped the proposal abruptly. But here’s the catch- it might not have been the same experience for him. As you mentioned, you had basic conversations; is it possible that he was hoping to connect with you more in the three weeks’ time? We can’t say for sure what was the reason, but one thing I can tell you is that you deserve someone who does not need convincing to marry you. I know you were invested in him, but it is much better to lose those three weeks than settle for a marriage where both partners are not on the same page. Please understand your worth. I can’t stop you from contacting him or asking them what went wrong, but I can certainly advise you against it. You will get better alliances. Also, I want you to understand that you are only 31; you are still so young. Do not settle for anything less than the one who's best for you!

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..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9924 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 12, 2025Hindi
Money
And we are still investing in mutual funds and plan to do so for next 5 years,my husband invests 30 k ,and i invest 45k
Ans: You and your husband are doing a fantastic job with your monthly investments. Investing Rs. 75K every month shows strong financial discipline. This consistent approach builds wealth and protects your future. Let us now assess your mutual fund journey from all angles.

? Current SIP Strength and Long-Term Potential

– Monthly SIP of Rs. 75K is a solid starting base.
– Over 5 years, this creates a strong corpus.
– Assuming growth, this will accumulate significant wealth.
– Your investing period of 5 years needs careful product selection.
– Short-to-medium term investing demands stability, not aggressiveness.
– Hence, fund selection must match time horizon and risk appetite.
– A Certified Financial Planner can guide scheme selection based on goals.

? Importance of Investment Tenure

– Five years is not a very long horizon.
– Hence, aggressive small-cap funds carry higher volatility.
– Stick to flexi-cap, large-cap, and balanced advantage categories.
– These offer better risk-reward balance in 5-year timeframe.
– Avoid overly sector-specific or thematic funds.
– Asset allocation should favour stability over chasing returns.

? Regular Plan Advantage vs Direct Plan Disadvantage

– Many investors choose direct plans for saving expense ratio.
– But they miss out on expert guidance from Certified Financial Planners.
– This increases chances of wrong fund selection or wrong exit timing.
– Wrong asset allocation or overlapping funds also impact returns.
– Regular plans through CFP-backed MFD offer holistic hand-holding.
– You receive periodic rebalancing, performance monitoring, and personalised reviews.
– The cost difference is minor compared to guided wealth creation.
– A goal-based approach with CFP supervision reduces regret and errors.

? Stay Away from Index Funds – Understand Why

– Index funds may look simple and low cost.
– But they carry hidden disadvantages often overlooked.
– Index funds invest passively in top companies of the index.
– They offer no downside protection in falling markets.
– No active strategy during volatile or sideways periods.
– Also, they follow market blindly, without fundamentals.
– In India, market inefficiencies offer space for active managers.
– Actively managed funds outperform index funds in India consistently.
– They are agile, selective, and dynamic in asset picking.
– Certified Financial Planners help choose best-performing active funds.

? SIP Strategy Review – Risk Alignment and Suitability

– Check how much of your Rs. 75K goes into high-risk funds.
– Avoid high exposure to small-cap and mid-cap segments.
– Cap allocation to these at 20%-30% max.
– Majority should be in balanced, large, or multi-cap funds.
– This reduces downside and improves consistency.
– Each fund must have a clear role and no overlap.
– Avoid too many funds for diversification.
– Keep portfolio compact with 5-7 funds only.

? Goal Planning – Tie Investments to Life Events

– If you have specific financial goals, allocate accordingly.
– Short-term goals should be in low-risk hybrid funds.
– Long-term goals may include child’s education, retirement, etc.
– Discuss these in detail with a CFP.
– This helps match investment type with goal duration.
– Also aligns growth expectation and exit strategy.
– Many investors miss their goals due to mismatched funds.
– Avoid this mistake by goal-based investment planning.

? Rebalance and Review Periodically

– SIPs need annual review to ensure alignment.
– Fund performance can vary due to many factors.
– A fund lagging for over 12 months needs attention.
– Also review sector exposure, overlap, and tax impact.
– A Certified Financial Planner will do this periodically.
– Rebalancing helps protect from over-concentration.
– It also captures gains and shifts to better opportunities.

? Tax Planning within Mutual Fund Framework

– Mutual fund taxation impacts your net returns.
– For equity funds, STCG is taxed at 20%.
– LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
– For debt funds, gains taxed as per income slab.
– Plan exits smartly to reduce tax outgo.
– Use tax-harvesting if nearing 1.25 lakh LTCG.
– Align exit strategy with fund performance and tax limits.
– Don't ignore taxation; it quietly erodes final returns.

? Avoiding Insurance-Cum-Investment Products

– If you or your husband have LIC, ULIP, or money-back plans, evaluate them.
– These offer poor returns and low flexibility.
– Surrender such policies if lock-in is over.
– Reinvest in mutual funds with proper planning.
– This boosts compounding and improves goal alignment.
– Don’t mix insurance with investment ever.
– Treat them as separate needs for better results.

? Protecting Your Investment Journey

– SIPs should not stop even in bad markets.
– Market dips are best times to accumulate more units.
– Avoid emotional decisions during correction periods.
– Stay patient and continue monthly contributions.
– Rupee Cost Averaging helps reduce risk over time.
– If income reduces, lower SIP, but never stop.
– Stay consistent and disciplined for long-term success.

? Emergency Fund and Insurance Backup

– Ensure emergency fund is at least 6 months’ expenses.
– This avoids disturbing SIPs during sudden financial stress.
– Also review life and health insurance coverage.
– Ensure it is sufficient and updated.
– Use term insurance for life cover, not ULIPs.
– Use family floater health insurance for medical needs.

? When 5 Years End – Exit and Reinvestment

– Start planning your exit 12-18 months before maturity.
– Move funds gradually to safer options.
– This protects capital from market corrections.
– Consider conservative hybrid funds near withdrawal time.
– Don’t wait till last month to act.
– Also plan next set of goals and reinvestment.
– Don’t keep funds idle after 5 years.
– Reinvest based on new goals or income needs.

? Keep Emotions Out, Data In

– Emotional investing leads to poor decisions.
– Don’t chase top performers each year.
– Choose funds with consistent 5+ year track records.
– Also check downside protection, not just returns.
– Use data, not marketing material, for fund choices.
– A Certified Financial Planner uses professional tools for selection.
– Stay objective, not reactive.

? Avoid Investment Myths and Social Advice

– Friends or relatives may suggest schemes casually.
– Their risk appetite may not match yours.
– Also avoid YouTube tips or WhatsApp forwards blindly.
– Many half-truths and old advice circulate online.
– Follow structured and professional guidance only.
– Choose investments based on your family needs.
– Don’t compare portfolios or returns with others.
– Your journey is unique.

? Final Insights

– Your joint SIP effort of Rs. 75K/month is admirable.
– Continue this for 5 years with discipline and strategy.
– Choose funds based on goal, risk, and time.
– Avoid index and direct funds to stay protected.
– Take guidance from Certified Financial Planner regularly.
– Link each investment to a goal and review annually.
– Protect capital near goal maturity using low-risk funds.
– Use regular plans for full support and peace of mind.
– Don’t mix insurance with investment at any stage.
– Maintain emergency fund and review risk coverage.
– Reinvest matured corpus based on next life phase.
– Keep simplicity, discipline, and patience in investing.
– Long-term wealth is created through consistency, not luck.
– Keep up your good work and grow steadily.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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