Dear Anu, my wife was hopitalised about 15 days due to thyroid and knee pain during covid. 2021. after that six months once consult with doctor and advised to take tablets. now she is o.k. her age 65. my age 70. prior to hospitalisation we both have well relationship and she likes to have sex. but after dischared from hospital she won't like to share me in bed. Now a days she moves here and there and also gone shop for purchase. but she never allowes me to touch her lips and her private parts. In these situations how can I control my feelings ?. Please give your valued sugguestions

Ans: Dear D,
The experience of the allergy has not been something that she has gotten over with! It still is on her mind and the fear of either getting the allergy back or pain from the sex or something unpleasant happening after sex is what she must be obsessing over. This is affecting her ability to want to get intimate and have sex. Why then would she want to have intimate talks as she fears that it might lead to sex!

And NO, you got it wrong; it's not that ladies lose interest in sex so early; you forgot that she has gone through a vaginal allergy that prevented her from being sexually active. So, that's the one that is playing a lot on her mind.

Instead of getting disappointed, it will be nice to support her, which I am sure you also want to do...
Sit down with her and encourage her to speak about it; without actually asking: Why don't you want sex? Instead ask: is there anything that we can do to ease your stress in getting intimate?
She will know that you are on the same side as her instead of feeling finger pointed and embarrassed. I hope this is making sense. This is something that I am sure you can do. It might just change things a lot and feeling at ease might help loosen her up more. Also, once you cross this stage, indulge in a lot of cuddling and hand holding (women like that, yes)...
If things are status quo, well then, it would help speaking with her gynaecologist or anyone who she can trust...they can help keep her fears at bay and things might resolve itself!

All the best!

Ans: Dear Ritesh,
Your question is quite similar to many others' and my responses have been keeping in mind the age of the woman here.
Many women either have menopaused at this age or are in the process...The sexual urge drops drastically for women as there is depletion of a very vital hormone; estrogen. You can find more information on this in books and on the internet.
When there is almost no or nil sexual interest as the body does not want to indulge in the act, how do you get her to like it?
But all is not lost; what I suggest is for you to clearly communicate your needs without expecting things to heat up in the bedroom. Instead, indulge in a lot non-sexual intimacy acts like cuddling, kissing and more...If she is worried about how menopause has impacted her sex life, suggest to her that she can visit a doctor who will then suggest on how to combat all of this.
But also expect her to say a firm NO to all of this. In that case, please be patient, loving and supportive. Things usually turn around with the understanding that you display genuinely and she may very well want to try adapting to the new phase of life with sexual intimacy in it as well...
be patient, educate yourself on menopause and spice things up outside of the bedroom with little focus on sex. It may work!

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Some medications do have side effects that can affect sex lives. This is something that you and your wife can discuss with a doctor who possibly may look at what can be done.
Also hormonal changes after during and after menopause shows a decline in sexual activity in many women. There are other forms of sexual intimacy that you and your wife can share. Discuss with her without sounding rigid only about sex being the important topic and make her the center of the discussion. It might help her to know that you still care and love her and she maybe more open to actually see what the challenges are.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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