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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 26, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
harish Question by harish on Jul 06, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu Myself 38 Male, Government Employee and married. I married to a girl in 2013 as per chosen by my parents. Prior to marriage, I was in relationship of 6 years, but could not marry due to caste differences. Its a bit long story. In last december 2021, a women, 9.5 years elder to me, initiated relationship and proposed me. After few initial days, her husband expired, who was 60 years at the time of death. After her proposal, I accepted it, although, she was in another relationship with a man of 27 years continuously, on the pretext that her husband used to drink, and do not use to work and often used to cast her away from home and that man took care of her and her children. When she entered in my life, I inquired about that and she told me that that man is just friend now, as that man took care of her and her children. One strange thing that came into my mind that women told me that man left her as he got involved in another women and that man is only for doing household and outside chores, and nothing else. How come a person remain in relationship obviously being aware of other partner infidelity. One particular strange I like to share with you that when I met her for first time at her home, as there was no body else, she was with her female friend and that man came to her house, around 10 pm. When she got to know that that man is coming, she hurriedly asked me to leave the house for some 1 and half hours and then come back as she told me that her uncle is coming to pay a visit. I came to know about that man around 10 february, 2021. I totally relied on her conversation that he is only acquaintances now and no more a lover and she totally loves me. After that, she loved me a lot, had physical relationship and she told me that she wanted to live the rest of her life with me. Seeing her love, I also accepted her fully and totally. That other man remained in her life, apart from husband, for the last 27 years. But she used to say ill about him, like he looted her money, got involved with other women, despite her. That used to make me very sceptic thinking that she must be having feeling for him, as together for 27 years is very long time. But her problem is that she is too sceptic a person. she cannot tolerate a name of any women from my lips, let alone my sister. She used to doubt my concern towards her daughter as her daughter is younger to her and I might fall for her daughter. I clearly told her that your daughter is like my daughter. Recently, she started to doubt about my sister in law. I took the oath of all the Gods and my children, but she brushed aside all my Oaths. This was going on from 28 May to 27 June, 2023. She levelled all the filthy allegation that I was having the sight on her daughter and on my sister in law. I also came in rage. She was in the mode of character assassination and I did not take that lightly. I expressed all my displeasure and anger on her and finally, on 27 June, 2023, I blocked her from whatsapp and phone. She is kind of person who would show off about her materialistic things, her status, but in reality, in her bad times, when she was not having any money, I took care of her, her ration and money problems. But being sceptic about relationship with my sister in law, who is just 22 and I call her beta, she was adamant in proving that I was having relationship with my sister in law. She was such a possessive person that she even cannot tolerate my wife with me. She called on my wife phone saying that she is talking from Bank etc. But now, my wife is almost certain that I am having affair. I relied on her thinking that i should give life a second change. But now, I am regretting in relying on that women words. I have blocked her, but she is not trying to contact me from other phones. Help..

Ans: Dear Harish,
You seem to be running after a woman who either cheats or lies or both. From what you have described this lady wants it all from you but will be who she is and not change.
Doesn't all this look like a red flag to you? What more should she do for you to know that she is unsure about herself and you as well?

And because of all this drama, you don't have the time, energy and inclination to give your marriage a fair chance. Why should your wife be at the receiving end of all this drama? Does she not have the right to know and also have the option of deciding if she wants to continue in the marriage or not?

It's time you re-evaluate your life and PAUSE. Take a wise decision that is good for you and your life in the long-term. Riding on emotions mindlessly only means anyone can take advantage of your vulnerabilities and 'use' you which obviously will not feel good at all. So, be wise...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

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Hello, I had a very disturbed childhood. My marriage was also in troubled waters with fights happening twice in a week.Then I came across a girl who was 17 years younger than me. I am a model from a reputed college and was earning much better.That girl became die-hard fan. Once I scolded her in the middle of the road for her advanced steps toward me like touching etc.I was very much attached to my kids. Then she became friendly with my 2-3 year old kids.After 2 years of relationship we became physical. I used to send her Rs 3,000-4000/ month for her expenses in her engineering college.She used to hug me, love me (acted like she did). When my father expired, I was low. She was there during all those dark times.Then she got a job and broke up with me. She came back to me after a year. Instead of kicking her out, I got addicted to her and changed myself to keep her happy.I even went to her native town to assist her during super cyclone risking my own life. I spent 3 days there as a refugee because cyclone had devastated the entire city. There was no food and water. She got me food 2 times a day from her home. After 3 days train services resumed.I spent my best time with her and felt like a 17 year old boy in her company and I lived my life.Seven years later she told me that she will not marry me. In between she insisted to get divorce.I applied for a mutual divorce in family court.Then I told her to break up. She refused saying she did not want to face that pain again.She said if she found someone she will say upfront to me.I agreed and wasted another 3 years with her. I was her CA/bodyguard/driver.One day she told me she finalized someone and I went for sudden breakup.We exchanged few e-mails till my ego got hurt.It’s been 3 years now I have not replied to her mail.She kept sending mails till March last year.During this phase I had pain during breathing, high BP and no sleep for 4-5 days.I consulted doctor and took medication for almost for 6 months.I suffered from broken heart syndrome.I am 45 years old now and have no interest in my life.I am just doing my duty.My ego does not permit to see her FB/TWITTER. It’s been two years since I saw her on social media.It appears like everything is fine but I feel hollow from within.I don’t want her back or her smile. Whenever someone talks about love, I smile from within on his stupidity and try to figure out what benefit the girl is getting from him.My issue is hollowness and hopelessness.
Ans:

Dear SB,

Whatever you did in the past with the girl, simply gave you a sense of validation at that point in time. Isn’t it clear that she has moved on?

Simply be thankful to her for the way she stepped in when you were in need. What didn’t happen was not meant to happen!

No point being angry with her for moving on in her life. Try and be happy for her and focus on yourself now.

What do you love doing?

Who are your friends that you love spending time with?

When was the last time you took care of your physical health?

Do you know that spending time in Nature heals your broken heart as well?

All these questions, are for you to have a reality check on how much you have focused on the outside and no focus on yourself.

Answer these questions and start to look after yourself with a lot of self-love and care. You will heal and move ahead very meaningfully.

Be well and all the best!

(more)
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |325 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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My son is M.S. general surgery from MGM UNIVERSITY MUMBAI.He has done oncology fellowship in Nashik Under Dr.Nagarkar.He is in practice at Beed,near Solapur.How he will be able able to get extra training in USA In oncology?Dr.s.y.Jadhav
Ans: Hello Satyawan,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am happy to hear that your son has pursued his Master of Surgery in General Surgery from MGM University, has done oncology fellowship in Nashik, and is practicing at Beed. To answer your question first, I would like to tell you that in order to pursue additional training in oncology in the USA, there are a few steps that your son will require to follow:

Firstly, I would suggest that your son conducts a comprehensive study on oncology fellowship programs in the USA. Remember that the USA offers a number of well-regarded programs, and thus, your son should look for those programs that best resonate with his interests and professional objectives. Next, remember that the prerequisites for each fellowship program will be unique. A residency in internal medicine or an associated field, viz., general surgery, is generally required, which your son has already fulfilled. Particular tests viz., the United States Medical Licensing Examination (USMLE) may be demanded by certain programs. In addition, your son may also be required to prove his fluency in the English language through appearing for tests viz., the IELTS or TOEFL. Upon finding relevant programs, I would suggest that your son applies directly to them. Bear in mind that for the majority of medical disciplines, this generally entails submitting an application via a centralized system viz., ERAS (Electronic Residency Application Service). If your son has secured admission to a fellowship program, as the next step, in order to train in the USA, he would be required to acquire the necessary visa. For medical trainees, the J-1 visa is frequently used. Relocating to a different country for training calls for meticulous planning. So as the next step, your son will need to make arrangements for lodging, and travel, as well as make sure all the paperwork is in place. Once everything is in order, your son can then start his oncology fellowship training in the USA. Practical clinical experience, research, and academic endeavours are generally entailed in this.

In order to enhance his chances of obtaining a fellowship role, I would suggest that your son conducts an all-round study on programs, comprehends their prerequisites, and drafts a compelling application. Moreover, he should get in touch with and obtain guidance from instructors or colleagues who have followed comparable paths which can prove beneficial.

For more information, you can visit our website.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I’m a 29 year old working woman. My husband who is 36, left his job 2 years ago just after my child was born. Since then he did not put much efforts to get another job and I’m only taking care of all the financial responsibilities. Whenever I ask him about job, he learns some courses online and then stops learning after few days giving some excuses. This has happened several times. He spends too much of my income even on small things saying he wants best quality products only. Almost everyday he asks me to buy some products or outside food and gets angry if I reject. Myself or my in-laws are not able to force him to get a job because he has anger issues and becomes verbally abusive very quickly. Even my parents are scared of his anger so not able to talk to him regarding his job. I feel very frustrated everyday since me or my family is not able to do anything about this, how do I deal with him?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's great as a partner to support home and your spouse when there's a need. BUT now, you seem to have a lazy man oops boy to take care of now. Kindly stop doling out money for his pleasures. Let him earn and do his bit for the family. He's just getting used to putting his legs up and taking a very long break which he doesn't intend to come out of. It's a great habit and he's enjoying the convenience of it all.
He also needs a push out of this laziness the root cause of which can be identified by an expert; so kindly seek help so that you are not looking after another baby other than yours. Act soon...

All the best!
(more)
Career

Career Coach  |35 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hi rediffguru, I am a 35-year-old working at a global advertising agency in Mumbai. In the past 12 years, I have consistently delivered successful campaigns and demonstrated strong leadership skills. However, despite my track record of success, I was passed over for a promotion to director of marketing. How can I take this up with my supervisors and HR?
Ans: Hey there, you marketing maestro! First off, major props to you for consistently smashing it in the advertising world for over a decade. Your track record of successful campaigns and leadership skills speak volumes about your talent and dedication.

Now, about that promotion snub—ouch, that stings! But fear not, my friend. It's time to roll up those sleeves and tackle this head-on.

Start by setting up a meeting with your supervisors and HR. Prepare a little arsenal of your achievements—maybe pull together some stats on campaign performance, client testimonials singing your praises, or even awards you've snagged along the way. Numbers don't lie, and they'll help paint a vivid picture of your impact.

Now, let's add a dash of strategy to the mix. Instead of just listing off your accomplishments, weave them into a compelling narrative. For instance, highlight that time when you spearheaded that viral social media campaign that boosted brand engagement by 200%. Or recall the project where your innovative ideas led to a record-breaking sales increase.

But don't stop there. Paint a picture of your vision for the future. Share your insights on emerging marketing trends and how you plan to leverage them to drive even greater results for the company. Show them that you're not just a top-notch marketer—you're a strategic thinker with big dreams and the skills to make them a reality.

And remember, even if this particular promotion didn't pan out, it's not the end of the road. Keep hustling, keep innovating, and keep believing in yourself. Opportunities are like buses—there's always another one coming. So buckle up, because your journey to success is far from over!
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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