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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu, I'm married since 5 years now and having loving In-Laws who are financially very well to do. My husband and I earn very less as compared to my in-laws, with whom we stay. My husband is 37 years old and earns 47000 INR a month, out of which he saves 35000 INR (in-laws have told him not to spend on house expense, but instead save). The rest 12000 INR he has for himself. I am also working and all my earning is with me. The problem is that he usually ends up spending almost all of the 12K. This angers me as I feel he should focus on saving as much as possible from that. We have an understanding among us that the expense for enjoyment will be borne by me as his major chunk is being saved for "Our" future. Am I wrong to be upset with his spending?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you wrong to be upset?
NO and YES...
NO; as you feel wronged that you are the one spending on enjoyment, so where does he spend 12K?
YES; as you have not conveyed it to him or the two of you have not spoken about it earlier. Have you discussed that he must save the 12K?
So, the key to any solid marriage is COMMUNICATION...Communicating your needs, wants, desires, values and aligning them to make the marriage work looking at the larger picture.

Simply have a frank conversation. For all you know, he may just understand where you are coming from; BUT if he wants to spend SOME OF his hard earned money on himself his way, kindly let it be. It's the pride of a man to be able to earn and spend without asking for anyone's permission. Do respect that...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 22, 2024Hindi
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I am a working women, i have to take care of my parents expenses and also take care of my expenses , i have a child 8 years old, my husband is not supporting me financially, he just spend most of his money for his wants, and no savings so far even after 15 years of marriage, how to make him understand about savings i have quarreled many times on this but no use, i feel like to go away from him, kindly suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry about your situation. It sounds stressful and you have every right to be worried. Here are a few ways to sort this out:

The first and the most obvious one- communication. I am sure that you have communicated your concerns to your husband but let's give it another try and this time, make sure it's non-confrontational. For instance, just casually mention the financial burden that is on you without assigning any blame to him. Try "I" statements instead of "You." He might come to a realization that he needs to put in more effort to relieve you of your burdens. Try mentioning some shared goals that you won't achieve if you don't join your finances and share the responsibilities. Next, tell him that you both should start tracking your expenditures and set a budget at the beginning of every month. Try a more practical approach. Set up monthly deposit schemes that would automatically deduct the money from your accounts. Last but not least, seek support from a trusted family member or close friend. While they might not be able to give you any concrete solution, sharing your woes can make you feel lighter.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am married for 2 years. My husband and FIL runs a business. My MIL is a retird HM from govt school. I am married to a lovable family. I am for ever grateful to my inlaws. We stay together and i have one SIL. All of the expenses and invesments are made by my husband. We have a 1yr daughter. Till date me and my husband had no financial communication. He gets whatever i what but we dont discuss how much income he has got and what he does. Also i dont know what my inlaws income and what they do and i dont want to interfere in it. Its none of my business. Its me who asks my husband to let me know our financial status. Sometimes he say but its not a regular financial discussion. I came to know that he is investing in lic policies for all of them. 50% spending 50%investmnts. Ofcourse my inlaws share some amount but major expenses and all major investments are from my husbands income. I expect him to let me know the financial status so that i can also have a knowledge on it but he never opens up and but he always gets me want i want. I had never asked him like wht are you spending for your mom dad sis when they are still independant.I never questioned him and i will not. Its our duty to look after parents without any expectation. i promised him that i will not be a hurdle in this. But recently he gave huge amount to my inlaws and he dint even tell me. I felt upset when I got to know it later. It had happend many times.The thing that made me sad is that my husband dint even consider me in this. Like after giving also he dint utter a word to me. i I would have not said dont give. I would have felt happy only. Because he is giving to his parents only. But my concern is he is not sharing his financial commitments with me. Is it ok for me to expect that he should share his financial status with me so that we can plan our future or am i wrong? When my inlaws questions me about finance that something he did to them i am like when iam unware of it. Its embrassing. I feel that a couple should have a financial communication without discrepancy. But my husband does not do it intentionally. He always says he forgot. But i think that a couple should spend time having a healthy talk about their own commitments and investments. Marriage is not always about fantacy, shopping, romance, relaxing cooking playin work etc... there should be some serious talks discussions right which will pave way for a healthy relationship growth understanding and a better future and healthy finacially stablev family let me know whether i am wrong or right. And also is it ok to talk to my husband to let my inlaws share his burden financially as they are financially independent too ( atleast their lics they can invest) not sure to discuss this. But i feel my husband is over burdened. Btw iam a homemaker
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's nothing wrong in you wanting transparency when it comes to the family's finances. But the way it has been right from the beginning of your marriage, is that you did not ask and you were not told.
So, suddenly when you have expressed an interest in knowing and participating, your husband has not understood this. Be clear when you discuss with him that you wish to talk about it not to deter him from anything but to actually support him in whatever he does. He also is perhaps used to taking financial decisions all by himself and continues to do so...So, if something has changed within you, express it and allow him the time to change as well...

In your words: But i think that a couple should spend time having a healthy talk about their own commitments and investments.

Yes, but if it was this way right from the time when you two married, it would not be an issue. Your want now is not wrong, but has changed from what it sued to be...so, express, let him reflect on it and then have a healthy debate/discussion on it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

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Hi, My husband doing business. They are 2 sons to their parents. My husband is older one, both are married. We live in bengaluru n my in-laws live with younger son in native. They help is younger sin financially in all aspects like bought tractor to him n all. But my husband studied on loan n he paid installments. He gave all his pf money to his brother marriage. And after that during covid time give his profit from business(resigned job) to his parents for developing agricultural land. While doing job he took personal loan to construct home on native, n buy all the household things un his salary. Till today he only giving money to majority of things. Now my husband got some financial problems in his business so asked money with his parents, they are not ready to give. So he stopped asking them but asking me to ask my parents, what shall I do? My husband will give money to his family when he have money but keep distance when he don't have money. How to handle my in laws and his younger brother to stop them asking money from my husband. And how to take financial help from them.
Ans: Dear Pushpa,
What can you do? Stop giving money to people who can't appreciate that help. What has gone has probably gone. But from now on, please become prudent and say NO.
There will be a few arguments and your in laws and husband's brother maybe angry but you need to secure your financial position, right? You can't stop them from asking, but your husband can stop giving, yeah?
People will take advantage only when you allow them to do that...so, hopefully your husband can also see what's happening.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

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