I have an 8 yr old son who gets distracted while I am talking to him. He will pretend like he is listening but do his own thing which I find very disrespectful. He will even make faces when I look away mimicking me. When I am serious and he does this, I get very upset. My parents feel we are being too gentle with our son. What can I do to ensure he listens (not obeys) to me when I speak?

Ans: Dear Arvind,
the most fantastic thing of having grown-up children is the world that they can show. Their world is the same as yours, just a different lens. Young adults when guilty shy away/keep to themselves/ or talk in few words. to bridge the conversations my suggestion is talking on neutral grounds. Both you and your child are viewing the world with different perspectives. A few questions that may start a conversation, on your next call, could be:
1.What is that fun app that I don’t have on my phone?
2. What music bands are you listening to these days?
3.Can you send me the link/ play me one of their best songs?
4.Who is your best friend right now? Which activity do you enjoy doing together?
5.Where would be an awesome place to go for a family vacation? Let me know your next break.
6.Did I ever tell you about how I met your (mother)?
Being a loving parent takes sacrifice, but he is an individual. sometimes inspite of being an adult he may not know how to bridge the gap. Do revert, I wish you and your family laughter and conversations.

Ans: I understand that this situation is causing you a lot of distress. It's not uncommon for family members to be involved in a newlywed couple's life, but it's important to set healthy boundaries and communicate openly with each other about what is acceptable and what is not.

It's possible that your wife's sisters may not be aware of the impact of their behavior on your marriage, or they may not realize the boundaries they are crossing. Have you tried discussing your concerns with your wife and her sisters in a calm and respectful manner? It's important to express your feelings and set clear boundaries on how much interference you are comfortable with.

In addition, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how her family's behavior is affecting your marriage. It may be helpful to seek the assistance of a professional counselor to facilitate this conversation and provide guidance on how to set boundaries and communicate effectively.

It's also important to remember that change takes time and patience. It's possible that your wife may need time to adjust and understand the impact of her family's behavior on your marriage. With open communication and a willingness to work together, you can find a way to navigate this challenging situation and build a stronger, healthier relationship.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Welcome to the world of raising teens...sadly whatever parenting style worked up until now will have to re-hashed and a new way of thinking, executing, communicating has to be evolved.
All parents must understand another thing: raising children in a digital world is a challenge. Parents are accused by their children of being 'slow' at grasping things, understanding technology etc. Also, parents are constantly worried about predators of all kinds on different platforms.
Obviously with this and the strain of academics, parents, I have observed react impulsively (rightly so).
And this when it reaches the youngster is met by resistance, snapping, back-talk and more...

Changing the way of communicating (instead of instructions, try using questions) can help. Use subtle phrases like: I hear you, I see what you mean, I can only imagine how it must be for you...get the drift? A lot of support during the teen years can again bridge the gap between parents and children and provide a channel for free flow of communication both ways. Try this out...you can do this, I am sure of that :)

All the best!

Ans: Reprimanding your child is not going to help you get his behaviour changed. Start telling him about what you appreciate in him for some time and ignore what you do not like for some time. The things we can give attention on can get reinforced in this way.

Ans: Instead of confronting him directly about his change in behavior, try to create a safe space where he feels comfortable opening up. Let him know you’ve noticed the change and that you’re there to listen whenever he’s ready. Sometimes, asking indirect questions about the holiday—who he met, what he did, and how he felt about the trip—can give you some clues about what might have triggered this shift.

If he is unwilling to talk, don’t push too hard. Instead, observe him closely. Has his routine changed? Is he withdrawing from friends, studies, or activities he used to enjoy? If this continues for a long period, you may need to consider speaking to someone he trusts—a sibling, a close friend, or even a counselor—who might be able to help him open up.

Sometimes, young adults go through emotional turbulence that they don’t know how to express. The best thing you can do right now is to be patient, keep communication open, and let him know that whatever it is, you are there for him without judgment.