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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1477 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 30, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Pragya Question by Pragya on May 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am a 37 year old working woman have two kids aged 9 and 5. I am married for 12 years. My husband does not show any interest in house chores and whenever I ask him he will say, hire a maid for everything. I have raised my two kids on my own. We work into IT industry, husband completely works from home. I go to office once or twice month. During Corona, work from home became really stressful. I quit my job thinking that I will focus on kids and house, but that did not make any difference, he started humiliating me for not working. I started considering divorce and looked for a job, soon I got in. At times I feel, that I am too much organised, that's why I am frustrated and stressed out all day long. I mostly have tight timelines, which can't be missed. At times I am too much frustrated and leave home to office so that I can work peacefully there but that's again too tiring. Maids come and leave in hurry cause no one is there to watch them out when I am in office. When I get back home I see that food is kept as it is and kids are hungry because father did not serve them. House also becomes a complete mess with toys, clothes,books lying all around, after coming home I should throw away all food, make the house tidy again and plan for the next day, where as he has complete leisure life, he will get up in the morning, his tea will be ready he will straight go to play badminton, comes back when his meeting is started. His breakfast goes directly to his table. He comes out for his lunch and straight goes to bed for afternoon nap. Again he wakes up for evening meetings. After finishing all this he will go to play tennis. Comes back home for dinner, work a little on his laptop and goes out with friends for a walk, comes back late at night when all are asleep. Seeing this routine I become frustrated now I am planning to move out, Needless to say, we stay in separate rooms, his room is a complete mess all the time

Ans: Dear Pragya,
Congratulations! You have been successful in making a hotel at your home with a perfect and permanent occupant; your husband...
When everything is taken care of right from kids to the food to the cleaning and the organizing and oh, accommodating his game schedules, why would he move a limb? And because he never took interest in caring for the household, you have started to overcompensate and extend your professional skills of organizing and executing back at home. Which spouse would not want that?
You may feel frustrated and drop everything now, BUT there's possibly a way out of this...I say this only because there are children involved in this entire equation and it isn't great for them to live in separate homes. Take a stand; do your part of the work...hire a nanny who can care for the children including their meal times. If this is not possible, call in a female family member to help out for a few weeks. Use those few weeks to pass a strong message to him which is: KEEP YOUR END OF THE DEAL..
No serving him like he is the master...let him walk to the kitchen and take his food or make his juice of whatever.
Initially, there will be a lot of complaints; he will also send you on a guilt trip where you might start to feel bad for his plight. DO NOT RELENT...
Do we not raise children to be respectful humans and respectful citizens? You are doing just that with your husband...he sadly didn't make this transition when he was younger, so you are dealing with it now...Do this as the first step; who knows things might improve and your kids will have a stable home.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Dear Anu, I am a housewife with two kids, younger one is 3 years old. I used to be working before the birth of my second child. I can't join back the job as we are nuclear family and husband is busy whole day with his work. I have to take care of the house and kids almost full day. Sometimes I’m frustrated and irritated. I gave talked about this to my husband but not much respite. He says 'I’m doing my job to earn. You do your job to look after house.' Don't know what to do.
Ans:

Dear PS,

Typical nuclear family with very little family support relies solely on the mother being the caregiver and this can result in a lot of frustrations. Understood!

But what exactly are you trying to do fighting the situation knowing that things might be the same for a few years down the line till the children grow a little older? Are you planning on being frustrated for all these years?

Also, someone needs to give your husband a talk on these gender specific remarks and pushing the job of the home to you.

Maybe he didn’t mean it the way it sounded, but well…

In the digital world, there is enough and more to do to use the skills that a person has. So why not explore, a work-from-home part time option?

Depending on what your expertise is and the time that you can give to the work from home option, why don’t you focus on searching for this?

This will require an amazing time management and organization skills on your part, so you are able to give it at least 3-4 hours a day.

This will not only keep you occupied and financially stronger, it will also give you a sense of direction and purpose which is what is currently lacking.

Also, if you have an option of a ‘nanny’ for even two hours during the day when the children can be kept busy, you can even have some time for yourself which will re-energize you.

Caring for two small children is no mean feat and make sure when you discuss the work-from-home option (If you choose this), with your husband, you emphasize how important it is for you along with managing the home.

The commitment ‘to do something for yourself’ will be the focus of your discussion and please do something before your frustrations start seeping out and get onto the kids which might eventually happen.

First, be happy yourself to nurture your home and family.

Step Up…All the best!

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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hey, I am married it's been 12 years, I have a 11 years boy. I did my masters before marriage I worked as teacher. I told my husband as well I want to work he said I can work with him in this college where he is also working. When I got married he said my degree is not eligible to work in this college that was geniune they need btech I am Bsc. So I asked I can work in other place and he said I can't. I tried hard but the answer was not all the time. I started with online classes basically working from home and I did it for 10 years. Now why I am so desperate to work? He never pays me anything he never buys anything whenever I ask he says you or your parents did give anything to me so I have nothing to give you. When this alliance came to me we asked them very clearly if they are expecting dowry. They clearly said they don't and that's the reason I married him. I am from a middle class family, and I was brought up like a happy kid. Here in my in laws home my mil drinks alcohol daily and uses very bad words. I adjusted and we shifted to other city for my husband job. Even my husband used to drink and confronted him and he reduced it mostly. Recently due to health issues he completely quit alcohol which was a god's grace. He has some medical condition where he is not actively participating in physical intimacy. He is very close to our son. They both love each other like anything. Seeing this I take every shot he gives me. But I think I am broken I wanted to fix it now I found a job and going my husband is behaving like I murdered someone and not talking and doing drama. Treats me like a maid and say do this house chores properly you can think about job later. I am a very enthusiastic person who wanted to learn now I told him very clearly that if he wants me quit job he needs to pay me. He refused and said if your can bring money from your home I will pay. I said why would I bring money and give him? So he behaves very weird and sadistic like he never wants me leave house, not atleast without telling him. He hide bike keys when he comes to some city so that I can't go anywhere. When I was working online he used to come to lunch I kept everything ready on table for him and continuing my work if I forget to keep water on table he was furious and say I should concentrate on this instead of my job when I forget something to keep he disconnects the modem and hide it so that I can't work. I am fed up and I can't hold this anymore where I am not being respected, not given financial support, no sex, no good talk, only expect to make perfect coffee, lunch ,dinner and take care of home with no dirt atall. I told him I will file divorce now he asks for forgiveness and this happened many time everytime I say I will leave he will behave like a kid even touching my feet. I am doing psychology which is one of my dream he is against that as well but now when I reading I think he is very manipulative psychopath. My boy I very much into him. I am doing my job right now. We have no vacations no outing nothing. He doesn't want to spend a penny on us. I take my boy put he doesn't accompany us. He doesn't like outings he say. What should I do? I can't leave as my boy can't get seperated. I can't live with him coz I have nothing in this relationship just explotation. He will not let me leave coz he knows he cannot live without us. And no one care about him. How to deal with him to make home happy atleast to my boy coz his toxic nature like manipulation and threatening blackmailing is effecting me and my boy I don't want my boy to go through this or learn this from him atleast. He needs to know how to treat a wife the way his father treat is not right I want to grow him into a nice gentleman not like this father. What can I do for this?
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. Navigating a relationship like this can be incredibly challenging, especially with a child involved. It's clear you're dedicated to creating a better environment for yourself and your son, which is an important first step.

First, it's essential to acknowledge your strengths and resilience. You've managed to pursue further education, maintain a job, and care for your son despite the significant challenges at home. Recognizing your own capabilities is crucial as you move forward.

Consider seeking professional support from a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide you with emotional support and help you develop strategies to cope with your husband's behavior. They can also assist you in building a safety plan. If you ever feel physically unsafe, having a plan in place to ensure you and your son's safety is critical. This could include knowing where you can go, such as a friend's house or a family member's home, and having important documents and essentials ready to take with you.

Additionally, it might be helpful to speak with a legal professional. Understanding your rights and options regarding your marriage and any potential separation is vital. A lawyer can guide you through the process and help you protect your interests and those of your son.

Maintaining documentation of your husband's abusive or manipulative behavior, financial control, and any incidents can be useful if you decide to take legal action. Keeping a detailed record will provide evidence that can support your case.

It's important to create a support network. Reach out to trusted friends or family members who can offer you emotional support and practical assistance. Sharing your situation with someone you trust can provide relief and help you feel less isolated.

Given your husband's behavior, setting boundaries is essential. Be firm about your decision to work and pursue your interests. Consistently reinforce your boundaries, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. This might provoke further resistance from your husband initially, but maintaining these boundaries is crucial for your well-being.

Communicate openly with your son about the situation in an age-appropriate manner. Reassure him that the issues between you and your husband are not his fault. Encourage him to express his feelings and let him know it's okay to feel upset or confused.

Your focus on raising your son to treat others with respect and kindness is commendable. Modeling respectful and assertive behavior yourself will be a powerful lesson for him. Ensure he understands the importance of treating others with dignity and respect, regardless of how others may act.

Finally, prioritize your own well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of your mental and physical health is essential, as it will provide you with the strength and clarity needed to navigate this challenging situation.

It's a difficult journey, but by seeking support, setting boundaries, and focusing on your well-being, you can work towards creating a healthier environment for yourself and your son. Remember that you deserve respect and happiness, and taking steps towards achieving that is not only beneficial for you but also sets a positive example for your son.

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Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Opening the door to his perspective in this way might soften his stance and encourage him to consider arrangements that balance everyone’s well-being. By approaching the situation together, as a team, you’re more likely to find a solution that honors both his responsibilities and your need for space, making room for a more peaceful family dynamic in the long term.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4091 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

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Career
Hello sir My daughter is in 8th grade ICSCE and moving to 9th now, she need to choose subjects. She is not interested in maths but want to take commerce and economics. Without maths will there be good options in future for studies and career? Please assist
Ans: Praveen, Your daughter has great job choices in banking, finance, marketing, law, corporate secretary, mass communication, journalism, and hotel management even if she can pursue Commerce and Economics without Mathematics. Higher studies possibilities comprise B.Com (Bachelor of Commerce), B.A (Bachelor of Business Administration), BA Economics, Law (BA LLB/BVA LLB), Mass Communication & Journalism, and Hotel Management. Jobs in banking and finance; marketing and sales; HR; corporate secretary; legal profession; and entrepreneurship abound. Nonetheless, some elite institutions and universities could demand Mathematics, and disciplines like Data Science, Finance, and Actuarial Science mostly depend on it. She can still have a brilliant future in commerce and economics even if she hates maths greatly. She should investigate courses in Business Studies, Accountancy, or Entrepreneurship alongside Commerce & Economics since Applied Mathematics can be a useful substitute. Please note, The level of Mathematics required in Commerce and Economics depends on the specific subjects and career paths chosen. Commerce without Maths involves basic calculations and logic-based thinking, while Economics without Maths involves basic statistics, graphs, and logical reasoning. B.Sc. Economics requires higher Maths, while Commerce with Applied Maths covers practical topics like financial mathematics, probability, statistics, and logical reasoning. Career paths include B.Com, BBA, CS, Law, HR, Digital Marketing, and Entrepreneurship. If a daughter dislikes Maths but wants Commerce/Economics, Commerce without Maths is a safe choice. If she is not able to cope up with ICSCE Board, it is advisable to change her into CBSE. If she is struggling with the ICSE board, it is advisable to transfer her to CBSE. All the Best for Your Daughter's Prosperous Future.

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Milind Vadjikar  |961 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2025Hindi
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Dear Milind Sir, Please refer below comments for your further queries I am 50 year old want to retire this year. My current corpus 1.4 Cr FD , owned 2 flats total worth 1.2 cr.and site worh 60 L in 2 tier city . Term insurance of 2 cr. Invested in varous polcies around 1 cr . I have one daughter studying in 10th class. Wife fitness trainer and karate trainer wanted to open her own fitness class. Planning to earn through some passive income ( trading, shares) Can i retireAns: Hello; Are you occupying one of the two flat owned by you or both are given on rent? Yes I am occupying one of the flat. Getting monthly rent of 12 K and i am planning to sell it off If yes how much rental income/expense? How much is the current total regular monthly expense? Current monthly expenses 40 to 50 k Answer to these queries will help us to guide you suitably.
Ans: Hello;

You may sell the second flat and land site owned by you.

It may fetch you around 1.1 Cr(~50 L flat value and 60 L land site value).

Therefore your total corpus adds upto around 2.5 Cr(1.4 Cr FD+ 1.1 Cr RE sale proceeds).

You may keep a sum of 50 L towards higher education corpus for your child.

For the balance 2 Cr, if you buy an immediate annuity, you may expect a monthly income of around 1 L.

This conveniently meets your regular monthly expenses and provides a surplus.

Part of the surplus may be invested in equity savings type mutual funds so as build a corpus over 10 years which may be used to boost retirement income.

Maturity proceeds of various endowment policies which have subscribed to, may be used to step up the annuity income to account for inflation.

Annuities may have lower rate then FD but it is offered for long tenures thereby avoiding the reinvestment risk.

Ultimately it is your preference.

Do buy adequate healthcare insurance for yourself and your family.

Also a word of caution on plan to undertake trading and investment in direct stocks. Define a certain minimum risk capital (say 10 L) which you may not mind even if lost completely and then venture out for stock trading. No MTF, No FNO.

Also take trades based on own self study or recommendation from a registered research analyst. Trading based on social media and TV tips is a sure way to disaster.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7776 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2025Hindi
Money
I m 48 years old. Married with no kids. I have Pf of 12 lakhs, ppf of 15 lakhs, NPS 16 lakhs. MF 50 lakhs. Fd 5 lakhs. I live in metro. I have own house. When can I retire at the earliest?
Ans: You are 48 years old, married, with no children.

Your retirement savings include:

Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 12 lakhs

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs. 15 lakhs

National Pension System (NPS): Rs. 16 lakhs

Mutual Funds: Rs. 50 lakhs

Fixed Deposits (FD): Rs. 5 lakhs

You own your home and live in a metro city.

This forms a solid foundation for early retirement planning.

Key Financial Goals to Consider
Retirement Corpus: Ensuring your savings last 35+ years post-retirement.

Lifestyle Expenses: Covering day-to-day costs in a metro city.

Healthcare: Planning for medical expenses beyond insurance coverage.

Inflation: Managing the rising cost of living over time.

Each goal will help us determine when you can retire comfortably.

Assessing Your Retirement Readiness
At 48, you are close to traditional retirement age.

Your current corpus totals Rs. 98 lakhs across investments.

Without kids, future expenses may be more predictable.

However, healthcare and inflation remain key concerns.

Let’s break down if your corpus is enough to retire early.

Estimating Retirement Expenses
Living in a metro city usually means higher expenses.

Consider daily costs, utilities, transportation, and leisure activities.

Don’t forget to factor in unexpected medical emergencies.

Estimate your current monthly expenses and adjust for inflation.

This helps identify the income needed post-retirement.

The Role of Inflation
Inflation reduces your money’s value over time.

Even with a modest rate, expenses double in 12-15 years.

Investments must outpace inflation to maintain your lifestyle.

Equity exposure helps achieve inflation-beating returns.

Ignoring inflation risks depleting your corpus too soon.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Mutual Funds (Rs. 50 lakhs): Offer growth potential for long-term needs.

NPS (Rs. 16 lakhs): Provides retirement-focused growth with tax benefits.

PPF (Rs. 15 lakhs): Safe, tax-free returns but limited liquidity.

PF (Rs. 12 lakhs): Offers stable, long-term growth.

FDs (Rs. 5 lakhs): Provides safety but low returns after tax.

A diversified mix, but needs optimization for early retirement.

Generating Regular Income After Retirement
Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) from mutual funds for monthly income.

SWPs offer regular payouts while keeping your investments growing.

Allocate part of your corpus to debt funds for stable income.

Equity investments continue to grow for long-term needs.

This strategy balances income and growth effectively.

Rebalancing Your Portfolio for Retirement
Shift gradually from high-risk to balanced investments.

Keep 60-70% in equity for long-term growth initially.

Allocate 30-40% to debt instruments for stability.

Review and adjust annually based on market conditions.

This approach reduces risks while maintaining growth.

Managing Fixed Deposits Wisely
Rs. 5 lakhs in FDs provides liquidity but low returns.

Consider shifting some to debt mutual funds for better returns.

Keep a portion as an emergency fund for quick access.

Avoid over-reliance on FDs, as they lose value against inflation.

Optimizing FDs enhances overall portfolio returns.

Planning for Healthcare Costs
Medical expenses rise sharply with age.

Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance coverage.

Consider a top-up health policy for additional protection.

Build a dedicated health emergency fund.

Healthcare planning is critical, especially without employer coverage post-retirement.

Emergency Fund for Unexpected Expenses
Maintain an emergency fund covering 12-18 months of expenses.

Keep it in liquid mutual funds or high-interest savings accounts.

This prevents the need to withdraw from long-term investments during crises.

Financial security comes from being prepared for the unexpected.

Tax Planning for Retirement
Post-retirement income will still be taxable.

SWP from mutual funds is tax-efficient compared to interest income.

Long-term capital gains on equity have favorable tax treatment.

Use senior citizen tax benefits once eligible.

Effective tax planning increases your net income.

Identifying the Earliest Retirement Age
Your corpus is close to Rs. 1 crore.

To retire now, this corpus must sustain for 35+ years.

Consider working for a few more years to boost savings.

Alternatively, reduce lifestyle expenses for early retirement.

The earliest retirement age depends on your income needs and risk tolerance.

Strategies to Boost Your Retirement Corpus
Increase investments in growth-oriented mutual funds.

Maximize contributions to PPF and NPS for tax-free growth.

Reinvest returns from FDs into higher-yielding instruments.

Delay retirement by 2-3 years to strengthen your corpus.

Small changes today can make a big difference later.

Importance of Regular Portfolio Reviews
Review your financial plan annually.

Adjust for changes in expenses, income, or market conditions.

Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the right asset mix.

Financial planning is a continuous process, not a one-time task.

Staying Disciplined with Your Investments
Avoid panic-selling during market fluctuations.

Stick to your long-term goals and investment strategy.

Don’t make emotional decisions based on short-term trends.

Discipline is the key to successful retirement planning.

Planning for Legacy and Estate
Create a will to specify how your assets will be distributed.

Appoint nominees for all your financial accounts.

Consider setting up a trust if needed for complex situations.

Estate planning ensures your wealth is managed as per your wishes.

Reducing Expenses for Early Retirement
Identify non-essential expenses that can be reduced.

Focus on experiences rather than material possessions.

Optimize utility bills, subscriptions, and lifestyle costs.

Lower expenses mean less stress on your retirement corpus.

Diversification: Spreading Risk for Safety
Don’t put all your money in one type of investment.

Spread across equity, debt, and fixed-income instruments.

Diversification reduces risk and improves returns.

A well-diversified portfolio offers stability in all market conditions.

Managing Lifestyle Inflation
Lifestyle inflation increases expenses as income grows.

Post-retirement, control lifestyle costs to preserve wealth.

Focus on meaningful activities that don’t require high spending.

Smart lifestyle choices help stretch your retirement corpus.

Building Passive Income Streams
Explore passive income sources like dividends from mutual funds.

Rental income (if applicable) can supplement retirement income.

Passive income reduces dependence on your retirement corpus.

Multiple income streams provide financial security.

Finally
You’ve built a strong financial foundation with Rs. 98 lakhs in savings.

However, retiring immediately may strain your corpus over 35+ years.

Consider working for a few more years to boost savings.

Alternatively, reduce expenses to make early retirement feasible.

Stay invested, review regularly, and focus on long-term goals.

This approach will secure a comfortable and stress-free retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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