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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Basavaraj Question by Basavaraj on Nov 12, 2023Hindi
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I have worked in ltd company for 19 years, then resigned & Join another company they created new epf account & i got transferred my old epfo amount to new account but my pension contribution amount is not displaying new created epfo account

Ans: Addressing Pension Contribution Discrepancy in EPF Account
Encountering discrepancies in EPF accounts, especially regarding pension contributions, can be concerning. Let's explore steps to address this issue effectively.

Understanding the Situation
Assessing the Discrepancy

Evaluate the discrepancy in your EPF account, particularly regarding the display of pension contribution from your previous employment.
Gather relevant documentation, including EPF statements, transfer receipts, and communication with EPFO authorities.
Reviewing EPF Regulations

Familiarize yourself with EPF regulations, specifically regarding pension contributions, to understand your rights and entitlements.
Initiating Communication
Contacting EPFO Authorities

Reach out to EPFO authorities promptly to report the discrepancy in your pension contribution display.
Clearly articulate the issue and provide supporting documentation to facilitate resolution.
Following Up Regularly

Maintain regular follow-ups with EPFO authorities to track the progress of your complaint and ensure that it is being addressed.
Resolving the Discrepancy
Requesting Correction

Formally request EPFO authorities to correct the discrepancy and update your EPF account to reflect accurate pension contributions.
Provide any additional information or documentation requested by EPFO to expedite the resolution process.
Seeking Assistance

If informal communication with EPFO does not yield results, consider seeking assistance from a legal expert or Certified Financial Planner (CFP) specializing in EPF matters.
Legal professionals can provide guidance on your rights, potential courses of action, and escalation procedures.
Exploring Alternative Solutions
Alternative Channels

Explore alternative channels for lodging complaints, such as EPF grievance portals or helplines, to escalate the issue if necessary.
Utilize official channels to ensure your complaint is registered and addressed by EPFO authorities.
Patience and Persistence

Exercise patience throughout the resolution process, as addressing EPF discrepancies may take time and persistence.
Remain persistent in following up with EPFO authorities and exploring all available avenues for resolution.
Conclusion
Resolving discrepancies in EPF accounts, particularly regarding pension contributions, requires proactive communication, documentation, and persistence. By initiating contact with EPFO authorities, seeking correction of the discrepancy, and exploring alternative solutions if necessary, you can work towards ensuring accuracy and integrity in your EPF records.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

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hi, i have worked 5 different companies starting from 01.02.1992 to 31.08.2012 and contributed to PF as per the policy. i have passbook of PF account but only amount of last company is reflecting in the passbook. I have withdrawn EPF balance but EPS part is still not withdrawn from any company. my last company has not updated the records from previous companies, . i am getting 58 years next on 29042024. i have account with EPFO and UAN. How can i get the amount accumulated or get the scheme certificate or start pension at reduced rates...i am working with a company but not registered with PF.
Ans: Given your situation, consolidating and tracking your EPF contributions and benefits can be a bit challenging but certainly manageable. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you navigate this:

Consolidation of UAN: If you have a UAN (Universal Account Number), ensure that all your previous PF accounts are linked to it. You can do this by logging into the EPFO portal and checking the 'Manage' tab under 'For Employees'. If your previous companies have not linked your UAN to their establishment IDs, you can request them to do so.
Transfer of EPF: Use the EPFO's online transfer portal to transfer the EPF accumulations from your previous accounts to your current PF account. This will consolidate all your PF accumulations into one account, making it easier to manage and track.
EPS (Employee Pension Scheme): Since you have not withdrawn the EPS contributions from any of your previous employers, you can apply for a scheme certificate through your current employer. A scheme certificate provides details of your service and contributions and can be used to avail pension benefits at the age of 58.
Pension at Reduced Rates: If you opt for pension before attaining the age of 58, it would be at a reduced rate. However, if you choose to defer it, your pension amount will increase. You can apply for a reduced pension through your current employer or directly with the EPFO after completing Form 10D.
Contact EPFO: If you face any issues or discrepancies in your PF accounts, reach out to the EPFO regional office or helpdesk. Provide them with the necessary details and documents, including your UAN, PF account numbers, and service details with each employer.
Consult a Financial Advisor: Given the complexities involved in EPF and EPS, consulting a financial advisor or a retirement planner can be beneficial. They can guide you through the process, help you understand the implications of withdrawing or transferring your EPF and EPS accumulations, and assist you in making informed decisions regarding your retirement benefits.
Remember, it's essential to keep track of your EPF and EPS contributions and benefits to ensure you maximize your retirement benefits and make informed decisions. Taking proactive steps now can help you secure a comfortable retirement.

..Read more

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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 12, 2023Hindi
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Sir I am 59 years old and I have worked in 2 companies for 12 years in previous company and 9 years 8 month in recent company total service (21 years and 8 months) and resigned I have submitted annexure k from my prior company to recent company with other document for pension to submit in EPFO but EPFO has not updated my past company service history that why i am not eligible for pension please suggest me what should i do so that EPFO updat my prior company service history
Ans: In response to your query, here's what you can do to resolve this issue:

Contact your previous employer: Reach out to your previous company's HR department and inform them about the missing service history in your EPFO account. Request them to verify your employment details and submit the necessary documents to EPFO for updating your service history.

File a grievance with EPFO: If your previous employer is not responding or cooperating, you can file a grievance with EPFO. You can do this online through the EPFO Grievance Portal or by visiting the nearest EPFO regional office.

Approach the Provident Fund Commissioner: If the grievance process doesn't resolve the issue, you can escalate the matter to the Provident Fund Commissioner (PFC). The PFC is the highest authority for resolving EPFO-related issues.

Submit documentary evidence: When filing a grievance or approaching the PFC, gather and submit any documentary evidence that supports your employment with your previous company. This could include salary slips, appointment letters, or any other relevant documents.

You can check the status of your grievance online or by contacting the EPFO regional office. Remember to keep copies of all communication and documents for your records, and persist in following up until the issue is resolved.

It may take some time, but with proper documentation and following the correct procedure, you should be able to resolve this issue and become eligible for pension benefits.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Hi, My company was depositing EPFO pension fund for 8 years upto 2020. Then its name got changed. So did my EPFO account number. Subsequent funds are deposited in new account. Now I have 2 EPFO accounts. While the old PF part got merged with new account, the pension part shows break in between, and 2 accounts are seen. Base income for pension is Rs 15000 in both accounts. My question is: Will EPFO change the base income in future so that my pension in old account can get updated accordingly? If not, I think it is better to withdraw the old account fund because it does not get any interest. Need informed opinion.
Ans: EPFO Pension Fund Query Resolution

Understanding EPFO Pension Account Consolidation

It's understandable to seek clarity regarding your EPFO pension accounts and the potential impact of changes in your employer's name. Let's address your concerns and provide guidance on the best course of action.

Assessing EPFO Pension Account Consolidation

The consolidation of your EPFO pension accounts due to changes in your employer's name has resulted in two separate accounts with a base income of Rs 15,000 each. While the old PF portion has been merged with the new account, the pension component shows a break in continuity.

Future Updates to Base Income for Pension Calculation

EPFO typically calculates pension benefits based on the average monthly salary contributed during your service period. If your base income remains consistent at Rs 15,000 in both accounts, it's unlikely that EPFO will change the base income in the future to update the pension amount in your old account.

Assessing the Impact on Pension Benefits

Given the lack of interest accrual on the old account and the potential for stagnant pension benefits, withdrawing the funds from the old account may be a prudent decision. However, it's essential to consider any tax implications and assess your overall retirement planning strategy before making a withdrawal.

Consultation with EPFO Authorities

To obtain accurate information regarding potential updates to base income for pension calculation and explore available options, consider reaching out to EPFO authorities or consulting with a certified financial planner (CFP) specializing in retirement planning.

Conclusion

While EPFO may not change the base income for pension calculation in the old account, withdrawing the funds from the old account and consolidating them with the new account could be a viable option to optimize your retirement savings. Seek guidance from EPFO authorities or a certified financial planner (CFP) to make an informed decision aligned with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

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Hi Sir I am 33 yr and want to start investing in SIP but have no knowledge. I can invest 50k per month. Please help me
Ans: A Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This disciplined approach to investing helps you accumulate wealth over time while managing market volatility.

With Rs 50,000 to invest monthly, SIPs are an excellent way to get started, especially when you are 33 years old. By starting early, you give your investments enough time to grow and compound over the years. Let’s look at how you can structure your SIPs.

Assessing Your Financial Goals
Before diving into mutual fund investments, it’s crucial to have clear goals. Here are some common financial goals:

Retirement: Building a corpus for your life post-retirement.
Children’s Education: Saving for your children’s education, even if it seems far off now.
Buying a House or Major Purchase: Funds for future personal projects or major purchases.
Having clear goals will help align your investment strategy. For instance, longer-term goals, such as retirement, may allow you to take on more risk, while shorter-term goals will require more conservative investments.

Risk Profile
Knowing your risk tolerance is equally important. Since you are 33 years old, you likely have a higher risk appetite compared to someone closer to retirement. If you’re willing to take on more risk, you can allocate a larger portion to equity mutual funds, which have the potential for higher returns over time.

High Risk: You may invest more in small-cap and mid-cap equity funds. These funds can offer substantial returns but can also be volatile.

Moderate Risk: Large-cap equity funds and balanced funds would be suitable. These provide a balance of growth and stability.

Low Risk: Debt funds or liquid funds can be considered for goals with a shorter time frame or lower risk tolerance.

Diversification Strategy
Diversification is key to managing risk and maximizing returns. With Rs 50,000 to invest monthly, you should aim for a diversified portfolio across different fund categories:

Large-Cap Equity Funds: These are relatively stable and invest in large, well-established companies. They should form the core of your portfolio, offering steady returns.

Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Equity Funds: For higher growth potential, mid-cap and small-cap funds are good choices. They tend to be more volatile, but over time, they can deliver high returns.

Flexi Cap or Multicap Funds: These funds invest across market capitalizations (large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap), providing diversification within a single fund. These are good for long-term wealth creation.

Debt Funds: While equity funds are crucial for growth, you should also consider debt funds for stability. Debt funds provide relatively safer returns, especially useful for short-term financial goals or emergency funds.

Asset Allocation
Allocating your investments across different types of funds ensures that your portfolio is balanced. A suggested allocation could be:

60-70% in Equity Mutual Funds: This can be spread across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

20-30% in Debt Funds: These offer stability and help cushion against market volatility.

5-10% in International or Sectoral Funds: If you want to explore global opportunities or specific sectors like technology, international funds can be considered.

Regular Monitoring and Review
It’s essential to review your SIP portfolio at least once a year. Financial goals or risk appetite may change over time, and your portfolio needs to reflect that. Regularly monitoring the performance of your funds ensures you are on track to meet your goals.

Why You Should Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Before you proceed, consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can give you personalized advice based on your individual needs. A CFP can help you:

Tailor your portfolio: A professional will help you align your SIPs with your personal goals, risk profile, and future financial needs.

Avoid Common Pitfalls: Investing without proper planning can lead to poor returns or unnecessary risk. A CFP will guide you away from such mistakes.

Tax Optimization: A CFP can also assist in structuring your investments to be more tax-efficient, helping you maximize returns.

Final Insights
Start with Your Goals: Identify your short-term and long-term goals before selecting funds.

Diversify Smartly: Spread your Rs 50,000 monthly investment across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, and don’t forget to include debt funds for stability.

Review Annually: Keep track of how your funds perform and adjust your portfolio as needed.

Seek Expert Guidance: Working with a CFP can help you stay on the right track and achieve your financial objectives efficiently.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

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While revisiting new players in mutual fund and my portfolio(Mirae large cap, Nippon Multi asset & Parag flexi), I realised Mirae & Nippon's expense ratio is more than double(1.5%). I'm planning to sip in quant Infra, Invesco India focused, Mahindra Manulife smallcap & continue in Parag flexi. & Withdraw from Mirae & Nippon as expense ratio is very high and comparatively returns are low(18-20% against 25-30% by others)
Ans: Expense ratio plays a critical role in determining the net returns you earn from a mutual fund. Funds with higher expense ratios eat into your gains. You’ve noticed that Mirae and Nippon funds have an expense ratio of around 1.5%, which seems high compared to others. This can be significant over a long period, especially if the returns are lower than expected.

In your case, Mirae and Nippon are delivering 18-20% returns, which may feel underwhelming compared to other funds offering 25-30%. It’s understandable why you're considering withdrawing from these funds.

Review of Your New Portfolio Choices
You plan to invest in Quant Infrastructure, Invesco India Focused, Mahindra Manulife Small Cap, while continuing with Parag Flexi. Let’s evaluate these choices:

Quant Infrastructure Fund: Infrastructure sector funds can provide good returns during an economic upswing. However, sector funds tend to be riskier as they are focused on one sector. Diversification may be lower, and returns can fluctuate based on market conditions.

Invesco India Focused Fund: Focused funds typically invest in a concentrated number of stocks, which can offer higher returns but also come with higher risk. These funds can outperform in a bull market but can underperform when certain sectors or stocks face issues.

Mahindra Manulife Small Cap Fund: Small-cap funds have higher growth potential but come with higher risk. They can be volatile and may take longer to generate returns, but with your longer-term horizon, they could be a good fit.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: This fund is well-diversified across market capitalizations and sectors. Flexi-cap funds give the fund manager the freedom to invest in any segment, which makes them more adaptive to changing market conditions.

High Expense Ratio and Fund Performance
While expense ratio is an important factor, it’s not the only one to consider. Funds with higher expense ratios can still deliver strong returns if the management is effective. Your decision to exit funds like Mirae and Nippon due to high expense ratios must be balanced against their long-term performance and consistency.

Important to Consider:

Compare not just the expense ratio but also the long-term returns, consistency, and risk profile of the funds.
A fund with a slightly higher expense ratio might still deliver better value if its risk-adjusted returns are superior over time.
Why You Should Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Before making a decision to shift your portfolio, it is always wise to consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A CFP can help you:

Evaluate your overall financial goals: Are your new fund choices aligned with your risk tolerance and time horizon?
Analyze Tax Implications: Exiting funds may trigger capital gains taxes. A CFP can help you minimize the tax impact.
Diversification Strategy: Ensure that your new portfolio is diversified enough to manage risks. Sector and small-cap funds can be riskier, and a CFP will help you balance this with more stable funds.
Revisit Investment Goals: A professional can review if your investment strategy matches your long-term financial objectives.
Final Thoughts
Review Before Switching: While lower expense ratios and better returns seem appealing, ensure you aren’t sacrificing diversification or taking on more risk than you’re comfortable with.
Keep a Balanced Portfolio: Your mix of funds should cover large, mid, small caps, and a combination of sectoral and diversified funds.
Seek Professional Advice: Speak to a CFP who can give you a comprehensive review of your portfolio and ensure that the switches you’re planning are aligned with your long-term goals.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |349 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 04, 2024Hindi
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Madam i am married for almost 7 years as of now and last year i have been blessed with a daughter. I have had a job which was sufficient to fulfill my expenses and i use to save a bit too and therefore can claim I wasn’t dependent on my husband. After the birth of my child , my work has been affected which has also put an impact on my earnings. My husband doesn’t support me and my daughter financial needs and i am now feeling the burnout of raising me and my child and managing our day to day expenses single handedly. I have communicated this to my husband but he pays no heed to it. Please advice.
Ans: It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time, managing the responsibilities of raising your daughter and handling the financial burden on your own. After the birth of a child, it's normal for work and earnings to be affected, but the fact that your husband isn't supporting you financially—especially when it comes to your child’s needs—must be very frustrating.

The first step is to have a clear, calm conversation with him again. Sometimes, financial issues become a matter of miscommunication or a lack of understanding about the situation's seriousness. Make it clear how much pressure this is putting on you, both emotionally and financially. He needs to understand that raising a child is a joint responsibility, and financial support is a big part of that.

If direct communication doesn’t help, you may need to consider seeking outside support. Whether that’s through family, counseling, or legal advice, it’s important to know that you don’t have to bear all this weight alone. In some places, the law ensures that both parents are responsible for a child’s welfare, including financially. It might help to consult a family lawyer to understand your rights in this situation.

In the meantime, try to reach out to supportive friends or family members who might offer temporary emotional or financial help. You deserve to feel supported, and it’s not fair for everything to fall on your shoulders. Don’t hesitate to explore different avenues to get the help you need for both you and your daughter.

Remember, it's not just about your financial health, but also your emotional well-being and your daughter's future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |349 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 06, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam I'm 25F I was forced to marry a uncle who's age is 36 it has been only two weeks since the marriage over I don't want this relationship to continue is it possible to divorce him and I don't want to anything bad happen to my family what should I do
Ans: In many places, divorce is a legal option, even if the marriage is recent. The first step would be to consult with a lawyer who specializes in family law in your area. They can provide you with information on the legal process for divorce and what you need to do to protect yourself. It’s important to understand your rights and the implications of a divorce, especially in terms of any potential impact on your family.

Communicating your feelings to your family can also be crucial, but it’s important to approach this sensitively. Express your emotions honestly, letting them know how you feel about the marriage and your concerns about your happiness and future. They may not fully understand your perspective at first, but try to convey that this is about your well-being and not just a rejection of their choices.

If you feel safe doing so, consider having a conversation with your husband about your feelings. It may be challenging, but if he is understanding, it could lead to a mutual decision to part ways amicably.

Remember, it's important to prioritize your mental and emotional health. If you feel anxious or scared, reaching out to friends or a counselor can help you navigate these feelings and find support. You deserve a life where you feel empowered and in control of your choices, and taking these steps can help you move towards that goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |349 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 27, 2024Hindi
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Hello Mam, My concern is about my love marriage. My parents are not ok with my inter caste marraige but I love the person since 9yrs. My partner is living near our house so all my family knows him well. Though he was not so rich at that time and he was working in his uncle's shop so my parents have a negative perspective regarding that. But now he is settled down he owe his house too. But still my parents are not ok with him. While asking to my parents there answer is he is not your type. My mother has a concern about my future that I will not be able to live happily with him. My mother use to tell me that he is having affairs with other gurls in past and if he does the same in future and torture or harass you then there will be nobody standing beside you as you have done love marriage. I am pretty much sure that he is not having any drastic past that my mother perhaps heard from anyone. But I don't understand how to convince and make her realise that. Simultaneously my partner has a worst habit of anger which is a big sign of disrespectful for which I am in a dilemma what to do. Kindly help me out that how can I make my partner understand and simultaneously my parents.
Ans: First, it’s important to acknowledge your parents' fears, as they often stem from a place of love and concern for your well-being. When discussing your relationship with them, try to have an open and honest conversation. Share your feelings and the strong bond you have with your partner. Highlight the positive changes he has made in his life and how committed he is to your future together. If you can, invite them to see your partner in a different light by arranging casual meetings or family gatherings. This may help alleviate some of their worries, as they can see firsthand the person you love.

However, you also need to reflect on the concerns your mother has raised regarding your partner’s past and anger issues. These are serious points that shouldn't be overlooked. It’s crucial to have a candid discussion with your partner about his temper. Express your feelings about how his anger affects you and your relationship. Ask him to be open about his past and to reassure you about his commitment to a healthy, respectful relationship moving forward. If he truly values your relationship, he should be willing to address this aspect of himself and work on it.

Consider suggesting couples counseling or anger management if he struggles to manage his emotions. This shows that you care about the relationship and want to build a future together. It’s important to feel secure in your relationship, especially when facing external pressures.

Balancing your parents’ concerns and your love for your partner can be challenging, but clear communication with both parties is key. Be honest with your parents about your feelings and be proactive in addressing their concerns with your partner. Ultimately, you deserve a partner who respects you and your family while being committed to your happiness. If you can find a way to navigate these conversations, it will help you build a stronger foundation for your future together.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |349 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Hii mam, i am Dipankar I am in a relationship. But problem is my girlfriend's parents scold her for our relationship. But another problem is that his father wants to say that he is not reading and listening and abuses him. Because of this he is very angry now how can I calm him down??
Ans: First, it’s important to create a safe space for your girlfriend to express her feelings. Encourage her to talk about her frustrations and fears regarding her parents’ reactions to your relationship. Just listening to her and validating her feelings can provide some comfort. Let her know that it’s okay to feel upset and that you’re there to support her.

You might also want to discuss strategies for addressing her parents' concerns. It can be helpful for her to communicate openly with them about her feelings and the importance of your relationship in her life. She could try to express her emotions calmly and respectfully, explaining how their reactions affect her. If she feels comfortable, suggesting a calm family discussion could also be beneficial.

In terms of her father’s anger, it’s crucial to approach him with empathy. If he’s angry and upset, he may feel a sense of loss or fear regarding his daughter’s choices. Encouraging your girlfriend to understand her father's perspective might help her communicate with him more effectively. Suggest that she acknowledge his feelings and explain why her relationship is meaningful to her.

Additionally, if the situation escalates or becomes hostile, it might be worth considering involving a neutral party, such as a trusted family member or friend, who can mediate the conversation and help calm tensions.

Ultimately, patience and understanding are key. Relationships often face challenges, especially when parents disapprove. Supporting each other through this process will strengthen your bond and help you both navigate these difficult emotions together. Remember to prioritize each other’s well-being, and take care of yourselves during this challenging time.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |349 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
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I am working in a corporate for last 14 years now, I always face problem dealing with people. Specially with those who you know does not have good intentions and can push you down by any means to show their worth. I usually keep my bare minimum interaction with them however they manipulation my teammates and instigate against me Irony is that whom I have a rift are in good books of the management. I simply cannot understand how management can be so bias, just with alcohol, non veg and gossips people can grow It' been 15 years I always struggle dealing with manipulative and toxic coworkers.
Ans: It’s common in corporate settings for certain people to thrive through social politics, but that doesn’t mean it’s fair or that you have to put up with it indefinitely. While keeping a minimum interaction with these individuals is a healthy boundary, it might also be time to think about how you can navigate these situations more strategically, without letting them affect your mental peace.

One approach could be to shift your focus from trying to understand why management might be biased to figuring out how you can position yourself better within the organization. Sometimes, it’s not about playing the same game as those toxic coworkers but about creating your own narrative. Instead of engaging with the drama, focus on building strong alliances with people who appreciate your work and values. Even if management seems biased, finding key people who recognize your worth can help you stay grounded and give you a sense of support.

At the same time, it’s crucial to recognize that you cannot control how others behave, but you can control how you respond. If you feel manipulated or undermined, documenting these situations can be helpful, especially if it ever escalates to a point where you need to defend yourself to HR or management.

Ultimately, it might also be worth reflecting on whether this work environment is the right fit for you long-term. Toxic environments can be exhausting, and if the culture consistently rewards those who engage in gossip and manipulation, it might not align with your values. Considering whether there are other opportunities within or outside the company where you feel more supported and respected could be an important step.

If staying in this environment is what you choose, focusing on your strengths, maintaining your professionalism, and seeking support from trusted colleagues can help you manage these challenges more effectively. You deserve to work in a place where your skills and contributions are recognized without needing to engage in toxic dynamics.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |349 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 20, 2024
Relationship
I had a one year relationship with a boy.We decided that to be a temporary relationship as I belong to orthodox family.He also agreed for that.Latet on I am engaged to another boy.I told him that we need to stop this because I am engaaa now .He asked me to continue a month and we will break up or else I will send our picture to my fiance and family.I agreed for that.It continued upto 3 months.I am constantly being blackmailed by him everyday to listen and do what he says or else he will file a case on me for cheating him.But he came to my engagement also.He is now asking to be in the relationship until October as my marriage is in November.I said this is impossible I can't be like this let's break up .He is not agreeing for this and blackmailing me again that if I go against him he will break my marriage.I don't know what to do .I am extremely scared and having panic attacks and lose intrest in my work too.Please help me find a solution for this.I have also tried to end my life two times.I have a single mother.Thats the reason stopping me to endy life .Please help me..
Ans: First and foremost, I want you to know that your safety and well-being come first. You’ve mentioned having panic attacks and even considering ending your life, which shows how deeply this situation is affecting you. Please try to talk to someone you trust—a close friend or family member, or even a professional therapist—because having someone to share your feelings with will help ease the burden you're carrying right now.

The fear of him ruining your marriage is real to you, but it’s important to realize that no one has the right to manipulate or blackmail you into staying in a relationship, especially when you’ve clearly told him you want to end things. If he’s threatening you with revealing pictures or damaging your reputation, remember that what he’s doing is not just emotionally abusive, but also potentially illegal. If you feel safe doing so, you could consider seeking advice from a legal professional who can help you understand your rights and what actions can be taken to protect you from further threats.

I know it feels impossible right now, but staying under his control will only continue to hurt you. It's essential to break away from the cycle of fear he’s created. You’ve shown strength by reaching out, and that’s the first step toward reclaiming your peace of mind. Even though it’s scary, letting go of the fear of what might happen and standing up for yourself is key. Surround yourself with support, and don’t face this alone—you deserve to live free from fear and manipulation.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |349 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2024Hindi
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hi ma'am, so ive been dating this guy since 6 months and only the starting 5 months were the best part of this relationship. he used to litrally be obbssesed with me and talk to me all the time. but after he joined work, hes been working for 18 hours and is not able to make time for me. and we used to talk daily on calls at 11pm but now he barely even makes time for me, im not saying he doesnt call me at all but at times he has work. but he says hes so done with my rigid behaviour of must calls at 11pm. ma'am i can't sleep without litsening to his voice but he seems to be not bothered. and now our relationship is all abt fights. whatveer i try to ecplain he thinks im starting an argument and he gets pisst off. what can i do? pls help ma'am
Ans: It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated and disconnected in your relationship, especially after the shift in his behavior since he started working long hours. It's understandable that you miss the closeness and consistency that you had during the first few months, but it seems like his work demands are now taking up a lot of his time and energy.

The first step is recognizing that his workload is something that's affecting his availability, and while it’s natural to want that same attention from him, relationships often go through phases where things need to adjust. He’s likely feeling overwhelmed with the pressure of balancing work and the relationship, and the 11 pm calls may feel like an added stress for him, even though it’s something that helps you feel close.

To move forward, try approaching the conversation differently. Instead of expressing frustration about the calls or time spent together, share how you're feeling in a calm and non-accusatory way. Let him know that you miss the connection and understand that work is demanding, but that you’re hoping to find a balance that works for both of you. It might help to find a compromise—maybe scheduling calls when he's less tired or having shorter, more spontaneous check-ins during the day.

Also, try to focus on the quality of your conversations rather than the frequency. If you're always arguing or frustrated, it adds stress to both of you, and he may start feeling like he can’t meet your expectations. Finding a middle ground where both of your needs are respected will help ease the tension. Ultimately, if he feels supported, he's more likely to be open to reconnecting with you emotionally.

Give each other space to adjust to these new routines, and work on building trust and communication. It may also help to engage in activities that make you feel secure outside of the relationship, so that you're not relying solely on those calls for comfort.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |349 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
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I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise
Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

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