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How can I invest 1,000 rupees a month as a student?

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 22, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Kanika Question by Kanika on Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Money

I am a student, I can save 1000 rs every month, where should I invest that money

Ans: You can invest in a recurring deposit either with post office or bank for the tenure of your choice.

Please understand the rate of interest on offer and compounding frequency.

It is good to see that at such early age you are thinking about saving and investing.

Keep it up.

Happy Investing!!
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi .. I students and i earn 8000 by doing job .were should i need to invest the money to get better return.For my future
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Goals
As a student earning Rs 8,000 monthly, investing for your future is a commendable step. It's essential to start early to benefit from the power of compounding. Your goals might include building an emergency fund, saving for higher education, or planning for long-term financial stability.

Setting Financial Priorities
Before investing, set your financial priorities. It's crucial to have an emergency fund covering at least three to six months of expenses. This fund acts as a safety net during unforeseen circumstances.

Budgeting Your Income
Effective budgeting helps in allocating your income towards savings and investments. Here’s a simple way to budget:

Allocate for Expenses
First, list your monthly expenses, including rent, groceries, utilities, and transportation. Allocate a portion of your income to cover these essential costs.

Save and Invest the Rest
After covering your expenses, allocate the remaining amount towards savings and investments. Even a small amount invested regularly can grow significantly over time.

Investment Options for Students
There are various investment options to consider. Here’s a detailed look at each:

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in Mutual Funds
Benefits of SIP
A Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. It is ideal for young investors as it promotes disciplined investing and takes advantage of rupee cost averaging.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns over the long term. While they come with higher risk, they are suitable for young investors with a long investment horizon.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities and are less risky than equity funds. They offer moderate returns and provide stability to your investment portfolio.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Long-Term Savings
PPF is a government-backed savings scheme with a lock-in period of 15 years. It offers attractive interest rates and tax benefits under Section 80C.

Risk-Free Returns
PPF is suitable for risk-averse investors seeking long-term savings. The returns are guaranteed by the government, making it a safe investment option.

Recurring Deposits (RD)
Regular Savings
Recurring Deposits (RD) in banks allow you to save a fixed amount monthly. The interest rates are higher than savings accounts, providing better returns.

Low Risk
RDs are low-risk investments with guaranteed returns. They are ideal for short-term financial goals and help inculcate the habit of regular saving.

National Savings Certificate (NSC)
Fixed-Income Investment
NSC is a fixed-income investment scheme offering guaranteed returns. It is suitable for risk-averse investors looking for a secure investment option.

Tax Benefits
Investments in NSC qualify for tax deductions under Section 80C, making it a tax-efficient investment option.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF)
Retirement Savings
If you have a job, contributing to the Employee Provident Fund (EPF) ensures regular savings for retirement. It offers tax benefits and compounding interest, making it a valuable long-term investment.

High-Interest Savings Accounts
Easy Access
High-interest savings accounts offer better returns than regular savings accounts. They provide liquidity and easy access to your funds, making them ideal for short-term savings.

Low Risk
These accounts are low-risk and ensure the safety of your principal amount. They are suitable for building an emergency fund.

Building a Diversified Portfolio
Importance of Diversification
Diversification reduces risk by spreading investments across different asset classes. A diversified portfolio balances risk and returns, ensuring steady growth of your investments.

Suggested Allocation
Allocate your investments in a mix of equity, debt, and fixed-income instruments. For example, 50% in equity mutual funds, 30% in debt mutual funds, and 20% in fixed-income schemes like PPF or NSC.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustment
Track Your Investments
Regularly track the performance of your investments to ensure they are aligned with your financial goals. This helps in making informed decisions and necessary adjustments.

Rebalance Your Portfolio
Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation. This involves selling over-performing assets and reinvesting in underperforming ones.

Financial Discipline
Consistent Investing
Consistency is key to successful investing. Invest regularly, even if the amount is small. Over time, this disciplined approach will help in accumulating substantial wealth.

Avoiding Impulse Spending
Avoid impulse spending and prioritize your financial goals. This ensures that you have sufficient funds to invest regularly.

Importance of Financial Literacy
Educate Yourself
Invest time in educating yourself about financial markets and investment principles. This empowers you to make informed investment decisions.

Stay Updated
Stay updated with market trends and economic developments. This helps in understanding the impact of market movements on your investments.

Role of a Certified Financial Planner
Professional Guidance
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized investment advice based on your financial goals and risk tolerance. They help in creating a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your needs.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes
Over-Reliance on a Single Asset
Avoid putting all your money into a single investment. Diversify your portfolio to spread risk and enhance returns.

Chasing High Returns
Chasing high returns often leads to taking excessive risks. Focus on creating a balanced portfolio that offers steady and sustainable returns.

Emergency Fund
Financial Cushion
Maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This prevents the need to dip into your long-term investments during emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Long-Term Perspective
Invest with a long-term perspective. While markets may fluctuate in the short term, they tend to offer good returns over the long term.

Patience and Discipline
Patience and discipline are crucial for successful investing. Stick to your investment plan and avoid making impulsive decisions based on market movements.

Investing in Your Future
Starting Early
Starting early gives you the advantage of time. The earlier you start investing, the more you benefit from compounding, resulting in substantial wealth accumulation over time.

Goal-Based Investing
Invest with specific goals in mind. Whether it's higher education, buying a house, or retirement, having clear goals helps in creating a focused investment strategy.

Risk Management
Understanding Risk
Understand the risks associated with different investment options. This helps in making informed decisions and choosing investments that match your risk tolerance.

Mitigating Risk
Mitigate risk by diversifying your investments across different asset classes. This ensures that poor performance in one asset class does not significantly impact your overall returns.

Tax Planning
Tax-Efficient Investments
Choose tax-efficient investments that offer deductions and exemptions under various sections of the Income Tax Act. This helps in maximizing your net returns.

Understanding Tax Implications
Understand the tax implications of your investments to plan effectively. This helps in optimizing your investment returns and minimizing tax liability.

Conclusion
Investing as a student is a wise decision that sets the foundation for your financial future. By creating a diversified portfolio and investing regularly, you can achieve substantial wealth over time. Regular monitoring and adjustment of your investments ensure they remain aligned with your financial goals. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to create a personalized investment strategy. Stay disciplined and informed to navigate your financial journey successfully.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 23 years old. I am working as guest teacher in govt school. 25000 my monthly salary. Where and how I invest my money.
Ans: You are 23 years old and working as a guest teacher in a government school. Your monthly salary is Rs. 25,000. This is a great start for your career. Now, you are thinking about investing your money wisely. Investing early can help you build wealth and achieve your financial goals. Let’s explore how you can effectively invest your money.

Importance of Budgeting
Before you start investing, it’s important to have a clear understanding of your income and expenses. This will help you determine how much money you can set aside for investments. Create a budget that outlines your monthly income, necessary expenses, and potential savings. This practice will help you manage your finances more effectively.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial. It acts as a financial safety net for unexpected expenses. Aim to save at least three to six months' worth of expenses in a liquid and safe investment. A savings account or a short-term fixed deposit is a good option. This fund will provide you with peace of mind and financial stability.

Exploring Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are a great investment option for young investors like you. They offer diversification, professional management, and potential for high returns. Let’s delve into the various categories of mutual funds and their benefits:

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest primarily in stocks. They offer high growth potential but come with higher risk. Given your age, you can afford to take some risks. Investing in equity mutual funds can help you build wealth over the long term. Start with a small amount and gradually increase your investment as you become more comfortable.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed income securities like bonds and government securities. They are less risky compared to equity funds and provide stable returns. Debt funds can be a good option for your emergency fund or for balancing your portfolio.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid mutual funds invest in both equities and debt instruments. They offer a balanced approach, providing moderate returns with reduced risk. These funds are suitable for investors who are looking for a mix of growth and stability.

SIP (Systematic Investment Plan)
SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount in mutual funds at regular intervals (monthly, quarterly, etc.). This method helps inculcate a disciplined investment habit and reduces the impact of market volatility. Even a small monthly investment can grow significantly over time due to the power of compounding.

Power of Compounding
Compounding is one of the most powerful concepts in investing. It allows your investment earnings to generate additional earnings over time. The earlier you start investing, the more you can benefit from compounding. For instance, a small investment made at your age can grow substantially over the years.

Diversification
Diversification involves spreading your investments across various asset classes to reduce risk. By investing in different types of mutual funds (equity, debt, hybrid), you can achieve a diversified portfolio. This strategy helps in managing risk and enhancing returns.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoid Direct Funds
Direct funds require you to manage your investments yourself, which can be time-consuming and complex. Regular funds, managed by a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), provide professional guidance and can help you make informed decisions.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds track a specific index and offer lower returns compared to actively managed funds. They don’t have the flexibility to adapt to market changes. Actively managed funds, guided by experts, aim to outperform the market and provide better returns.

Setting Financial Goals
It’s important to set clear financial goals. Determine what you want to achieve with your investments, whether it’s buying a house, funding education, or saving for retirement. Having specific goals will help you stay focused and motivated.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your financial goals. Market conditions change, and so do your personal circumstances. Rebalancing involves adjusting your portfolio to maintain your desired asset allocation. This practice helps in managing risk and optimizing returns.

Tax Planning
Tax planning is an integral part of financial planning. Certain mutual funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act. Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) are a popular option. They provide tax deductions and have the potential for high returns.

Investing in PPF (Public Provident Fund)
PPF is a government-backed savings scheme. It offers attractive interest rates and tax benefits. It’s a long-term investment with a lock-in period of 15 years. PPF is suitable for risk-averse investors looking for stable returns and tax savings.

Health Insurance
Having health insurance is crucial to protect yourself against medical emergencies. Medical expenses can be high and can drain your savings. Health insurance provides financial coverage and peace of mind.

Life Insurance
Life insurance is essential, especially if you have dependents. It ensures financial security for your loved ones in case of an unfortunate event. Term insurance is a cost-effective option. It provides high coverage at a low premium.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments
Avoid high-risk investments like speculative stocks or cryptocurrencies. They can offer high returns but come with significant risk. It’s important to prioritize stability and long-term growth over quick gains.

Seeking Professional Advice
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be beneficial. A CFP provides personalized advice based on your financial situation and goals. They can help you create a comprehensive financial plan and guide you in making informed investment decisions.

Final Insights
Starting your investment journey at a young age is commendable. It sets the foundation for a secure financial future. Focus on building an emergency fund, diversifying your investments, and setting clear financial goals. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. Prioritize stability and long-term growth. Seek professional advice when needed.

Your financial journey is unique, and with the right strategies, you can achieve your goals. Keep learning, stay disciplined, and be patient. Your efforts will pay off in the long run.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Money
Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Money
Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024
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Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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