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Should I Invest My Money in Bonds, FD, or Real Estate to Avoid Taxes?

T S Khurana

T S Khurana   |264 Answers  |Ask -

Tax Expert - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

A certified management accountant since 1993, T S Khurana is a fellow member of The Institute of Cost Accountants of India. His areas of expertise are income tax, specifically litigation cases, and GST.

Since the last 21 years, he has also been providing expert advice on financial matters, including investments and diversification of funds, and wealth building in the long term to his clients.
He believes that investment in real estate is the safest way for better returns and wealth generation over a period of time.

A former chairman of the Chandigarh Chapter of Institute of Cost Accountants of India, T S Khurana has also served as member of its technical committee.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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I sold a property with 90 Lakhs what should I do with this money with net long term capital gain 30 lakhs to avoid tax, should I put in bond,fd giving tax or buy property in a place with 90 lakhs and get 18k p m as rent

Ans: To save tax, you need to invest at least Capital Gain part of the transaction, in :
(a). Purchase of a Residential Property, with in time limit of one year before or two years after the sale of property generating Capital Gain.
(b). Purchase Capital Gain Bonds, issued by NHAI etc.
(c). You may spend Rs.60 lakhs (Rs.90.00 - 30.00 lakhs), as per your choice.
(d). In your question, last option suggested by you seems to be a good choice, which will ensure increase in your monthly income and also take care of Capital appreciation (provided the property is residential).
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7343 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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I'm doing Rs 5000 SIP in SBI blue chip fund for last few 5 years . But it has been underperformer for last many quarters. Kindly advise , shall i switch to ICICI large cap or Nippon Large cap which looks stronger from many parameter . Please comment on my Switching Strategy : a) will stop SIP with SBI , but continue the holding. b) will start SIP of that Rs.5000 with Nippon/ICICI whichever you suggest Investment horizon -13 years till retirement
Ans: You have consistently invested in the SBI Blue Chip Fund through a systematic investment plan (SIP) for the past five years. This disciplined approach is commendable and ensures you benefit from rupee-cost averaging. However, you are concerned about its underperformance in recent quarters. Let us evaluate whether switching is the right strategy and how to optimise your investments.

Evaluating SBI Blue Chip Fund
Large-cap funds like SBI Blue Chip Fund invest in established companies with stable returns.

Short-term underperformance is not unusual, as large-cap funds may face temporary sector or stock-specific challenges.

Review the fund’s performance over a five-to-seven-year horizon.

Compare its rolling returns and risk-adjusted returns with peers.

Consider the management strategy and whether there are recent changes in the fund house or team.

Switching Strategy: Key Considerations
Switching to another large-cap fund needs careful evaluation. Here are factors to keep in mind:

Consistency: Assess whether the new fund consistently outperforms over longer timeframes.

Expense Ratio: Opt for funds with a reasonable expense ratio to maximise net returns.

Portfolio Overlap: Ensure minimal portfolio overlap between funds to diversify your holdings.

Exit Load and Taxation: Check for exit load charges and tax implications when redeeming investments.

Investment Horizon: With a 13-year horizon, focus on funds with steady growth potential.

Action Plan for Your SIP
Stopping SIP with SBI Blue Chip Fund
You can stop the Rs. 5,000 SIP in SBI Blue Chip Fund.

Retain your existing investments in the fund for now.

Monitor its performance over the next 1–2 years.

If it improves, you can reconsider restarting your SIP.

Starting SIP with a New Large-Cap Fund
Begin a new Rs. 5,000 SIP in an actively managed large-cap fund.

Choose a fund with consistent long-term returns, strong management, and a diversified portfolio.

Nippon India Large Cap and ICICI Prudential Large Cap Fund are potential options.

Review the fund's portfolio allocation and compare it to SBI Blue Chip.

Why Retain Existing Holdings?
Selling the entire holding could trigger capital gains tax.

Long-term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Retaining allows your existing corpus to grow and recover if the fund’s performance improves.

Evaluate its performance yearly to make informed decisions.

Balancing the Portfolio
Diversification ensures optimal risk-reward. Here’s how you can balance your portfolio:

Large-Cap Funds: Allocate 40–50% of your portfolio to large-cap funds for stability.

Mid-Cap and Flexi-Cap Funds: Add mid-cap or flexi-cap funds for higher growth potential.

Hybrid Funds: Consider hybrid funds for a balanced approach between equity and debt.

Debt Allocation: Invest 20–30% in debt funds or fixed-income instruments for stability.

Tax Implications
Avoid frequent switches to minimise tax liability.

Redeeming mutual funds too early could reduce compounding benefits.

Use systematic withdrawal plans (SWPs) during retirement for tax-efficient income.

Reviewing Your Investments
Regularly review your portfolio every six months or annually.

Evaluate funds based on performance consistency and market conditions.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice and portfolio optimisation.

Final Insights
Switching SIP from SBI Blue Chip Fund to another large-cap fund can be a strategic move. However, retaining your existing investment allows time for recovery and avoids tax implications. Focus on long-term goals, diversify across asset classes, and periodically monitor your portfolio. With disciplined investments, you are well-positioned for a secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7343 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 09, 2024Hindi
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I am going to retire soon with retirement fund of 2 Cr along with pension sufficient for me and my spouse. I have own builder flat in Delhi and health coverage. I have one married daughter who is well settled with 2 kids under 5 years. One flat in my building is on sale for 2 Cr. I need advice for investment for 2Cr retirement fund . Should I buy the flat in my building or should I invest 2 Cr in senior citizen saving scheme, post office MIS , fixed deposit in Bank. My spouse of same age is also earning equally.
Ans: You are in a financially strong position with a pension that meets your needs, additional income from your spouse, and no major liabilities. However, careful planning of your Rs. 2 crore retirement fund is essential to maximise growth, ensure liquidity, and meet future requirements. Below is a detailed analysis of your options.

Real Estate as an Investment
Purchasing another flat for Rs. 2 crore in your building may seem appealing for proximity and potential rental income.

However, real estate is illiquid and may not offer consistent returns or easy encashment when needed.

Maintenance costs and the time required to manage tenants can add stress during retirement.

Additionally, property prices in Delhi's saturated market may not appreciate significantly over the next few years.

Instead of locking the entire Rs. 2 crore in real estate, consider more flexible investment options.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS)
SCSS offers safety, regular income, and tax benefits under Section 80C.

You and your spouse can each invest Rs. 30 lakhs, totalling Rs. 60 lakhs.

The interest earned is paid quarterly, ensuring a steady cash flow.

However, the lock-in period is five years, extendable by three years.

SCSS is an excellent choice for a portion of your retirement fund, providing predictable returns.

Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS)
POMIS is a safe option offering monthly interest payments.

The maximum individual limit is Rs. 9 lakhs, and Rs. 15 lakhs for joint accounts.

Combined with SCSS, this can create a reliable income stream.

POMIS also has a five-year lock-in, with limited liquidity.

Fixed Deposits (FDs) in Banks
Bank FDs are simple and secure investments.

You can ladder your FDs across different maturities for liquidity.

Choose senior citizen FDs for higher interest rates.

Reinvest the interest or opt for regular payouts based on your needs.

However, FD interest is taxable, reducing post-tax returns.

Balanced Investment in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds can offer inflation-beating returns over the long term.

Invest Rs. 50–75 lakhs in a mix of equity and hybrid mutual funds.

Hybrid funds balance growth and stability, suitable for retirees.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) ensure monthly income while maintaining capital appreciation.

Actively managed funds outperform index funds by leveraging market opportunities.

Avoid direct funds as regular funds offer better guidance through a Certified Financial Planner.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund of Rs. 10–15 lakhs in liquid assets.

This can be parked in liquid mutual funds or savings accounts.

It ensures quick access to cash for unforeseen expenses.

Health and Life Insurance
Ensure your current health insurance is adequate for rising medical costs.

A top-up health plan may be worth considering.

Review your life insurance needs, if applicable, to protect your spouse financially.

Tax-Efficient Withdrawal Strategy
Plan withdrawals from your investments to minimise tax.

Withdraw from debt instruments first to let equity investments grow.

Use SCSS and POMIS income for regular expenses to avoid redeeming growth investments prematurely.

Gifting and Family Support
Consider gifting a part of your wealth to your daughter under Section 56 of the Income Tax Act.

Such gifts are tax-free for both you and the recipient if given within family relationships.

Ensure you balance gifting with retaining enough for your future needs.

Final Insights
Investing your Rs. 2 crore retirement fund strategically will ensure financial security and flexibility. Avoid locking funds in another flat due to its illiquid nature and uncertain returns. Instead, allocate across SCSS, POMIS, FDs, and mutual funds for steady growth, liquidity, and a regular income stream.

A diversified portfolio will secure your financial independence and allow you to support your family comfortably. Periodically review your investments with a Certified Financial Planner to adapt to changing circumstances.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7343 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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Please suggest me 5 mutual funds for Sip of 8000/- total amount monthly.....I want to invest for 8 years .....I'm 42 years of age ..
Ans: Investing Rs. 8,000 monthly for 8 years can help you create wealth effectively. Let us identify the ideal funds and strategy for you.

Key Points for Selection
Your investment horizon of 8 years is medium-term.

A balanced approach is suitable, combining equity and debt.

Diversification across fund categories ensures better risk management.

Suggested Allocation for Rs. 8,000 SIP
Large-Cap Fund (Rs. 2,000)
These funds invest in top 100 companies by market capitalisation.
They offer stability and steady growth.

Flexi-Cap Fund (Rs. 2,000)
These funds invest across market caps for diversification.
They provide growth and flexibility during market fluctuations.

Mid-Cap Fund (Rs. 1,500)
These funds focus on mid-sized companies with high growth potential.
They carry moderate risk and reward.

Balanced Advantage Fund (Rs. 1,500)
These funds dynamically adjust between equity and debt.
They are suitable for moderate risk and consistent returns.

Debt Fund (Rs. 1,000)
These funds offer stability and act as a hedge against equity volatility.
They are crucial for meeting liquidity needs.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Active funds allow fund managers to outperform benchmarks.

They adjust to market trends for better returns.

Avoid index funds due to limited flexibility and performance dependency.

A Certified Financial Planner can guide you in selecting high-quality funds.

Tax Considerations
Equity funds attract LTCG tax above Rs. 1.25 lakh at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions to minimise tax liabilities.

Recommendations for Effective SIP Management
Automate SIPs to maintain discipline.

Increase SIP amounts annually by 10–15% with income growth.

Review the fund performance periodically.

Stay invested during market corrections for better compounding.

Emergency and Risk Management
Maintain an emergency fund of 6–12 months' expenses.

Ensure adequate health insurance for yourself and dependents.

Have life insurance of 10–15 times your annual income.

Final Insights
Your decision to invest Rs. 8,000 monthly is excellent. A well-diversified mutual fund portfolio aligned with your goals can achieve significant growth. Focus on consistency, discipline, and periodic reviews for optimal results.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7343 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi..me and wife are in late forties. We have 1Cr in PPF, 1 Cr in FDs and 1Cr in MFs. Our current salary is 2L per month. We are living in own house. We are also getting rent of 50k per month. We have zero loans. One Kid is doing engineering, the other is in school. Can we retire early now.
Ans: Early retirement is a significant decision requiring careful planning. Let us evaluate your situation comprehensively and guide you on the way forward.

Current Financial Position
You have Rs. 1 crore in PPF, offering risk-free returns.

Rs. 1 crore is in fixed deposits, providing safety and liquidity.

Rs. 1 crore is in mutual funds, aimed at wealth creation.

You have a total financial corpus of Rs. 3 crore.

Your monthly income is Rs. 2 lakh, plus Rs. 50,000 from rental income.

You own your house and have no loans.

Financial Responsibilities
One child is pursuing engineering, which involves substantial expenses.

The other child is in school, with educational needs likely to increase.

You need to plan for higher education and possibly marriage expenses.

Retirement Lifestyle and Expenses
Determine your monthly expenses, including living costs and leisure activities.

Account for inflation. Expenses will rise significantly over the years.

Plan for medical costs as healthcare expenses increase with age.

Corpus Evaluation for Early Retirement
A corpus of Rs. 3 crore is a strong foundation for early retirement.

This amount must support your family for 30–40 years.

Rental income of Rs. 50,000 can reduce dependence on your corpus.

Your PPF and fixed deposits provide safety, but inflation can erode their value.

Mutual funds can offer growth, but they require long-term discipline.

Investment Strategy Post-Retirement
Allocate 60–70% of your corpus to equity mutual funds for inflation-adjusted growth.

Invest 20–30% in debt funds for stability and predictable returns.

Maintain 5–10% in liquid funds for emergencies and short-term needs.

Managing Educational Expenses
Estimate costs for your children’s higher education.

Use part of the mutual fund corpus for these expenses.

Avoid withdrawing from PPF prematurely to ensure long-term safety.

Medical and Life Insurance
Review your health insurance coverage of Rs. 10 lakh for the family.

Consider increasing it to Rs. 20–25 lakh to cover rising healthcare costs.

Ensure life insurance of at least 10–15 times your annual income.

Opt for a term plan if your existing coverage is insufficient.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund of 12–24 months of expenses.

Use liquid funds or short-term fixed deposits for this purpose.

Tax Efficiency
PPF interest is tax-free, but fixed deposit interest is taxable.

Mutual funds offer tax-efficient returns over the long term.

Equity mutual funds' LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Plan redemptions to minimise tax outgo on your investments.

Importance of Regular Reviews
Review your financial plan and investment portfolio annually.

Adjust your asset allocation based on market conditions and changing needs.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner for unbiased and expert advice.

Final Insights
You are well-positioned for early retirement, but proper planning is critical. Focus on inflation-beating growth, healthcare readiness, and financial discipline. Balance your responsibilities with lifestyle aspirations, ensuring sustainability over the long term.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7343 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Hello Experts, I am 43 old having a monthly Sal of 2.6L/Month wife Sal is 40K/Month. We have 35L invested in MF and Equity ( Stocks) we have have close to 40L in FD and Post office, as part of retirement my PF is close to 40L we have 2 kids 11 and 7 years old. We have a 3BHK flat, we have no loans. health insurance of 10L for family and 15L for my mother who is 72 years old. Doing a SIP of 1.5L per month, we started investing 2 years back, along with SIP we did some lumpsum investments also. Is it possible to have a good corpus in next 10 years.
Ans: Your consistent efforts reflect great financial discipline. Let us assess and guide you on building a robust corpus for the next 10 years.

Income and Expenses
Your combined family income is Rs. 3,00,000 per month.

With no loans, you have a healthy cash flow for investments.

Existing Investments
Rs. 35 lakh is invested in mutual funds and equity stocks.

Rs. 40 lakh is in fixed deposits and post office schemes.

Your retirement corpus in PF is Rs. 40 lakh.

Insurance Coverage
Health insurance of Rs. 10 lakh covers your family.

Separate Rs. 15 lakh health insurance covers your mother.

Current SIP and Lump Sum Investments
Your SIP contribution of Rs. 1.5 lakh per month is substantial.

Investments started two years ago, showing focused financial planning.

Retirement Planning
You aim to accumulate a good corpus in 10 years.

Your PF of Rs. 40 lakh will continue to grow over time.

Focus on equity for wealth creation due to long-term growth potential.

Assessing Your Goals
Consider retirement and children’s education as key goals.

Plan for higher education expenses when kids are 18–20 years old.

Ensure funds for post-retirement lifestyle and medical needs.

Suggested Investment Strategy
Continue with your SIP of Rs. 1.5 lakh per month.

Allocate 60–70% of your SIP to equity mutual funds for growth.

Invest in flexi-cap, large-cap, and mid-cap funds for balanced risk.

Allocate 20–30% to debt funds for stability and lower risk.

Emergency Fund and Contingency Planning
Maintain an emergency fund of at least 12 months of expenses.

Use liquid funds or short-term FDs for this purpose.

Diversification of Investments
Limit exposure to fixed deposits due to lower returns.

Gradually move some FD funds to mutual funds for higher growth.

Keep post office investments for secure, low-risk returns.

Tax Efficiency of Investments
Understand new capital gains taxation on equity and debt mutual funds.

Plan redemptions to optimise long-term and short-term capital gains taxes.

Fixed deposit interest is taxable. Diversify to reduce tax burden.

Education Planning
Start a dedicated corpus for children’s higher education.

Invest separately for this goal in equity mutual funds.

Use child-specific funds or regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Risk Management
Review health insurance to ensure coverage is adequate.

Consider increasing family health coverage to Rs. 20 lakh if feasible.

Buy a term insurance policy for 15–20 times your annual income.

Reviewing and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Check fund performance and rebalance based on market conditions.

Avoid emotional decisions during market volatility.

Avoid Common Pitfalls
Avoid direct mutual fund investments without expert guidance.

Use regular funds to benefit from professional advice and support.

Refrain from mixing insurance and investment products.

Final Insights
Your financial planning is on the right track. Continue disciplined investments and strategic diversification. Focus on long-term growth through equity and maintain safety through debt. Regular reviews and a Certified Financial Planner’s guidance can ensure your goals are met comfortably.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7343 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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I am 37 years old, I am employed and my salary is 30 thousand and I have not invested anywhere. Where and in what and how much should I invest so that when my child turns 20-22 years old, he can get a good amount. He is 2 years old now, the house is on rent, I have not taken any insurance. Please advise.
Ans: It’s commendable that you want to secure your child’s future. Let’s create a step-by-step plan to help you achieve your goal.

Assessing Your Financial Standing
Your monthly income is Rs. 30,000, and your expenses need careful management.

Currently, there are no investments or insurance policies in place.

Your child’s education goal is long-term, giving you time to grow your investments.

Importance of Budgeting and Emergency Funds
Start with budgeting. Allocate money for essential needs, investments, and savings.

Build an emergency fund. Keep six months' expenses in a liquid account.

Use savings accounts or short-term fixed deposits for this purpose.

Securing Yourself with Insurance
Life insurance is critical to protect your family.

Buy a term insurance plan for 15–20 times your annual income.

Consider health insurance. It protects you against medical emergencies.

Opt for Rs. 5–10 lakh individual health insurance for yourself and your family.

Investing for Your Child's Education
You have 16–18 years to invest for your child’s education.

Mutual funds are ideal for long-term wealth creation.

Choose equity mutual funds. They provide inflation-beating returns.

Invest in actively managed funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Recommended Investment Structure
Start with a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP). Invest monthly for discipline.

Allocate 20–30% to large-cap funds for stability.

Invest 30–40% in flexi-cap or multi-cap funds for moderate growth.

Allocate 20–30% to mid-cap and small-cap funds for higher growth potential.

Monthly Investment Strategy
Assess your disposable income after expenses.

Aim to invest Rs. 7,000–10,000 monthly in mutual funds.

Increase investments as your income grows.

Set a target to grow this corpus steadily over the years.

Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Avoid mixing insurance with investments.

Skip low-return options like traditional LIC policies.

Do not invest in direct mutual funds without proper guidance.

Use regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner for consistent advice.

Importance of Reviewing Investments
Review your portfolio annually. Check fund performance and make changes.

Stay invested in equity mutual funds for at least 7–10 years for best results.

Avoid panic during market volatility. Focus on long-term goals.

Tax Implications
Equity mutual funds have tax benefits for long-term investments.

Gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh per year are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Planning for Rent and Other Needs
Manage your rent and other recurring expenses effectively.

Do not compromise your investments for lifestyle expenses.

As income increases, consider investing surplus amounts for faster growth.

Role of Discipline in Financial Growth
Discipline is key to consistent investing and wealth creation.

Automate your SIPs to avoid missing monthly contributions.

Be patient. Compounding works best over long periods.

Final Insights
Planning for your child’s education is a noble goal. You can achieve it with discipline and proper strategies. Protect your family with insurance and create wealth with mutual funds. Review your progress annually and make adjustments as needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Pushpa

Pushpa R  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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Health
I HAVE CONSTIPACATION PROBLEM WICH AASAN RELIVE FROM THIS PROBLEM
Ans: Constipation can be uncomfortable, but yoga is an excellent way to stimulate digestion and relieve this issue. Here are some simple asanas you can try regularly to help improve bowel movements:

1. Pavanamuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose)
Lie on your back and bring one knee to your chest, holding it with your hands.
Press your knee gently into your abdomen while keeping the other leg straight.
Switch legs and repeat, or do both knees together.
This pose massages your abdominal organs and promotes digestion.
2. Marjaryasana-Bitilasana (Cat-Cow Pose)
Begin on all fours.
As you inhale, arch your back (Cow Pose) and look up.
As you exhale, round your back (Cat Pose) and tuck your chin to your chest.
Repeat slowly for 8-10 breaths to massage your digestive organs and improve gut motility.
3. Malasana (Garland Pose)
Squat down with your feet wide apart and palms together at your chest.
Keep your spine straight and hold this pose for a few breaths.
This pose helps open up the pelvic area, aiding digestion and elimination.
4. Paschimottanasana (Seated Forward Bend)
Sit with your legs straight and bend forward from your hips, reaching for your toes.
This stretches the abdominal area and stimulates digestion.
Tips:

Drink plenty of water and include fiber-rich foods in your diet.
Practice these poses daily, but avoid forcing your body into any position.
If constipation persists, consult a doctor and consider working with a yoga coach for personalized guidance.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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