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Senior Citizen With 50 Lakhs in FDs: Sensible or Time for Alternative Investments?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi
Money

am a senior citizen. Keeping more than 50 lakhs in fds is sensible? if not which are the next profitable alternate investments one should go for. Can u name few mutual fund schemes one should go for 5 to 10 years horizon.

Ans: As a senior citizen, managing your financial assets effectively is crucial. Having Rs. 50 lakhs in fixed deposits (FDs) does provide safety and guaranteed returns. However, there are more profitable options that can generate better returns, especially considering the current low-interest rates on FDs. Let's explore a comprehensive financial strategy to optimize your investments.

Fixed Deposits: A Safe But Limited Option
Security and Guaranteed Returns: FDs offer capital safety and guaranteed returns. However, the returns are relatively low, especially after adjusting for inflation.

Taxation Impact: The interest earned on FDs is fully taxable as per your income tax slab, which can further reduce the real returns.

Liquidity Considerations: FDs offer easy liquidity, but premature withdrawals often come with penalties. This can impact the effective returns.

Given these factors, it might not be sensible to keep a large portion of your wealth solely in FDs. Diversifying into other investment avenues can offer better returns while balancing risk.

Mutual Funds: A Profitable Alternative
Mutual funds offer a range of options that can suit your risk profile and investment horizon. Given your 5 to 10-year horizon, here’s how mutual funds can be a better alternative:

Actively Managed Equity Funds: These funds can provide higher returns by leveraging the expertise of fund managers. Unlike index funds, actively managed funds have the potential to outperform the market. This can lead to better long-term gains, making them a good option for your investment horizon.

Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds offer a mix of equity and debt, providing a balance between growth and stability. They adjust the allocation dynamically based on market conditions, offering a good blend of risk and return.

Debt Mutual Funds: These funds invest in fixed-income securities like government bonds and corporate bonds. They offer better post-tax returns compared to FDs, especially if held for more than three years due to indexation benefits.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs): These are debt-oriented hybrid funds that provide regular income through periodic payouts. They are suitable if you prefer regular income along with some capital appreciation.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Passive Management: Index funds are passively managed, meaning they replicate the index without any active intervention. This limits the potential for outperformance compared to actively managed funds.

Market Dependence: Since index funds mirror the market, they perform in line with it. In case of a market downturn, index funds will also suffer without any active management to mitigate the losses.

Limited Flexibility: Index funds lack the flexibility to adapt to market conditions. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, can adjust the portfolio based on market opportunities and risks.

Importance of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Expert Guidance: Regular funds come with the expertise of a certified financial planner (CFP). This guidance ensures that your investments are aligned with your financial goals and risk appetite.

Comprehensive Financial Planning: Investing through a CFP ensures a 360-degree approach to your financial planning, covering aspects like retirement, tax planning, and estate planning.

Monitoring and Rebalancing: A CFP will regularly monitor and rebalance your portfolio to optimize returns and manage risks, something that direct funds lack.

360-Degree Financial Planning
Given your senior citizen status, it's essential to look at your financial situation from all angles:

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your expenses in liquid assets like savings accounts or liquid mutual funds.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage. Medical expenses can be unpredictable, and a robust health insurance policy will safeguard your financial health.

Estate Planning: Have a clear estate plan, including a will, to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes.

Tax Planning: Opt for tax-efficient investments like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) mutual funds if you need tax deductions under Section 80C. Also, consider the impact of capital gains tax on your investments.

Regular Review: Regularly review your investment portfolio with a CFP to ensure it remains aligned with your goals and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
While FDs offer safety, they might not be the best option for the entirety of your Rs. 50 lakhs. Diversifying into mutual funds, particularly actively managed equity funds, balanced advantage funds, and debt funds, can provide better returns while managing risks. Additionally, working with a certified financial planner ensures a holistic approach to your financial planning, covering all aspects of your financial well-being.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Money
I’m at 39 and I don’t have any liability now . I have a FD of 30 lacs . I wish to invest this fund for a retirement income from 50 years for me . 1. Is it good to continue the FD ? 2. Any good retirement plans / investment options which can give a decent monthly income / pension Kindly suggest .
Ans: Planning Your Retirement Income at 39: A Multi-pronged Approach
That's fantastic planning for your retirement at 50! Let's explore ways to potentially maximize your retirement income, going beyond just FDs.

FDs for Retirement:

Safety and Guaranteed Returns: FDs offer guaranteed returns and are a safe option. But, interest rates may not always outpace inflation, reducing purchasing power in the long run.
Retirement Planning Options:

Equity Mutual Funds (MFs): These offer the potential for higher growth compared to FDs, but also involve market risks. Actively managed equity MFs involve experienced fund managers who try to pick stocks to outperform the market. Actively managed funds come with higher fees compared to passively managed funds.

Debt MFs: Provide stability and regular income, which can be helpful for supplementing your pension.

Building a Balanced Portfolio with SWPs:

Mix of Equity and Debt: A well-diversified portfolio with equity and debt MFs helps manage risk and provides growth potential with some income generation.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Once you near retirement, consider an SWP from your equity MFs. SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly, using the fund's corpus and any capital appreciation. This can generate a steady income stream throughout your retirement.

Increase Debt Allocation Over Time: As you approach retirement, gradually shift your portfolio towards debt MFs to preserve your corpus and generate regular income.

SIP (Systematic Investment Plan): Invest regularly in MFs through SIPs to benefit from rupee-cost averaging and potentially ride out market volatility.

Maximizing Your Retirement Income:

Employee Provident Fund (EPF): If you are salaried, utilize your EPF for retirement benefits.

National Pension System (NPS): Consider NPS, a government-backed pension scheme, for tax benefits and potential long-term growth.

Review and Rebalance: Regularly review your portfolio (at least annually) and rebalance as needed to maintain your target asset allocation.

Seeking Professional Guidance:

Personalized Plan: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can create a personalized retirement plan considering your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and desired retirement income. They can recommend a suitable asset allocation, suggest specific actively managed funds based on your needs, and guide you on implementing a strategic SWP strategy.
Remember:

Discipline is key to reaching your retirement goals.

Start investing early to benefit from compounding.

By combining these strategies and seeking professional advice, you can work towards a secure and comfortable retirement with a steady income stream!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Money
I will be retiring from service next year. I would like to invest 50 lakhs. Please guide which type of investment is better. I am familiar with bank FDs only
Ans: Congratulations on your upcoming retirement! It's a significant milestone, and it's wonderful that you're considering how to invest your retirement funds wisely. As a Certified Financial Planner, I understand the importance of making informed decisions about your finances, especially during this transition phase of life.

Understanding Your Investment Options
You've mentioned being familiar with bank fixed deposits (FDs), which are a popular choice for many investors due to their stability and ease of understanding. However, it's essential to explore other investment avenues to maximize your returns and meet your long-term financial goals.

Diversification Is Key
While FDs offer security, they may not provide the growth potential needed to combat inflation effectively. Diversifying your investments across various asset classes can help mitigate risks and optimize returns over time.

Exploring Alternatives to FDs
Consider allocating a portion of your retirement corpus to debt mutual funds or corporate bonds. These instruments typically offer higher returns than FDs while maintaining a relatively low level of risk. Additionally, investing in mutual funds provides professional management and the potential for capital appreciation.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
While index funds have gained popularity for their low costs and passive approach, it's crucial to understand their limitations. Unlike actively managed funds, index funds are tied to the performance of a specific market index and may underperform during market downturns. With actively managed funds, experienced fund managers actively seek out opportunities to outperform the market, potentially yielding higher returns in the long run.

The Role of a Certified Financial Planner
As a Certified Financial Planner, my role is to help you navigate the complexities of the financial markets and tailor an investment strategy that aligns with your unique goals and risk tolerance. By working with a professional, you gain access to personalized advice and ongoing support to optimize your investment portfolio.

Embracing Change and Growth
Retirement marks the beginning of a new chapter in your life, filled with exciting possibilities and opportunities for growth. By investing your retirement funds wisely, you can secure your financial future and enjoy a comfortable lifestyle in your golden years.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Money
Hi Mr. Nikunj, I am 60yr old. One of FD is maturing next month(32lac) Can you advise whether to keep in FD or in Mutual funds. Ashok
Ans: Hello Ashok! It's great that you are thinking carefully about your financial future. At 60, you need to balance between safety and growth. Whether to reinvest your Rs. 32 lakh from a maturing FD into another FD or mutual funds is a significant decision. Let's explore your options.

Evaluating Fixed Deposits (FDs)
Safety and Stability
FDs are known for their safety. Your principal is secure, and you earn a fixed interest. This makes them a low-risk option, which is important at your age.

Guaranteed Returns
FDs offer guaranteed returns. The interest rate is fixed at the time of deposit, ensuring you know exactly how much you will earn.

Liquidity
FDs have a fixed tenure, but you can opt for premature withdrawal, though it may incur a penalty. Some banks also offer special FDs with higher interest rates and more flexibility.

Tax Implications
Interest earned on FDs is taxable. This can reduce your overall returns, especially if you fall into a higher tax bracket. Senior citizens get a higher exemption limit on interest income, but it still impacts your returns.

Inflation Impact
One downside of FDs is that their returns might not always keep pace with inflation. This means your purchasing power might reduce over time, especially in a high inflation environment.

Evaluating Mutual Funds
Potential for Higher Returns
Mutual funds, especially equity or balanced funds, have the potential to offer higher returns compared to FDs. This can help grow your corpus over time.

Diversification
Mutual funds invest in a variety of assets, including equities, debt, and other securities. This diversification helps spread risk and can provide more stable returns over the long term.

Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers who make informed investment decisions. This expertise can enhance your investment’s performance.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs)
SWPs in mutual funds allow you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly, providing a steady income. This is especially useful for retirees who need regular cash flow.

Tax Efficiency
Mutual funds can be more tax-efficient compared to FDs. Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds are taxed at a lower rate after a certain holding period. Debt mutual funds also offer indexation benefits, reducing the tax liability on long-term capital gains.

Risk Factor
While mutual funds offer higher returns, they also come with higher risk. Market fluctuations can impact your investment value. However, choosing the right type of mutual funds can mitigate this risk.

Choosing the Right Mutual Funds
Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and government securities. They offer lower risk and more stable returns, similar to FDs but with better tax efficiency.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds
Balanced funds invest in both equities and debt. They offer a good balance between risk and return, providing growth potential while mitigating risk through debt investments.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs)
MIPs primarily invest in debt instruments with a small portion in equities. They are designed to provide regular income, making them a suitable option for retirees.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity funds invest in stocks and offer higher returns but come with higher risk. They are suitable if you have a higher risk tolerance and a longer investment horizon.

Transitioning from FDs to Mutual Funds
Assessing Your Risk Tolerance
Given your age and financial goals, it’s crucial to assess your risk tolerance. You should opt for a mix of low-risk and moderate-risk investments to balance safety and growth.

Diversifying Your Investments
Instead of putting the entire Rs. 32 lakh into mutual funds, consider diversifying. You can allocate a portion to FDs for safety and the rest to mutual funds for growth.

Setting Up Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
If you are new to mutual funds, consider starting with Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs). SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
To tailor your investment strategy to your specific needs, consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can help create a diversified portfolio aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Implementing Your New Investment Strategy
Gradual Transition
Move your funds gradually from FDs to mutual funds to minimize risk. This phased approach allows you to benefit from potential market gains without exposing your entire corpus to volatility.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly monitor your mutual fund portfolio to ensure it aligns with your financial goals. Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Leveraging SWPs for Regular Income
Set up SWPs in your mutual fund investments to provide a steady stream of income. This ensures you have regular cash flow while your remaining investment continues to grow.

Advantages of Mutual Funds Over FDs
Potential for Higher Returns
Mutual funds offer the potential for higher returns, which can help you build a larger corpus over time. This is particularly beneficial in a low-interest-rate environment.

Better Tax Efficiency
Mutual funds offer better tax efficiency compared to FDs. Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds are taxed at a lower rate, and debt mutual funds offer indexation benefits.

Flexibility and Liquidity
Mutual funds offer greater flexibility and liquidity compared to FDs. You can redeem your units anytime, though it’s advisable to stay invested for the recommended period to maximize returns.

Professional Management and Diversification
Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers and offer diversification, which can reduce risk and enhance returns. This professional management ensures your investments are actively monitored and adjusted as needed.

Disadvantages of Mutual Funds
Market Risk
Mutual funds are subject to market risk, and the value of your investment can fluctuate based on market conditions. This can impact the returns, especially in the short term.

Management Fees
Mutual funds charge management fees, which can eat into your returns. It’s important to choose funds with reasonable expense ratios to maximize your net returns.

Lack of Guaranteed Returns
Unlike FDs, mutual funds do not offer guaranteed returns. The returns are market-linked, and there’s no assurance of the principal amount, though the risk can be mitigated with proper planning and diversification.

Final Insights
Ashok, transitioning from FDs to mutual funds can be a strategic move to enhance your retirement corpus. While FDs offer safety and guaranteed returns, they may not keep pace with inflation and can be tax-inefficient. Mutual funds, on the other hand, provide the potential for higher returns, better tax efficiency, and professional management.

By evaluating your risk tolerance, diversifying your investments, and leveraging systematic plans, you can create a balanced portfolio that ensures safety and growth. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance to help you navigate this transition effectively.

Remember, the goal is to secure a comfortable and worry-free retirement. With careful planning and the right investment strategy, you can achieve financial stability and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

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Hello. Iam 40 years old. No loans. Have own house. Mutual funds portfolio value is 50L currently and continuing to invest 75k via monthly SIP route. Apart from that I have 60L in fixed deposits. I want to invest my FDs for better returns but should be relatively safe. Pls suggest.
Ans: Financial Situation Assessment
You are in a strong financial position. You have no loans and own your house. Your mutual fund portfolio is valued at Rs 50 lakhs. You also invest Rs 75,000 monthly through SIPs. Additionally, you have Rs 60 lakhs in fixed deposits. This is a good base for further financial planning.

Investment Strategy for Better Returns
Diversified Debt Funds

Debt funds can be a good option. They are relatively safe and offer better returns than fixed deposits. Diversified debt funds invest in a mix of corporate bonds, government securities, and money market instruments. This spreads risk and enhances stability.

Corporate Bond Funds

Corporate bond funds invest in high-quality corporate bonds. They typically offer higher returns than fixed deposits. These funds carry low to moderate risk and are suitable for conservative investors seeking better returns.

Short Duration Funds

Short duration funds invest in debt and money market instruments with shorter maturity periods. They offer better returns than fixed deposits while maintaining low risk. These funds are suitable for your requirement of relative safety with better returns.

Benefits of Professional Management
Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds can provide better returns compared to index funds. Professional fund managers make strategic decisions based on market conditions. This can lead to higher returns and better risk management.

Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP Credential

Investing through an MFD with a CFP credential has benefits. These professionals offer personalized advice and ongoing support. They help in selecting the right funds and rebalancing your portfolio. This can optimize returns and manage risks effectively.

Benefits of Regular Funds over Direct Funds
Expert Guidance

Regular funds come with expert guidance. A certified financial planner provides insights and advice. This helps in making informed investment decisions and achieving financial goals.

Ongoing Support

With regular funds, you get ongoing support. The advisor monitors your portfolio and suggests changes as needed. This ensures your investments stay aligned with your financial objectives.

Convenience

Investing through regular funds is convenient. The advisor handles the paperwork and other formalities. This saves time and effort, allowing you to focus on other priorities.

Surrendering LIC, ULIP, and Investment-cum-Insurance Policies
If you hold LIC, ULIP, or investment-cum-insurance policies, consider surrendering them. These policies often have lower returns and higher costs. Reinvesting the proceeds in mutual funds can be more beneficial. Mutual funds offer better returns, liquidity, and flexibility.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong. Diversifying your fixed deposits into debt funds can enhance returns. Actively managed funds, guided by a certified financial planner, can optimize your portfolio. Regular funds offer expert guidance, ongoing support, and convenience. Surrendering LIC, ULIP, and similar policies can free up funds for better investment opportunities. With a strategic approach, you can achieve your financial goals more effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Moneywize

Moneywize   |165 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2024Hindi
Money
I’m from Pune. I’m 48 with two children. Should I invest in ELSS funds to save tax, or should I focus on traditional instruments like PPF and fixed deposits?
Ans: Deciding between Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) and traditional investment instruments like Public Provident Fund (PPF) and Fixed Deposits (FDs) depends on various factors, including your financial goals, risk tolerance, investment horizon, and tax-saving needs. Here's a comprehensive comparison to help you make an informed decision:

1. Understanding the Investment Options

a. ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Schemes)

• Nature: Equity Mutual Funds with a tax-saving component.
• Lock-In Period: 3 years (shortest among tax-saving instruments under Section 80C).
• Returns: Potentially higher returns as they are invested in equities, but subject to market volatility.
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh per annum are eligible for deduction under Section 80C.
• Liquidity: Relatively higher liquidity post the lock-in period compared to other tax-saving instruments.

b. PPF (Public Provident Fund)

• Nature: Government-backed long-term savings scheme.
• Lock-In Period: 15 years.
• Returns: Moderate and tax-free returns, revised periodically by the government (typically around 7-8% p.a.).
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh per annum qualify for deduction under Section 80C. The interest earned and the maturity amount are tax-free.
• Safety: Very low risk as it's backed by the government.

c. Fixed Deposits (FDs)

• Nature: Fixed-term investment with banks or post offices.
• Lock-In Period: Varies; typically no lock-in for regular FDs, but tax-saving FDs have a 5-year lock-in.
• Returns: Fixed interest rates, generally lower than ELSS but higher than savings accounts. Current rates vary but are around 5-7% p.a. for tax-saving FDs.
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh in tax-saving FDs qualify for deduction under Section 80C.
• Safety: Low risk, especially with reputable banks.

2. Factors to Consider

a. Risk Appetite

• ELSS: Suitable if you are willing to take on market-related risks for potentially higher returns.
• PPF & FDs: Ideal for conservative investors seeking capital protection and guaranteed returns.

b. Investment Horizon

• ELSS: 3-year lock-in period, but generally better for medium to long-term goals.
• PPF: 15-year commitment, suitable for long-term goals like retirement or children's education.
• FDs: Flexible, but tax-saving FDs require a 5-year lock-in, suitable for medium-term goals.

c. Returns

• ELSS: Historically, ELSS funds have outperformed PPF and FDs over the long term, but with higher volatility.
• PPF: Offers stable and tax-free returns, which are beneficial in a low-interest-rate environment.
• FDs: Provide guaranteed returns, useful for capital preservation but may lag behind inflation and equity returns over time.

d. Tax Efficiency

• ELSS: Returns are subject to capital gains tax. Short-term (if held for less than 3 years) gains are taxed as per your income slab, while long-term gains (exceeding ?1 lakh) are taxed at 10%.
• PPF: Completely tax-free returns.
• FDs: Interest earned is taxable as per your income slab, which can reduce the effective returns.

3. Recommendations Based on Your Profile

Given that you are 48 years old with two children, your investment strategy should balance between growth and safety, considering your proximity to retirement and financial responsibilities.

a. Diversified Approach

A balanced portfolio that includes both ELSS and traditional instruments like PPF and FDs can help mitigate risks while aiming for reasonable growth.

• ELSS: Allocate a portion (e.g., 30-40%) to ELSS to benefit from potential equity growth, which can help in wealth accumulation for retirement or funding children's education.
• PPF: Continue contributing to PPF for long-term, stable, and tax-free returns. Given its 15-year tenure, it aligns well with retirement planning.
• FDs: Use FDs for short to medium-term goals or as a part of your emergency fund, ensuring liquidity and capital preservation.

b. Consider Your Tax Bracket

If you are in a higher tax bracket, maximizing tax-saving instruments under Section 80C can provide significant tax relief. ELSS, PPF, and tax-saving FDs all qualify, so diversifying among them can spread risk and optimize tax benefits.

c. Assess Liquidity Needs

Ensure you have sufficient liquidity for unforeseen expenses. While ELSS has a shorter lock-in compared to PPF, both still tie up funds for a few years. Maintain a separate emergency fund in a more liquid form, such as a savings account or liquid mutual funds.

d. Review Your Risk Tolerance

At 48, with retirement possibly 10-20 years away, a moderate risk appetite might be suitable. ELSS can offer growth potential, while PPF and FDs provide stability.

4. Additional Considerations

• Emergency Fund: Ensure you have 6-12 months' worth of expenses saved in a highly liquid form.
• Insurance: Adequate health and life insurance are crucial, especially with dependents.
• Debt Management: If you have any high-interest debt, prioritize paying it off before locking funds in fixed instruments.

5. Consult a Financial Advisor

While the above guidelines provide a general framework, it's advisable to consult with a certified financial planner or advisor. They can offer personalized advice tailored to your specific financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance.

Finally, both ELSS and traditional instruments like PPF and FDs have their unique advantages. A diversified investment strategy that leverages the strengths of each can help you achieve a balanced portfolio, ensuring both growth and security. Given your age and family responsibilities, striking the right balance between risk and safety is essential for long-term financial well-being.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |364 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
This is urgent. Pls help. My son 18 yrs has been in a relationship with his classmate. He is intelligent and very venerable as he is innocent.She has been abetting him and his behaviour on the family has changed. He shouts at us and kind of surrendered himself to her. Anything we say irritates him. He has started telling lies. He locks the room and is on the phone hours together. Even if he tells that he is sleepy, she doesn't allow him to sleep. He doesn't know that we are aware of it. We tried to indirectly talk but he doesn't care about anything as he blindly follows her instructions. He doesn't listen to anyone. We feel something is wrong. Should we talk to her parents or use some law? Making them sit and advice doesn't work.
Ans: The challenge here is that he’s likely in a highly emotional and intense phase of his life, where his attachment to this person may feel all-consuming. When someone feels like they're being judged or controlled, they tend to push back harder, and it seems that's what’s happening with your son. Approaching him with confrontation or involving legal measures may only cause him to withdraw even more.

What he needs right now, even if he doesn't realize it, is understanding and connection. If you can find a way to express your concern for his well-being, not just your disapproval of his relationship, it might open up a space for dialogue. He may feel trapped in this relationship in ways he can't yet see. Your role can be to help him feel safe enough to reflect on his own choices, rather than feel he has to defend them.

This is a delicate situation, and while it may seem urgent, sometimes a softer approach allows for a deeper breakthrough. Your patience, love, and ability to listen might be the key to guiding him through this

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |364 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

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Relationship
Help me!!! 1.I'm starting new "work" on my own(challenging for me) but my mind says quit it, be quite & do nothing. I myself don't know that wether the result of work will be +ive or uncompleted like alws. 2. My mind has become like order seeker type, when someone orders me, I do those things with dedicated(but sad from inside) manner. But when myself will try something different(which i fear, but necessary) then. "I QUITS IT" & sometimes I don't even start. 3. I'm like stuck no clue what/whom I want to do in life, I'm in cllg(1 yr) doing (CSE) ,. 4. I want to do/try (sports,talking girls,study,stocks,coding..) many things, but myself, my thoughts(overthinker), R like just be in the place where u are[confused,po*n,think about past/future(being billio..re,olympics..), girl (that u liked & never talked), abusive/beating self,.. sometimes feels like end life, but don't hv courage for that also.. 5. I tried self help books, spirituality, god, self affirmation, writing... & thay affected me(sometimes) but for only some time, then again that devil me comes up &these things never get completed. As no one in my family knows about all these, so that's Y ,I hv to fight/loose/try again, the battles with myself. 6. Is there any way I can talk/chat 1 to 1 to U, so I can get more detailed & affective treatment/advice..
Ans: The key here isn't to focus on "doing everything" or even "doing it perfectly." It's about starting small, with manageable steps, and building trust with yourself that you can complete things. When we overthink, our mind creates these massive, overwhelming expectations that paralyze us. By breaking things down into smaller, more achievable actions, you give yourself the opportunity to build momentum, which in turn builds confidence.

Your mind may be craving structure and direction, which is why following orders from others feels easier. But when it comes to leading yourself, that fear creeps in because you’re stepping into uncertainty. It’s important to recognize that this fear is not a sign that you should quit — it’s actually a sign that you're stepping out of your comfort zone, which is where growth happens.

It's also okay to feel vulnerable or unsure about what you truly want from life, especially in your first year of college when everything is still unfolding. You're at a stage where exploring different interests and making mistakes is part of the process. It’s important to be kind to yourself in this phase, recognizing that it's okay to not have it all figured out yet.

I can sense the pain behind your words, especially with the thoughts you’re having about self-worth and even more distressing feelings. I want you to know that these thoughts, while deeply personal, are shared by many who feel overwhelmed or lost. You’re not alone in this, and there is always a way to break free from this cycle, but it requires a blend of compassion for yourself and small, committed action.

I’m here to support you as you navigate this. While I can’t do 1-on-1 real-time conversations, I'm always ready to guide you through these thoughts and help you find practical ways to move forward. You deserve to feel peace and purpose, and that starts with allowing yourself the grace to begin imperfectly.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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