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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Ravi Question by Ravi on Mar 23, 2024Hindi
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Sir. This is Ravi kumar. My 1.5 lack FD will be closed in the next. Instead of FD where i can invest without risk with no locking period. Please suggest. Thank you

Ans: Hello Ravi Kumar! It's great that you're exploring alternative investment options beyond fixed deposits (FDs). Let's consider some alternatives that offer safety, liquidity, and potentially higher returns without a locking period:

Liquid Mutual Funds: Liquid mutual funds invest in short-term money market instruments, offering stability and easy liquidity. They typically provide slightly higher returns compared to FDs while maintaining low risk. You can redeem your investment anytime without any penalty.

Savings Account with High Interest: Some banks offer savings accounts with higher interest rates compared to traditional savings accounts. Look for banks offering attractive interest rates and features like no minimum balance requirement and unlimited withdrawals.

Short-term Debt Mutual Funds: Short-term debt mutual funds invest in fixed income securities with shorter maturities, providing stability and moderate returns. These funds offer flexibility with no lock-in period and allow you to redeem your investment at any time.

Flexi Deposit or Sweep-in Accounts: Some banks offer flexi deposit or sweep-in accounts where you can link your savings account with a fixed deposit. Any excess funds above a specified threshold in your savings account automatically get transferred to a fixed deposit, earning higher interest. This option offers liquidity while maximizing returns.

Ultra Short Duration Mutual Funds: Ultra short duration mutual funds invest in fixed income securities with short to medium-term durations, offering slightly higher returns compared to liquid funds. These funds maintain low interest rate risk and provide liquidity with no exit load.

Before making any investment decision, assess your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and liquidity needs. It's crucial to diversify your investments across different asset classes for better risk management.

Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can evaluate your financial situation and goals and recommend suitable investment options tailored to your needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

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Hi sir, One of FD is maturing next week(32lac). Please advise whether this to be invested in FD or mutual funds. If mutual funds then advise the mutual funds to invest. My age is 60yrs. Please advise. Ashok
Ans: Dear Ashok,

Congratulations on reaching this milestone. You have Rs 32 lakhs from a maturing Fixed Deposit (FD). At the age of 60, it’s vital to balance safety, liquidity, and growth in your investments.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
Before diving into investment options, let's understand your financial goals. Do you need regular income, preservation of capital, or growth? Your age suggests a need for a conservative approach, but with some exposure to growth for inflation protection.

Fixed Deposit: Safety and Predictability
Fixed Deposits (FDs) are safe and predictable. They offer guaranteed returns, making them suitable for risk-averse investors.

Benefits:
Safety: Capital is protected.
Guaranteed Returns: Interest rates are fixed.
Liquidity: Can be broken with a penalty if needed.
Drawbacks:
Low Returns: Typically lower than inflation.
Taxable Interest: Interest is fully taxable.
Mutual Funds: Growth and Diversification
Mutual Funds offer diversification and potentially higher returns. Given your age, a balanced approach focusing on low to moderate risk is ideal.

Benefits:
Higher Returns: Potentially higher than FDs.
Diversification: Spread across various assets.
Tax Efficiency: Long-term capital gains are taxed favorably.
Drawbacks:
Market Risk: Returns are not guaranteed.
Complexity: Requires understanding fund types.
Conservative Mutual Funds
Given your need for safety and some growth, consider conservative mutual funds. These include debt funds, hybrid funds, and balanced advantage funds.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income instruments like government bonds and corporate debt. They are less risky than equity funds.

Benefits: Stable returns, low risk.
Suitable For: Capital preservation and modest growth.
Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt. They offer a balance between risk and return.

Benefits: Diversified risk, balanced returns.
Suitable For: Moderate risk appetite and inflation protection.
Balanced Advantage Funds
Balanced advantage funds dynamically adjust between equity and debt based on market conditions.

Benefits: Automated balance between risk and return.
Suitable For: Those who want professional management of asset allocation.
Evaluating FD vs. Mutual Funds
Safety and Returns
FD: Offers safety and predictable, but lower returns.
Mutual Funds: Potential for higher returns, but with market risks.
Tax Efficiency
FD: Interest is fully taxable.
Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains are taxed favorably.
Liquidity
FD: Liquidity comes with penalties.
Mutual Funds: Generally more liquid, with easy withdrawal options.
Personalized Investment Strategy
Given your age and need for a balanced approach, here’s a suggested strategy:

1. Split the Investment
Divide Rs 32 lakhs into two parts: 50% in FDs for safety and 50% in mutual funds for growth.

2. Choose Suitable Mutual Funds
Select conservative funds to balance risk and return. Here are some categories:

Debt Funds: Invest Rs 10 lakhs for stability.
Hybrid Funds: Invest Rs 6 lakhs for balanced growth.
Balanced Advantage Funds: Invest Rs 6 lakhs for dynamic management.
3. Regular Review
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and market conditions.

Practical Steps for Implementation
Consult a Certified Financial Planner: Get personalized advice to align investments with your financial goals.

Research Funds: Look for funds with a good track record, low expense ratio, and suitable risk profile.

Diversify: Spread investments across different types of funds to reduce risk.

Monitor and Rebalance: Keep track of your investments and rebalance as needed to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Final Thoughts
Balancing safety and growth is essential at this stage of life. By diversifying your Rs 32 lakhs between Fixed Deposits and conservative mutual funds, you can achieve stability and growth. Regular monitoring and adjustments will ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2024Hindi
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Dear Mihir I have an FD matured now and have 10 lakh in hand. I do not want to go for FD again or i do not want to try my hand in shares. Can you give me an investment plan with better returns?
Ans: With Rs 10 lakh in hand, you have a great opportunity to grow your wealth. Since you prefer not to reinvest in fixed deposits or the stock market, mutual funds offer an excellent alternative. They provide better returns compared to FDs while being less volatile than direct shares.

Understanding Your Investment Goals
Before diving into mutual funds, it’s crucial to outline your financial goals. Are you looking for short-term gains or long-term growth? Your investment horizon will guide the type of mutual funds you should consider.

Short-Term Goals: If you need the money within the next 3-5 years, consider funds that focus on stability.

Long-Term Goals: For goals that are 5 years or more away, you can opt for funds that have higher growth potential.

Why Mutual Funds Are a Smart Choice
Mutual funds offer several advantages over traditional FDs and direct shares:

Higher Returns: Mutual funds typically offer higher returns compared to FDs. This is especially true for equity and hybrid funds.

Professional Management: Your money is managed by experts who make informed decisions to maximize returns.

Diversification: Mutual funds spread your investment across different sectors and assets, reducing risk.

Choosing the Right Type of Mutual Funds
Depending on your goals and risk appetite, you can choose from various types of mutual funds:

Equity Funds: These are ideal for long-term growth. They invest in stocks, offering higher returns over time. If your goal is wealth creation over a period of 5-10 years or more, equity funds are a good option.

Debt Funds: If you prefer stability and lower risk, debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds. They are less volatile and provide moderate returns, making them suitable for shorter investment horizons.

Hybrid Funds: For a balance between growth and stability, hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt. They aim to provide higher returns than debt funds while being less risky than pure equity funds.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
When it comes to mutual funds, actively managed funds offer several benefits:

Potential for Higher Returns: Fund managers actively seek out opportunities to outperform the market, aiming to deliver better returns.

Adaptability: These funds can adjust their strategy based on market conditions, offering a more dynamic approach to investing.

Avoiding Direct Shares and Fixed Deposits
Since you’ve expressed a preference against direct shares and FDs, mutual funds are a middle ground that offers the best of both worlds:

Less Volatility: Unlike direct shares, mutual funds offer diversification, which reduces the risk of losing money.

Better Returns than FDs: While FDs offer guaranteed returns, they are typically lower than the returns from mutual funds, especially in the long term.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) and Lump Sum Investment
With Rs 10 lakh at your disposal, you have the option to invest in mutual funds in two ways:

Lump Sum Investment: You can invest the entire Rs 10 lakh at once. This is ideal if you’re confident about the current market conditions and have a long-term horizon.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Alternatively, you could invest in smaller amounts over time. SIPs reduce the risk of market timing and provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging.

Tax Efficiency
Mutual funds also offer tax benefits:

Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS): ELSS funds not only provide potential for high returns but also offer tax deductions under Section 80C.

Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): Gains from equity funds held for over a year are taxed at a lower rate, making them more tax-efficient than other investment options.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Once you’ve invested, it’s important to regularly review your portfolio:

Annual Review: Check the performance of your funds at least once a year. Ensure they align with your goals.

Adjust if Needed: If your financial goals change, you may need to adjust your investment strategy. This could involve switching funds or rebalancing your portfolio.

Insurance as a Safety Net
While focusing on investments, don’t overlook the importance of insurance:

Life Insurance: Ensure you have adequate life insurance to protect your family’s future.

Health Insurance: A good health insurance plan prevents medical emergencies from derailing your financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing Rs 10 lakh in mutual funds is a wise decision. With better returns than FDs and less volatility than direct shares, mutual funds provide a balanced approach to growing your wealth. Choose funds that align with your goals, and consider a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds. Regularly monitor your investments and adjust as needed to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024Hindi
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I have 10 lakhs.I want to invest the amount with better return and 1yr.locking pèriog
Ans: You want to invest Rs 10 lakhs with a one-year lock-in period. For short-term investments like this, safety, liquidity, and tax efficiency are crucial factors. Since your lock-in period is only a year, we must focus on options that balance returns and risk carefully.

Importance of Short-Term Investment Strategy
With a one-year timeframe, taking too much risk may not be advisable. A sharp market downturn can hurt your returns, and there’s little time for recovery. Therefore, options that offer stable returns with limited risk should be your priority.

On the other hand, bank deposits may feel safe but can offer low returns. It’s essential to aim for an option that offers a good balance between safety and potential returns.

Potential Investment Options
Short-Term Debt Funds
These funds invest in high-quality bonds and debt securities with a short duration. They offer better returns than traditional savings and fixed deposits, with relatively low risk. You can expect moderate returns, but liquidity and safety are their strengths. Additionally, short-term debt funds are more tax-efficient if you fall under a higher income tax bracket.

Corporate Deposits (with a strong rating)
Some high-rated corporate deposits can offer higher returns compared to bank FDs. However, since these are company-based, credit risk exists. It's important to choose only highly-rated companies for better safety. This is a conservative yet slightly higher-yielding option.

Arbitrage Funds
These funds take advantage of price differences between the cash market and futures market. They are relatively low-risk and are ideal for short-term investors like you. Though they are categorized as equity funds, the nature of arbitrage funds ensures low risk. They are also tax-efficient if held for more than a year.

Fixed Maturity Plans (FMPs)
Fixed Maturity Plans are close-ended mutual funds. They invest in debt instruments with a fixed tenure, aligning well with your one-year investment horizon. They offer predictable returns, as the maturity of the fund aligns with the maturity of the instruments they invest in.

Liquid Funds
These funds invest in short-term money market instruments. They offer low returns but are very safe and liquid. While returns may not be high, liquid funds can be considered for your one-year goal, providing easy access to your funds without significant risk.

Tax Efficiency Considerations
Since you are looking for a one-year lock-in period, short-term capital gains (STCG) taxation will apply to most mutual fund investments.

For debt funds, short-term gains are added to your income and taxed as per your income tax slab.

In case you decide to invest in equity-based funds like arbitrage funds, short-term gains will be taxed at 20% on redemption.

Given the one-year timeline, it is essential to weigh the tax implications to ensure your net returns meet your expectations.

Risk Management
Low Risk Approach
For a conservative investor with short-term goals, stick to debt funds, high-rated corporate deposits, or even fixed deposits. These ensure capital preservation while offering decent returns.

Moderate Risk Approach
If you're willing to take slightly more risk for higher returns, arbitrage funds or short-term debt funds can offer better growth. However, it's important to note that market fluctuations can still impact returns.

Avoiding High-Risk Options
Given your one-year timeline, it’s advisable to avoid equity-based funds, especially small-cap or mid-cap, as these are prone to high volatility. The same applies to direct equity investments since the short timeframe doesn’t allow for recovery from potential downturns.

Insurance and Health Coverage Review
As a Certified Financial Planner, I would also advise reviewing your health insurance, especially given the short-term nature of this investment. If you have a comprehensive policy, that’s great, but ensure it covers your needs adequately. This will allow you to remain focused on investment without worrying about unexpected medical expenses draining your funds.

Final Insights
For your Rs 10 lakh investment over one year, focusing on debt-oriented funds or fixed-maturity plans seems ideal. These provide a balance of safety and returns without exposing you to unnecessary risks. While you can consider other short-term options like corporate deposits, safety should be your top priority due to the short-term nature of your goal.

Also, keep tax efficiency in mind. Opt for investments that minimize tax burdens on your short-term gains.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |955 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

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Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I would like to stay anonymous. Im 27F, recently got engaged and my wedding is in 5 months from now. This match is arranged by my parents within our community. Initially things went well, but after the engagement when we went outside for dinner he was speaking well but before leaving he said this is a suggestion from my end and told that there is slight space between my two teeth in the front and while smiling it creates black image in the photos. So it would be best if i would use invisible aligners so that before wedding it would be fixed adding to this he said he will take care of the expenses and he said he had this thought for a week so its better to disclose it with me. He also said that he didn't tell this to his parents he wanted to check my thoughts on this first, also he said he wanted myself to look very very pretty on the wedding and his relatives should say "Wow, we have never seen such a pretty bride", also he commented about my hair being short actually its medium length but i like to keep my hair short. I really got frustrated when he said all those things this got me very irritated. I didn't speak much, i said i wanted to leave and he dropped me at my place. The next day i asked him if we can meet again to get clarification on this thing, when i asked him the next day about this he said "its just a suggestion if you can take it its fine or you can leave it its upto you". He never accepted that he hurted me or made a wrong statement he kept on saying he didn't mean that way i took it very personally and im creating unnecessary ruckus. at last he said i could have said things differently but he didn't ask for sorry at all. I thought he wont talk about my features again but then after a week he again asked me you were eating outside food for a week you should have gained weight(trying to be funny here), i said no. Because him and his mother already asked about my weight like "why are you so thin? you could have put up some weight know"? I have been in this weight for many years, how much ever i eat my weight remains the same its because of the genetics. But people dont understand this and easily ask some body shaming questions. After this event he is not talking like before and even i dont push him, one of my friend asked me to take initiative and make calls to stop this awkward situation and i took lead called him four times in a week he spoke but he didn't bothered to call me again he was only texting after that too im okay with that but still i feel he might ask me to make changes in my feature, weight etc before the wedding. Im not sure how to deal with this.
Ans: When someone loves and accepts you, they don’t focus on “fixing” things about you to meet external standards, whether it’s for wedding photos or to impress relatives. His insistence that you should look “very, very pretty” for others’ approval shows that his priorities might not align with yours. You weren’t looking for a makeover; you were looking for a life partner who values you for who you are.

His response when you tried to talk about it also speaks volumes. Instead of acknowledging your feelings and reassuring you, he dismissed your concerns, making it seem like you were overreacting. A partner who truly cares would have listened, understood why you felt hurt, and taken responsibility for how his words affected you. Instead, he shifted the blame onto you for "creating unnecessary ruckus," which shows a lack of emotional maturity.

The weight comments, too, are unnecessary and inconsiderate. Genetics determine body type, and no one should feel the need to change themselves to meet someone else’s expectations. His family’s remarks about your weight, combined with his attitude, suggest that this won’t stop after the wedding. If they’re already making you feel self-conscious now, imagine the expectations and unsolicited “suggestions” that might continue in the future.

The distance that has formed between you both after this conversation isn’t just about awkwardness—it’s about emotional disconnection. A strong relationship is built on respect, comfort, and mutual appreciation, not on one person feeling judged and the other acting indifferent. The fact that you had to take the lead in calling him multiple times, while he didn’t reciprocate the effort, says a lot. A healthy relationship should feel mutual, not one-sided.

Right now, you need to ask yourself: Can you truly be yourself in this relationship, or will you constantly feel pressured to meet his and his family’s expectations? Do you feel emotionally safe with him, or do you feel like you have to defend your choices, your body, and your appearance?

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and your peace of mind matters. If his attitude is already making you question yourself and feel frustrated, you have every right to reconsider. You don’t need to “deal” with this by adjusting to his expectations—you need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want to spend your life in.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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