Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

Hi sir, I am PRASAD 59 yrs. I am investing in MF @ 50 k pm for the last 3 years and ramped up it to 85 k pm for an year. Accumulated about 35 lakhs. I am a private employee and don't have any retirement benefits.I own a flat, don't have any loans. I want to continue to work for 3 more years and and continue the the SIP. To get a monthly income of 75 k, how much should I do SIP for next 3 years.

Ans: Hello Prasad,

Your dedication to securing your financial future is commendable. Let's devise a personalized SIP strategy to ensure a monthly income of ?75,000 post-retirement, considering your current investments and timeline.

Evaluating Your Current Situation
Currently, you've accumulated ?35 Lakhs through systematic investment plans (SIPs) in mutual funds over the past few years. Additionally, you own a flat, and being debt-free is a significant advantage in your financial journey.

Assessing Retirement Income Needs
To generate a monthly income of ?75,000 post-retirement, we need to calculate the corpus required to sustain this income stream. Considering a safe withdrawal rate of around 4% per annum, the corpus needed would be approximately ?2.25 Crores.

Calculating SIP Contribution for the Next 3 Years
With a current corpus of ?35 Lakhs, and aiming for a total corpus of ?2.25 Crores in 3 years, we need to determine the additional SIP contribution required to bridge this gap.

Utilizing SIP Calculator Tools
Using SIP calculators available online or consulting with your Certified Financial Planner, we can ascertain the monthly SIP amount needed to reach the desired corpus. Factors such as expected rate of return, investment horizon, and risk tolerance will influence this calculation.

Importance of Regular Review and Adjustment
Regularly reviewing your investment portfolio and adjusting your SIP contributions based on changes in income, expenses, and market conditions is crucial. Your Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance to ensure your investments remain aligned with your goals.

Your proactive approach to retirement planning is admirable. By continuing your disciplined savings habit and seeking professional advice, you're well-positioned to achieve your desired retirement income. Remember, consistency and patience are key to long-term financial success.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Sir, I am 59 and a private employee without any retirement benefits. I am doing MF sip for the last 3 years for my retirement. I have a total of 40 lakh in MF. There is no age restriction for retirement in our organisation, I want to work for 5 more years to have a fund of 1 crore. How much sip should I do and in which funds ?
Ans: Here's how you can plan for your retirement, considering your current situation:

Reaching 1 Crore Corpus:

Additional SIP: To reach 1 crore in 5 years, assuming a 12% annual return (aggressive assumption, actual returns may vary), you'd need to invest an additional Rs.33,000 per month (using a SIP calculator). This adds to your existing SIP amount.
Investment Strategy:

Continue Existing SIP: It's good to continue your existing SIP as it forms your investment base.
Diversify for Growth: Consider a diversified aggressive portfolio for the additional SIP to potentially maximize growth within a 5-year timeframe. This could include:
Large-Cap Funds: Invest a portion in large-cap funds for stability and growth.
Multi-Cap Funds: Invest a portion in multi-cap funds for broader market exposure and growth potential.
Mid-Cap Funds (Optional): A small portion in mid-cap funds can add growth potential, but also carries higher risk.
Consultation is Key: These are general suggestions. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) is highly recommended. They can consider your risk tolerance, existing MF portfolio, and desired retirement corpus to create a personalized investment plan.

Remember:

Market Volatility: The stock market is volatile. There's no guarantee of 12% returns, and you might face fluctuations.
Review Portfolio: Regularly review your portfolio with your CFP to ensure it aligns with your evolving goals and risk tolerance.
Alternative Scenario:

If a more aggressive investment approach concerns you, consider working a few extra years to reach your desired corpus. This reduces the monthly SIP amount required.

Reaching your retirement goals is achievable! Plan wisely, diversify, and seek professional guidance for a secure future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

Listen
Money
Dear sir Now I am 37 years old working in banking sector my monthly salary is 45 k and my wife's take home is 20 k I have one personal loan emi around 24k already I am having SIP with 2.5 k every month now I need to plan for more how much I need to invest in SIP if I want to reach 30 L in next 5 years
Ans: Your Financial Picture
• Your monthly income: Rs. 45,000
• Your wife's monthly income: Rs. 20,000
• Total family income: Rs. 65,000
• Personal loan EMI: Rs. 24,000
• Current SIP: Rs. 2,500 per month

Your Goal

• Target amount: Rs. 30 lakhs
• Time frame: 5 years

Savings Potential

• After EMI, you have Rs. 41,000 left
• You're already investing Rs. 2,500 monthly
• There's room to increase your investments

Investment Strategy

To reach your goal, consider these steps:

• Increase your SIP amount
• Look at growth-oriented investment options
• Regularly review and adjust your plan

SIP Amount Needed

• You'll need to invest more to reach Rs. 30 lakhs
• A rough estimate is Rs. 35,000 to Rs. 40,000 monthly
• This assumes a yearly return of 12% to 15%

Increasing Your Investments

Here are some ways to boost your investment amount:

• Cut unnecessary expenses
• Use any salary hikes to increase SIP
• Invest bonuses or extra income
• Look for side income opportunities

Investment Options

For a 5-year goal, consider these options:

• Equity mutual funds for growth
• Balanced funds for moderate risk
• Debt funds for stability

Benefits of Regular Funds

• Professional management of your money
• Expert advice from certified financial planners
• Regular portfolio review and rebalancing
• Help in staying disciplined with investments

Risks to Consider

• Market volatility can affect short-term returns
• 5 years is a relatively short time for equity
• Your returns may vary from expectations

Regular Reviews

• Check your investments every 3-6 months
• Adjust your plan if needed
• Stay focused on your long-term goal

Protection First

• Ensure you have adequate life insurance
• Get a good health insurance policy
• Build an emergency fund of 3-6 months' expenses

Tax Planning

• Use tax-saving investment options wisely
• Don't invest only for tax benefits
• Look at overall returns and goal alignment

Finally

Your goal is ambitious but not impossible. Start increasing your investments right away. Stay disciplined and patient. Regular review and adjustments will help you reach your target.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Listen
Money
Dear sir Now I am 37 years old working in banking sector my monthly salary is 45 k and my wife's take home is 20 k I have one personal loan emi around 24k already I am having SIP with 2.5 k every month now I need to plan for more how much I need to invest in SIP if I want to reach 30 L in next 5 years
Ans: First, let’s appreciate your commitment to securing your financial future. Your combined monthly income is Rs. 65,000, and you already invest Rs. 2,500 monthly in a SIP. With a personal loan EMI of Rs. 24,000, your current financial situation requires careful planning.

Setting Your Financial Goal

Your goal is to accumulate Rs. 30 lakhs in the next five years. This goal is both realistic and achievable with disciplined investing. But before we determine the required SIP amount, we need to consider some factors like your current savings, expenses, and loan commitments.

Evaluating Your Current Savings and Expenses

After accounting for your EMI, you have Rs. 41,000 left. From this, we must also subtract your living expenses, existing SIP, and other financial commitments. Your disposable income after expenses will determine how much more you can invest.

Let’s assume that your monthly expenses (excluding the EMI and current SIP) are around Rs. 20,000. This leaves you with Rs. 21,000 that you can potentially allocate towards additional SIPs and other financial goals.

Calculating the SIP Required to Achieve Your Goal

Given your target of Rs. 30 lakhs in five years, you will need to invest a substantial amount monthly. To provide a rough estimate:

Current SIP: Your current Rs. 2,500 SIP is a good start, but it might not be enough to reach your goal of Rs. 30 lakhs.

Additional SIP Required: To achieve Rs. 30 lakhs in five years, you will need to invest more. Given an assumed average return rate of 12% per annum, you might need to invest around Rs. 35,000 monthly. However, the exact amount can vary based on market performance.

You can adjust the SIP amount based on your comfort and financial situation.

Balancing Loan Repayment and Investments

Balancing between loan repayment and investments is crucial. Your loan EMI is already a significant part of your income. If possible, consider prepaying part of your loan to reduce the EMI burden. This could free up more funds for SIPs.

If prepaying is not an option, focus on maintaining a healthy balance between loan repayment and investments.

Assessing the Need for Insurance

Since you have a personal loan, it’s wise to ensure you have adequate life insurance. A term insurance policy can secure your family’s financial future if something unfortunate happens. Additionally, health insurance is essential to avoid unexpected medical expenses.

Ensure your insurance coverage is adequate to protect your financial goals.

Importance of Regular Monitoring and Adjustment

Regularly monitoring your investments is key. Market conditions can change, and so can your financial situation. Reviewing your SIPs and overall financial plan annually will help you stay on track to achieve your goal.

Regular adjustments may be necessary to ensure your investments are aligned with your financial goals.

Why Actively Managed Funds Are Preferable

While index funds are popular, they may not be ideal for aggressive goals. Actively managed funds, where expert fund managers make strategic decisions, can potentially offer better returns. This can be beneficial, especially when trying to achieve a specific financial target.

Actively managed funds provide flexibility and the potential for higher returns.

Final Insights

Achieving Rs. 30 lakhs in five years is possible with disciplined investing. Consider increasing your monthly SIP, balancing it with your loan repayment, and ensuring you have adequate insurance coverage. Regular monitoring and adjustments are also crucial. With a careful approach, your financial goal can be achieved.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Listen
Money
Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024
Listen
Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x