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48-Year-Old With $250k Salary Seeking Early Retirement: How Much?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi sir, I have net salary of 2.5L per month and am 48 year old with 2 children aged 16 and 14. I have a EPF corpus of 60 lakhs , NPS 20 lakhs, 10L in stocks,MF portfolio of 15L,invest 50k monthly in MF SIPs. I own a house(loan free), have other outstanding loans of 8 lakhs. I have family floater medical insurance with 30L coverage and life cover for 1.5Cr. I wish to retire by age of 50 - pls advise how much corpus do I need at hand to retire.consider my monthly expense as 60-70k

Ans: Current Financial Situation

Your current financial position is strong. You have a good salary and a solid investment portfolio. Owning a loan-free house adds security. Your EPF, NPS, and SIP investments are well-planned. The life and health insurance coverage is also comprehensive. However, retiring at 50 requires careful planning, especially considering your children’s future needs.

Assessing Your Retirement Needs

To determine your required retirement corpus, several factors must be considered:

Monthly Expenses Post-Retirement: Currently, your expenses are Rs. 60k-70k monthly. This will likely increase with inflation. At an estimated 6% inflation rate, your monthly expenses might double in 12 years.

Retirement Age: You plan to retire in two years at 50. This is an early retirement, so your corpus needs to last longer, possibly 35-40 years.

Children’s Education: Your children are 16 and 14. Higher education costs can be significant in the next few years. Allocating funds for their education is crucial.

Lifestyle Post-Retirement: Consider how your lifestyle might change. Will you travel more? Will healthcare needs increase? These factors affect your corpus requirement.

Estimating the Retirement Corpus

Based on your current expenses and future needs, your retirement corpus should be substantial. Here’s a simplified approach to calculating it:

Inflation-Adjusted Expenses: Your current expenses of Rs. 60k-70k monthly could rise to around Rs. 1.2 lakh monthly by the time you retire. Over a 35-40 year retirement period, this requires a significant corpus.

Healthcare Costs: As you age, healthcare costs will likely increase. While your insurance covers a significant amount, out-of-pocket expenses can still be high.

Children’s Future: Your children’s higher education and potential marriage costs must be factored in. This could be an additional Rs. 50-60 lakhs or more.

Lifestyle and Emergencies: Maintaining your current lifestyle and being prepared for emergencies is essential. This could add another Rs. 50 lakhs to your corpus requirement.

Considering these factors, a retirement corpus of approximately Rs. 10-12 crores might be necessary. This should be enough to cover your monthly expenses, healthcare, and any unforeseen costs. This estimate ensures a comfortable and secure retirement, even if you live longer than expected.

Optimizing Your Investments

To reach this corpus in two years, maximizing your investments is critical:

Increase SIP Contributions: Currently, you invest Rs. 50k monthly in SIPs. Increasing this amount, if possible, will help grow your corpus faster.

Focus on Growth-Oriented Funds: With a two-year horizon, investing in funds with higher growth potential can be beneficial. While these are riskier, they offer better returns.

Review Your Portfolio: Regularly review your mutual fund portfolio. Ensure it’s aligned with your retirement goals and risk tolerance.

Debt Reduction: Paying off the remaining Rs. 8 lakh loan should be a priority. Reducing debt will lower your financial burden in retirement.

NPS and EPF Utilization: Your EPF and NPS together amount to Rs. 80 lakhs. These are crucial components of your retirement corpus. However, they may not be enough alone, so continue to build on them.

Healthcare and Insurance Planning

Adequate Coverage: Your current health coverage of Rs. 30 lakhs is good. But, it might not be enough in later years due to rising medical costs. Consider enhancing your coverage or adding a super top-up plan.

Life Insurance: Your Rs. 1.5 crore life cover is substantial. Ensure it’s sufficient to cover your family’s needs if something happens to you before or after retirement.

Retirement Lifestyle and Goals

Post-Retirement Activities: Think about how you want to spend your retirement. If you plan to pursue hobbies or travel, these will need additional funds.

Part-Time Work: If full retirement seems challenging, consider part-time work or consulting. This can supplement your income and keep you engaged.

Final Insights

Retiring at 50 is ambitious, but achievable with careful planning. You should aim for a retirement corpus of Rs. 10-12 crores to cover all your future needs. Maximizing your investments, reducing debt, and planning for healthcare are key steps. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner will help ensure your financial plan stays on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 09, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir, I have net salary of 2.7L per month and am 46 year old with 2 children aged 12 and 6. I have a EPF+PPF corpus of 65 lakhs , NPS 5 lakhs, 1CR in MF portfolio, invest 50k monthly (Which is on Hold currently) in MF SIPs. I own a house 65L(loan free) & another house 2CR have outstanding loans of 1CR. I have family floater medical insurance with 20L coverage and life cover for 1Cr. I wish to retire by age of 55 - pls advise how much corpus do I need at hand to retire. Consider my monthly expense as 1L
Ans: You are 46 years old with a net salary of Rs. 2.7 lakh per month. You have two children, aged 12 and 6, and a current corpus of Rs. 65 lakh in EPF and PPF, Rs. 5 lakh in NPS, and Rs. 1 crore in your mutual fund portfolio. Additionally, you own two properties, one valued at Rs. 65 lakh (loan-free) and another valued at Rs. 2 crore, with an outstanding loan of Rs. 1 crore. Your current monthly expenses are Rs. 1 lakh, and you have paused your monthly SIP of Rs. 50,000. You also hold a life insurance cover worth Rs. 1 crore and a family floater medical insurance with Rs. 20 lakh coverage.

You plan to retire by the age of 55, which gives you approximately nine years to build a sufficient corpus. Let's explore how much you need to comfortably retire while sustaining your current lifestyle.

Estimating Your Retirement Corpus
To determine your retirement corpus, we need to consider several factors:

Current monthly expenses: Rs. 1 lakh
Retirement age: 55
Post-retirement years: Assuming life expectancy of 85 years, you need to plan for 30 years post-retirement.
Inflation rate: An assumed inflation rate of 6% per year is a reasonable estimate for the future.
Growth rate of investments: Typically, diversified equity mutual funds have delivered around 10-12% returns over the long term.
Based on these factors, your current monthly expenses will increase due to inflation, and you need a corpus that generates enough to cover these rising costs. Since your expenses are Rs. 1 lakh today, they could double or triple over time. Your corpus should be able to sustain this without depleting prematurely.

Breakup of Current Assets
EPF & PPF (Rs. 65 lakh): These are stable, low-risk assets that will help you post-retirement but won't generate high returns.

NPS (Rs. 5 lakh): Provides tax benefits and is specifically designed for retirement savings. It will grow over time but is not highly flexible for withdrawals until retirement age.

Mutual Funds (Rs. 1 crore): This is an excellent foundation for your retirement plan. Equity mutual funds, in particular, have the potential to grow at a faster rate and combat inflation.

Real Estate (Rs. 65 lakh + Rs. 2 crore): While real estate holds value, its liquidity is limited. The house you live in does not contribute to your retirement corpus unless you plan to downsize. The second house has a loan of Rs. 1 crore, and the EMIs for this property must be factored into your pre-retirement cash flows.

Life Insurance (Rs. 1 crore): While it’s important for your family’s protection, this doesn’t contribute to your retirement corpus.

Estimating Your Future Monthly Expenses
Your current monthly expense is Rs. 1 lakh, but due to inflation, this figure will increase. Let’s assume the inflation rate remains at 6%. By the time you retire at 55, your monthly expenses will likely double or triple, reaching anywhere between Rs. 1.7 lakh to Rs. 2 lakh per month. Your retirement corpus should be large enough to generate this amount without running out of funds.

In addition, you’ll have to account for:

Healthcare costs: As you age, medical expenses tend to rise. Even though you have Rs. 20 lakh family floater insurance, post-retirement medical costs not covered by insurance should be factored in.

Educational expenses: Your children’s education could be a significant expense over the next 10 to 15 years.

Corpus Required for Comfortable Retirement
To maintain your current lifestyle, you would need a corpus that generates at least Rs. 2 lakh per month during retirement. Based on a withdrawal rate of 4%, which is commonly used to ensure the corpus lasts for the entirety of your retirement, you’ll need a retirement corpus of approximately Rs. 6 to 7 crore.

This corpus will ensure that you can comfortably cover your rising living expenses, healthcare, and other unforeseen costs without depleting your savings.

Recommendations to Achieve the Corpus
Here’s a detailed plan to help you achieve your target of Rs. 6 to 7 crore before retirement:

1. Resume Your SIP Investments
Restart your monthly SIP of Rs. 50,000 immediately. This is crucial, as equity mutual funds can provide the high returns needed to meet your retirement goal.

Consider increasing your SIP contribution each year in line with salary increments. This will accelerate your corpus growth and help you fight inflation more effectively.

2. Focus on Equity Mutual Funds
Given your long-term horizon (9 years until retirement), equity mutual funds remain the best investment option to grow your wealth. These funds have historically provided higher returns (10-12% CAGR), which will be essential for building your retirement corpus.

Ensure your portfolio is diversified across large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap mutual funds for balanced growth and risk.

3. Debt Repayment Strategy
You currently have an outstanding home loan of Rs. 1 crore. It’s advisable to clear this debt as early as possible. Carrying such a large debt into retirement can strain your finances.

Use a portion of your liquid assets, such as your mutual fund corpus or any bonuses, to reduce the loan burden gradually. This will free up cash flow and allow you to focus more on building your retirement fund.

4. Maximize Your EPF & PPF Contributions
Continue contributing to your EPF and PPF accounts. While the returns from these are modest, they are low-risk and provide tax-free returns, making them ideal for post-retirement stability.

As PPF matures, consider reinvesting the proceeds into equity mutual funds to capitalize on higher returns.

5. Increase Contributions to NPS
Your NPS balance is currently Rs. 5 lakh. Increase your contributions to this as it provides excellent tax benefits and is tailored for retirement.

NPS is also one of the few products where withdrawals are partially tax-free. Increasing contributions now will give you a more substantial corpus in the future.

6. Prioritize Children’s Education
Plan separately for your children’s education expenses. You might want to use specific child education funds or a combination of mutual funds for this.

Avoid dipping into your retirement savings for education purposes. Set clear boundaries between these two financial goals.

Final Insights
At 46, you are well-positioned financially, but pausing your SIP investments and holding onto a large loan could hinder your retirement plans. Restart your investments and focus on paying off your loan as soon as possible. By maintaining discipline and increasing your contributions to SIPs, NPS, and PPF, you should comfortably achieve your retirement corpus of Rs. 6 to 7 crore. Prioritize growth-oriented investments like equity mutual funds, and continue evaluating your portfolio annually to ensure it aligns with your retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Money
Dear Sir, my age is 39 having 2 daughters 8 years and 5 years. my earning is 165000 per month. I have 43Lakh in PF, 5 Lakh in PPF ,12Lakh in NSC, 41 lakhs in mutual fund ,13 Lakh in shares, Term plan of 1 CR , Medical claim of 10 Lakh for family, Own flat, my monthly sip is 80K. I want to retire at the age of 46. How much corpus should I have for retirement, and both daughters' education and how to plan it? considering at present my monthly expenditure is 80 K
Ans: At the age of 39, you have a well-established financial foundation. Your monthly income is Rs 1.65 lakh, and you are already saving Rs 80,000 per month through SIPs. You have Rs 43 lakh in PF, Rs 5 lakh in PPF, Rs 12 lakh in NSC, Rs 41 lakh in mutual funds, and Rs 13 lakh in shares. With a term plan of Rs 1 crore and medical insurance of Rs 10 lakh for your family, you are ensuring both security and growth.

However, planning for retirement in 7 years and your daughters' education will need careful structuring to meet inflationary pressures and long-term needs.

Estimating the Retirement Corpus
To retire at 46, with your current monthly expenditure of Rs 80,000, we need to consider the following:

Inflation Impact: Assuming an inflation rate of around 6%, your expenses will nearly double in the next 7 years. That means at retirement, you will need around Rs 1.2 lakh per month.

Life Expectancy: Assuming a life expectancy of 85, your retirement could last 40 years. Therefore, the retirement corpus should be able to provide Rs 1.2 lakh (inflated expenses) for 40 years.

Considering all factors like inflation, withdrawal rates, and market growth, you may need around Rs 7-8 crore to retire comfortably at 46.

Education Planning for Both Daughters
For your daughters' education, considering the rising cost of education, you should plan for a significant amount:

Higher Education Costs: For your 8-year-old daughter, you will need funds in around 10 years. For your 5-year-old, you will need funds in around 13 years. Assuming a 10% inflation in education costs, you should target a corpus of Rs 40-50 lakh per child.
This means you may need around Rs 80 lakh to Rs 1 crore for both daughters’ education by the time they need to pursue higher studies.

Reviewing Your Current Investments
You already have a well-diversified portfolio across Provident Fund, PPF, NSC, mutual funds, and shares. Let's assess each component to see if any adjustments are necessary:

1. Provident Fund (PF), PPF, and NSC
These are safe investments that will help preserve capital. However, they may not grow aggressively enough to meet your retirement goals in 7 years.
PF and PPF are tax-efficient and low-risk, but their returns may not match inflation in the long run.
Consider continuing contributions but not overly relying on them for wealth creation.
2. Mutual Funds
You have Rs 41 lakh in mutual funds, which is a positive aspect of your portfolio. With your SIP of Rs 80,000 per month, you are already aggressively investing.
Ensure your mutual fund portfolio is well-diversified across equity and debt funds. Since you are aiming for retirement in 7 years, a mix of mid-cap and large-cap equity funds with some debt exposure would be ideal.
Avoid over-exposure to small-cap funds as they are more volatile, especially since your retirement horizon is short.
3. Shares
Rs 13 lakh in shares indicates a risk-taking approach, which is good for wealth creation but can be volatile.
If you are comfortable with the volatility, you can continue holding a portion of your portfolio in shares. However, ensure you do not rely too much on individual stocks for your retirement corpus.
Planning for Retirement in 7 Years
Given your SIP of Rs 80,000 per month, let’s assume an average return of 12% per annum from equity mutual funds. Over the next 7 years, this will accumulate to a significant corpus. However, it may not reach Rs 7-8 crore, which is the required amount for retirement.

Step-Up SIP: Consider increasing your SIP amount by 10% every year. This will significantly boost your retirement corpus.
Balanced Allocation: Maintain a balance between high-growth equity funds and safer debt instruments. As you approach retirement, gradually shift more of your investments into debt to reduce risk.
Education Fund Strategy
To meet your daughters' educational needs, consider creating a separate portfolio with a mix of equity mutual funds and PPF:

Equity Funds: Continue investing for the long term in mutual funds that offer higher growth potential.
Debt Funds: You may also consider debt funds for a portion of this portfolio to reduce risk as the need for funds approaches.
PPF Contributions: Since PPF offers tax benefits and stable returns, continue contributing to this for education as well.
Clearing Debt and Emergency Planning
You mentioned a home loan EMI of Rs 25,000 and a car loan EMI of Rs 16,200. Here’s how you can approach these:

Clearing Car Loan: Using Rs 4 lakh to clear your car loan makes sense. This will free up Rs 16,200 per month, improving your cash flow and liquidity.
Home Loan: Retaining your home loan for tax benefits is a wise strategy, especially since home loan interest rates are generally low.
Once you clear the car loan, build an emergency fund. A minimum of 6-12 months of expenses should be set aside. You plan to keep Rs 1 lakh for emergencies, which is a good start, but increase it as your liquidity improves.

Health Insurance Plans
You have a Rs 10 lakh medical claim for your family. Additionally, you are planning to take health insurance for yourself and your parents.

Family Health Insurance: Opting for an external policy like HDFC Ergo, with your wife covering the premiums, is a good step. Ensure that the sum insured is adequate, especially for critical illnesses.
Parents' Health Insurance: Your plan to take separate coverage for your parents with a Rs 5,000 premium is advisable. Ensure that it covers pre-existing diseases and offers lifetime renewability.
Final Insights
Retirement Corpus: Aim for Rs 7-8 crore to retire comfortably at 46, considering inflation.
Daughters’ Education: Plan for Rs 80 lakh to Rs 1 crore for both daughters' higher education.
SIP Strategy: Continue with your Rs 80,000 SIP but step it up by 10% annually to reach your goals faster.
Debt Management: Clearing your car loan is a good move, but retain your home loan for tax benefits.
Insurance Planning: Ensure your health insurance coverage is adequate for your entire family, including parents.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 44 years old with 2 kids in class 11 and 10. I have 2 Flats without any loan. I have total 22 lacs ( in Stocks), 34 lacs in nutual funds, 40 lacs in FDs and 37 lacs in PF. If I have to retire tomorrow, how much Corpus will I need.
Ans: Retiring at 44 is an ambitious goal, but with careful planning, it’s achievable. Your current assets and financial goals must align to sustain your post-retirement life. Here's a detailed assessment and strategy.

1. Estimating Retirement Corpus Needs

Retirement requires a large corpus to ensure financial independence.

The corpus must cover daily expenses, medical costs, and lifestyle needs.
It should also provide for children’s education and marriages if not already funded.
Assume inflation-adjusted withdrawals for 40+ years, as life expectancy could extend to 85.
A Certified Financial Planner can help calculate the exact amount based on your lifestyle and expenses.

2. Evaluating Your Current Financial Assets

Your assets are impressive and form a strong financial base.

Stocks (Rs. 22 Lacs): This portfolio may provide high growth but carries risks.
Mutual Funds (Rs. 34 Lacs): A well-diversified portfolio of actively managed funds ensures moderate to high returns.
Fixed Deposits (Rs. 40 Lacs): These offer stability but are less effective against inflation.
Provident Fund (Rs. 37 Lacs): This corpus is a reliable, long-term asset.
Together, these assets provide a solid starting point for retirement planning.

3. Estimating Monthly Expenses After Retirement

Your monthly expenses will determine the required corpus.

Identify essential expenses like groceries, utilities, and healthcare.
Consider discretionary expenses like travel and hobbies for a comfortable lifestyle.
Factor in children's education and marriage expenses as immediate needs.
Ensure you account for inflation, which erodes purchasing power over time.

4. Planning for Children’s Education and Marriage

Your children’s education and marriage are significant financial commitments.

Class 11 and 10 suggest education expenses will occur soon.
Factor in tuition fees, living expenses, and any higher education abroad.
Marriage costs will depend on your family’s traditions and preferences.
Allocate separate funds for these goals to avoid disrupting your retirement corpus.

5. Structuring Your Retirement Portfolio

A retirement portfolio should balance growth, stability, and liquidity.

Equity Investments: Retain part of your stocks and mutual funds for long-term growth.
Debt Instruments: Use fixed deposits and provident funds for stable returns.
Balanced Approach: Diversify across asset classes to minimise risks.
Keep a portion in liquid assets for emergencies and short-term needs.

6. Avoiding Over-Reliance on Fixed Deposits

Fixed deposits provide safety but may not outpace inflation.

Their post-tax returns are often lower than inflation rates.
Redeem some FDs and reinvest in diversified mutual funds for higher growth.
Focus on actively managed funds that adapt to market conditions better.
This will enhance your portfolio’s ability to sustain long-term withdrawals.

7. Accounting for Healthcare and Emergency Needs

Healthcare costs can rise sharply as you age.

Maintain a comprehensive health insurance policy for yourself and your family.
Ensure your insurance covers critical illnesses and hospitalisation.
Set aside a medical contingency fund in a liquid mutual fund or savings account.
This ensures you don’t dip into your retirement corpus for emergencies.

8. Managing Tax Liabilities on Investments

Understanding tax implications can maximise your post-retirement income.

Equity Investments: LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt Instruments: Both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income slab.
Fixed Deposits: Interest income is fully taxable under your income slab.
A CFP can optimise your withdrawals to minimise tax outflows.

9. Creating an Income Stream for Retirement

A sustainable income stream is essential for meeting monthly expenses.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) from mutual funds provide regular income.
Withdraw dividends or interest from debt instruments systematically.
Avoid withdrawing too much too soon to ensure the corpus lasts longer.
Plan withdrawals in a tax-efficient manner with professional advice.

10. Protecting and Growing Your Retirement Corpus

To sustain a 40-year retirement, your corpus must grow over time.

Invest in equity-oriented funds for inflation-beating returns.
Reallocate funds periodically to maintain an optimal equity-debt balance.
Review your portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner.
This disciplined approach ensures steady growth and reduced risks.

11. Avoid Common Mistakes in Retirement Planning

Mistakes can significantly impact the sustainability of your corpus.

Over-Conservatism: Avoid keeping too much in low-return instruments like FDs.
Ignoring Inflation: Failing to account for inflation reduces purchasing power.
Emotional Decisions: Avoid panic-selling during market volatility.
Stick to your financial plan and seek professional guidance.

12. Final Insights

Retiring at 44 is achievable with disciplined planning and professional advice. Ensure you maintain a balance between growth and safety. Regular reviews and adjustments will help sustain your corpus for decades.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

Best Wishes.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

Hope this helps!

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi
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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024
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Hello, I am married for 4 years. And someone from my office loves me. He wants me to love him also even if I am married. That office colleague take too much efforts for me, he listens everything about me, he cares about me. But my husband only focused on his work. So I want love, that boy is the best for the love. But loving another man even if you have husband is cheating. I don't know but I feel that I want both of them and I am confused about it. I also love that man from my office. I am so much confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
Tell him openly about this man and let him know that there's a slight chance that you might develop feelings for him if your husband continues to pay all his focus on work and none on you. This could shake him up from his slumber and help him realize that he has not been fair to you.
Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

I strongly suggest you consider doing the first option. Communicate your feelings of loneliness to your husband and seek help from a marriage counselor. It can do wonders for your relationship.

Best Wishes.

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Health
Hello Dr.Shakeeb, I’m a 55 yrs male, had stents implanted in 2020 because of bad food habits and lack of regular movement, things have improved since then with better control on food habits. My problem is belly fat which is embarrassing and my weight is 77kgs, I was on knee braces for last 30 days bcoz of a slight ligament strain, so not able to do strenuous exercises. Pls suggest a workable regime for belly fat elimination considering my case history.
Ans: Hello Sir. Thank you for your query. Reducing belly fat requires a combination of calorie control, low-impact exercises, and lifestyle changes, tailored to your health history. Start by maintaining a slight calorie deficit of 200-300 kcal/day, focusing on a balanced diet rich in lean proteins, complex carbs, and healthy fats while avoiding sugary and processed foods. Drink 2-3 liters of water daily to stay hydrated. Engage in low-impact activities like brisk walking for 30-40 minutes daily, which is gentle on the knees and heart-friendly. Incorporate simple core-strengthening exercises such as pelvic tilts, seated knee lifts, and standing side bends to activate abdominal muscles without straining your knees. As your ligament strain heals, consult Physiotherapist about gradually increasing exercise intensity, including light resistance training. Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep and manage stress through mindfulness to lower cortisol levels, which can contribute to belly fat. Small, frequent meals can keep your metabolism active, and tracking progress through waist measurements rather than just weight will help you stay motivated. These adjustments will promote gradual, sustainable fat loss while ensuring safety and heart health. I wish you healthy and active lifestyle.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm 48 married with 2 kids daughter in 10th and son in 5th. Wife works as a VP in a large firm. Since post COVID there has been almost no intimacy. I tried to talk to her and she says that I'm a sex maniac. I said once in six months at least she says not interested. She s fit in good health exercises and all tests are ok. Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. We go on tours and trips and functions and everything externally is normal. I buy her gifts and we go out to restaurants etc. Everything except intimacy. I've tried to talk about 50 times but she doesn't want to talk not seek any help. Infact the signs of this started from 2016. She's 43 now. I m thinking of now seperating from her. Im really fed up. Nothing is working, and she's adamant. I've pulled on for kids but maybe I can be together for a few more years. I can't live with her forever. You generally ask people to get help and talk etc which is done and tried and yet no solution. Can you agree for once that there is a genuine case to not continue It's my life I know but I think I'm 100% right and that i have hit the end of the road. Inhold you in high regard hence writing to you Sameer
Ans: Dear Sachin,
Thank you for your kind and respectful acknowledgement of me.
Now,
You wrote:
Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. - What was shocking? You have not shared this!

Lack of interest in sex can be due to:
- change in hormones
- boredom in the bedroom routine
- lack of intimacy outside the bedroom

Now, what I must agree on is something that we can keep aside, yeah? My job is to try and guide people to put things together of course, if that's what they want. You seem to have already believed that nothing can work; how can anyone guide you? When you claim that you nothing is working, I will still ask you, "How do you know that you have tried everything to know that nothing is working?"

Also, if you have decided to separate, what more can I suggest? You feel that you are 100% right, BUT you know what: If you actually were 100% right, you would not be here checking in with me...Just playing the mirror here for you.
I still would suggest that you work on your marriage; communicate and rebuild...it's a long path BUT the fruits of it can be amazing!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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