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Equity to Liquid Fund Rebalancing: When to Withdraw and Why?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8325 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 26, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Visu Question by Visu on Sep 26, 2024Hindi
Money

My mutual fund app alerts me to rebalance my portfolio to shift a portion to liquid fund or invest more in liquid fund ????. I understand the Meaning of this rebalance. But my question is When I can withdraw or redeem from my existing equity mutual fund ???? Why should I transfer from equity fund to liquid fund or to invest more in liquid fund. Even if it is a load it is only bearable. Moreover anything can wait for 2 days, even if that is more urgent we can use credit card and defer the payment from 30-55 days. Then why I need liquid fund except for STP while making lump sum investment ????

Ans: Rebalancing your portfolio and shifting part of your investments into liquid funds may seem unnecessary at first glance. However, the idea goes beyond just liquidity. Let's explore why this is important and how it can benefit your financial plan.

1. Portfolio Rebalancing and Risk Management
When your mutual fund app suggests rebalancing, it aims to maintain your desired asset allocation. Over time, your equity investments may outperform, leaving your portfolio more equity-heavy. While this can lead to higher potential returns, it also exposes you to greater risk.

Rebalancing into liquid funds or debt funds reduces exposure to market volatility.

It helps maintain a balanced risk-return profile aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Liquid funds act as a safety cushion by providing low-risk, low-volatility returns while maintaining liquidity.

2. When to Redeem from Equity Mutual Funds
You can redeem your equity mutual funds whenever needed. However, withdrawing from equities during a market downturn can lock in losses. Timing the market is difficult, so rebalancing gradually by moving some funds to liquid instruments ensures that you protect gains without abruptly exiting the equity market.

Redeem equity funds when they have met your financial goals, or the market reaches your target.

Avoid redeeming equity funds for short-term needs since the market can fluctuate.

Instead of reacting to market changes, you can shift profits into liquid funds and keep the core equity investment intact.

3. Purpose of Liquid Funds Beyond STP
Liquid funds are more than just a tool for Systematic Transfer Plans (STP) when making lump-sum investments. While they help with gradual investment into equity, they also serve as an essential part of your overall financial plan:

Emergency Fund: Liquid funds provide instant liquidity. You can redeem these funds within 24 hours without much hassle, making them an ideal emergency fund. Credit cards may offer short-term relief, but using credit means accumulating debt, which can be costly if not paid off on time.

Regular Withdrawals: If you need funds for ongoing expenses, a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from a liquid fund is a convenient and efficient way to meet those needs. This reduces reliance on credit cards.

Short-Term Goals: If you have financial goals within 1-2 years (e.g., a holiday or home renovation), liquid funds are a safer choice compared to equity, which can be volatile in the short run.

4. Why Transfer from Equity to Liquid Fund?
There are several reasons to consider moving part of your investments from equity to liquid funds:

Market Volatility: Equity funds can be highly volatile. Transferring part of your profits to liquid funds helps lock in gains and avoid losses during downturns.

Goal Achievement: As you get closer to achieving your financial goal, reducing equity exposure and shifting to liquid or debt funds helps protect the gains. This strategy ensures your goal is not jeopardized by sudden market fluctuations.

Income Stability: For retirees or those nearing retirement, liquid funds provide a steady, predictable income source through SWP, unlike equity funds which can fluctuate.

5. Cost and Timing Consideration
You mentioned that exit loads in mutual funds are bearable. Indeed, the exit loads in most equity mutual funds are minimal if the holding period is longer than a year. However, there are other factors to consider when switching between funds:

Market Timing: If the market is at a high, it makes sense to rebalance and transfer a portion of your funds to liquid assets. This way, you are securing profits and reducing risk.

Goal-Based Planning: If you have achieved part of your target in equity, moving some money into a less risky asset (like a liquid fund) ensures that you safeguard your progress while still maintaining some exposure to growth.

6. Credit Card vs Liquid Fund for Emergency Needs
While using a credit card may defer payments for 30-55 days, it can lead to unnecessary debt if not managed carefully. Here’s why liquid funds are better for emergency needs:

No Interest Charges: Unlike credit cards, liquid funds don’t come with interest charges. You can access your money without the burden of repayment or interest.

Instant Access: Liquid funds provide quick redemption, often within 24 hours. This ensures you have access to cash whenever needed without the need to borrow.

Credit Card Limits: You are limited by the credit limit on your card, while liquid funds offer flexibility depending on how much you have invested.

Debt Avoidance: Using credit cards for emergencies can lead to a cycle of debt if you’re unable to pay the balance in full. Liquid funds ensure you don’t accumulate unnecessary liabilities.

7. Long-Term Investment Strategy
Liquid funds play a crucial role in building a balanced, diversified portfolio. While equity funds are great for long-term wealth creation, liquid funds serve as a buffer to provide liquidity and reduce volatility.

Liquid funds are ideal for parking short-term surpluses, making them readily available when needed.

Equity funds are for growth, while liquid funds ensure stability and liquidity.

By maintaining a mix of equity and liquid funds, you ensure that your portfolio is aligned with both short-term and long-term needs.

8. No Need to Exit Equity Fully
You don’t need to fully exit equity to invest in liquid funds. Instead, consider moving only a portion of your profits or capital to liquid funds. This ensures that your money is working for you, but you also have liquidity for unexpected expenses.

Maintaining equity exposure is important for long-term wealth creation, but liquid funds give you the flexibility and safety needed for short-term needs and emergency situations.

9. Opportunity for Rebalancing in a Market Correction
By keeping funds in liquid investments now, you prepare yourself for opportunities that may arise during market corrections. When the equity market corrects, you’ll have funds readily available in liquid funds. This allows you to rebalance by moving money from liquid funds back into equity, buying at lower prices.

This strategy ensures you take advantage of market dips and avoid selling equity at a loss during downturns.

A disciplined rebalancing approach can help you build long-term wealth without taking unnecessary risks.

Final Insights
Liquid funds are an important part of your financial strategy, not just for short-term investments or STPs, but also for providing liquidity and stability in your portfolio.

Rebalancing your portfolio by moving a portion from equity to liquid funds helps in risk management and goal protection.

Liquid funds serve as an emergency fund, ensuring that you are not forced to sell equity during market downturns or rely on credit cards for urgent payments.

Consider using liquid funds strategically for goal-based planning, and keep a balanced mix of equity for growth and liquid funds for safety and liquidity.

By keeping funds in liquid investments, you can take advantage of market corrections by rebalancing back into equity at lower prices.

By taking a balanced approach, you can ensure that your investments align with both short-term and long-term goals while reducing the risk of market volatility.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8325 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir.I am 30 year old from Kolkata,I have been investing in Mutual Fund for SIP of Rs.5000/- monthly since October 2021 with a plan for long term investment.My Portfolio has this equity diversification i.e.Axis Focused 25 Fund Direct Plan Growth,Mirae Asset Large and Mid Cap- Direct Growth plan,Nippon India Small Cap Fund Direct plan growth,HSBC Small Cap fund Direct growth plan and SBI Small Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth. All these all together have accumulated alongwith profit and loss amount of Rs.152000/- .Now whether can i withdraw profit amount only and invest in lumpsum to different fund manager without stopping existing SIP? Also suggest me good portfolio with good return over long term.Please Sir Thanks and Regards Praveen Das
Ans: Hello Praveen,

It's great to see your proactive approach towards long-term investing at 30. Building a diversified equity portfolio through SIPs reflects a disciplined savings habit and a focus on wealth creation.

Regarding your query about withdrawing the profit amount and investing it lumpsum in a different fund without stopping the existing SIPs, it's absolutely feasible. You can choose to reinvest the profit amount in a lumpsum in a different fund manager while continuing your SIPs. However, before making any changes, consider the tax implications and exit load, if any, on the profit amount.

Now, for suggesting a portfolio with good returns over the long term, it's essential to have a balanced approach with exposure to various market segments. Given your existing holdings, you might consider adding a large-cap or flexi-cap fund to provide stability to your portfolio. Additionally, having exposure to international funds or thematic funds can provide diversification and potentially enhance returns.

A Certified Financial Planner can offer personalized advice, analyzing your risk profile, financial goals, and investment horizon. They can guide you on optimizing your portfolio, ensuring a mix of funds that align with your objectives and risk tolerance.

Remember, investing is a journey, and staying invested with a long-term perspective while periodically reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio can help you achieve your financial goals. Best wishes on your investment journey!

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8325 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Money
hi i am umesh i have 2200000 investment in mutual fund that now 3250000 is rebalancing of fund necessary, if yes how i can do it
Ans: Hi Umesh, it’s great that your mutual fund investment has grown from Rs. 22,00,000 to Rs. 32,50,000. This shows that you’ve made some good choices. With this growth, it’s important to reassess your portfolio and consider if rebalancing is necessary.

Why Rebalancing is Important

Rebalancing ensures that your investments stay aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Over time, some funds may perform better than others. This can change the risk profile of your portfolio. For example, if equity funds grow faster, your portfolio might become more equity-heavy. This means more risk, especially if the market turns volatile.

Rebalancing helps in maintaining your desired asset allocation.

Assessing Your Current Asset Allocation

Start by reviewing the current allocation between equity, debt, and other asset classes in your portfolio. Compare this with your original investment strategy. Has the equity portion increased? Has the debt portion reduced? If yes, then your portfolio might have become riskier than you initially planned.

It’s essential to match your investment mix with your risk tolerance.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio

If you find that your asset allocation has shifted, you can follow these steps to rebalance:

Evaluate Your Financial Goals: First, revisit your financial goals. Are they short-term, medium-term, or long-term? Ensure that your current portfolio aligns with these goals.

Determine the Desired Asset Allocation: Based on your goals, decide the ideal mix of equity and debt. For example, if you have a long-term horizon, you might want to keep a higher percentage in equity. If you are closer to your goal, you might want to shift more towards debt.

Sell Overweight Assets: If equity has grown more than debt, consider selling some equity funds. This helps in reducing the risk.

Invest in Underweight Assets: If your debt allocation is lower than desired, reinvest the proceeds into debt funds. This helps in stabilising your portfolio.

Frequency of Rebalancing

Rebalancing is not something you need to do frequently. Typically, it’s advisable to review and rebalance your portfolio once a year. However, if there are significant market movements, you might want to consider doing it sooner.

Remember, rebalancing too often can lead to unnecessary transaction costs and taxes.

Tax Implications of Rebalancing

When you sell mutual funds to rebalance, be aware of the tax implications. Equity funds held for less than one year attract short-term capital gains tax at 15%. If held for more than one year, long-term capital gains above Rs. 1 lakh are taxed at 10%. For debt funds, short-term capital gains are added to your income and taxed at your applicable slab rate. Long-term capital gains are taxed at 20% with indexation.

Rebalancing should be done with a focus on minimising tax liability.

The Importance of Professional Guidance

It’s commendable that you are thinking about rebalancing. However, the process can be complex. Consulting a certified financial planner (CFP) can be beneficial. They can provide a detailed analysis of your portfolio and suggest the best course of action. A CFP will ensure that your portfolio remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Professional advice adds value by tailoring strategies to your specific needs.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

If you are investing in direct mutual funds, you may save on the expense ratio. However, direct funds require you to make decisions on your own. This can be challenging if you lack the expertise. A certified financial planner can guide you with regular funds, ensuring that your investments are well-managed and aligned with your goals.

Regular funds through a CFP offer ongoing advice and support.

Why Actively Managed Funds Are Better

Index funds and ETFs might seem attractive due to lower costs. However, they only track the market and do not aim to outperform it. In contrast, actively managed funds have the potential to generate higher returns, especially in a dynamic market. Fund managers make decisions based on market conditions, which can lead to better outcomes.

Actively managed funds offer flexibility and the potential for higher returns.

Finally

Rebalancing is an essential part of maintaining a healthy investment portfolio. Given the significant growth in your mutual fund investments, it might be the right time to rebalance. Assess your current asset allocation, align it with your financial goals, and take the necessary steps. Consulting a certified financial planner can ensure that your decisions are sound and beneficial in the long run.

Investing wisely is not just about returns; it’s about achieving your financial goals with confidence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8325 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Money
Do we Really need liqud fund. we can any time redeem from equity fund and for a long term investor even load will not be there for investment in equity fund for more than 1 year. Even if there is a load it is hardly a bearable portion. I do understand the date of NAV on redemption is subject to market conditions where NAV will be lower. But for which if we keep the funds in liquid fund it will loose an opportunity cost. please advise, Is my perspective is correct. Yes we do require liquid fund to set up an STP by investing in liquid fund than by SIP to avoid bank transactions and bank charges.
Ans: it’s a good question to consider the value of liquid funds, especially when your primary investment focus is on equity funds for long-term growth. While equity funds provide solid returns, the role of liquid funds is more nuanced, adding certain benefits that are essential, even for a long-term investor. Let’s explore how liquid funds can complement your portfolio and address your current concerns from a Certified Financial Planner's perspective.

Understanding Equity Fund Redemptions and Market Risks
Equity Redemptions and Market Conditions: While it’s true that equity fund redemptions after one year avoid exit load, NAV fluctuations can make redemptions unpredictable. Selling equity in a downturn could lead to losses, even in long-term holdings. Liquid funds, however, offer a safety net for such scenarios.

Opportunity Cost Analysis: Keeping a small portion in liquid funds may seem like a lost opportunity. But it’s crucial to weigh this against the risk of having to redeem equity investments in a down market. This slight opportunity cost could save substantial potential loss on equity redemptions during unfavorable market phases.

How Liquid Funds Support Cash Flow and Flexibility
Immediate Liquidity Needs: Liquid funds are ideal for emergency funds. Their easy accessibility ensures quick cash in times of need without touching long-term investments. This immediate liquidity provides comfort, as liquid fund redemptions typically reflect in your account within 24 hours.

STP (Systematic Transfer Plan) Option: A primary advantage of liquid funds is their ability to facilitate STPs into equity funds. STPs allow gradual transfer from liquid funds to equity, reducing exposure to market timing risks. This smooths out volatility, as opposed to direct SIPs from a bank account, which might incur bank charges.

Additional Benefits of Liquid Funds over Equity Funds for Cash Management
Capital Preservation: Liquid funds, being debt instruments, carry minimal risk of capital erosion. They offer a buffer against market risks. Holding short-term cash in equity, by contrast, could expose you to unnecessary market volatility, which may be counterproductive.

Tax Efficiency for Short-Term Gains: Gains in liquid funds held under three years are taxed per your tax slab. While equity funds also offer tax benefits in the long term, the flexibility of liquid funds supports short-term withdrawals without equity’s higher tax impact. Especially for urgent financial needs, this can be a cost-effective choice.

Comparison with Equity for Short-Term Needs
Predictable Returns in Liquid Funds: Liquid funds invest in high-quality, short-term instruments, giving predictable, steady returns. Equity funds, while superior in long-term growth, have inherent volatility. This predictability in liquid funds makes them better for any short-term goals or interim needs.

Avoiding Forced Equity Selling: Liquid funds prevent situations where you may need to sell equity funds at a loss during a market dip. This ability to avoid forced selling in equities protects your long-term gains, as liquid funds serve as an accessible buffer.

Evaluating the Bank Transaction Costs Aspect
STP Convenience Over Bank SIPs: Bank SIPs often attract charges, depending on the bank and fund house. Setting up an STP from liquid to equity funds bypasses these fees, making liquid funds more efficient. STPs from liquid funds also help in better managing your monthly equity investments.

Reduction of Transactional Hassle: Liquid funds simplify cash management within your portfolio, minimizing bank transactions and potential charges. They keep your cash parked in a productive yet safe manner, awaiting deployment into equity funds.

Assessing Liquid Funds in the Context of Portfolio Allocation
Emergency Funds Allocation: Even for long-term investors, an emergency fund is crucial. Liquid funds serve this purpose without disturbing your equity holdings. They are a reliable option for meeting unforeseen expenses while preserving your equity investments.

Risk Management: Liquid funds add a layer of risk management. Instead of drawing from volatile equity funds for unexpected expenses, liquid funds allow you to meet these needs steadily. They ensure that your core equity portfolio remains untouched and continues to grow.

Practical Scenarios Where Liquid Funds Provide Value
Transition Periods: If you’re between investment strategies or waiting to reinvest in equity, liquid funds offer a safe, short-term parking space. This enables you to maintain liquidity while avoiding the volatility of direct equities.

Tactical Cash Allocation: When planning large purchases or payments, liquid funds act as a holding place for cash. For instance, if you plan to reinvest into equities during a market correction, liquid funds let you retain your cash in a secure, yielding environment.

Aligning Liquid Funds with Long-Term Financial Goals
Goal-Based Planning: Liquid funds support goals that require money within three years. For longer-term goals, equity is ideal. But for shorter horizons, liquid funds add a secure layer to your portfolio, ensuring liquidity for near-term needs.

Supporting Large Financial Milestones: Suppose you have a financial milestone in the next few years. In such cases, liquid funds can preserve your principal and generate returns better than a savings account, ensuring your goal is met without equity market exposure.

When Liquid Funds May Be Less Relevant
High Opportunity Cost: If you’re certain you won’t need funds for over five years, then equity funds have the advantage. Equity offers higher returns potential over such long terms, making liquid funds less efficient if no immediate cash needs exist.

Alternative Short-Term Debt Options: Depending on your investment goals and comfort with risk, ultra-short or low-duration debt funds may serve as alternatives. However, these options carry more risk than liquid funds and are less ideal for emergencies.

Final Insights
Liquid funds, while conservative, add immense strategic value to a long-term portfolio. They create a secure, accessible portion of your portfolio, which complements higher-risk equity investments. While liquid funds carry an opportunity cost, their advantages for liquidity, risk management, and tax efficiency often outweigh this downside.

For investors focused on growth, liquid funds enable STP-based investments without disrupting your primary equity allocation. This minimizes bank charges and transactional hassle, helping you build a stable and robust portfolio over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
Relationship
Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

The other option—if you feel she’s unwilling or unable to grow or change—is to consider what a life apart might look like. That’s a deeply personal and difficult decision, especially with nearly adult children, but you deserve a relationship that brings life into you, not drains it out. If you keep compromising your emotional needs, resentment will only grow and harden into permanent distance.

Before making any move, take a little time to reconnect with yourself. What do you want—not just from her, but from life, from love, from this next phase of your journey?

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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