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43 Years Old Husband and Father Seeks Financial Advice for Retirement at 55

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
GKM Question by GKM on Jul 09, 2024Hindi
Money

Dear Mr.Arora I am 43yrs old with one son at 8. Wife is working with 13LPA ( may work only for next 5 yrs). We are in Hyderabad. Myself employed with 25LPA. We both have term Insurance of 2 & 1Cr resp. I have one flat of 0.7Cr and recently procured 1.5Cr flat and small piece of lant in village. Paying Ulip-SIP last 5yrs for 25Kpm & still to pay for 10yrs. My total passive income is 30Kpm. House Exp 70K & EMI 60Kpm. Family tour 0.5L/Yr . Presently i have 5L on MF/Equity & FD is 25L. I want to invest 50L each in MF & Shares , boost FD from 25 to 100L in next 12-15 yrs & 1Kg GOLD ( No fixed time period), Emergency liquid cash of 15-20L at the time of retirement. I m planning financial retirement at 55. Pls suggest your opinion to adopt best possible way of saving & investment. Thank you

Ans: Dear Mr. Arora,

Thank you for sharing the details of your financial situation. Your current setup reflects a solid foundation with both you and your wife earning well, alongside having substantial assets and insurance coverage. Your long-term goals and aspirations indicate a keen interest in securing a stable and prosperous future for your family. I understand the importance of making informed and strategic financial decisions, especially when planning for an early retirement. Let's dive into a detailed analysis and recommendations tailored to your needs.

Income and Expenses Analysis
Income:

Your combined annual income stands at Rs 38 LPA (Rs 25 LPA for you and Rs 13 LPA for your wife).

Passive income is Rs 30,000 per month.

Expenses:

Monthly household expenses are Rs 70,000.

EMI payments for the newly procured flat amount to Rs 60,000 per month.

Annual family tour expenses are Rs 50,000.

This analysis indicates a strong cash flow with significant income and manageable expenses. The goal is to optimize your investments and savings to meet your future goals.

Insurance and Protection
You have term insurance of Rs 2 crore for yourself and Rs 1 crore for your wife. This is a prudent measure ensuring financial protection for your family in case of any unforeseen events. It's crucial to review your coverage periodically to ensure it aligns with your current financial responsibilities and liabilities.

Asset Allocation
Current Assets:

Flat worth Rs 70 lakh.

New flat worth Rs 1.5 crore.

Small piece of land in the village.

Investments:

ULIP-SIP of Rs 25,000 per month, with 10 years remaining.

Mutual funds/equity investments of Rs 5 lakh.

Fixed deposits of Rs 25 lakh.

Passive income of Rs 30,000 per month.

You have a diversified asset base, including real estate, ULIPs, mutual funds, equity, and fixed deposits. However, for better returns and liquidity, focusing on mutual funds and equities over the long term can be more beneficial.

Goals and Objectives
Your financial goals include:

Investing Rs 50 lakh each in mutual funds and shares.

Increasing your fixed deposits from Rs 25 lakh to Rs 1 crore over the next 12-15 years.

Acquiring 1 kg of gold.

Maintaining emergency liquid cash of Rs 15-20 lakh at retirement.

Planning for financial retirement at 55.

Investment Strategies
Mutual Funds and Equities
Investing Rs 50 lakh each in mutual funds and equities is a sound strategy for wealth accumulation. Here are some recommendations:

Diversified Equity Funds: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds by leveraging market opportunities. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional management and alignment with your risk profile.

Blue-chip Stocks: Investing in shares of well-established companies with a history of stable returns and growth potential.

Sector Funds: Allocating a portion to sectors expected to grow, such as technology or healthcare, can yield higher returns.

Fixed Deposits
Increasing your fixed deposits to Rs 1 crore over the next 12-15 years ensures stability and security. Consider the following:

Laddering Strategy: Staggering your fixed deposit investments over different maturities to manage interest rate fluctuations and provide periodic liquidity.

High-Interest Accounts: Opt for banks or financial institutions offering higher interest rates for long-term deposits.

Gold Investment
Acquiring 1 kg of gold is a long-term goal. Gold can act as a hedge against inflation and currency fluctuations. You can achieve this through:

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Regularly investing small amounts in gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds.

Physical Gold: Purchasing gold coins or bars periodically.

Emergency Fund
Maintaining an emergency fund of Rs 15-20 lakh at retirement is crucial. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in liquid instruments such as:

Savings Accounts: High-interest savings accounts offer liquidity and some returns.

Liquid Mutual Funds: These funds provide higher returns than savings accounts while maintaining liquidity.

ULIP and Insurance Policies
You mentioned paying ULIP-SIP for the last five years with ten years remaining. ULIPs often have higher charges and lower returns compared to mutual funds. Consider the following options:

Review ULIP Performance: Assess the performance and charges of your ULIP. If the returns are not satisfactory, it might be beneficial to surrender the policy and reinvest in mutual funds.

Term Insurance: Ensure your term insurance coverage is adequate and consider increasing it if needed. Avoid mixing insurance and investment; keep them separate for better returns and protection.

Retirement Planning
Planning for retirement at 55 requires a strategic approach to ensure financial independence and stability. Here are some key steps:

Retirement Corpus Calculation: Estimate the amount needed to sustain your lifestyle post-retirement. Consider factors like inflation, life expectancy, and medical expenses.

Regular Savings and Investments: Continue regular investments in mutual funds, equities, and fixed deposits. Increasing your SIP amounts periodically can help grow your retirement corpus.

Review and Rebalance Portfolio: Periodically review your investment portfolio with a CFP to ensure it aligns with your retirement goals and risk appetite.

Passive Income Enhancement
Your current passive income of Rs 30,000 per month is a great start. Enhancing passive income streams can provide additional security. Consider the following:

Dividend Yielding Stocks: Invest in companies with a history of paying consistent dividends.

Rental Income: If possible, rent out your properties for additional income.

Interest Income: Utilize interest from fixed deposits and bonds.

Comprehensive Financial Review
It's essential to conduct a comprehensive financial review periodically. This includes:

Assessing Goals: Ensure your financial goals remain relevant and adjust them as needed.

Tracking Progress: Monitor the performance of your investments and savings.

Adjusting Strategies: Make necessary adjustments to your investment strategies based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning is crucial to maximize your savings. Consider the following:

Tax-Saving Investments: Invest in tax-saving instruments under Section 80C, such as ELSS mutual funds, PPF, and NSC.

Health Insurance: Premiums paid for health insurance are eligible for deduction under Section 80D.

Tax Harvesting: Utilize tax harvesting strategies to minimize capital gains tax on your investments.


I commend your proactive approach to financial planning. You have a clear vision for your future and have already made significant strides in securing your family's financial well-being. Your disciplined savings and investments demonstrate a strong commitment to your goals.


Planning for early retirement and ensuring a comfortable lifestyle for your family is a significant undertaking. It's understandable to seek the best possible strategies to achieve these objectives. I appreciate the trust you place in seeking professional guidance.

Final Insights
Your financial journey is on a solid path, and with strategic planning and disciplined execution, you can achieve your goals. Regularly reviewing your financial plan with a Certified Financial Planner will ensure you stay on track and adapt to any changes in your circumstances. Focus on optimizing your investments in mutual funds and equities, enhancing your passive income streams, and maintaining a robust emergency fund. With a comprehensive approach, you can secure a prosperous future for yourself and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I am 45 yrs , 2 boy kids age 14 and 8 years and old age parents with me . I am working in sales and marketing Overseas West African market within the pharmaceuticals industry. I have my own home of 1500 sq feet gross value in Nagpur 75 lac . I have did mutual fund investment of 4 lac in December 2023 ( one time investment ) , regular SIP 30,000 per month from last 2 years and more planning to invest 30,0000 per month from July 2024 .I had taken TATA AIA Ulip plan 1.5 Lac per annum for 5 years (dec 2022 . finished 2 years ) . Present FD @ 7% 10 lac with HDFC Bank. Around purchase 14 lac in Gold bars . Planning to take the Term plan for age 85 years premium annual 1.75Lac pee annum for next 10 years for risk cover 2 Cr . Monthly LIC policy going on 80,000 per annum from 15 years . I am planning my retirement in the age of 55 years to take care 100+ personally for my kids , Please suggest more best financial plans
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach towards planning your future. Let's delve into your financial situation and explore ways to optimize your investments to achieve your goals. Here’s a detailed analysis and some tailored advice for you:

Current Financial Position
Age: 45 years
Children: 2 boys (14 and 8 years)
Parents: Old age and dependent
Profession: Sales and Marketing in West Africa for the pharmaceutical industry
Home: Own house in Nagpur, 1500 sq. ft., valued at Rs 75 lakhs

Mutual Fund Investment: Rs 4 lakhs (one-time in Dec 2023), SIP of Rs 30,000/month for 2 years, and planning to increase SIP to Rs 30,000 from July 2024

ULIP Plan: TATA AIA, Rs 1.5 lakhs/year, started in Dec 2022 (completed 2 years)

Fixed Deposit: Rs 10 lakhs with HDFC Bank at 7%

Gold Investment: Rs 14 lakhs in gold bars

Insurance: Planning a term plan of Rs 2 crores, premium Rs 1.75 lakhs/year for the next 10 years

LIC Policy: Rs 80,000/year, ongoing for 15 years

Retirement Goal: Planning to retire at 55 to care for kids and parents

You’ve made significant strides in securing your family’s future with thoughtful investments. Your proactive steps towards retirement and your dedication to your family’s well-being are commendable.

Mutual Funds: An Overview
Mutual funds are a great way to grow your wealth over time. They offer diversification, professional management, and the power of compounding. Let's break down the categories and advantages:

Equity Funds: These invest in stocks and are ideal for long-term growth. They can be categorized into large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and sector funds.
Debt Funds: These invest in fixed income securities like bonds. They are less risky than equity funds and provide regular income.
Hybrid Funds: These combine both equity and debt investments to balance risk and return.
Advantages: Professional management, diversification, liquidity, and potential for higher returns compared to traditional savings methods.

Current Investments Analysis
Your current investments show a balanced approach, but there’s room for optimization:

Mutual Funds
Your mutual fund investments are on the right track. Increasing your SIP to Rs 30,000/month is a good move. Here’s why actively managed funds might be better:

Professional Management: Actively managed funds are handled by experts who aim to outperform the market.
Flexibility: They can adjust portfolios based on market conditions.
Potential for Higher Returns: Although not guaranteed, they have the potential to deliver better returns than index funds.
ULIP Plan
ULIPs often combine insurance and investment, which might not always be the best. They have high charges and often underperform compared to mutual funds. You might want to reconsider this investment.

Fixed Deposit
FDs are safe but offer lower returns compared to other options. With 7% interest, it's relatively decent but won't beat inflation in the long run. Consider diversifying into more growth-oriented investments.

Gold Investment
Gold is a good hedge against inflation and currency risk. However, it doesn't generate regular income. It should remain a small part of your overall portfolio.

Suggested Financial Plans
Increase SIP Investments
You are already planning to increase your SIP. Ensure you diversify across various types of funds:

Large Cap Funds: Stable and less volatile.
Mid Cap and Small Cap Funds: Higher risk but potentially higher returns.
Debt Funds: To balance risk and provide stability.
Flexi Cap Funds: Offer flexibility to invest across market caps.
Re-evaluate ULIP
Consider surrendering your ULIP after understanding the surrender charges and reinvesting the amount into mutual funds for better returns.

Optimize Fixed Deposits
Since FDs offer lower returns, consider reducing the amount in FDs and reallocating to debt mutual funds, which can offer better post-tax returns.

Term Insurance
Your plan for a term insurance of Rs 2 crores is a prudent decision. It provides a high cover at a low cost, ensuring your family's financial security.

LIC Policy
Traditional LIC policies often have lower returns compared to mutual funds. If possible, assess the surrender value and consider reinvesting in more efficient financial instruments.

Retirement Planning
You aim to retire at 55. Here are steps to ensure you achieve a comfortable retirement:

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Estimate your retirement expenses considering inflation. You’ll need a substantial corpus to generate the desired monthly income.

Diversified Portfolio
Maintain a balanced portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and gold to ensure growth and stability.

Regular Review
Review your investments periodically with a Certified Financial Planner to stay on track.

Children's Education Planning
Your children’s education is a significant future expense. Start a dedicated investment plan:

Child Education Funds
Invest in equity mutual funds to build a corpus for their higher education.

Education Insurance Plans
These plans can be considered for their dual benefit of insurance and savings for education.

Contingency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6-12 months of expenses. This ensures you are prepared for any unforeseen events.

Estate Planning
Plan for the distribution of your assets. Create a will to ensure your assets are passed on as per your wishes.

Final Insights
Your current financial strategy is commendable, but optimizing your investments can help achieve your goals more efficiently. Regularly review and adjust your plan with a Certified Financial Planner to stay aligned with your objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Money
I am 43yrs old with one son at 8. Wife is working with 13LPA ( may work only for next 5 yrs). We are in Hyderabad. Myself employed with 25LPA. We both have term Insurance of 2 & 1Cr resp. I have one flat of 0.7Cr and recently procured 1.5Cr flat and small piece of lant in village. Paying Ulip-SIP last 5yrs for 25Kpm & still to pay for 10yrs. My total passive income is 30Kpm. House Exp 70K & EMI 60Kpm. Family tour 0.5L/Yr . Presently i have 5L on MF/Equity & FD is 25L. I want to invest 50L each in MF & Shares , boost FD from 25 to 100L in next 12-15 yrs & 1Kg GOLD ( No fixed time period), Emergency liquid cash of 15-20L at the time of retirement. I m planning financial retirement at 55. Pls suggest your opinion to adopt best possible way. Awaiting your reply asap as my previous post weren't replied. Thank you
Ans: At 43 years old, you're in a strong financial position. Your annual income is Rs. 25 lakhs, and your wife earns Rs. 13 lakhs per year. Both of you have term insurance policies with substantial coverage (Rs. 2 crore for you and Rs. 1 crore for your wife). Your real estate assets include a flat worth Rs. 0.7 crore, another worth Rs. 1.5 crore, and a piece of land in your village. Additionally, you have passive income of Rs. 30,000 per month, a ULIP-SIP commitment of Rs. 25,000 per month, and mutual funds/equities worth Rs. 5 lakhs and fixed deposits (FDs) totaling Rs. 25 lakhs.

Evaluating Current Investments
Real Estate Investments
Your real estate investments offer significant asset value but can be illiquid. The value may appreciate over time, but they also come with maintenance costs, taxes, and potential market volatility. These assets should be part of a diversified portfolio but not the main focus.

ULIP-SIP Investment
Your current ULIP-SIP investment of Rs. 25,000 per month has a remaining tenure of 10 years. ULIPs can have high charges and may not provide the best returns compared to other investment options like mutual funds. Consider surrendering the ULIP and redirecting the funds to more profitable investments.

Mutual Funds and Equities
Your current investment in mutual funds and equities stands at Rs. 5 lakhs. This is a good start, but expanding this portfolio can provide higher returns. Actively managed funds, as opposed to index funds, allow for professional management and the potential for higher returns.

Fixed Deposits (FDs)
FDs offer safety but lower returns compared to equities and mutual funds. Boosting your FD from Rs. 25 lakhs to Rs. 1 crore over 12-15 years is a conservative approach. However, balancing with higher-return investments is crucial.

Suggested Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds
Investing Rs. 50 lakhs in mutual funds can provide diversification and potentially higher returns. Choose actively managed funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). These funds are managed by professionals who can navigate market changes better than index funds.

Equities
Direct equity investment of Rs. 50 lakhs can offer high returns. Diversify across various sectors and companies to spread risk. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to maintain an optimal mix.

Fixed Deposits
While boosting your FD to Rs. 1 crore is safe, consider spreading this investment over different tenures to benefit from varying interest rates. FDs provide liquidity and security, balancing your high-risk equity investments.

Gold
Acquiring 1 kg of gold is a sound decision for hedging against inflation and market volatility. Gold can also act as a safety net during financial instability. Buy in stages to take advantage of price fluctuations.

Emergency Fund
Maintaining an emergency fund of Rs. 15-20 lakhs by the time of retirement is prudent. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in liquid investments like savings accounts or short-term FDs.

Detailed Financial Planning
Income and Expenses
Your household expenses are Rs. 70,000 per month, and EMI payments are Rs. 60,000 per month. This totals Rs. 1.3 lakhs per month, leaving a substantial portion of your combined income available for investments and savings.

Passive Income
Your passive income of Rs. 30,000 per month helps reduce reliance on your active income. Continue exploring avenues to increase this income through rentals, dividends, or other sources.

Family Tour Expenses
Allocating Rs. 50,000 per year for family tours is reasonable. This ensures you enjoy quality family time without straining your finances.

Investment Allocation and Growth
Short-Term Goals (1-5 Years)

Surrender the ULIP and invest in actively managed mutual funds.
Increase equity investments with a focus on high-growth sectors.
Gradually buy gold as prices fluctuate.
Medium-Term Goals (5-10 Years)

Boost your FD savings progressively to Rs. 1 crore.
Diversify mutual fund investments to include mid-cap and small-cap funds for higher returns.
Maintain liquidity in emergency funds through savings accounts and short-term FDs.
Long-Term Goals (10-15 Years)

Ensure your equity portfolio is balanced and reviewed regularly.
Secure a steady passive income through diversified sources.
Maintain your emergency fund for immediate access during unforeseen events.
Retirement Planning
Financial Retirement at 55
Planning for retirement at 55 requires a focus on long-term stability and growth. Your goal should be to have a diversified portfolio that provides consistent returns and liquidity.

Income After Retirement
Passive income, FDs, and liquid assets will be crucial. Ensure you have a mix of fixed income and growth-oriented investments to sustain your lifestyle.

Healthcare and Insurance
Continue with your term insurance and health insurance policies. Consider increasing your health cover as medical expenses can be significant during retirement.

Tax Planning
Tax Efficiency
Invest in tax-efficient instruments. Equity investments held for more than a year qualify for lower capital gains tax. ELSS mutual funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. Adjust your investments based on market conditions and personal financial goals.

Final Insights
Your financial situation is strong, and your planned investments are sound. Focus on diversifying your portfolio, managing risks, and ensuring liquidity. Regularly consult with a Certified Financial Planner to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

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