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Should I invest in real estate or keep my stocks?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 16, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 11, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi Sir I am in metro city where real estate is booming a lot . Last 5 to 10 yrs real estate is in good shape with good returns. I didn't get much chances to invest due to unavailability of funds. Recently my stocks has given me a good return and in position to invest in real estate market of sum around 90 lakhs. The stocks which am holding also has provided good return for me almost 50 percent and little more. There is chance for it double the amount in coming 4 yrs as per the target set by company. My question is : I have a home loan around 1 cr + and some 30 lakhs renovation in next year. But I am jus thinking to go for topup instead of utilising the stocks. I want to invest my stocks amount 90 lakhs to real estate . Which is giving me almost 40 lakhs return where am investing under pressure launch scheme. Real estate brand is reputed no worries on that. In 4 yrs span it would definitely double the amount . My stocks also has chances of doubling same amount with unpredictable market conditions considering lot of factors too . Should I risk in real estate or keep the stock amount without selling it ? Please advise ..

Ans: You are considering an investment in real estate with Rs. 90 lakhs, which could yield good returns in the current booming market. Simultaneously, you have stocks that have performed well, providing a return of over 50%. You're in a dilemma about whether to invest in real estate or continue holding your stocks. Let's explore this decision with a thorough analysis.

Current Financial Landscape
Stock Portfolio: Your stocks have already provided a return of 50%. You anticipate doubling this amount in the next 4 years.

Home Loan: You have a home loan of over Rs. 1 crore, with plans to spend Rs. 30 lakhs on renovations next year.

Top-Up Loan Consideration: Instead of using your stock gains, you’re considering a top-up loan for the renovation.

Real Estate Opportunity: You have an opportunity to invest in a reputed real estate project under a pressure launch scheme. You believe this investment could double in value over the next 4 years.

Stock Market vs. Real Estate: A Comparative Analysis
1. Liquidity and Accessibility
Stock Market: Stocks are highly liquid. You can buy or sell them easily without much hassle. This liquidity offers flexibility in case of an emergency.

Real Estate: Real estate is a more illiquid investment. It could take time to find a buyer and convert your investment back into cash. If you need immediate funds, this could be a limitation.

2. Market Conditions and Risks
Stock Market: The stock market is volatile, but you’ve already seen substantial returns. If you stay invested, the potential for future growth remains. However, market fluctuations can impact your returns, especially in the short term.

Real Estate: Real estate markets can be unpredictable despite the current boom. They are subject to location-specific factors, economic conditions, and policy changes. While the prospect of doubling your investment is enticing, it is not guaranteed.

3. Potential Returns
Stock Market: Historically, the stock market has provided higher returns over the long term. The companies you’ve invested in seem promising, with the potential to double in the coming years. Staying invested could amplify your wealth.

Real Estate: Real estate can provide good returns, especially in booming markets. However, these returns are typically realized over a longer period. The projected doubling in 4 years is optimistic but could vary depending on market conditions.

4. Tax Implications
Stock Market: Long-term capital gains from stocks have tax advantages, especially if held for more than a year. This can help in reducing your tax liability while maximizing returns.

Real Estate: Real estate gains are subject to capital gains tax, which can be significant. Additionally, real estate transactions often involve various other costs, such as stamp duty and registration fees, which can impact overall returns.

5. Diversification and Risk Management
Stock Market: By staying in the stock market, you maintain a diversified portfolio. This can help in managing risks effectively. Additionally, you have the flexibility to rebalance your portfolio based on market conditions.

Real Estate: Investing a large sum like Rs. 90 lakhs in a single property increases concentration risk. If the property market doesn’t perform as expected, your investment could be at higher risk. Real estate also lacks the ease of diversification that stocks provide.

The Case for Mutual Funds: A Balanced Approach
Considering the risks and rewards of both the stock market and real estate, a middle ground could be to explore mutual funds. Mutual funds offer a balanced approach to investing, combining growth potential with risk management.

1. Systematic Investment and Withdrawal Plans
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): If you are not fully confident in the stock market’s short-term performance, you could start a SIP in mutual funds. This will allow you to invest in a diversified portfolio, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Mutual funds also offer SWP, which can provide you with regular income, similar to rental income from real estate, without the hassle of property management.

2. Actively Managed Funds
Growth Potential: Actively managed mutual funds can provide growth similar to the stock market, with professional management to navigate market conditions. These funds are designed to outperform the market by selecting high-potential stocks.

Risk Management: With actively managed funds, fund managers adjust the portfolio based on market trends and economic conditions, helping in risk mitigation. This proactive management can be beneficial, especially in uncertain markets.

Home Loan Management: Strategic Decisions
1. Top-Up Loan vs. Stock Utilization
Top-Up Loan: Taking a top-up loan might seem like a quick solution for your renovation needs. However, this increases your debt burden and future EMI obligations.

Stock Utilization: Using your stock returns for renovation can be a better option. This avoids increasing your debt and keeps your finances under control. Moreover, you’ve already gained significantly from your stock investments, so liquidating a portion for immediate needs is practical.

2. Balancing Debt and Investments
Debt Reduction: Reducing your home loan by using stock returns can free up future cash flow. This will reduce your financial stress and provide more room for future investments.

Investment Continuity: Even if you liquidate a part of your stock portfolio for renovation, you can continue investing in mutual funds. This way, your investment journey continues, and you keep growing your wealth.

Financial Planning for the Future
Given your situation, a diversified approach focusing on mutual funds seems prudent. Here’s a step-by-step strategy:

Step 1: Partial Liquidation of Stocks: Liquidate enough stock to cover your renovation costs. This avoids additional debt and keeps your financial obligations manageable.

Step 2: Invest in Mutual Funds: Reinvest the remaining Rs. 90 lakhs in a diversified mutual fund portfolio. This will offer growth potential while managing risk, giving you a balance between safety and returns.

Step 3: Maintain a Balance Between Debt and Investment: Focus on reducing your home loan gradually. At the same time, continue with SIPs or lump sum investments in mutual funds to build your corpus.

Step 4: Regular Portfolio Review: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your financial goals. Adjust your investments based on market conditions and personal needs.

Final Insights
Investing in real estate might seem attractive, especially in a booming market. However, the stock market offers liquidity, flexibility, and potential for higher returns. By strategically managing your stock portfolio and considering mutual funds, you can achieve a balanced investment approach. This strategy reduces risks while ensuring your financial growth continues.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, I am 47 yrs old, having lumpsum sip of 7 lakh, earning 12 p.a., further i have a house with rental yield of 30k p.m., please suggest whether to hold the house earning the rent or sell off and reinvest for making a corpus of Rs.5 Cr in another 10 yrs. House sale value would be Rs.1 Cr approx. Also have a huge risk appetite. Kindly advice.
Ans: Evaluating the Option to Hold or Sell Rental Property
As a Certified Financial Planner, I understand the importance of making informed decisions regarding your investments and assets. Let's analyze whether it's beneficial for you to hold onto your rental property or sell it off and reinvest the proceeds to achieve your financial goals.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Firstly, it's essential to assess your current financial situation. At 47 years old, with a lump sum SIP of 7 lakhs and an annual income of 12 lakhs, you have significant resources to work with. Additionally, your rental property generates a monthly income of 30,000 rupees.

Genuine Appreciation for Your Risk Appetite
I appreciate your risk appetite, which allows for exploring various investment opportunities to maximize returns and achieve your financial objectives.

Analyzing the Rental Property Option
Pros of Holding the Rental Property:
Steady Income: The rental property provides a consistent monthly income stream, contributing to your overall financial stability.
Asset Appreciation: Over time, the value of the property may appreciate, potentially increasing your net worth.
Diversification: Real estate offers diversification benefits, complementing your investment portfolio.
Cons of Holding the Rental Property:
Illiquidity: Real estate assets are relatively illiquid, making it challenging to access funds quickly if needed.
Maintenance Costs: Property ownership entails ongoing maintenance and repair expenses, which may reduce your net rental income.
Market Fluctuations: Real estate markets can be subject to fluctuations, affecting rental yields and property values.
Analyzing the Option to Sell and Reinvest
Pros of Selling and Reinvesting:
Liquidity: Selling the property provides a lump sum of approximately 1 crore rupees, offering liquidity to explore alternative investment avenues.
Potential Higher Returns: By reinvesting the proceeds in high-return investments, such as equity or mutual funds, you may achieve higher long-term growth.
Flexibility: Reinvesting allows for greater flexibility in adjusting your investment strategy based on market conditions and personal financial goals.
Cons of Selling and Reinvesting:
Loss of Rental Income: Selling the property means forfeiting the steady rental income it generates, which may impact your monthly cash flow.
Transaction Costs: Selling property incurs transaction costs, including brokerage fees, taxes, and legal expenses, which reduce the net proceeds from the sale.
Market Risks: Investing the sale proceeds in market-linked instruments exposes you to market risks, including volatility and fluctuations.
Conclusion and Recommendation
After careful consideration, I recommend evaluating both options based on your specific financial goals, risk tolerance, and liquidity requirements. If your primary objective is to achieve a corpus of 5 crores in the next 10 years, selling the property and reinvesting the proceeds in a diversified portfolio of high-return investments may offer better growth potential and liquidity.

However, it's crucial to conduct a detailed analysis, considering factors such as tax implications, transaction costs, and investment strategies. I recommend consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to create a tailored plan that aligns with your long-term financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Money
I am 50 and I have approx 9cr + 2 properties worth 7 cr. All my investments atm are in equities (MF 90% (high and medium risk) and 10 % stock). One of the property price is stuck at 3.5 cr from last 10 years. Not sure if I should sell this property and put the money into stocks. I do not need more than 1 lakh per month as I plan to retire in small town and I have a very simple life. So, if i keep aside approx 20 lakh every year and leave rest as invested, How much you think I can conveniently generate from these. Also, do you suggest selling the property and investing this in stocks as I do not want to carry a hassle of maintaining the property and need freedom to go anywhere and live. However if I sell the property I expect 60% will come to me as black and 40% will be white. So I can only invest 50%.
Ans: Firstly, congratulations on building a substantial asset base. Your prudent investments and property holdings reflect a keen eye for financial planning. At 50, planning for a relaxed retirement in a small town is a great choice. Given your current investments and lifestyle, let’s delve into a comprehensive strategy to maximize your returns and simplify your financial life.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position

You have Rs 9 crore in equity investments and two properties worth Rs 7 crore. One of the properties has not appreciated in value for the past decade. Your equity portfolio is well-diversified with 90% in mutual funds (high and medium risk) and 10% in stocks. You aim for a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh and want to set aside Rs 20 lakh annually, leaving the rest invested.

Creating a Monthly Income Stream

To generate a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh, you need investments that offer stability and regular returns. Let’s explore how you can achieve this through a mix of investment avenues.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) in Mutual Funds

An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly from your mutual fund investments. This provides a steady income while keeping the remaining corpus invested for growth. Given your substantial mutual fund holdings, an SWP can be an effective strategy. You can set up an SWP to withdraw Rs 1 lakh per month, ensuring a reliable income stream.

Debt Mutual Funds and Fixed Deposits

Consider allocating a portion of your corpus to debt mutual funds and fixed deposits. These instruments offer stability and predictable returns. Debt mutual funds can provide better post-tax returns compared to fixed deposits, making them a suitable choice for regular income.

Public Provident Fund (PPF) and Senior Citizens’ Savings Scheme (SCSS)

Although you are not a senior citizen yet, once you reach 60, SCSS can be an excellent investment for regular income. Meanwhile, you can continue contributing to your PPF account. Both these schemes offer tax benefits and secure returns, adding stability to your portfolio.

Selling the Underperforming Property

You mentioned the property valued at Rs 3.5 crore has been stagnant for a decade. Selling this property can free you from maintenance hassles and provide liquidity for better investments.

Considerations Before Selling

Before deciding to sell, weigh the potential black money issue. If 60% of the sale proceeds are in black money, it limits your reinvestment options. Ensure you understand the legal and tax implications. Consulting a legal advisor can help navigate this aspect.

Investing Sale Proceeds in Stocks

While equities offer high growth potential, investing a large lump sum at once can be risky. Market timing and volatility are significant concerns. Instead, consider a phased approach through Systematic Transfer Plans (STP) or gradually increasing your equity exposure.

Balanced Portfolio Approach

A balanced portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and other instruments reduces risk and ensures steady returns. Given your substantial corpus, preserving capital while ensuring growth is essential. Let’s explore the components of a balanced portfolio.

Equity Investments

Continue investing in mutual funds and stocks, but with a balanced approach. Allocate a portion to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability, and the rest to mid-cap and small-cap funds for growth. Regularly review and rebalance your equity portfolio to align with market conditions and your risk tolerance.

Debt Investments

Debt mutual funds, fixed deposits, and government schemes should form a significant part of your portfolio. These instruments provide predictable returns and safeguard against market volatility. Ensure your debt investments are diversified across different types and maturities.

Gold Investments

Gold is a good hedge against inflation and market risks. Consider allocating 5-10% of your portfolio to gold through gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds. This adds a layer of security and diversification.

Health and Life Insurance

Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance coverage. Medical emergencies can deplete your savings, and having a robust insurance plan protects your financial stability. Life insurance ensures your loved ones are secure in case of unforeseen events.

Tax Planning

Efficient tax planning enhances your returns. Utilize tax-saving instruments and strategies to minimize your tax liability. This ensures more funds are available for investment and income generation.

Setting Up a Contingency Fund

A contingency fund covering at least six months of expenses is crucial. This fund acts as a buffer during emergencies and prevents disruptions in your financial plan. Keep this fund in liquid instruments like savings accounts or liquid mutual funds.

Phased Withdrawal Strategy

Instead of withdrawing a large amount at once, adopt a phased withdrawal strategy. This ensures your investments continue to grow while providing the required income. Review your withdrawal strategy annually to align with your financial needs and market conditions.

Final Insights

Your financial foundation is strong, and with prudent planning, you can enjoy a comfortable retirement. Selling the underperforming property can provide liquidity for better investments, but consider the black money implications carefully. A balanced portfolio approach, combining equity, debt, and gold, ensures growth and stability. Setting up a systematic withdrawal plan and having adequate insurance coverage further secures your financial future. Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to stay aligned with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 02, 2024Hindi
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Date: 02.08.2024 Dear Sir I am 68 yrs old. I have invested 40L in various equities since last 44 years & 50L in Equity based M/F’s since last 14 years. Current market value is around 1.8cr & 1.6cr respectively & it may grow by 20% CAGR. As per my assumptions in the next 7 years of period total market value will be around 10cr approx. Also I have a land property valued 3cr. Now I am planning to build 6 floor residential apartments on it. For this I need a fund around 2cr for construction & I am planning to raise funds from overdraft loans against my Equity shares & M/F at the rate 10.35%.approx I do not have any other source to raise the reqd. fund and I do not have any other liabilities. I am planning SWP of Rs. 10 lacs every year to repay interest on OD. Further I may sell out one floor to clear my overdraft loans after full construction. Are my thoughts correct in your opinion? I need your practical advice & guidance in this regard please. Thanks & Regards
Ans: Current Financial Situation

You have a strong investment portfolio worth Rs. 3.4 crore.
Your equity investments have grown well over 44 years.
Mutual fund investments also show good growth in 14 years.
You own a valuable land property worth Rs. 3 crore.

Proposed Plan

You want to build a 6-floor residential apartment.
You need Rs. 2 crore for construction costs.
Planning to take overdraft loans against equity and mutual funds.
Intend to repay interest through SWP of Rs. 10 lakh yearly.
Plan to sell one floor to clear overdraft loans.

Risks to Consider

Construction costs may exceed your estimates.
Market volatility could affect your investment values.
Interest rates on overdraft loans may increase.
Property market conditions may change.

Alternative Funding Options

Consider selling some equity or mutual fund units.
This could reduce your loan burden and interest costs.
Look into construction loans from banks.
They may offer better interest rates than overdraft loans.

Tax Implications

Selling investments may lead to capital gains tax.
Property sale will also have tax implications.
Plan for these taxes in your financial calculations.

Cash Flow Management

Ensure you have enough regular income for daily expenses.
Don't rely solely on investments for living costs.
Keep some funds aside for emergencies.

Investment Portfolio Review

Your portfolio has performed well over the years.
Consider rebalancing to maintain proper asset allocation.
Actively managed funds can help navigate market changes.

Construction Project Management

Get detailed cost estimates from reliable contractors.
Factor in potential delays and cost overruns.
Consider hiring a project manager to oversee construction.

Exit Strategy

Have a clear plan for selling or renting the apartments.
Research local property market trends.
Be prepared for possible delays in property sale.

Retirement Planning

Ensure this project doesn't jeopardize your retirement savings.
Keep a portion of your investments untouched for future needs.
Regular funds through CFP can provide ongoing guidance.

Finally

Your plan has potential but carries significant risks.
Consider less risky alternatives to achieve your goals.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.
Regular review of your financial situation is crucial.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Money
I have few followup queries on the things u put across in original query Market Risk - The property prices i perceive will increase by 5 lacs approx per year if not more. This along side rental income comes at approx 70% of return which MF @12% will give which is not a bad number in my opinion. SWP - I have one query though that what is the monthly return i can get from SWP with 1.8 cr. ALso how abt chosing monthly only 60k and let the corpus grow . What will be the growth of corpus say in 10 year time frame ? Liquidity - The property is strategically located and hence in my opinion selling wont be much challenge Plus i am not in much need of liquid money of that proportion and there are other means by which i can manage other expenses and situation
Ans: Market Risk and Property Appreciation
Your perception of property appreciation is reasonable if the location has strong demand.

A Rs. 5 lakh annual appreciation equates to around 2.78% growth yearly on Rs. 1.8 crore.
Adding Rs. 7.2 lakh annual rental income gives an effective annual return of 6.78%.
Assessment

This is still below the 10%-12% potential returns from equity mutual funds.
However, a near 70% parity with mutual fund returns, considering stability, is a valid perspective.
Consideration

Retaining the property might make sense if emotional value or long-term growth potential exists.
SWP: Monthly Returns and Growth Potential
Monthly SWP Returns

With Rs. 1.8 crore invested, a conservative SWP of 60k/month equals Rs. 7.2 lakh annually.
Assuming an 8%-10% return rate, the corpus will largely sustain itself for many years.
Corpus Growth Over 10 Years

Let’s assume you withdraw Rs. 7.2 lakh annually and reinvest the remaining returns:

If mutual funds deliver 10% annual returns:

Net annual growth = 10% - (7.2 lakh ÷ 1.8 crore) = 6%.
The corpus can grow to approximately Rs. 3.2 crore in 10 years.
If mutual funds deliver 8% annual returns:

Net annual growth = 8% - (7.2 lakh ÷ 1.8 crore) = 4%.
The corpus can grow to approximately Rs. 2.7 crore in 10 years.
Key Insights

Choosing Rs. 60k as SWP and allowing growth can effectively sustain income and increase wealth.
This plan can create both passive income and a larger future corpus.
Liquidity of Property vs. Investment
Property Liquidity

If your property is strategically located, selling should not be a significant challenge.
However, real estate transactions can take time compared to mutual fund redemptions.
Other Liquidity Considerations

Since you have other means for handling expenses, property liquidity may not be an immediate concern.
Retaining the property for appreciation and rental income may align with your situation.
Final Thoughts
If the property delivers consistent appreciation and rental income, retaining it is valid.
An SWP from mutual funds can match rental income and grow wealth long-term.
Your choice depends on whether stability or higher long-term returns align better with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi Anu, Im a returning NRI post 20 years having lived abroad. Wasnt sure if I would ever have come on this platform but yes I have . I have been involved with a girl in India for the past 6 years , we both are in our end 40's shes 47 and i will be turning 50 next year. On my bi annual visits we have been meeting, getting physical and share almost everything. There was nothing hidden between us, frank discussions about life, menopause, family issues, support for each other and a lot of love flowing, gifts exhanged both ways , always there for each other and so on. For the past 5 years she was out of a job but now has started working again since the past 7 months or so. Happy for her. I made a decision to take early retirement and head back home , a purely personal choice and spend more time with her. Its just that now when im back and expressed my desire to visit her , i feel shes a bit hesitant, we stay in different cities. I was pretty stunned when I initially planned to see her around the christmas week but she cited follow up prayers for a close family member who had passed away a couple of years back and her unavailabilty. Moreso the dates I had proposed she was unsure of committing time during that period and I let it pass. I was pleasantly surprised and also hurt that during those specific days , shes taking off for a short vacation citing she needs to recharge. Not sure what I should make out of this. Our conversations since my return have been short, messaging not that frequent but overall i feel the thrill that used to be there earlier is missing from her end. I cant understand -:), all was good till a month back. Simply put I dont wanna confront her, its her life after all but just need some advise : is this normal hormonal changes or do u feel its something more and I shud let go. Yeah I know its gonna be difficult for me but some closure I need.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your partner/lady seems to be one of those who is happy with a virtual relationship and all the perks in it. It gets easy as there is no commitment within that relationship; at least that's how it reads to me from your post.
It's possible that in her mind she must have thought that the long distance thing works better. Now that you are back, it's possible that you might ask her that the two of you move things further as in a COMMITMENT.
So, maybe you must initiate a conversation with her and be very clear as to what you want from her and the relationship. And also listen patiently to what she has to say. She may not want to pursue a commitment and this is something that you must prepare yourself to hear!
Is this all stemming from a hormonal change? Well, it's strange because a month back things were all good; so where were these hormonal changes back then? So, no...Do have that honest conversation and see where it goes...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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