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20 Lakh Mutual Fund Investment for 18% Annual Returns: Can You Help?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 17, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Tarun Question by Tarun on Sep 12, 2024Hindi
Money

I want to invest lumpsump 20 lakh in mutual fund for 10 years can you suggest me some good funds where can i get 17-18 percent return per anum

Ans: First, it's great that you're planning to invest Rs 20 lakh for the next 10 years. Long-term investments give your money time to grow, and mutual funds are a strong option. However, aiming for an annual return of 17-18% is quite optimistic and not very realistic for the long term. A more practical expectation for equity mutual funds would be around 10-12% per annum. This is achievable with the right strategy, but remember that no returns are guaranteed, as mutual fund returns depend on market conditions.

Equity markets can be volatile, and patience is essential to let your investment grow while managing the risks.

Evaluating Risk and Return
Before we dive into potential funds, it’s important to understand the balance between risk and return. Higher returns usually come with higher risks. Mutual funds that offer the chance of higher returns, like equity-oriented funds, also expose you to greater volatility.

Equity Funds: These funds primarily invest in stocks and can potentially offer high returns over the long term, but they carry significant risk, especially in the short term.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These invest in both equities and debt instruments, providing a more balanced return. The risk is lower than pure equity funds, but the returns will likely be more moderate.

Sectoral Funds: These focus on specific sectors like infrastructure, technology, or healthcare. While these can deliver high returns in a sectoral boom, they are much riskier because they depend on the performance of just one sector.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Given your 10-year horizon, expecting consistent annual returns of 17-18% is unrealistic. However, with the right selection of funds and proper management, a 10-12% annual return is a reasonable expectation for equity mutual funds over this period. Remember:

Markets Fluctuate: Mutual funds reflect market conditions, so your returns will vary from year to year.

Long-Term Commitment: Staying invested for the full 10 years and beyond will help you ride out market downturns.

Diversification Helps: A diversified portfolio across different types of equity funds can help manage risk while aiming for growth.

Disadvantages of Direct and Index Funds
You’re aiming for high returns, and index funds or direct plans may seem appealing due to their lower costs. However, they may not align with your return expectations. Here's why:

Index Funds: These funds replicate market indices and usually deliver moderate, market-average returns. While they have lower fees, their potential for high returns is limited as they merely follow the overall market’s performance. This is unlikely to meet your 10-12% target.

Direct Funds: While they have lower expense ratios than regular funds, direct funds lack the personalized advice and active management that you can get through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). Without professional guidance, it’s easy to make poor investment decisions, especially during market volatility.

To achieve your financial goals, it's better to invest in actively managed regular funds with the help of a CFP. Active management allows fund managers to capitalize on market opportunities and provide a potentially better return than index funds.

Fund Categories to Consider
To achieve a 10-12% annual return, your portfolio should be diversified across various types of mutual funds. Each type has a different risk-return profile, and spreading your investment across these categories can help you balance risk and return.

1. Large-Cap and Flexi-Cap Funds
Large-cap funds invest in stable, established companies. These funds tend to be less volatile compared to small and mid-cap funds and can deliver steady, moderate returns over the long term. Flexi-cap funds invest across companies of various sizes, offering more flexibility and the chance for higher returns.

Pros: They offer relatively stable returns and are less risky than mid or small-cap funds.
Cons: The returns are moderate compared to more aggressive funds.
Investing a portion of your Rs 20 lakh in large-cap or flexi-cap funds can provide stability to your portfolio.

2. Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds
Mid-cap and small-cap funds invest in smaller companies with higher growth potential. These funds tend to be more volatile but have delivered higher returns over long investment periods.

Pros: These funds offer significant growth potential and can help you achieve higher returns.
Cons: They come with more risk, especially during market downturns.
A strategic allocation to these funds can help you reach the 10-12% annual return target. However, you should be prepared for short-term volatility.

3. Multi-Cap Funds
Multi-cap funds invest in a mix of large, mid, and small-cap companies. This broad diversification helps balance risk and return, providing more growth potential than large-cap funds alone, while being less risky than pure small-cap or mid-cap funds.

Pros: They offer the potential for higher returns by balancing investments across companies of different sizes.
Cons: While diversified, they are still exposed to market risks and can experience short-term losses.
Allocating a portion of your Rs 20 lakh to multi-cap funds can help spread risk while offering growth opportunities.

4. Thematic and Sectoral Funds
Thematic or sectoral funds focus on specific industries, such as technology, healthcare, or infrastructure. These funds can deliver high returns if the sector performs well, but they are also highly volatile and risky due to their narrow focus.

Pros: High growth potential if the sector experiences a boom.
Cons: High risk due to dependency on a single sector. A downturn in the sector can significantly affect returns.
You could allocate a small portion of your investment to thematic or sectoral funds for additional growth potential, but it’s important to limit exposure to avoid too much concentration risk.

Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner can help you navigate the complexities of mutual fund investments. Here’s how a CFP adds value:

Expert Guidance: A CFP can recommend a tailored portfolio based on your goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions.

Active Fund Management: Actively managed funds often outperform passive index funds, especially when market conditions fluctuate. A CFP can help you choose funds with strong management teams that focus on achieving above-average returns.

Tax Planning: A CFP can also help you structure your investments in a tax-efficient manner, ensuring that your gains are optimized while keeping tax liability low.

By working with a CFP, you ensure that your Rs 20 lakh investment is professionally managed and monitored regularly.

Diversifying Your Investment Portfolio
For your Rs 20 lakh investment, diversification is key to achieving your 10-12% annual return target while managing risk. Here’s a sample strategy to consider:

40-50% in Large-Cap or Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds offer stability and growth by investing in established companies. This portion helps anchor your portfolio with moderate returns.

20-25% in Mid-Cap Funds: Mid-cap funds provide higher growth potential and add a bit more risk to the mix for better long-term returns.

15-20% in Small-Cap Funds: Small-cap funds are more volatile but can offer higher returns over a 10-year horizon. This portion helps boost potential growth.

5-10% in Sectoral or Thematic Funds: These funds add a high-risk, high-reward element to your portfolio. Only a small percentage should be allocated to manage concentration risk.

Finally
Achieving an annual return of 10-12% is realistic over a 10-year period if you invest wisely in a well-diversified portfolio of mutual funds. While 17-18% returns are unrealistic in most market scenarios, equity mutual funds have the potential to provide solid returns, especially when invested for the long term.

A mix of large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and sectoral funds will give your portfolio the balance it needs to grow while managing risk. To make the most of your investment, partnering with a Certified Financial Planner will ensure your funds are actively managed, regularly reviewed, and adjusted to suit your goals.

By staying committed to your investment for 10 years and being patient through market ups and downs, you stand a strong chance of reaching your financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

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Hello sir, My age is 39 yrs old, I want to invest 10 k next 20 yrs in Mutual fund. my appetite is aggressive, so please suggest me the funds.
Ans: nvesting Rs 10,000 Monthly for 20 Years with an Aggressive Appetite
Congratulations on taking the proactive step towards long-term wealth creation through mutual funds. Your willingness to invest Rs 10,000 per month for the next 20 years demonstrates a commendable commitment to achieving your financial goals. Let's explore the best mutual fund options aligned with your aggressive risk appetite.

Understanding Aggressive Investing
Investing with an aggressive appetite entails seeking higher returns by accepting higher levels of risk. Aggressive investors are willing to endure market fluctuations in pursuit of long-term growth.

Equity Funds for Aggressive Growth
Equity funds are well-suited for investors with an aggressive risk appetite. These funds primarily invest in stocks, offering the potential for substantial capital appreciation over time.

Small-Cap Funds
Small-cap funds invest in smaller companies with high growth potential. They are more volatile but can offer significant returns over the long term. Small-cap funds align well with your aggressive investment approach.

Mid-Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds invest in medium-sized companies with growth potential. These funds offer a balance between risk and return, making them suitable for aggressive investors seeking high growth.

Sectoral Funds
Sectoral funds focus on specific sectors such as technology, healthcare, or banking. These funds offer the opportunity to capitalize on the growth potential of a particular industry. Sectoral funds can provide aggressive investors with targeted exposure to high-growth sectors.

Multi-Cap Funds
Multi-cap funds invest across companies of all sizes, providing flexibility to the fund manager. These funds adapt to changing market conditions and capitalize on opportunities across different market segments. Multi-cap funds are suitable for investors seeking aggressive growth.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have professional fund managers making strategic investment decisions. They aim to outperform the market by selecting high-potential stocks. For aggressive investors, actively managed funds offer the potential for higher returns compared to passive index funds.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds passively track a market index and do not aim to outperform it. They lack the strategic decision-making of actively managed funds. For investors seeking aggressive growth, index funds may not provide the desired returns.

Benefits of Regular Plans
Investing through regular plans with the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner ensures that you receive expert advice. Regular plans offer continuous support, portfolio management, and personalized recommendations tailored to your aggressive investment goals.

Importance of Diversification
Diversification is key to managing risk in an aggressive investment portfolio. By spreading your investments across different asset classes and sectors, you reduce the impact of poor performance in any single investment.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Regularly reviewing your investment portfolio is essential to ensure that it remains aligned with your aggressive growth objectives. Rebalancing your portfolio periodically helps in optimizing returns and managing risk effectively.

Conclusion
Investing Rs 10,000 monthly for the next 20 years in mutual funds requires a well-thought-out strategy aligned with your aggressive risk appetite. Small-cap funds, mid-cap funds, sectoral funds, and multi-cap funds offer opportunities for substantial growth over the long term. Actively managed funds, regular plans, diversification, and regular review are key elements of a successful investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2024Hindi
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Please suggest a few Mutual funds for SHORT term investing Lumpsum 20 lakhs
Ans: Short-Term Investing with a Lump Sum (?20 Lakhs)
Looking to invest a ?20 lakh lump sum for a short period? Let's explore some options that prioritize safety and potential returns.

Understanding Short-Term Investing:

Time Horizon: Short-term investments are typically for 1-3 years. Since you have a short investment horizon, capital preservation becomes more important.

Lower Risk Appetite: With less time for market recovery, high-risk equity funds might not be suitable. We need options with lower volatility.

Suitable Investment Options:

Debt Mutual Funds (Debt MFs): Debt MFs invest in fixed-income securities like government bonds and corporate bonds. They offer relatively stable returns with lower risk compared to equity funds. Actively managed debt funds aim to generate returns that outperform the fixed income market. Actively managed funds come with higher fees compared to passively managed funds.

Liquid Funds/Ultra Short-Term Debt Funds: These funds invest in very short-term debt instruments, offering high liquidity and potential for steady returns. They are suitable for parking your money for a few months to a year.

Fixed Deposits (FDs): FDs offer guaranteed returns but may not always keep pace with inflation. However, they are a safe option for short-term goals.

Choosing the Right Option:

Investment Goal: Consider your specific short-term goal and the time frame until you need the money.

Risk Tolerance: If you need high liquidity or are uncomfortable with market fluctuations, prioritize debt funds or FDs.

Diversification:

Spreading Risk: Consider splitting your investment between debt funds with varying maturities to manage interest rate risk.
Consulting a Professional:

Personalized Advice: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can assess your risk tolerance, investment goals, and suggest suitable debt funds or FDs based on your needs.
Remember:

Past performance is not a guarantee of future results.

Debt markets are also subject to interest rate fluctuations, which can impact returns.

By carefully considering your goals and risk tolerance, you can choose an investment option that offers a good balance of safety and potential returns for your short-term needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 31, 2024Hindi
Money
I have 2 lakh and wanted to invest in lumpsum mutual fund for 10+ years. I am ready to take 100% risk. Please suggest me some funds
Ans: Long-Term Investment Strategies for High-Risk Appetite
Congratulations on your decision to invest Rs 2 lakh in mutual funds for the long term! Your readiness to take 100% risk suggests you are looking for high-growth opportunities. Let's explore various mutual fund options that align with your risk appetite and investment horizon.

Understanding High-Risk Investments
High-risk investments are typically equity-based. They offer the potential for high returns but come with significant volatility. For a 10+ year horizon, equity mutual funds are ideal. Let's dive into different types of equity funds that can suit your profile.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest primarily in stocks. They are categorized based on the market capitalization of the companies they invest in, the sectors they focus on, and their investment strategies.

Large-Cap Funds
Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies with large market capitalizations. These companies have a track record of stability and consistent growth.

Benefits:

Stability: Less volatile compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds.

Reliable Growth: Offer steady returns over the long term.

Assessment:

Large-cap funds are suitable for investors seeking moderate risk with reliable growth. They are less risky than mid-cap and small-cap funds but offer lower potential returns.

Mid-Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds invest in medium-sized companies. These companies have the potential for higher growth compared to large-cap companies but are also more volatile.

Benefits:

Growth Potential: Higher potential for capital appreciation than large-cap funds.

Balanced Risk: Moderate risk, balancing stability and growth.

Assessment:

Mid-cap funds are ideal for investors willing to take on moderate risk for higher returns. They offer a good balance between stability and growth potential.

Small-Cap Funds
Small-cap funds invest in smaller companies with high growth potential. These funds are the most volatile but can offer the highest returns over the long term.

Benefits:

High Returns: Potential for significant capital appreciation.

Growth Opportunities: Invest in emerging companies with high growth prospects.

Assessment:

Small-cap funds are best suited for aggressive investors ready to embrace high volatility for substantial returns. They require patience and a long-term outlook.

Multi-Cap Funds
Multi-cap funds invest in companies across various market capitalizations. They provide diversification by investing in large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap companies.

Benefits:

Diversification: Spread risk across different market capitalizations.

Flexibility: Fund managers can shift investments based on market conditions.

Assessment:

Multi-cap funds are ideal for investors seeking diversification and flexibility. They balance risk and reward by investing across the market spectrum.

Sectoral/Thematic Funds
Sectoral and thematic funds focus on specific sectors or investment themes. These funds can offer high returns if the chosen sector or theme performs well.

Benefits:

Focused Investment: Target high-growth sectors or themes.

High Returns: Potential for significant returns if the sector/theme performs well.

Assessment:

Sectoral/thematic funds are suitable for investors with strong convictions about specific sectors or themes. They carry higher risk due to concentrated exposure.

Active vs. Passive Funds
Active Funds:

Managed by Experts: Fund managers actively select stocks to outperform the market.

Higher Fees: Management fees are higher due to active management.

Passive Funds:

Track Index: Mimic the performance of a market index.

Lower Fees: Management fees are lower due to passive management.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Limited Growth: Passive funds can’t outperform the market.

Missed Opportunities: May miss out on high-growth stocks not in the index.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Higher Effort Required:

Self-Management: Investors need to manage and monitor investments themselves.
Less Guidance:

No Professional Advice: Lack of professional advice can lead to poor investment choices.
Benefits of Regular Funds:

Expert Management: Professional fund managers make informed decisions.

Convenience: Easier to manage with guidance from a certified financial planner (CFP).

Recommended Investment Approach
Given your high-risk appetite and long-term horizon, an aggressive investment approach is suitable. Here's a detailed plan:

Step 1: Allocate Funds Across Different Categories
Diversification: Spread your investment across different types of equity funds to balance risk and return.

Example Allocation:

Large-Cap Funds: 30% for stability and reliable growth.

Mid-Cap Funds: 30% for balanced risk and higher returns.

Small-Cap Funds: 20% for high growth potential.

Multi-Cap Funds: 20% for diversification and flexibility.

Step 2: Research and Select Funds
Performance Analysis: Choose funds with a strong track record of performance over at least five years.

Consistency: Look for consistency in returns and management expertise.

Fund Manager: Evaluate the experience and strategy of the fund manager.

Step 3: Monitor and Review Regularly
Regular Monitoring: Track the performance of your investments periodically.

Rebalance Portfolio: Adjust your portfolio based on performance and changing market conditions.

Stay Informed: Keep abreast of market trends and economic changes.

The Importance of Long-Term Investment
Compounding Returns: Long-term investments benefit from compounding, leading to significant growth.

Market Cycles: Staying invested through market cycles helps in averaging returns.

Patience Pays: Long-term investments mitigate short-term volatility and provide higher returns.

Tax Implications
Equity Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity funds are taxed at 10% if gains exceed Rs 1 lakh in a financial year.

Tax Planning: Consider tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS) for additional benefits.

Conclusion
Investing Rs 2 lakh in lumpsum mutual funds for a 10+ year horizon with a high-risk appetite is a prudent decision. Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and multi-cap funds to balance risk and maximize returns. Regularly monitor your portfolio and stay informed about market trends.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized guidance and ensure your investments align with your financial goals. With patience and disciplined investing, you can achieve significant growth over the long term.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

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I want invest lumpsum 5lakhs in long term 20yrs mutual fund..can anyone pls advice n suggest good mutual funds for long term.. Quant small cap fund is in my mind
Ans: Investing a lump sum of Rs. 5 lakhs with a long-term horizon of 20 years can be a powerful strategy to build wealth. However, selecting the right mutual fund is crucial to achieving your financial goals. While the Quant Small Cap Fund might seem appealing due to its potential for high returns, it's important to evaluate your investment choice carefully, considering the risks and rewards.

Considerations for Long-Term Investment
Risk Tolerance: Small-cap funds are high-risk, high-reward investments. They have the potential for significant returns but also come with higher volatility. Over 20 years, this could lead to substantial growth, but you must be comfortable with potential fluctuations.

Diversification: Instead of putting all your money into a small-cap fund, consider diversifying across different types of equity funds. This reduces risk and ensures a more balanced portfolio.

Fund Performance: Look at the historical performance of the fund over different market cycles. While past performance doesn't guarantee future returns, it gives an idea of how the fund has managed different market conditions.

Fund Manager’s Expertise: The expertise of the fund manager plays a significant role in the fund’s performance. Consider the track record of the fund manager in managing small-cap funds or other equity funds.

Expense Ratio: Lower expense ratios help in maximizing your returns over the long term. Ensure that the fund you choose has a competitive expense ratio.

Suggested Mutual Funds for Long-Term Investment
Given your 20-year horizon, it's wise to consider a mix of funds that can offer growth potential while managing risk. Here are a few categories and examples of funds you might consider:

Large-Cap Funds: These invest in companies with a large market capitalization, offering stability and steady growth.

Recommended Fund Type: Large-cap equity funds.
Benefit: Lower risk compared to small-cap funds with consistent returns.
Multi-Cap/Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks, offering a diversified approach.

Recommended Fund Type: Multi-cap or Flexi-cap funds.
Benefit: Balanced risk with exposure to various segments of the market.
Small-Cap Funds: If you are comfortable with high risk and volatility, small-cap funds can be considered for a portion of your investment.

Recommended Fund Type: Small-cap equity funds.
Benefit: High growth potential, suitable for a small portion of your portfolio.
Mid-Cap Funds: These funds invest in medium-sized companies that have the potential for significant growth, offering a balance between risk and return.

Recommended Fund Type: Mid-cap equity funds.
Benefit: Higher growth potential than large-caps, with less volatility than small-caps.
Why Consider Diversification?
While the Quant Small Cap Fund might offer high returns, it also comes with higher risk. Diversifying your investment across different fund categories can help balance this risk. For example:

Large-Cap Fund: Invest Rs. 2 lakhs.
Flexi-Cap Fund: Invest Rs. 2 lakhs.
Small-Cap Fund: Invest Rs. 1 lakh.
This strategy ensures that your portfolio can withstand market fluctuations while still participating in the growth potential of small-cap stocks.

Final Thoughts
Investing for 20 years provides you with the opportunity to benefit from compounding, but it’s essential to make well-informed decisions. Diversification, understanding your risk tolerance, and selecting funds with a proven track record are key to achieving your long-term financial goals. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) could also help in personalizing your investment strategy to align with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir, I am 40 yr old having work-expereince of 10 yrs behind me in ITes, customer support & service, banking and sales & marketing (product). My life till now can easily be converted into a bollywood biopic having its own twist & turns, roadblocks, struggles laughter, joy and sorrow. Change is the only constant in life and that exactly applies in my case. Although it has been a satisfactorily life till now given that I know myself and how I lead my life. Whenever I start to read something new I feel like going deep into it. I am also easily attracted to novel things & concepts. I usually get into procastination mode whenever I come across something entirely new and start to imagine myself trying it out in realilty.Why does this happens? Why can't I focus on one single thing at a time and see it to completion? I know in todays world generalists are looked down upon and it is an era of specialists, experts and professionals having good domain knowledge of their area of work. It is always better to be an expert than be a jack of all trades (which seems very filmy nowadays where a hero is expected to do everything on his own). Lately I have developed an avid interest in technology and i keep on reading various articles & books on IT and technology. I am also pursuing an online cyber security course from Great Learning Institute, Bangalore. I want to know am I going in the correct direction in life or is it something else I should do which ensures more satisfaction in life? Lately, I have become bit irriiated as well due to the above reasons as I tend to do multiple things at a time (multitasking). My parents are also fed up of me now. My mother keeps nagging me all day.I dont know how to really deal with her, as she always finds perfection in everything. That becomes too much at times. Does this happens in every household? Should I go out and travel to some place in order to temporarily escape from all this? Kindly suggest me some course of action. Pls answer. Thanks
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You will be distracted and keep trying new things until you actually figure out what you want for yourself in life.
- How does you life seem like a few years down the line?
- What must you do NOW to actually get to where you want in life?

And to answer these questions, you first need to identify a strong, solid goal in life. Either you work with a mentor or your boss or a friend or an expert who can help you identify your goal and purpose. That might help you stay the course and actually streamline your thoughts, your job and your daily life.
Travel used for learning is great but using it to escape only worsens things...So, work on Goal-Setting!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am a professor mech engineer , after death of my wife and due to having 5 year girl baby I planned for 2 nd marriage as I live alone away from home town because my of job with my little baby . I accepted a widow having 2 child ,she was working in a govt job 250 km away , after ensuring and agreeing her possibility of transfer and job vacancy @govt office near my house and ensuring she agreed that she will come to live with me along with her 2 kids and my little baby as her trasfer was due in comming few months . We lived apart during her job at 250 km away.,while meeting on weekly offs 6 /7 time in 6 months , then she take 360 degree u turn and said she will not get job transfer to my place and get her trasfer in other dept. in same previous office. And started telling many reasons like she will loose her children's inheritance in her in-laws property ,she will loose promotion , kids Don't want trasfer , and said we will live apart forever . This was contradictory to earlier agreed things .and my my purpose to live in family with my baby not fulfilled , so after long ruckus ,I mutually got divorce from her , Then After divorce I decided to marry non working women having no child and don't expect child as I am @48 year old and tired of living alone and managing job ,girl , house chores . I married to a divorcee girl from Pune ,she was BA first year college drop out girl of 44 yr age after 6 months of long dating on week ends . During 6 months I tried to know her indepth but was don't used to talk much as I was trying to know her true nature, we visited many places ,movies . She seemed perfect as per my requirement of girl wanting no child , and she is house wife . after marriage she behave well for 1 st week ,then she started trouble to hate my baby ( became kaikai )on pety things , she want my baby to house chores at the cost of her important year of 10th std study . She don't liked me taking tution of girl , she didn't like if I help my girl any way . She don't like if I spent some money on my girl . She used to fight all night and don't let me sleep . Now she stated demanding that she want baby , though I was against and b4 marriage agreed to not have any more child due to old age ,cost ,and no personal time for self , then I agreed to have child but b4 that I got her and my fertility tested ,she had weak eggs and syst on her reproductive organs and doc warned to not go for pregnancy due to risk and probability of unhealthy baby birth , but she kept repeating That she want child we consulted 4 Drs. She used to fight and go to her mother's home for 2/4 months after living with me for 2/3 days only . Now she wants divorce , and asks me to keep my girl in hostel if I want her in my life . This Ramayan has left me baffled , What should I do ??? .....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The reason to marry for you mainly has been companionship, a mother for your daughter...
And marriage is not a transaction BUT a meeting of minds...when there is no compatibility, there is no space for agreeing on the same things or wanting to make things work which is possibly what has happened with your 2nd and 3rd marriage.
If you want this marriage to work, there has to be an equal commitment by both of you, so, start by emotionally bonding first. Slowly build on this by making goals for the marriage and the future...your only goal can't be mother for your child...not all women are going to readily accept this and some may even falter along the way. Allow the lady and your daughter to bond together for sometime so they develop a unique relationship...
Understand that transactional relationships do not last; so, invest enough time in building trust in that companionship for it to become something meaningful

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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