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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2024Hindi
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Please suggest a few Mutual funds for SHORT term investing Lumpsum 20 lakhs

Ans: Short-Term Investing with a Lump Sum (?20 Lakhs)
Looking to invest a ?20 lakh lump sum for a short period? Let's explore some options that prioritize safety and potential returns.

Understanding Short-Term Investing:

Time Horizon: Short-term investments are typically for 1-3 years. Since you have a short investment horizon, capital preservation becomes more important.

Lower Risk Appetite: With less time for market recovery, high-risk equity funds might not be suitable. We need options with lower volatility.

Suitable Investment Options:

Debt Mutual Funds (Debt MFs): Debt MFs invest in fixed-income securities like government bonds and corporate bonds. They offer relatively stable returns with lower risk compared to equity funds. Actively managed debt funds aim to generate returns that outperform the fixed income market. Actively managed funds come with higher fees compared to passively managed funds.

Liquid Funds/Ultra Short-Term Debt Funds: These funds invest in very short-term debt instruments, offering high liquidity and potential for steady returns. They are suitable for parking your money for a few months to a year.

Fixed Deposits (FDs): FDs offer guaranteed returns but may not always keep pace with inflation. However, they are a safe option for short-term goals.

Choosing the Right Option:

Investment Goal: Consider your specific short-term goal and the time frame until you need the money.

Risk Tolerance: If you need high liquidity or are uncomfortable with market fluctuations, prioritize debt funds or FDs.

Diversification:

Spreading Risk: Consider splitting your investment between debt funds with varying maturities to manage interest rate risk.
Consulting a Professional:

Personalized Advice: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can assess your risk tolerance, investment goals, and suggest suitable debt funds or FDs based on your needs.
Remember:

Past performance is not a guarantee of future results.

Debt markets are also subject to interest rate fluctuations, which can impact returns.

By carefully considering your goals and risk tolerance, you can choose an investment option that offers a good balance of safety and potential returns for your short-term needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Please suggest a few good Mutual Funds for Short Term Lumpsum investment of 20-30 lakhs
Ans: For a short-term lump sum investment of 20-30 lakhs, consider mutual funds that prioritize capital preservation, liquidity, and potential for modest returns. Here are some options to consider:

Liquid Funds: Ideal for short-term investments, liquid funds invest in short-term debt instruments with high credit quality and low interest rate risk. They offer liquidity and stability while providing slightly higher returns than traditional savings accounts.
Ultra Short Duration Funds: These funds invest in a mix of money market instruments and short-term debt securities, offering slightly higher returns than liquid funds with a slightly longer investment horizon.
Low Duration Funds: Low duration funds invest in short-term debt instruments with slightly longer maturities compared to liquid and ultra short duration funds. They provide a balance between returns and risk, suitable for investors with a moderate risk appetite.
Short Duration Funds: These funds invest in a diversified portfolio of debt and money market instruments with a duration typically ranging from one to three years. They offer higher potential returns than ultra short and low duration funds, with a slightly higher level of risk.
Bank Fixed Deposits (FDs): While not mutual funds, bank FDs offer a safe and predictable return on investment for short-term parking of funds. Consider spreading your investment across multiple banks to benefit from deposit insurance coverage.
Before investing, assess your investment horizon, risk tolerance, and liquidity requirements. Ensure that the chosen funds align with your financial goals and investment objectives. Additionally, review the track record, expense ratios, and fund manager credentials of each mutual fund to make an informed decision.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance and help you select the most suitable mutual funds based on your specific financial situation and objectives.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

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I want invest lumpsum 5lakhs in long term 20yrs mutual fund..can anyone pls advice n suggest good mutual funds for long term.. Quant small cap fund is in my mind
Ans: Investing a lump sum of Rs. 5 lakhs with a long-term horizon of 20 years can be a powerful strategy to build wealth. However, selecting the right mutual fund is crucial to achieving your financial goals. While the Quant Small Cap Fund might seem appealing due to its potential for high returns, it's important to evaluate your investment choice carefully, considering the risks and rewards.

Considerations for Long-Term Investment
Risk Tolerance: Small-cap funds are high-risk, high-reward investments. They have the potential for significant returns but also come with higher volatility. Over 20 years, this could lead to substantial growth, but you must be comfortable with potential fluctuations.

Diversification: Instead of putting all your money into a small-cap fund, consider diversifying across different types of equity funds. This reduces risk and ensures a more balanced portfolio.

Fund Performance: Look at the historical performance of the fund over different market cycles. While past performance doesn't guarantee future returns, it gives an idea of how the fund has managed different market conditions.

Fund Manager’s Expertise: The expertise of the fund manager plays a significant role in the fund’s performance. Consider the track record of the fund manager in managing small-cap funds or other equity funds.

Expense Ratio: Lower expense ratios help in maximizing your returns over the long term. Ensure that the fund you choose has a competitive expense ratio.

Suggested Mutual Funds for Long-Term Investment
Given your 20-year horizon, it's wise to consider a mix of funds that can offer growth potential while managing risk. Here are a few categories and examples of funds you might consider:

Large-Cap Funds: These invest in companies with a large market capitalization, offering stability and steady growth.

Recommended Fund Type: Large-cap equity funds.
Benefit: Lower risk compared to small-cap funds with consistent returns.
Multi-Cap/Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks, offering a diversified approach.

Recommended Fund Type: Multi-cap or Flexi-cap funds.
Benefit: Balanced risk with exposure to various segments of the market.
Small-Cap Funds: If you are comfortable with high risk and volatility, small-cap funds can be considered for a portion of your investment.

Recommended Fund Type: Small-cap equity funds.
Benefit: High growth potential, suitable for a small portion of your portfolio.
Mid-Cap Funds: These funds invest in medium-sized companies that have the potential for significant growth, offering a balance between risk and return.

Recommended Fund Type: Mid-cap equity funds.
Benefit: Higher growth potential than large-caps, with less volatility than small-caps.
Why Consider Diversification?
While the Quant Small Cap Fund might offer high returns, it also comes with higher risk. Diversifying your investment across different fund categories can help balance this risk. For example:

Large-Cap Fund: Invest Rs. 2 lakhs.
Flexi-Cap Fund: Invest Rs. 2 lakhs.
Small-Cap Fund: Invest Rs. 1 lakh.
This strategy ensures that your portfolio can withstand market fluctuations while still participating in the growth potential of small-cap stocks.

Final Thoughts
Investing for 20 years provides you with the opportunity to benefit from compounding, but it’s essential to make well-informed decisions. Diversification, understanding your risk tolerance, and selecting funds with a proven track record are key to achieving your long-term financial goals. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) could also help in personalizing your investment strategy to align with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 17, 2024

Money
I want to invest lumpsump 20 lakh in mutual fund for 10 years can you suggest me some good funds where can i get 17-18 percent return per anum
Ans: First, it's great that you're planning to invest Rs 20 lakh for the next 10 years. Long-term investments give your money time to grow, and mutual funds are a strong option. However, aiming for an annual return of 17-18% is quite optimistic and not very realistic for the long term. A more practical expectation for equity mutual funds would be around 10-12% per annum. This is achievable with the right strategy, but remember that no returns are guaranteed, as mutual fund returns depend on market conditions.

Equity markets can be volatile, and patience is essential to let your investment grow while managing the risks.

Evaluating Risk and Return
Before we dive into potential funds, it’s important to understand the balance between risk and return. Higher returns usually come with higher risks. Mutual funds that offer the chance of higher returns, like equity-oriented funds, also expose you to greater volatility.

Equity Funds: These funds primarily invest in stocks and can potentially offer high returns over the long term, but they carry significant risk, especially in the short term.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These invest in both equities and debt instruments, providing a more balanced return. The risk is lower than pure equity funds, but the returns will likely be more moderate.

Sectoral Funds: These focus on specific sectors like infrastructure, technology, or healthcare. While these can deliver high returns in a sectoral boom, they are much riskier because they depend on the performance of just one sector.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Given your 10-year horizon, expecting consistent annual returns of 17-18% is unrealistic. However, with the right selection of funds and proper management, a 10-12% annual return is a reasonable expectation for equity mutual funds over this period. Remember:

Markets Fluctuate: Mutual funds reflect market conditions, so your returns will vary from year to year.

Long-Term Commitment: Staying invested for the full 10 years and beyond will help you ride out market downturns.

Diversification Helps: A diversified portfolio across different types of equity funds can help manage risk while aiming for growth.

Disadvantages of Direct and Index Funds
You’re aiming for high returns, and index funds or direct plans may seem appealing due to their lower costs. However, they may not align with your return expectations. Here's why:

Index Funds: These funds replicate market indices and usually deliver moderate, market-average returns. While they have lower fees, their potential for high returns is limited as they merely follow the overall market’s performance. This is unlikely to meet your 10-12% target.

Direct Funds: While they have lower expense ratios than regular funds, direct funds lack the personalized advice and active management that you can get through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). Without professional guidance, it’s easy to make poor investment decisions, especially during market volatility.

To achieve your financial goals, it's better to invest in actively managed regular funds with the help of a CFP. Active management allows fund managers to capitalize on market opportunities and provide a potentially better return than index funds.

Fund Categories to Consider
To achieve a 10-12% annual return, your portfolio should be diversified across various types of mutual funds. Each type has a different risk-return profile, and spreading your investment across these categories can help you balance risk and return.

1. Large-Cap and Flexi-Cap Funds
Large-cap funds invest in stable, established companies. These funds tend to be less volatile compared to small and mid-cap funds and can deliver steady, moderate returns over the long term. Flexi-cap funds invest across companies of various sizes, offering more flexibility and the chance for higher returns.

Pros: They offer relatively stable returns and are less risky than mid or small-cap funds.
Cons: The returns are moderate compared to more aggressive funds.
Investing a portion of your Rs 20 lakh in large-cap or flexi-cap funds can provide stability to your portfolio.

2. Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds
Mid-cap and small-cap funds invest in smaller companies with higher growth potential. These funds tend to be more volatile but have delivered higher returns over long investment periods.

Pros: These funds offer significant growth potential and can help you achieve higher returns.
Cons: They come with more risk, especially during market downturns.
A strategic allocation to these funds can help you reach the 10-12% annual return target. However, you should be prepared for short-term volatility.

3. Multi-Cap Funds
Multi-cap funds invest in a mix of large, mid, and small-cap companies. This broad diversification helps balance risk and return, providing more growth potential than large-cap funds alone, while being less risky than pure small-cap or mid-cap funds.

Pros: They offer the potential for higher returns by balancing investments across companies of different sizes.
Cons: While diversified, they are still exposed to market risks and can experience short-term losses.
Allocating a portion of your Rs 20 lakh to multi-cap funds can help spread risk while offering growth opportunities.

4. Thematic and Sectoral Funds
Thematic or sectoral funds focus on specific industries, such as technology, healthcare, or infrastructure. These funds can deliver high returns if the sector performs well, but they are also highly volatile and risky due to their narrow focus.

Pros: High growth potential if the sector experiences a boom.
Cons: High risk due to dependency on a single sector. A downturn in the sector can significantly affect returns.
You could allocate a small portion of your investment to thematic or sectoral funds for additional growth potential, but it’s important to limit exposure to avoid too much concentration risk.

Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner can help you navigate the complexities of mutual fund investments. Here’s how a CFP adds value:

Expert Guidance: A CFP can recommend a tailored portfolio based on your goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions.

Active Fund Management: Actively managed funds often outperform passive index funds, especially when market conditions fluctuate. A CFP can help you choose funds with strong management teams that focus on achieving above-average returns.

Tax Planning: A CFP can also help you structure your investments in a tax-efficient manner, ensuring that your gains are optimized while keeping tax liability low.

By working with a CFP, you ensure that your Rs 20 lakh investment is professionally managed and monitored regularly.

Diversifying Your Investment Portfolio
For your Rs 20 lakh investment, diversification is key to achieving your 10-12% annual return target while managing risk. Here’s a sample strategy to consider:

40-50% in Large-Cap or Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds offer stability and growth by investing in established companies. This portion helps anchor your portfolio with moderate returns.

20-25% in Mid-Cap Funds: Mid-cap funds provide higher growth potential and add a bit more risk to the mix for better long-term returns.

15-20% in Small-Cap Funds: Small-cap funds are more volatile but can offer higher returns over a 10-year horizon. This portion helps boost potential growth.

5-10% in Sectoral or Thematic Funds: These funds add a high-risk, high-reward element to your portfolio. Only a small percentage should be allocated to manage concentration risk.

Finally
Achieving an annual return of 10-12% is realistic over a 10-year period if you invest wisely in a well-diversified portfolio of mutual funds. While 17-18% returns are unrealistic in most market scenarios, equity mutual funds have the potential to provide solid returns, especially when invested for the long term.

A mix of large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and sectoral funds will give your portfolio the balance it needs to grow while managing risk. To make the most of your investment, partnering with a Certified Financial Planner will ensure your funds are actively managed, regularly reviewed, and adjusted to suit your goals.

By staying committed to your investment for 10 years and being patient through market ups and downs, you stand a strong chance of reaching your financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

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Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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