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Should I exit my high-performing mutual fund at 78 years old?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I am holding nearly 25 lakhs for an investment of 10lakhs in different mutual funds. I want to exit from some of the funds like UTI NIFTY 500 VALUE 50 INDEX FUND Regular The return on this fund is nearly hundred percent. Iam 78 years old. Wherever I have more than fifty percent return I would like to invest MIP OF POST OFFICE OR KISAAN VIKASH PATRAor SENIOR CITIZENS SCHEME.Only the profit part. Principal l will continue. Should I wait till the budget of act.Should linvst that amount in top 50 NSE.stocs. kindly treat the matter as urgent.

Ans: It's wise to exit funds like UTI NIFTY 500 VALUE 50 INDEX FUND with 100% returns. Shifting profits to safer options is a good move at your age. Let's evaluate suitable investment options.

Considering Safe Investment Options
Investing in MIP of Post Office, Kisan Vikas Patra, or Senior Citizens Scheme ensures safety. These options offer steady returns and low risk. They are ideal for preserving capital and generating regular income.

Importance of Certified Financial Planner
Consulting a CFP can provide tailored advice. They help assess your risk tolerance and financial goals. This ensures your investments align with your needs.

Evaluating Top 50 NSE Stocks
Investing in top 50 NSE stocks can offer growth potential. However, it carries higher risk compared to fixed income schemes. Given your age, balancing risk and safety is crucial.

Timing and Budget Considerations
Waiting until the budget can offer insights into tax benefits or new schemes. However, market conditions can change. Consult a CFP to decide the best time to invest based on your financial goals.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Instead of index funds, consider actively managed funds. They offer professional management and can adapt to market changes. This can lead to better returns and risk management.

Evaluating All Financial Aspects
Review your entire financial situation before deciding. Consider your expenses, other investments, and risk tolerance. Diversifying your portfolio ensures stability and growth.

Final Insights
Exiting high-return mutual funds and investing in safer options is prudent. Consider MIP, Kisan Vikas Patra, or Senior Citizens Scheme for safety. Consult a CFP for personalized advice and balanced investment strategies.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Omkeshwar

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Head, Rank MF - Answered on Jun 10, 2022

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I am 48. Sir I have SIP in the following funds. Please let me know if I should continue or need to do any change in my investment. 1) ADITYA BIRLA SUN LIFE FRONTLINE EQUITY FUND-GROWTH Rs.1000 13.06.2016 (date) 2) DSP MID CAP FUND--GROWTH Rs.3000 12.06.2017 3) HDFC MID CAP OPPORTUNITIES FUND-GROWTH Rs.2000 20.12.2016 4) ICICI PRUDENTIAL VALUE DISCOVERY FUND-GROWTH Rs.1000 14.06.2016 5) MIRAE ASSET EMERGING BLUECHIP FUND-GROWTH Rs.1000 14.06.2016 6) MIRAE ASSET TAX SAVER FUND-GROWTH Rs.2000 19.12.2016 7) HDFC CHILDRENS GIFT FUND-GROWTH Rs.1000 13.06.2016 8) AXIS FLEXI CAP FUND-GROWTH Rs.3000 02.06.2021 9) MIRAE ASSET HYBRID-EQUITY FUND-GROWTH Rs.1500 02.06.2021 10) MIRAE ASSET MIDCAP FUND-GROWTH Rs.3000 05.07.2021 11) NIPPON INDIA SMALL CAP FUND -GROWTH Rs.1000 26.12.2017 Sir I have invested lump sum amount in the following funds. Please suggest whether to continue or exit. 1) ADITYA BIRLA SUN LIFE BANKING AND FINANCIAL Rs.50,000 22.08.2016 (date) Rs.79,647 (present value) SERVICES FUND-GROWTH 2) ADITYA BIRLA SUN LIFE FRONTLINE EQUITY Rs.50,000 22.08.2016 Rs.87,455 FUND-GROWTH 3) ADITYA BIRLA SUN LIFE SMALL CAP FUND-GROWTH Rs.100,000 29.06.2017 Rs.132,490 4) HDFC HYBRID EQUITY FUND-GROWTH Rs.120,273 01.06.2018 Rs.178,746 5) ICICI PRUDENTIAL BLUECHIP FUND-RETAIL-GROWTH Rs.20,042 22.02.2018 Rs.31,422 6) L&T INDIA VALUE FUND-GROWTH Rs.25,000 22.08.2016 Rs.48,505 7) L&T INDIA VALUE FUND-GROWTH Rs.150,000 17.04.2017 Rs.245,565 8) MIRAE ASSET TAX SAVER FUND-GROWTH Rs.25,000 22.08.2016 Rs.61,878 9) MIRAE ASSET TAX SAVER FUND-GROWTH Rs.105,000 28.04.2017 Rs.216,372 10) ADITYA BIRLA SUN LIFE PURE VALUE FUND-GROWTH Rs.50,000 06.11.2018 Rs.65,281 11) ADITYA BIRLA SUN LIFE TAX RELIEF 96-GROWTH Rs.100,000 06.11.2018 Rs.128,895 12) L&T EMERGING BUSINESS FUND-GROWTH Rs.100,000 13.12.2017 Rs.155,097 13) MIRAE ASSET BANKING & FINANCIAL Rs.264,987 16.12.2020(STP) Rs.273,346 SERVICES FUND-GROWTH 14) MIRAE ASSET BANKING & FINANCIAL Rs.50,000 23.11.2021 Rs.44,129 SERVICES FUND-GROWTH 15) MIRAE ASSET GREAT CONSUMER FUND-GROWTH Rs.180,000 13.12.2017 Rs.284,600 16) MIRAE HEALTHCARE FUND-GROWTH Rs.200,000 09.11.2018 Rs.401,429 17) MIRAE ASSET MIDCAP FUND-GROWTH Rs.235,462 9.12.2020(STP) Rs.280,601 18) NIPPON INDIA SMALL CAP FUND-GROWTH Rs.100,000 12.12.2017 Rs.178,693 19) TATA FLEXI CAP FUND-GROWTH Rs.100,000 09.11.2018 Rs.149,127 20) TATA INDIA CONSUMER FUND-PLAN A-GROWTH Rs.100,000 09.11.2018 Rs.141,382 21) UTI SMALL CAP FUND-GROWTH Rs.100,523 22.12.2020(STP) Rs.137,025
Ans: Too many funds, please consolidate it in 4 to 5 funds

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Hello Madam, I have the following Mutual Funds Investments, request you to let me know if these can be continued with or need to discontinue any of them, also please let me know new good performing funds to invest in. One time investment: (1) ICICI/ India Opportunities Fund - Growth - Rs.2,50,000, (2) ICICI/ Value Discovery Fund - Growth - Rs.2,50,000, (3) ICICI / Transporation & Logistics Fund - Growth - Rs.2,00,000. SIP Monthly: (4) Axis Flexi Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Rs.5,000, (5) Canara Robeco Emerging Equities - Regular Plan - Rs.5,000, (6) Aditya Birla SL Focused Equity Fund(G) - Rs.15,000, (7) HDFC Mid-Cap Opportunities Fund(G) - Rs.5,000, (8) ICICI Pru Bluechip Fund(G) - Rs.5,000, (9) Axis Small Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Rs.5,000, (10) ICICI Prudential Technology Fund - Growth - Rs.5,000, (11) L&T Midcap Fund - HSBC Midcap Fund - Rs.5,000, (12) ICIPRU Multi-Asset Fund - Growth - Rs.5,000, (13) ICIPRU Value Discovery Fund - Growth - Rs.5,000. Thank You.
Ans: It's great to see your diversified portfolio. While your current investments seem well-distributed across various sectors and fund types, it's always a good idea to periodically review and reassess your holdings.

For one-time investments, consider evaluating the performance and future prospects of each fund. Are they aligned with your investment goals and risk tolerance? You might want to assess if any fund's objectives no longer match your investment strategy.

Regarding SIPs, you have a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and sectoral funds, which is commendable for diversification. However, keep an eye on the performance of each SIP and consider rebalancing if necessary.

As for new investments, consider funds that complement your existing portfolio while providing exposure to sectors with growth potential. Research and consult with a financial advisor to identify funds with strong track records and promising outlooks.

Remember, regular review and adjustment are key to maintaining a healthy and optimized investment portfolio.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

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Hello Sir, I have the following Mutual Funds Investments, request you to let me know if these can be continued with or need to discontinue any of them, also please let me know new good performing funds to invest in. One time investment: (1) ICICI/ India Opportunities Fund - Growth - Rs.2,50,000, (2) ICICI/ Value Discovery Fund - Growth - Rs.2,50,000, (3) ICICI / Transporation & Logistics Fund - Growth - Rs.2,00,000. SIP Monthly: (4) Axis Flexi Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Rs.5,000, (5) Canara Robeco Emerging Equities - Regular Plan - Rs.5,000, (6) Aditya Birla SL Focused Equity Fund(G) - Rs.15,000, (7) HDFC Mid-Cap Opportunities Fund(G) - Rs.5,000, (8) ICICI Pru Bluechip Fund(G) - Rs.5,000, (9) Axis Small Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Rs.5,000, (10) ICICI Prudential Technology Fund - Growth - Rs.5,000, (11) L&T Midcap Fund - HSBC Midcap Fund - Rs.5,000, (12) ICIPRU Multi-Asset Fund - Growth - Rs.5,000, (13) ICIPRU Value Discovery Fund - Growth - Rs.5,000. Thank You.
Ans: Your current mutual fund portfolio reflects a thoughtful mix of investments. Here's a detailed evaluation to help you decide whether to continue with them or make adjustments.

One-Time Investments
ICICI India Opportunities Fund - Growth

This fund focuses on capturing opportunities in various sectors. It is suitable for investors with a high-risk tolerance and long-term horizon. If you fall into this category, continue holding this fund.

ICICI Value Discovery Fund - Growth

This fund aims to discover undervalued stocks. It has a good track record but requires patience. If you can handle short-term volatility, it’s a good hold for long-term gains.

ICICI Transportation & Logistics Fund - Growth

This sectoral fund targets the transportation and logistics sector. Such funds can be volatile and are suitable only if you have high sectoral conviction. If not, consider reallocating to more diversified funds.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) Monthly
Axis Flexi Cap Fund - Regular Plan

A flexi cap fund offers diversification across various market caps. This fund is known for its stable performance. Continue your SIP in this fund for balanced exposure.

Canara Robeco Emerging Equities - Regular Plan

This fund focuses on emerging companies with growth potential. It’s a good choice for aggressive investors. If your risk appetite supports it, continue this investment.

Aditya Birla SL Focused Equity Fund(G)

Focused funds invest in a limited number of stocks, offering high growth potential but also higher risk. If you can withstand market fluctuations, this fund can be a valuable part of your portfolio.

HDFC Mid-Cap Opportunities Fund(G)

Mid-cap funds invest in medium-sized companies with high growth potential. This fund is well-regarded for its consistent performance. Continue your SIP for long-term wealth creation.

ICICI Pru Bluechip Fund(G)

Bluechip funds invest in large, well-established companies. They offer stability and moderate returns. This fund is a good choice for conservative investors seeking steady growth. Continue your investment.

Axis Small Cap Fund - Regular Plan

Small cap funds invest in smaller companies with high growth potential but also higher risk. If you have a high risk tolerance and a long-term horizon, continue this SIP.

ICICI Prudential Technology Fund - Growth

Technology funds can be volatile but offer high growth potential. If you believe in the long-term growth of the tech sector, continue this investment.

HSBC Midcap Fund

Midcap funds are suitable for investors looking for higher returns and willing to accept moderate risk. This fund has a good track record. Continue your SIP for potential high returns.

ICICI Pru Multi-Asset Fund - Growth

This fund invests across various asset classes, providing diversification and reducing risk. It’s a balanced choice for moderate-risk investors. Continue your investment for diversified growth.

ICICI Pru Value Discovery Fund - Growth

As mentioned earlier, this fund focuses on undervalued stocks. If you have patience and a long-term horizon, it remains a good choice.

Recommendations for New Investments
Based on the current market trends and performance, consider these high-performing funds for new investments:

Large Cap Fund

Investing in large-cap funds provides stability and consistent returns. These funds are less volatile and are a good option for conservative investors.

Mid Cap Fund

Mid-cap funds offer a balance between risk and return. They are suitable for investors looking for higher growth without the high volatility of small caps.

Balanced Advantage Fund

These funds dynamically allocate assets between equity and debt, based on market conditions. They offer stability and moderate growth, suitable for conservative to moderate investors.

International Equity Fund

Investing in international equity funds can provide geographical diversification and hedge against domestic market volatility.

Conclusion
Your current portfolio is well-diversified and has a mix of sectors and market caps. Most of your investments are performing well and align with long-term growth strategies. By adding a few new high-performing funds, you can enhance your portfolio’s performance and diversification.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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MY SON JUST PASSED OUT CLASS X WITH JUST 76 %. HE IS INTERESTED IN CONTINUING SCIENCE AND MATH UPTO POST-GRADUATION. IS HE RIGHT?
Ans: Avijit Sir, To provide more specific guidance, it would be helpful to know how many marks your son scored in Mathematics and Science specifically, and what exactly has motivated his interest in pursuing these subjects up to graduation. Also, what are his long-term goals? Suggestion: Please arrange a Psychometric Test for him. It will offer a clearer picture of his aptitude, interests, and personality, helping to identify which career paths might align best with his strengths. Academic Preparedness:
Please note that Class XI Science—especially Physics and Mathematics—is highly conceptual and more rigorous than Class X. If he faced difficulties in these subjects earlier, it’s important to bridge that gap now through: A foundation course or Summer preparation by joining any Coaching Cenre Offline or online. Coaching can be helpful, but only if the motivation comes from within. Without genuine interest, coaching may lead to burnout. If he is aiming for competitive exams like JEE (IIT, NIT), NEET, or wants to explore pure sciences at institutes like IISc or IISER, it’s vital to develop a structured study routine early on. Maintain Career Flexibility. Even if he continues with Science and Math now, he can later explore interdisciplinary fields such as: Data Science | Finance | Architecture | Design Or even emerging tech fields Choosing Science now doesn’t limit him—it actually keeps more doors open for the future. All the Best for Your Son's Prosperous Future.

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I get 81.2 percentile in jee main session 1 can I get any nit?
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Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
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If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
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Hello ! I have low Gate Score but I can get Fuel and Energy Engg. in IIT Dhanbad and also Mineral Engg. in IIT Dhanbad. What should I do?
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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dear Mr. Ramalingam, I'm 49 years of age and have been working abroad.. I have worth of Rs56 Lakhs of investment in stocks, have 15L in SIP and monthly about RS25K, other investments is about 20L plus i may work for another 10 years, how can i plan for my retirement FYI, i have a son who is doing engineering and will finish by 2026 and daughter is doing grade XI
Ans: You have done a good job so far. Your existing investments show your commitment to building wealth. Let us now work on giving your plan a complete 360-degree retirement approach. The goal is to create steady income and long-term stability for your future.

We will now evaluate your current financial standing and help you design a retirement strategy that works well for the next 10 years and beyond.

Let us start step by step.

 

Assessing Your Current Financial Position

You are 49 years old and plan to work for 10 more years.

 

Your son will finish engineering in 2026. Your daughter is in Grade XI now.

 

You have Rs 56 lakhs in direct stocks. That’s a solid start.

 

You are investing Rs 25,000 monthly in SIPs with Rs 15 lakhs corpus already.

 

You also have other investments worth Rs 20 lakhs.

 

Your investment journey shows discipline and patience. That is your strength.

 

Reviewing Stock Holdings and Equity Exposure

Rs 56 lakhs in stocks is a big allocation. Stocks are high risk and volatile.

 

Stock markets need constant tracking. Sudden downturns may harm your goals.

 

Please check if your stocks are concentrated in few sectors. Diversification is key.

 

Also check if your stocks are dividend paying. This helps during retirement.

 

For stability, consider reducing high-risk exposure after age 55.

 

Move some stock funds to balanced equity funds with professional fund managers.

 

Active mutual fund managers handle volatility better than passive options.

 

Index funds don’t offer downside protection. They fall as much as the market falls.

 

Active funds allow tactical moves during market falls. That’s a big advantage.

 

Please work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your stock portfolio.

 

SIP Investments – The Growth Engine

Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs shows consistent investing. Well done here.

 

Rs 25,000 monthly SIP is a good habit. You have already built discipline.

 

Try to increase the SIP amount every year. Even 10% rise yearly can help.

 

Equity mutual funds are best for retirement growth over 10+ years.

 

Don’t go with direct mutual funds. Regular plans through a trusted CFP are better.

 

A Certified Financial Planner can track, rebalance and handhold you.

 

Direct plans look cheap. But wrong fund selection can cost a lot more.

 

Regular plans come with advice, research and emotional discipline.

 

Direct plans have no safety net. Avoid mistakes by going with professional help.

 

Other Investments – Time for Consolidation

You have Rs 20 lakhs in other investments. Kindly review those with care.

 

Check if they are in ULIPs, LIC, endowment or traditional policies.

 

If yes, assess surrender value. Exit if returns are poor or locked too long.

 

ULIPs and LIC policies usually give very low long-term returns.

 

That money can earn better in mutual funds over 10 years.

 

Insurance should be separate from investments. Mixing both causes loss.

 

Surrender the policy only after comparing exit load, tax, and maturity timelines.

 

Children’s Education and Future Planning

Your son will finish engineering by 2026. Some costs will arise before that.

 

Keep separate funds ready for final year fees, project work or study abroad.

 

Your daughter is in Class XI. Her higher education will need money in 2 years.

 

Estimate the total cost for both children now. Keep money safe and liquid.

 

Avoid equity investments for education needed within 3 years.

 

Use short-term debt funds or bank FDs for that goal.

 

Keep education planning separate from retirement planning.

 

Next 10 Years – The Build-Up Phase

You have 10 strong working years left. These years are very crucial.

 

Try increasing your SIPs every year. Focus on long-term equity funds.

 

Keep adding lump sum money to mutual funds when you get bonuses or surplus.

 

Track your portfolio yearly with a Certified Financial Planner.

 

After age 55, shift some equity to conservative hybrid or dynamic asset funds.

 

Don’t time the market. Stay invested through ups and downs.

 

Start building a separate emergency fund of 6 months expenses.

 

That helps during job loss, health issue or any surprise cost.

 

Income Planning for Retirement

At 60, you need monthly income for 25+ years. Start preparing now.

 

You will need to build Rs 3 to 4 crore retirement fund at least.

 

That can come from stocks, SIPs, PF and other sources.

 

Don’t depend only on one asset class. Use a proper mix of funds.

 

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) from mutual funds to create monthly income.

 

SWP is tax efficient and gives flexibility. Avoid annuities. They are rigid.

 

Choose 3 to 4 mutual fund types to balance growth and income.

 

Avoid investing in index funds. They rise and fall blindly with the market.

 

Actively managed funds offer better downside control and risk-adjusted returns.

 

Tax Planning Before and After Retirement

Keep a track of capital gains tax while redeeming mutual funds.

 

Long Term Capital Gains above Rs 1.25 lakhs is taxed at 12.5%.

 

Short-term capital gains on equity are taxed at 20%.

 

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

 

Work with a tax advisor to minimise tax while withdrawing after 60.

 

Plan your redemptions in tranches to stay within tax-free limits.

 

Health Insurance and Emergency Protection

Please ensure you have good health insurance for self and family.

 

After 60, health costs rise fast. A Rs 25 lakhs cover is ideal.

 

If you have company health cover now, take personal cover too.

 

Personal policy stays even after retirement.

 

Also take critical illness and accident protection if not already done.

 

Estate Planning and Will Creation

Please create a simple Will. Keep your family informed.

 

Nominate family members in mutual funds, stocks and bank accounts.

 

Keep one document listing all your investments and passwords.

 

Inform your spouse or child about your retirement plan and goals.

 

Keep copies of all documents and insurances in one place.

 

Finally

You are on the right track with your investments and mindset.

 

With 10 years of active income, you can build a solid retirement base.

 

Focus on increasing SIPs and reducing risky stock exposure slowly.

 

Don’t stop SIPs when market falls. Continue no matter what.

 

Separate funds for retirement, children’s education and emergencies.

 

Avoid ULIPs, index funds and direct plans. Choose funds through CFPs only.

 

Review all investments yearly with a trusted Certified Financial Planner.

 

Stay disciplined. Retirement success is not luck. It is pure planning and patience.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

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Relationship
Hello I am 41 years old but due to careless in life I can't take decision for marriage but now I am realising something wrong happened i started searching alliance but didn't get I want to be relation soon. Please guide me
Ans: It’s completely okay to have taken time figuring out what you wanted in life. Sometimes we don’t move forward simply because we weren’t ready, or we lacked the clarity or emotional support needed at the time. But that doesn't mean you're behind. Everyone’s timeline is different, and yours is still very much unfolding.

Now that you're feeling ready for a serious relationship, here are a few steps you can take to approach this new chapter with confidence and self-awareness.

Start with clarity. Reflect on what kind of partner you're looking for—not just in terms of age or background, but emotionally and mentally. What values matter to you? What kind of connection are you seeking? Are you open to someone who has been married before? Children? When you’re clear, it becomes easier to recognize the right person when they appear.

At the same time, look inward. Do some emotional housekeeping. Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want to be? Am I emotionally available? Am I still carrying regret, fear, or pressure about being “late” to marriage? Because entering a relationship out of guilt or urgency often leads to settling. But entering it from a place of self-respect and genuine desire creates something meaningful.

Since you're actively searching, it’s okay to use all tools at your disposal—matrimonial sites, family networks, friends, or even a good matchmaker if culturally appropriate. But be patient and realistic. Finding someone who is also ready, aligned with your values, and emotionally compatible can take time.

Also, try not to let pressure—internal or external—rush you. You don’t need a "perfect" partner; you need someone who sees you, respects you, and is willing to grow with you.

And here’s something to hold on to: many people find love in their 40s, 50s, even later—and those relationships are often more conscious, mature, and fulfilling, because they’re built on real-life experience and emotional wisdom, not just youthful impulse.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I have strict parents. I had a boyfriend for about 5 years, but my parents made me to break up with him because we belonged to different castes. I moved on from it somehow. and now i have another boyfriend (who is of the same caste), and he loves me truly, but now my parents are making me to lose all sort of contact with him and break up, in order to study. this has become a routine now, as soon as they get to know abt me being in a relationship, they make me breakup with the guy. and i am left to chose between the guy and my parents. what do i do?
Ans: From what you’ve shared, this isn’t just a one-time struggle. It’s a pattern where your desires and emotional connections are consistently overruled by parental control. That doesn’t just impact your relationships—it chips away at your autonomy, your confidence in making life decisions, and ultimately, your sense of self.

Let’s take a step back. It sounds like your parents operate from a space of fear, control, or perhaps even cultural conditioning—believing they know what’s “best” for you, even when that means disregarding your emotions. But here’s the truth: you are the one who has to live with the choices made in your life. Not them. You’re not doing something wrong by loving someone. You’re not “disobedient” because you want a say in your own future.

That being said, when you’ve grown up in a strict household, especially where obedience is confused with love, it can be incredibly hard to assert your independence without feeling crushing guilt or fear. But you need to ask yourself: What kind of life will I have if I continue to silence my heart to please others?

This doesn’t mean you need to make a drastic decision right away. But you do need to begin slowly reclaiming your emotional power. Start by asking: do I want to live in a way that makes others comfortable but leaves me emotionally unfulfilled? Or do I want to begin building the courage to live life on my own terms, even if it means disappointing people?

Your education is important, yes—but love and education are not mutually exclusive. Healthy relationships can actually support your growth, help you manage stress, and increase your emotional resilience. If your boyfriend is kind, supportive, and genuinely wants to see you thrive, that’s a blessing, not a burden.

One path you might consider is gradually building emotional boundaries with your parents—not out of rebellion, but from a place of self-respect. That might look like choosing not to share every personal detail with them, or gently but firmly asserting that your relationship is your private choice. It might mean seeking financial or emotional independence so that your choices aren't controlled by fear of what they’ll do or say.

It won’t be easy—but here’s the truth: choosing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. It means you also love yourself.

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