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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Jyoti Question by Jyoti on Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir I m doing sip of 6.k monthly from last one year Nippon India small cap fund 2k HDFC midcap opportunity 1k Quant small cap fund 1k SBI contra fund 2.5k So please guide me how much I have to invest to reach 50 lakh in next 10 yrs.or do I need to change any investment?

Ans: Firstly, commendations on taking proactive steps towards securing your financial future by investing in SIPs. It’s great to see your commitment and consistency in building wealth through mutual funds.

Current Investment Analysis
Your Current SIPs:

Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Rs. 2,000 monthly
HDFC Midcap Opportunities Fund: Rs. 1,000 monthly
Quant Small Cap Fund: Rs. 1,000 monthly
SBI Contra Fund: Rs. 2,500 monthly
Total Monthly Investment: Rs. 6,500

Calculating Future Value of Current Investments
To determine if your current SIPs will help you reach your goal of Rs. 50 lakh in 10 years, let's calculate the future value. Assuming an average annual return of 12%, the future value of your SIP can be estimated using the formula for the future value of an SIP:

Future Value (FV) = P × [ (1 + r)^n - 1 ] / r × (1 + r)

Where:

P is the monthly investment (SIP amount)
r is the monthly rate of return (annual return / 12)
n is the total number of investments (months)
For a 12% annual return:
r = 12/100 / 12 = 0.01

Total months n = 10 × 12 = 120

Let's calculate the future value for each SIP:

Nippon India Small Cap Fund
P = 2000
FV = 2000 × [ (1 + 0.01)^120 - 1 ] / 0.01 × (1 + 0.01)
FV = 2000 × [ 1.01^120 - 1 ] / 0.01 × 1.01
FV = 2000 × 232.97 × 1.01
FV ≈ 4,70,000

HDFC Midcap Opportunities Fund
P = 1000
FV = 1000 × 232.97 × 1.01
FV ≈ 2,35,000

Quant Small Cap Fund
P = 1000
FV = 1000 × 232.97 × 1.01
FV ≈ 2,35,000

SBI Contra Fund
P = 2500
FV = 2500 × 232.97 × 1.01
FV ≈ 5,87,000

Adding these, the total future value of your current SIPs will be:
4,70,000 + 2,35,000 + 2,35,000 + 5,87,000 = 15,27,000

Gap Analysis and Required SIP
Your goal is to accumulate Rs. 50 lakh, but your current SIPs will accumulate approximately Rs. 15.27 lakh. This leaves a shortfall:

Required Amount: Rs. 50 lakh

Current Future Value: Rs. 15.27 lakh

Shortfall: Rs. 50 lakh - Rs. 15.27 lakh = Rs. 34.73 lakh

To reach Rs. 50 lakh, you need to invest more. Let’s determine how much you need to invest monthly to bridge this gap.

Using the SIP future value formula, let's solve for P (the required monthly SIP amount) to reach Rs. 50 lakh:

50,00,000 = P × [ (1 + 0.01)^120 - 1 ] / 0.01 × (1 + 0.01)

50,00,000 = P × 232.97 × 1.01

50,00,000 = P × 235.30

P = 50,00,000 / 235.30

P ≈ 21,250

You need to invest approximately Rs. 21,250 per month to reach your goal of Rs. 50 lakh in 10 years, assuming a 12% annual return.

Reviewing Your Current Investments
Fund Performance and Diversification

Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Good for aggressive growth, but high risk.
HDFC Midcap Opportunities Fund: Balanced growth and risk.
Quant Small Cap Fund: Another high-risk, high-return option.
SBI Contra Fund: Contrarian approach, can offer good returns in underperforming sectors.
Your portfolio has a mix of small-cap, mid-cap, and contrarian strategies. It’s relatively aggressive, which is suitable for a long-term horizon but may need some balancing for risk management.

Suggestions for Portfolio Adjustment
Increase Investment Amount

To reach your goal, increase your monthly SIP to Rs. 21,250. You can adjust the distribution among existing funds or add new funds.

Diversification

Consider adding large-cap or multi-cap funds to diversify and reduce risk. Large-cap funds typically offer more stability and can balance the high-risk small-cap and mid-cap funds in your portfolio.

Why Actively Managed Funds
While index funds are popular, actively managed funds can provide better returns due to the expertise of fund managers. They can make strategic decisions and adapt to market conditions, potentially outperforming the index.

Direct vs. Regular Funds
Investing in direct funds saves on expense ratios, but it requires active management and market knowledge. Regular funds, through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials, provide professional advice and management, which can be beneficial.

Conclusion
To achieve your goal of Rs. 50 lakh in the next 10 years, you need to increase your SIP to Rs. 21,250 per month. Diversify your investments to include large-cap or multi-cap funds to balance risk. Consider the benefits of actively managed funds and professional advice through regular funds.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

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Dear sir Now I am 37 years old working in banking sector my monthly salary is 45 k and my wife's take home is 20 k I have one personal loan emi around 24k already I am having SIP with 2.5 k every month now I need to plan for more how much I need to invest in SIP if I want to reach 30 L in next 5 years
Ans: Your Financial Picture
• Your monthly income: Rs. 45,000
• Your wife's monthly income: Rs. 20,000
• Total family income: Rs. 65,000
• Personal loan EMI: Rs. 24,000
• Current SIP: Rs. 2,500 per month

Your Goal

• Target amount: Rs. 30 lakhs
• Time frame: 5 years

Savings Potential

• After EMI, you have Rs. 41,000 left
• You're already investing Rs. 2,500 monthly
• There's room to increase your investments

Investment Strategy

To reach your goal, consider these steps:

• Increase your SIP amount
• Look at growth-oriented investment options
• Regularly review and adjust your plan

SIP Amount Needed

• You'll need to invest more to reach Rs. 30 lakhs
• A rough estimate is Rs. 35,000 to Rs. 40,000 monthly
• This assumes a yearly return of 12% to 15%

Increasing Your Investments

Here are some ways to boost your investment amount:

• Cut unnecessary expenses
• Use any salary hikes to increase SIP
• Invest bonuses or extra income
• Look for side income opportunities

Investment Options

For a 5-year goal, consider these options:

• Equity mutual funds for growth
• Balanced funds for moderate risk
• Debt funds for stability

Benefits of Regular Funds

• Professional management of your money
• Expert advice from certified financial planners
• Regular portfolio review and rebalancing
• Help in staying disciplined with investments

Risks to Consider

• Market volatility can affect short-term returns
• 5 years is a relatively short time for equity
• Your returns may vary from expectations

Regular Reviews

• Check your investments every 3-6 months
• Adjust your plan if needed
• Stay focused on your long-term goal

Protection First

• Ensure you have adequate life insurance
• Get a good health insurance policy
• Build an emergency fund of 3-6 months' expenses

Tax Planning

• Use tax-saving investment options wisely
• Don't invest only for tax benefits
• Look at overall returns and goal alignment

Finally

Your goal is ambitious but not impossible. Start increasing your investments right away. Stay disciplined and patient. Regular review and adjustments will help you reach your target.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

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Dear sir Now I am 37 years old working in banking sector my monthly salary is 45 k and my wife's take home is 20 k I have one personal loan emi around 24k already I am having SIP with 2.5 k every month now I need to plan for more how much I need to invest in SIP if I want to reach 30 L in next 5 years
Ans: First, let’s appreciate your commitment to securing your financial future. Your combined monthly income is Rs. 65,000, and you already invest Rs. 2,500 monthly in a SIP. With a personal loan EMI of Rs. 24,000, your current financial situation requires careful planning.

Setting Your Financial Goal

Your goal is to accumulate Rs. 30 lakhs in the next five years. This goal is both realistic and achievable with disciplined investing. But before we determine the required SIP amount, we need to consider some factors like your current savings, expenses, and loan commitments.

Evaluating Your Current Savings and Expenses

After accounting for your EMI, you have Rs. 41,000 left. From this, we must also subtract your living expenses, existing SIP, and other financial commitments. Your disposable income after expenses will determine how much more you can invest.

Let’s assume that your monthly expenses (excluding the EMI and current SIP) are around Rs. 20,000. This leaves you with Rs. 21,000 that you can potentially allocate towards additional SIPs and other financial goals.

Calculating the SIP Required to Achieve Your Goal

Given your target of Rs. 30 lakhs in five years, you will need to invest a substantial amount monthly. To provide a rough estimate:

Current SIP: Your current Rs. 2,500 SIP is a good start, but it might not be enough to reach your goal of Rs. 30 lakhs.

Additional SIP Required: To achieve Rs. 30 lakhs in five years, you will need to invest more. Given an assumed average return rate of 12% per annum, you might need to invest around Rs. 35,000 monthly. However, the exact amount can vary based on market performance.

You can adjust the SIP amount based on your comfort and financial situation.

Balancing Loan Repayment and Investments

Balancing between loan repayment and investments is crucial. Your loan EMI is already a significant part of your income. If possible, consider prepaying part of your loan to reduce the EMI burden. This could free up more funds for SIPs.

If prepaying is not an option, focus on maintaining a healthy balance between loan repayment and investments.

Assessing the Need for Insurance

Since you have a personal loan, it’s wise to ensure you have adequate life insurance. A term insurance policy can secure your family’s financial future if something unfortunate happens. Additionally, health insurance is essential to avoid unexpected medical expenses.

Ensure your insurance coverage is adequate to protect your financial goals.

Importance of Regular Monitoring and Adjustment

Regularly monitoring your investments is key. Market conditions can change, and so can your financial situation. Reviewing your SIPs and overall financial plan annually will help you stay on track to achieve your goal.

Regular adjustments may be necessary to ensure your investments are aligned with your financial goals.

Why Actively Managed Funds Are Preferable

While index funds are popular, they may not be ideal for aggressive goals. Actively managed funds, where expert fund managers make strategic decisions, can potentially offer better returns. This can be beneficial, especially when trying to achieve a specific financial target.

Actively managed funds provide flexibility and the potential for higher returns.

Final Insights

Achieving Rs. 30 lakhs in five years is possible with disciplined investing. Consider increasing your monthly SIP, balancing it with your loan repayment, and ensuring you have adequate insurance coverage. Regular monitoring and adjustments are also crucial. With a careful approach, your financial goal can be achieved.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir my age is 35 and i am doing 2 Sip of Rs 2500 each with a increment of 10 % every year. I want to make a corpus amount of 1 cr by 50 age. How much should I invest more to reach that goal..
Ans: At 35 years of age, you have already embarked on a smart investment journey by investing in two Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs), each with a monthly contribution of Rs 2,500. In total, you are contributing Rs 5,000 per month. Moreover, the decision to increase your SIP by 10% every year is a well-thought-out strategy that will help you combat inflation and take advantage of the power of compounding.

Your goal is to accumulate Rs 1 crore by the time you turn 50, giving you a time horizon of 15 years. This is a realistic and achievable goal with the right strategy, but it’s crucial to assess how much more you need to invest to comfortably reach your target.

Understanding the Power of SIPs and Compounding

SIPs are one of the most effective tools for wealth creation, especially for long-term investors like you. They work on the principles of rupee cost averaging and the power of compounding, both of which are key factors in building wealth over time.

Rupee Cost Averaging: This allows you to buy more units when the market is down and fewer units when the market is high. Over time, this helps in averaging out the cost of your investments and reducing market risk.

Compounding: The true magic of wealth creation lies in compounding. The longer you stay invested, the more your returns grow. With the 10% annual increment you’ve already planned, your contributions will increase steadily, adding more fuel to the power of compounding.

Your Current SIPs: Are They Enough?

Now, let’s look at your current contributions. A monthly SIP of Rs 5,000 with a 10% annual increment is a solid start, but to determine if it’s enough to reach Rs 1 crore by the time you turn 50, we need to consider several factors:

Expected Rate of Return: Equity mutual funds typically provide returns in the range of 12-15% per annum over the long term. For this assessment, let’s assume a conservative return of 12%. It’s important to remember that markets fluctuate, and returns can vary. But historically, 12% is a reasonable expectation for equity investments.

Time Horizon: You have 15 years until you turn 50, which is a decent time horizon for compounding to work in your favour. The longer the horizon, the more powerful compounding becomes.

Your Goal: Your target is Rs 1 crore, which is achievable, but you may need to tweak your contributions to ensure you stay on track.

Gap Analysis: Estimating the Shortfall

Even though you are on the right track with your Rs 5,000 monthly SIP and a 10% annual increment, it’s important to evaluate whether these contributions are enough to meet your goal. A conservative estimate would indicate that you might fall short of your Rs 1 crore target if you continue with just Rs 5,000 per month.

This is where the concept of a gap analysis comes in. Based on your current SIP contributions, expected returns, and time horizon, you may not reach Rs 1 crore without increasing your investment amount. We estimate that you may need to increase your contributions to meet your target comfortably.

Increasing Your SIP: How Much More Should You Invest?

To achieve your Rs 1 crore goal by age 50, you will need to increase your monthly SIP contributions. Based on a 12% annual return, you would likely need to contribute an additional Rs 7,000 to Rs 10,000 per month.

This additional investment will help you bridge the gap between your current contributions and your final goal. By adding this increment now, you will benefit from the compounding effect over the next 15 years. The sooner you increase your SIP, the more your wealth will grow.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

While SIPs are an excellent way to invest, the type of funds you choose plays a significant role in achieving your financial goals. Actively managed mutual funds, when invested through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD), offer several advantages over passive funds like index funds or ETFs.

Professional Management: Actively managed funds are handled by experienced fund managers who have the expertise to select the right mix of assets. They constantly monitor the market and make adjustments to the portfolio to optimise returns.

Flexibility: Unlike index funds, which mirror the market and cannot adjust during market downturns, actively managed funds can reallocate assets based on market conditions. This flexibility helps to mitigate risks and capture opportunities that passive funds might miss.

Better Potential Returns: Over time, actively managed funds have the potential to outperform index funds, especially during market volatility. This is because they are not tied to a specific benchmark and can choose high-growth sectors.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

While index funds have gained popularity due to their low costs, they may not be the best option for you, given your goal and time horizon. Here are some key disadvantages of index funds:

Limited Returns: Index funds aim to replicate the market’s performance. This means that during market downturns, they cannot avoid losses. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, have the potential to outperform by adjusting their portfolios during such times.

No Flexibility: Since index funds simply follow the market, they lack the flexibility to take advantage of emerging opportunities or shield the portfolio from market corrections.

Missed Opportunities: In a market where certain sectors or stocks are performing better than others, index funds are unable to capitalise on these opportunities. Actively managed funds can.

Diversifying Your Portfolio for Long-Term Growth

To maximise your returns and minimise risks, it’s essential to diversify your investments across various sectors. Diversification spreads risk and allows you to capture growth from different segments of the economy.

Here’s a suggested sector allocation for a well-diversified portfolio:

Large-Cap Stocks (40%): These are established companies with a strong track record. Large-cap stocks provide stability and steady growth, which is essential for the core of your portfolio.

Mid-Cap Stocks (30%): Mid-cap companies have higher growth potential than large-cap stocks. They are more volatile but offer a balanced risk-return profile.

Small-Cap Stocks (20%): Small-cap stocks are the most volatile, but they also have the highest potential for growth. Allocating a small portion of your portfolio to small-cap stocks can boost your overall returns.

Sectoral Funds (10%): Certain sectors, like IT, Pharma, and Renewable Energy, have strong growth potential. A small allocation in sectoral funds can help capture the growth in these high-performing sectors.

Importance of Staying Invested for the Long Term

While it’s tempting to react to short-term market fluctuations, the key to successful investing is staying invested for the long term. Markets may go up and down, but over time, they tend to grow. By staying invested and continuing your SIPs, you are likely to benefit from market recoveries and long-term growth.

Rebalancing Your Portfolio Regularly

As market conditions change, it’s important to review and rebalance your portfolio regularly. Rebalancing helps you lock in profits and ensures that your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and financial goals. A Certified Financial Planner can assist you in this process by making necessary adjustments based on your evolving needs and market trends.

Taxation on Mutual Fund Gains

When investing in mutual funds, it’s essential to consider taxation, as it can impact your final corpus. Here are the tax implications for equity mutual funds:

Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): Gains above Rs 1.25 lakh in a financial year are taxed at 12.5%. This tax applies to equity mutual funds held for more than one year.

Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG): If you sell your equity mutual funds within one year, STCG is taxed at 20%. It’s advisable to hold your equity investments for the long term to benefit from lower tax rates and compounding.

Surrendering Traditional Insurance Policies

If you hold traditional insurance policies, such as LIC or ULIPs, it may be worth considering surrendering them. These policies often provide lower returns compared to mutual funds. By reinvesting the surrendered amount into SIPs, you can potentially enhance your wealth-building strategy and reach your Rs 1 crore goal faster.

Inflation and Your Investment Goals

Inflation can erode the purchasing power of your money over time. This is why it’s important to not only focus on achieving a Rs 1 crore corpus but also ensure that your investments grow faster than inflation. Equity mutual funds are known to beat inflation over the long term, making them an ideal choice for your goal.

Final Insights

To achieve your Rs 1 crore goal by age 50, you need to increase your monthly SIP contributions by Rs 7,000 to Rs 10,000. This additional investment, combined with your current strategy and the power of compounding, will help you reach your goal comfortably. A well-diversified portfolio of large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and sectoral funds will further enhance your returns while managing risks.

Regular monitoring, rebalancing, and staying invested for the long term are crucial for success. With the help of a Certified Financial Planner, you can ensure that your investments remain aligned with your goals, market conditions, and personal circumstances.

By following these strategies, you will not only reach your Rs 1 crore target but also build a strong financial foundation for the future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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