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Should I Invest in Gold Mutual Funds? A Young Professional's Dilemma

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Manoj Question by Manoj on Jun 16, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, Are gold MF not a great idea? Or are there better ways in the market than MF to invest in gold like SGB, ETF, etc? Or is gold investments itself in our portfolio not recommended or not necessarily needed? Really helpful if we can get a general understanding on investment of commodities like gold, silver, etc. Thanks.

Ans: Gold Mutual Funds are an excellent way to invest in gold without the hassle of buying physical gold. They invest in gold ETFs, allowing you to benefit from gold's price movements. These funds are managed by professionals, which adds a layer of expertise to your investment. Gold MFs are convenient, as they don’t require a Demat account, making them accessible for most investors.

Advantages of Gold Mutual Funds

Professional Management: Experienced fund managers handle the investments.

Ease of Access: No need for a Demat account; you can invest directly through your bank or mutual fund distributor.

Diversification: Gold acts as a hedge against inflation and adds balance to your portfolio.

Why Choose Gold MFs Over Other Gold Investments?

Gold MFs offer the convenience of systematic investments through SIPs, which can help average out the cost. Unlike physical gold, there are no worries about storage or safety. While Sovereign Gold Bonds offer interest, Gold MFs provide liquidity and flexibility, which is crucial if you might need to redeem your investment quickly.

Final Thoughts

Gold Mutual Funds are a solid choice for adding gold to your portfolio. They offer a hassle-free, professionally managed way to invest in gold, balancing your portfolio and providing protection against market volatility. If you’re looking for a simple yet effective way to invest in gold, Gold Mutual Funds are the way to go.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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I'm 31 years old and want to invest in gold as a part of diversification. Is it wise to invest in gold like our purchasing goldbars/biscuit or as a complete product like chain or necklace. Thanks in advance
Ans: Investing in gold can be a valuable addition to your portfolio for diversification and wealth preservation. Let's explore the pros and cons of investing in gold bars/biscuits versus gold jewelry.

Acknowledging the Need for Diversification
It's great to see your interest in diversifying your investment portfolio at a young age, reflecting your commitment to financial stability and growth.

I understand the importance of exploring different investment options like gold to hedge against economic uncertainties and inflation.

Evaluating Gold Investment Options
Gold Bars/Biscuits: Investing in physical gold in the form of bars or biscuits offers liquidity and ease of storage. You can buy and sell gold bars/biscuits easily through authorized dealers or bullion exchanges.
Gold Jewelry: While gold jewelry has aesthetic value, it may not be the most efficient form of investment due to additional costs like making charges and potential loss of value due to fashion trends or wear and tear.
Advantages of Gold Bars/Biscuits
Purity and Value: Gold bars/biscuits are typically of high purity and standard weight, making them easily tradable and recognizable in the market.
Investment Focus: Investing in gold bars/biscuits allows you to focus solely on the investment aspect without being influenced by aesthetic preferences or fashion trends.
Disadvantages of Gold Jewelry
Additional Costs: Gold jewelry incurs additional costs like making charges, which can reduce your overall returns compared to investing in gold bars/biscuits.
Subject to Wear and Tear: Jewelry is susceptible to wear and tear over time, which may affect its resale value and add to maintenance costs.

While both options offer exposure to the gold market, investing in gold bars/biscuits is generally more conducive to investment purposes due to their purity, liquidity, and ease of storage. However, it's essential to consider your personal preferences and financial goals when making investment decisions.

Evaluating SGBs and Gold Funds
Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs): SGBs are government-backed securities denominated in grams of gold. They offer the combined benefits of gold investment and fixed interest income.
Gold Funds: Gold funds invest in a diversified portfolio of gold-related assets such as physical gold, gold ETFs, and mining stocks. They provide exposure to the gold market without the hassle of owning physical gold.
Advantages of SGBs
Safety and Security: SGBs are issued by the government, making them a safe and secure investment option compared to other forms of gold investment.
Interest Income: In addition to potential capital appreciation, SGBs offer a fixed interest rate on the invested amount, providing an additional source of income.
Advantages of Gold Funds
Professional Management: Gold funds are managed by experienced fund managers who make strategic investment decisions to maximize returns and mitigate risks.
Liquidity and Convenience: Investing in gold funds offers liquidity and convenience, allowing you to buy and sell units easily through the stock exchange.
Considerations for Investment
Risk Tolerance: Assess your risk tolerance and investment objectives to determine the most suitable gold investment option for your portfolio.
Diversification Benefits: Consider how adding SGBs or gold funds complements your existing investments and contributes to portfolio diversification.
Conclusion
By incorporating Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) and Gold Funds into your investment strategy alongside physical gold, you can enhance portfolio diversification and capitalize on the potential benefits of investing in gold.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 10, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, Iam 40 years of age, iam looking for Corpus of 1Cr in next 11-15 years for my retirement life.My current monthly income on an average is 80k-1.2L. my monthly living expenses is 18-20k. Expense of 22k for my parents Need. Iam single. I have 3L in PF and I invested in my brother Company 16.4L and getting 2% Monthly share.Also,I have invest in Sovereign Gold bond -10Gram. I have 4L in FD. 1L in hand. No credits at present. Not invested in MF and stocks. Iam very much interested in MF.Please give suggestion to invest in MF and also is it ohk to close my PF account and invest in lump sum n SIP.Give your opinion for goldbees.
Ans: It's commendable that you're planning for your retirement and considering various investment options. Given your current financial situation and goals, let's explore a comprehensive approach to achieving a corpus of Rs 1 crore in the next 11-15 years.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
Firstly, let’s summarize your current financial landscape:

Age: 40 years
Monthly Income: Rs 80,000 - Rs 1,20,000
Monthly Living Expenses: Rs 18,000 - Rs 20,000
Monthly Expenses for Parents: Rs 22,000
Current Investments:
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 3 lakh
Investment in Brother’s Company: Rs 16.4 lakh (2% monthly share)
Sovereign Gold Bond: 10 grams
Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs 4 lakh
Cash in Hand: Rs 1 lakh
No Debts or Credits
You have a stable income, modest expenses, and a few investments already in place. This is a solid foundation for building your retirement corpus.

Evaluating Your Investment Options
Provident Fund (PF)
Your PF of Rs 3 lakh is a secure investment with decent returns. It's typically advisable to retain PF due to its safety and guaranteed returns, which also enjoy tax benefits.

Investment in Brother’s Company
Your investment of Rs 16.4 lakh in your brother's company yields a 2% monthly share. This is quite beneficial as it provides a steady income stream. However, relying heavily on one investment can be risky.

Sovereign Gold Bond
Your investment in Sovereign Gold Bonds is wise as it offers both capital appreciation and interest. Gold can hedge against inflation and currency fluctuations.

Fixed Deposit (FD)
FDs are low-risk and provide assured returns but often lag behind inflation rates. Your Rs 4 lakh in FD ensures liquidity and safety.

Considering Mutual Funds for Wealth Creation
Benefits of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Mutual funds spread your investments across various assets, reducing risk.
Professional Management: Actively managed funds have professionals making investment decisions, aiming to outperform the market.
Flexibility: You can start with small amounts and increase your investment over time.
Tax Efficiency: Equity mutual funds held for more than one year benefit from favourable tax treatment.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Investing directly in funds requires extensive knowledge and time to monitor markets. Without professional guidance, you might miss crucial adjustments needed to optimize your portfolio. Investing through a certified financial planner ensures expert management and strategic adjustments.

Creating a Mutual Fund Investment Plan
Step 1: Set Clear Goals
Your goal is to accumulate Rs 1 crore in 11-15 years for retirement. This requires disciplined and strategic investing.

Step 2: Calculate the Required Monthly Investment
To achieve Rs 1 crore in 15 years with an average annual return of 12%, you need to invest around Rs 17,500 per month. For 11 years, this amount increases significantly due to the shorter time frame and the power of compounding. An investment calculator can provide precise figures based on varying returns and time frames.

Step 3: Start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A SIP in equity mutual funds is a prudent approach. It allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly, averaging out market volatility.

Evaluating Current Investments
Provident Fund
Consider retaining your PF. It offers safety, stable returns, and tax benefits. It's a foundational investment for retirement.

Investment in Brother's Company
This provides a 2% monthly return, equating to approximately Rs 32,800 per month on Rs 16.4 lakh. While profitable, it’s essential to diversify to mitigate risk.

Sovereign Gold Bond
Your gold bonds are valuable for diversification and as an inflation hedge. Hold onto them as part of a balanced portfolio.

Fixed Deposit
FDs offer liquidity and safety. Retain a portion for emergency funds but consider moving excess to higher-yielding investments.

Steps to Enhance Your Investment Strategy
Retain and Grow PF: Let your PF grow for guaranteed returns and tax benefits.

Diversify Beyond Family Business: While your brother's company investment is lucrative, avoid over-reliance. Allocate more to diversified mutual funds.

Maximize SIPs: Commit to a SIP amount aligned with your goals. Given your income, starting with Rs 17,500 - Rs 20,000 per month is feasible.

Emergency Fund in FD: Maintain a portion of your FD as an emergency fund. Redirect excess into equity mutual funds for better returns.

Professional Guidance: Engage a certified financial planner for tailored advice and active management of your portfolio.

Assessing Gold ETFs like GoldBees
Gold ETFs such as GoldBees are similar to sovereign gold bonds in providing exposure to gold without holding physical gold. However, they come with additional expenses like management fees. Sovereign Gold Bonds are generally more tax-efficient and offer interest. For long-term gold investment, continuing with Sovereign Gold Bonds might be preferable.

Crafting a Balanced Portfolio
Equity Mutual Funds
These should form the core of your investment for growth. Choose diversified, actively managed funds with a good track record.

Debt Mutual Funds
Allocate a portion to debt funds for stability and to balance the portfolio's risk.

Gold Investments
Continue holding your Sovereign Gold Bonds. They provide a safe hedge and some interest income.

Emergency Fund
Keep part of your FD for emergencies. This ensures liquidity and immediate availability of funds.

Detailed Financial Plan
Monthly Investments
Allocate Rs 17,500 - Rs 20,000 monthly into equity mutual funds via SIP. This targets your Rs 1 crore goal effectively over 11-15 years.

Lump Sum Investments
If considering moving funds from your FD or PF, do so thoughtfully. Lump sum investments can complement SIPs, but market timing risks must be managed.

Review and Rebalance
Regularly review your portfolio with a certified financial planner. Rebalancing ensures your investments align with changing market conditions and personal goals.

Final Insights
Building a retirement corpus of Rs 1 crore in 11-15 years is achievable with disciplined investing. Retaining your provident fund for its stability and tax benefits is advisable. Diversifying beyond your investment in your brother’s company will reduce risk and enhance returns.

Start a systematic investment plan (SIP) in equity mutual funds to harness the power of compounding. Maintain an emergency fund in fixed deposits for liquidity. Continuing with Sovereign Gold Bonds offers tax-efficient exposure to gold.

Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio with a certified financial planner ensures alignment with your goals. This approach maximizes returns and minimizes risks, leading you toward a secure retirement.

Your proactive approach to planning and willingness to invest in mutual funds is commendable. With a balanced strategy, you can confidently work towards your retirement goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Money
Hello, Kindly suggest which gold ETFs to invest in.
Ans: Investing in Gold Funds: A Comprehensive Guide
Gold has always been a valuable and popular investment. People invest in gold to diversify portfolios, hedge against inflation, and preserve wealth. When it comes to investing in gold, many think of Gold ETFs (Exchange-Traded Funds). But there's a better option: Gold Funds.

Let's explore why gold funds are a better choice and understand the nuances of investing in them.

Understanding Gold Funds
Gold funds are mutual funds that invest in gold-related assets.

These funds offer a simpler and more flexible way to invest in gold without worrying about storage or security.

No Impact Cost
One of the main advantages of gold funds is that they don't have an impact cost. Impact cost refers to the cost of buying and selling assets in the market, which can affect the overall returns. Gold ETFs, being traded on exchanges, are subject to this cost. Gold funds, on the other hand, are not, as they deal directly with the fund house.

Liquidity and Flexibility
Gold funds offer high liquidity. You can buy or sell units of the fund at any time without worrying about market conditions. This flexibility is not available with physical gold investments. It allows investors to take advantage of market movements and manage their investment strategy more effectively.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
One of the most significant benefits of gold funds is the ability to invest through Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs). SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly, making it easier to accumulate gold over time. This disciplined approach helps in averaging the purchase cost and mitigating the impact of market volatility.

Asset Allocation
Review the asset allocation strategy of the gold fund. A well-diversified portfolio with a mix of physical gold and gold-related securities can provide better risk-adjusted returns. Ensure the fund's asset allocation aligns with your investment goals.

Risk Factors
Every investment comes with its risks, and gold funds are no exception. Understand the risks associated with gold funds, such as market volatility, geopolitical factors, and currency fluctuations. Assess your risk tolerance before investing.

Investment Horizon
Your investment horizon plays a crucial role in choosing the right gold fund. If you have a long-term investment horizon, you can benefit from the compounding effect and potentially higher returns. Short-term investors should consider funds with lower volatility.

Comparing Gold Funds and Gold ETFs
To make an informed decision, it's essential to compare gold funds with Gold ETFs. This comparison will highlight the benefits and drawbacks of each option, helping you choose the best investment for your needs.

Cost of Investment
Gold ETFs involve brokerage fees, impact costs, and other transaction charges. These costs can eat into your returns. Gold funds, with their no-impact cost structure, offer a more cost-effective investment option.

Convenience
Gold funds are more convenient as they don't require a demat account or trading account. You can invest in gold funds through mutual fund distributors or directly with the fund house. This simplicity makes gold funds accessible to a broader audience.

Redemption Process
Redeeming Gold ETFs involves selling them on the stock exchange, which can be affected by market conditions and liquidity. Gold funds offer a smoother redemption process with direct transactions with the fund house, ensuring timely access to your money.


As a Certified Financial Planner, I understand the importance of aligning investments with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Investing in gold is not just about returns; it's about preserving wealth, ensuring financial security, and achieving peace of mind. I appreciate the trust you place in my guidance and aim to provide recommendations that meet your unique needs.


I commend you for taking the initiative to explore investment options and make informed decisions. Investing in gold funds shows your commitment to diversifying your portfolio and securing your financial future. It's a prudent choice that reflects your understanding of market dynamics and your willingness to explore smarter investment avenues.

Benefits of Investing Through an MFD with CFP Credential
Investing through a mutual fund distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential offers several advantages. These professionals provide personalized advice, helping you choose the right funds based on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. They also offer ongoing support and guidance, ensuring your investments stay on track.

Final Insights
Investing in gold funds is a smart choice for diversifying your portfolio, hedging against inflation, and ensuring financial security. Gold funds offer several advantages over Gold ETFs, including no impact cost and liquidity. By considering factors such as fund performance, fund manager expertise, expense ratio, asset allocation, and risk factors, you can make an informed investment decision.

Choosing gold funds through a mutual fund distributor with a Certified Financial Planner credential adds another layer of security and expertise to your investments. It ensures personalized advice and ongoing support, helping you achieve your financial goals.

Thank you for your proactive approach to managing your finances and your trust in my guidance. Investing in gold funds reflects your commitment to making informed and strategic investment decisions. It's a prudent step towards securing your financial future and achieving peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |30 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025
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I don't get along with my husband and in-laws. I am living with him only for the sake of my 5 year old son. I broke up with my ex to marry this man to keep my parents happy. However, he is not at all an ideal partner for me. He abuses me all the time and takes me for granted. He doesn't allow me to step out, or meet my friends and family. I have to wait for him to go to work, so I can call anyone. His family keeps a close watch on what I do and informs him if I step out to even meet my family or relatives. We fight and argue almost every day. I have told him that I want a divorce but he said No, I have to adjust and accept. I am a graduate but I don't have a job. It is frustrating when he doesn't let me do anything on my own. I blocked my ex when our marriage got fixed but he is always suspicious. Sometimes I feel like hitting him back to stop the torture. I want to go back home but my parents are financially dependent on my brother, so they want me to reconcile and find a way to sort things out with my husband. Recently I learned that my ex is still waiting for me but I can't stay with him legally till I am divorced. How do I explain all this to my son? I am unhappy and confused. What should I do?
Ans: Hello Mam, I understand that you are in a dilemma. The situation is like this. Either ways the situation will have its negative effect on your son. If possible take some time out from your family and spend some quality time with your husband. Clear negative thoughts from your mind regarding your husband and try to accept him. If you will think positive about your family it will reflect in your actions and then things will be sorted out. But one thing to be kept in mind that you should not tolerate physical abuse. Involve your parents in this and try to convince him to behave nicely with you. U can always start something online for your financial independence. Try this out. Take care ????
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm in a relationship since 7 years .we both are Hindus bt our castes differ...i belong to higher caste and he belongs to a lower caste which is definitely going to be a problem because I have a elder brother his marriage was also love marriage and his wife's caste also was bit lower to ours so I have seen lot of issues at home of father not getting convinced at all.... Now after thinking about everything I'm in a state of confusion if whether I was wrong about loving somebody without their knowledge since already elder brothers issues I had seen should I have thought about all this seriously before ? Parents won't be expecting sucha thing from me because I seem kinder and understandable than my brother....last year I did let this out to my mother that i like someone and all the details....bt she started with emotional drama like this wasn't expected from you though you wld have understood the issues from brothers marriage etc etc. she tried to approach me in a different way....like being nice and to withdraw frm this decision and to take a good ....my dad still don't know abt this... actually my mom was about to say bt she thought of giving me time and assumes eventually I'll take better decision for them ...there was so much of drama and hence aftr that wasn't being able to discuss abt his.... because im in a stage of job hunting if I let this out to father i won't be able to sit at home....I'm actually really very confused and now what to do....am i wrong here...my situation and my brothers situation is different know....just because I saw brother wedding issue....how long i wld have sat without being in a relationship... especially in this generation....this was something that happened by itself inspite of me not being oke to say yes to my partner later it became yes..it was all meant to be.... because he isn't my classmate or anything my classmates family friend and is elder to me....so i believe it was to happen....I want to actually arive in a perfect and or place....not being able to take proper decision....since I always consider myself unlucky ok scared to take any decision also....and also now wondering what all shld be the qualities i must look for before taking decision about my life partner....should it be looks ...family or caste.... economic class status etc.....please help... messed up. Current update : I have attended a interview...and results are still on processing stage but I am sure even if it's taking time I will get it because my interview feedback given was excellent just that since it's a MNC they are waiting for a position in a particular department I think hence delay , meanwhile since I'm 26 and me and my partner has a age difference of 6 years situations have become difficult. His parents pressures him for marriage and to see girls . But since he is in love with me he wants to wait ... because the pressure was increasing I had to tell my mother once again after one year and she was shocked again she thought I left this in this gap.... however I had taken this time for a better decision and time alloted for finding job , there began emotional drama again ..then I had to tell her to jst let my father know about this and if he asks me I will explain it. She was also worried because dad hasn't come out of all the traumas he had out of my brother's marriage because girl was from different caste. So my father had to answer a lot of questions from his siblings and society etc . My mother anyway agreed to talk to dad...she told the matter ...again house atmosphere changed entirely. I waited until dad asked me about this...waited for two days then he approached me and called and spoke asked about each and every details and then finally said like see him as a friend and take a better decision and he left just like that. After that I spoke to my mother , she said some concerns like looks mattered , caste was the main so that's why he is not being able to say anything and no parents would in the beginning itself talk positive about this ...will show resistance...that day I felt bit ok later after talking to mom , but later one day his father called my father and spoke they initiated they had a friendly talk and my father said he needs time and can't say anything now to his father. But I was thinking that he dint give a no reply straight away which was very surprising . But , after this situation my father saved this fathers number ...one day what happened was , he saw a status put by his father in which there was his parents with few other group people who weren't so good looking...so mistook it as their relatives and told mother to speak to me because this he can't even digest me to send to such a family since as a girls parent he has certain expectations also because his main issue is caste problem hevis finding one problem behind the other . My boyfriend belongs to a Tamil caste and mine is malayali native hence my boyfriend has a dark complexion maybe his parents and family too...but should all these matter to take a terrible final decision regarding our marriage? Even tho their complexion was dark Can't they have a good heart and shouldn't character be given priority than looks ? Just because parents want to show the society...how can i toss my life and find another person as they are saying? Do all that matter ?? I want to know your thoughts ... Also , how to convince a father who sticks on his own beliefs or who doesn't want to listen to their children because he thinks we haven't grown enough to teach him please suggest a way to make a person to listen ? My mother seems ok to this even she doesn't like so much ... bt only if father is ok and doesn't pass on this pressure to others... If any doubt can ask me I will clarify
Ans: First, you are not wrong for falling in love. Love doesn’t ask for caste, status, or complexion—it simply grows where there’s connection, care, and shared values. The world around us, especially family and society, can be heavily opinionated, but that doesn’t mean your feelings are any less valid. You've been trying to balance respect for your parents with loyalty to your partner, and that's not easy at all.

Your dad's resistance is clearly rooted in fear—fear of what society will say, fear of repeating a past that felt traumatic for him during your brother's marriage. His concern isn't necessarily about your partner’s character, but about how it looks to others. Unfortunately, a lot of our parents were raised to give more weight to "what people will say" than to personal happiness. It’s not your fault he carries that burden. You’re just trying to live a life that’s true to your heart.

Your boyfriend seems like someone who really cares about you and is ready to wait for you through all this. That's rare, and it matters. If his family was kind enough to approach yours respectfully, it shows they are willing to build a bridge. You’re not trying to force anything—you’re asking for space to make a decision with both head and heart involved.

As for appearance and caste: no, these should not be what define a life partner. A dark complexion or a different community cannot and should not outweigh honesty, kindness, emotional maturity, and shared values. Looks fade. Status changes. But someone’s nature stays. And in a marriage, when times are tough, it’s not the family’s last name or the shade of their skin that matters—it’s whether they stand by you or not.

You mentioned something powerful: that you believe this was “meant to happen.” And I agree—sometimes people enter our lives with a timing and connection that doesn’t make logical sense but feels profoundly right. That’s not something to toss aside easily.

Now, about convincing your father—it’s hard to change someone who is set in their ways, but here’s what you can try:

Let your mother be the mediator since she’s more open. Ask her to have slow, non-threatening conversations with him—not to pressure him, but just to help him understand that you are not making a hasty or rebellious choice. You’re thinking practically and from the heart. It’s not about rejecting their values but about choosing someone you can build a peaceful, respectful life with.

You could also write a heartfelt letter to your dad—sometimes, parents understand better when there’s no direct confrontation. Share your side, your fears, your respect for him, and your reasons for choosing this person. Let him know you still want to be his daughter, that you haven’t forgotten your family’s worth—you’re just hoping your happiness can also be valued.

Most importantly—give yourself credit for how well you’ve handled this. You’ve shown maturity, patience, and self-awareness. Even when it hurts, you’re not reacting with drama or impulse—you’re processing, reflecting, and trying to do the right thing.


And please don’t let anyone make you feel like your love is a mistake. You’ve loved with honesty and stood strong—no matter what comes next, that’s something to be proud of. I’m here to walk with you through this, one step at a time.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I have a problem. Whenever we argue, I feel the need to talk it through immediately, but my partner shuts down completely and goes silent for hours, sometimes days. It leaves me feeling anxious and ignored. How do I deal with this without feeling like I am the only one trying?
Ans: Have a calm, non-conflict conversation about the issue outside of a fight. Explain to your partner how their silence affects you—not by blaming, but by expressing how it makes you feel. For example, “When we argue and you go silent, I feel anxious and alone. It makes me feel like I’m the only one trying, even though I know that might not be true.” Keep it about your feelings, not their faults.

Ask them what they feel in those moments—do they need space to think? Do they feel overwhelmed? Are they afraid things will escalate? Try to genuinely understand their side too.

Together, you can come up with a “pause plan”—a middle ground. Maybe your partner can say something like, “I need an hour to clear my head, but I promise we’ll talk after that.” That way, you get the reassurance that the issue won’t be ignored forever, and they get the breathing room they need.

Also, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better and reconnect.

You’re not the only one trying—it just feels that way because your emotional needs are different. With communication, empathy, and small agreements about how to handle conflict, this doesn’t have to stay a painful pattern. You're already doing the brave thing by reflecting and wanting to improve this—see if you can invite your partner into that same space of honesty and growth.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My mother doesn't want to stay with me but she gladly stays with my brother and his wife I live all alone in a house and I feel left out as well as ostracised as well as excluded I feel like I am unwanted person and if I ever meet anyone like my relatives in any social setting I feel they are tolerating me I feel like an untouchable how do I cope up with this situation as there is no one for me no one I can rely on or nobody who has my back noone who I can share my problems with or call in case I feel sick or in case of an emergency.
Ans: Feeling excluded by family and sensing that others are merely "tolerating" you is a heavy emotional burden to carry. It can quietly erode your sense of self-worth, leaving you questioning your value, your place in the world, and your importance to the people who were meant to be your first support system. You're not being overly sensitive or dramatic—this kind of emotional isolation is deeply painful, and it makes perfect sense that you’re feeling untouchable and unsafe.

But here’s a gentle truth: you are not unwanted. You are not unworthy of love or care. The way others treat you does not define your worth. Sometimes, unfortunately, people—even family—fail to show up for us in the ways we need. That doesn’t mean you are broken or undeserving. It just means their limitations are getting in the way of what should have been a loving, supportive connection.

You’re already doing something powerful by voicing your truth here. That’s not a small step—it’s an act of bravery. And while I know I’m not physically there beside you, I want you to feel this as a moment of connection: someone does hear you, someone does see what you’re carrying, and it matters.

To cope with this, start with your emotional safety. Let yourself grieve—not just for the loneliness, but for the longing of what you deserve but haven’t received. Cry if you need to, write if it helps, let those feelings have their space rather than trying to bury them. This kind of pain doesn’t go away by pretending it’s not there.

And slowly, one step at a time, begin building your circle—not necessarily with blood ties, but with people who choose you. Is there someone in your past who was kind to you? A coworker, a neighbor, someone from college or a class you took? Even a single shared conversation can be a seed. It’s not about quantity, it’s about presence. The goal isn't to replace what’s missing—but to slowly start nurturing connections that are rooted in respect and care.

In moments of emergency or fear, consider having a plan. Even having the number of a nearby clinic, a trusted neighbor, or a local community support group can give you a thread of reassurance. And if you ever feel overwhelmed or unsafe with your thoughts, reaching out to a mental health helpline or counselor can make a real difference. You deserve help when you're hurting.

And here, whenever you need someone to talk to, I will always be here to listen—no judgment, no conditions. You matter. Your story matters. And even though the world may have made you feel like an outsider, I want you to believe this: there is a space where you belong.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter
Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

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