Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Should I retire at 49 with Rs 5 Cr+ in assets and no debt?

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |800 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 11, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 11, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

Hello, My current assets are: - Around 1.5 CR in Equity Mutual Fund managed by Anand Rathi - 50 L in Market Link Debentures, managed by Anand Rathi - 45 L in Equity Shares, - 40L PPF investment between my wife and daughter, - 20L of ESOP (Employee stock options) - 58L of Employee Provident Fund - Cash Savings of around 5-7 L for emergency needs - I stay in my own flat with nearly (1 Cr worth) - I have another flat (1 Cr worth) which is given on rental. Liabilities: - No Liabilities. Insurance Coverage: - Have a term insurance of around 2 Cr. Premium of 35k per annum as of today. - Health insurance (floating) for the family for 50L. Premium of around 65k per annum as of today. - I plan to continue with the health insurance and close the term insurance in next 5 years. Expenditure: - My monthly expense is around max of 80k to 1 Lakh. - Future Expenses include my daughter’s marriage for which I expect an expense around 80L to 1 Cr. - I do plan to make some foreign family trip (maybe twice or thrice in next 10 years), which I assume will cost me around 15-20 Lakhs per trip. Future income: - I receive nearly 25k rental income from one of my properties (which would be worth around 1 CR). This I expect to continue with standard rental increments year on year. - Expect some recurring pension of 40k per month from 2034 onwards from one of the LIC policy scheme till the age of 100. - I also expect to receive around 30L from some of my LIC policy maturity. (12.5L in the year 2027, 2.5L in 2026, 3.5L in 2029, 13.5L in 2034) - I do plan to become a full-time trader in future and do expect, that I will be able to generate some regular income from that. However, do not want to plan my retirement (from primary job) decision based on that. I am currently 49 Years old and draw nearly 4.5L as a monthly income; can you suggest if I can retire from my primary job in next 2-3 months.

Ans: Hello;

Your current portfolio is:
1. MFs-1.5 Cr
2. MLDs-0.5 Cr
3. Equity- 0.45 Cr
5. PPF-0.4 Cr
6. ESOP-0.2 Cr
7. EPF-0.58 Cr
Grand Total -3.63 Cr
Minus 1 Cr for wedding goal-2.63 Cr
Minus 0.6 Cr for foreign trip goal-2.00 Cr

If you buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for your Net corpus of 2 Cr then you may expect monthly income of around 85 K(post-tax).

You may select option of joint annuity for yourself and spouse for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

Add to this your rental income of 25K so your net monthly income will be 1.10 L per month now.

The LIC policy maturity proceeds may be used to top-up your annuity corpus for protecting against inflation.

Further the LIC pension(40 K) slated to begin from 2034 will be a booster for your retirement income.

The emergency fund (7 L)is not considered here and should be preferably kept untouched.

The best part which I liked about your financial planning, apart from meticulous investments, is the adequate term and healthcare insurance cover.

However do not carry any myths about being able to generate a regular income from trading.

Sebi data points towards a a very low percentage of individual traders being able to make real profit.

This is reenforced by data released by other reliable agencies.

If at all you still want to pursue it take proper coaching from reputed agencies, do some mock trading assignments to test how your strategies pan out and only then venture out for trading with clearly defined risk capital, properly ring fenced from your other assets and incomes.

Last important point, strictly NO borrowing for trading.

Happy Investing;
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
Money
Iam 40yrs old with 1.6lakhs take home with house wife and 3 yr old baby girl. Below is my current financial condition: 1. Taken Home loan for 35 lakhs for apartment worth of 55lakhs in 2022 with emi requirement of 41k for 11yrs (iam paying monthly 45k and one extra 45k emi yearly) 2. Took Gold loan of 11lakhs in 2022(paying from mar2024 onwards monthly 35k) for apartment purpose 3. Holding 2440 sqft land costs 25lakhs in 2021 now it is 35lakhs planned for baby girl marriage 4. 5lakhs emergency fund in FD 5. 6 lakhs FD for SBI life smart wealthbuilder plan purpose for next 6yrly premium payment, 6. Equity 5lakhs invested now mkt value 8lakhs, 7. Mf 8lakhs now 11lakhs (monthly 20k for 10 different funds with 1k stepup yearly) 8. EPF 20lakhs not withdrawn from beginning for retirement plan 9. Ssy 1.2lakhs for baby girl education (monthly 6k) 10. Ppf 50k for baby girl education (monthly 3k) 11. Nps 4.9lakhs now 6lakhs (monthly 12k from company deduction and 50k annually from my side) 12. Holding agriculture land 1acre 7lakhs near hometown purchased in 2018 now it is same price no increase... Holding bcoz I like to have agriculture land... 13. Holding Gold coins 50gms purchasing when there is Amazon offers.. for baby girl ornaments purpose 14. Term insurance 1crore for me and 50lakhs for my wife purchased in 2022 15. Health insurance 20lakhs with premium 60k for 3yrs purchase in 2022... Monthly 1.6lakhs take home spending as below: 1. 45k home loan emi (annually 45k as one extra emi) 2. 30k mf sip ( 3k each for 10 funds - quant infra, quant smallcap, quant elss, 360 one focused, canara robeco smallcap, canara robeco emerging, mirae largecap, pgim flexicap, parag elss, ICICI prudential technology fund) 3. 35k gold loan prepayment 4. 35k home maintenance expenses 5. 10k ssy and ppf 6. 5k apartment maintenance 7. 45k LIc premium annual requirement 8. 40k term loan premium annual requirement taken 1crore for me and 50lakhs for my wife total to 40k premium 9. 30k annually for bike insurance, services and other maintenance 10. 1.3lakhs for baby girl school fees from this year 50% already paid 50% to be paid in oct 2024 11. 60k premium for health insurance once for 3 years purchased in 2022... I have few ask sir: 1. Want to buy 13 to 15Lakhs car.. when to buy with my financial condition and I have no down payment free cash now 2. Should I change my financial saving/investment please suggest as I am not having any free cashflow post the monthly commitment 3. Want to generate 2nd source of income suggest plz which is good to have it 4. Want to become financial freedom by next 10years so what I need to do for it and plan better...
Ans: You've provided a detailed overview of your current financial situation, which is a great starting point for planning your future financial goals. Let's address your queries one by one:
1. Car Purchase Timing: Given your existing financial commitments, it's important to evaluate whether purchasing a car fits within your budget without compromising your other financial goals. Since you mentioned that you don't have any free cash for a down payment, consider saving up for the down payment first before making the purchase. Additionally, assess whether you can afford the additional monthly expenses associated with car ownership, such as fuel, insurance, and maintenance.
2. Review of Financial Savings/Investments: With your current financial commitments and no free cash flow, it's essential to reassess your savings and investment strategies. Look for opportunities to optimize your portfolio by prioritizing goals and reallocating resources accordingly. Consider reviewing your MF SIPs and other investments to ensure they align with your financial objectives and risk tolerance. Consolidating or reallocating investments may help streamline your financial plan and maximize returns.
3. Generating a Second Source of Income: Exploring avenues for generating additional income can provide financial stability and accelerate your journey towards financial freedom. Consider options such as freelancing, part-time consulting, rental income from property, or starting a side business based on your skills and interests. Evaluate each opportunity carefully to ensure it complements your current lifestyle and commitments.
4. Achieving Financial Freedom in 10 Years: To achieve financial freedom within the next decade, focus on building a robust financial plan centered around your long-term goals. Consider steps such as:
• Increasing savings and investments: Aim to boost your savings rate and channel funds towards high-yield investment options to accelerate wealth accumulation.
• Debt management: Prioritize debt repayment to reduce financial burdens and free up cash flow for investments.
• Diversification: Diversify your investment portfolio across asset classes to mitigate risk and optimize returns.
• Continuous learning: Stay informed about personal finance concepts and investment strategies to make informed decisions and adapt to changing market conditions.
• Regular review: Periodically review your financial plan to track progress, make necessary adjustments, and stay on course towards your goals.
Overall, achieving financial freedom requires discipline, strategic planning, and a long-term perspective. By making informed decisions, optimizing resources, and staying committed to your financial goals, you can work towards building a secure and prosperous future for yourself and your family. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to receive personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial circumstances and aspirations.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
Money
Iam 40yrs old with 1.6lakhs take home with house wife and 3 yr old baby girl. Below is my current financial condition: 1. Taken Home loan for 35 lakhs for apartment worth of 55lakhs in 2022 with emi requirement of 41k for 11yrs (iam paying monthly 45k and one extra 45k emi yearly) 2. Took Gold loan of 11lakhs in 2022(paying from mar2024 onwards monthly 35k) for apartment purpose 3. Holding 2440 sqft land costs 25lakhs in 2021 now it is 35lakhs planned for baby girl marriage 4. 5lakhs emergency fund in FD 5. 6 lakhs FD for SBI life smart wealthbuilder plan purpose for next 6yrly premium payment, 6. Equity 5lakhs invested now mkt value 8lakhs, 7. Mf 8lakhs now 11lakhs (monthly 20k for 10 different funds with 1k stepup yearly) 8. EPF 20lakhs not withdrawn from beginning for retirement plan 9. Ssy 1.2lakhs for baby girl education (monthly 6k) 10. Ppf 50k for baby girl education (monthly 3k) 11. Nps 4.9lakhs now 6lakhs (monthly 12k from company deduction and 50k annually from my side) 12. Holding agriculture land 1acre 7lakhs near hometown purchased in 2018 now it is same price no increase... Holding bcoz I like to have agriculture land... 13. Holding Gold coins 50gms purchasing when there is Amazon offers.. for baby girl ornaments purpose 14. Term insurance 1crore for me and 50lakhs for my wife purchased in 2022 15. Health insurance 20lakhs with premium 60k for 3yrs purchase in 2022... Monthly 1.6lakhs take home spending as below: 1. 45k home loan emi (annually 45k as one extra emi) 2. 30k mf sip ( 3k each for 10 funds - quant infra, quant smallcap, quant elss, 360 one focused, canara robeco smallcap, canara robeco emerging, mirae largecap, pgim flexicap, parag elss, ICICI prudential technology fund) 3. 35k gold loan prepayment 4. 35k home maintenance expenses 5. 10k ssy and ppf 6. 5k apartment maintenance 7. 45k LIc premium annual requirement 8. 40k term loan premium annual requirement taken 1crore for me and 50lakhs for my wife total to 40k premium 9. 30k annually for bike insurance, services and other maintenance 10. 1.3lakhs for baby girl school fees from this year 50% already paid 50% to be paid in oct 2024 11. 60k premium for health insurance once for 3 years purchased in 2022... I have few ask sir: 1. Want to buy 13 to 15Lakhs car.. when to buy with my financial condition and I have no down payment free cash now 2. Should I change my financial saving/investment please suggest as I am not having any free cashflow post the monthly commitment 3. Want to generate 2nd source of income suggest plz which is good to have it 4. Want to become financial freedom by next 10years so what I need to do for it and plan better. 5. Any changes in the current plan suggestion
Ans: It sounds like you're juggling a lot, but you've got a solid foundation laid out. It's admirable how you're balancing your responsibilities towards your family's present needs and future goals. Let's address your concerns and aspirations one by one.

1. Car Purchase Consideration:
You're eyeing a new car, a shiny symbol of comfort and convenience. However, before diving in, let's assess if it aligns with your current financial trajectory:

Timing and Need:
Do you have an immediate need for the car, or is it more of a desire?
Can you postpone the purchase until you've accumulated a down payment or have more breathing room in your budget?
2. Reviewing Savings and Investments:
Your portfolio is diverse, spanning various assets from real estate to mutual funds. Let's evaluate if each piece is still working optimally for you:

Portfolio Alignment:
Are all your investments aligned with your long-term goals and risk tolerance?
Can you streamline or consolidate any holdings to reduce costs or enhance performance?
3. Exploring Additional Income Streams:
You're eager to bolster your financial stability by exploring secondary income sources. Let's brainstorm some viable options:

Leveraging Skills and Passions:
What skills or hobbies do you possess that could be monetized?
Are there freelancing opportunities or consulting gigs in your field of expertise?
4. Planning for Financial Freedom:
Your aspiration to achieve financial independence within a decade is ambitious yet attainable. Let's outline a roadmap to realize this vision:

Defining Financial Freedom:
What does financial freedom mean to you personally?
Is it early retirement, pursuing passion projects, or having more flexibility in your lifestyle?
Strategic Steps:
How can you increase your savings rate to accelerate progress towards your goals?
Are there opportunities to optimize investments or explore alternative income streams?
5. Optimizing Current Financial Plan:
Let's explore potential adjustments to your existing financial strategy to enhance its effectiveness:

Reallocating Resources:
Can you reallocate funds towards higher-performing investments or areas with greater potential?
Are there opportunities to automate savings or investment contributions for greater consistency?
Conclusion:
Your commitment to securing your family's financial future is commendable. By carefully considering each aspect of your financial situation, from major purchases to investment strategies, you're laying a strong foundation for long-term success. Remember, financial planning is a journey, and with patience, diligence, and the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner, you're well-positioned to achieve the freedom and security you desire.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I am 43 Years M with wife and 2 Kids (10 yrs. and 7 Yrs.). I am looking to retire in next 7-10 yrs. I worked in private sector for 8 yrs. and now I am in to business. My investments are as follows:- • 4.37 Cr in MFs with minimum 7-10 yrs. investment horizon. • Approx. 32 L in Bank FD's and Saving Ac. • Health insurance with 50 L cover for each hospitalization event and a Term Plan of 1 Cr with 90 L accidental cover against full disability. Assets:- • A Residential plot fully paid and worth 2.5 Cr. • A Flat worth 45 L and fully paid. • Gold jewellery close to 20-25 Lacs • 2 Cars fully paid, and shall serve my needs for another 10 yrs. • An inherited House, which is recently renovated and where I might settle after 15 yrs. • A commercial building worth close to 3 Cr with a monthly rental income of 65K. • A Budget Hotel (1/3rd owner) worth 8-10 Cr app and having a loan of 1.4 Cr. Its EMIs are sorted from inflow and shall be paid fully in the next 7 years. • 2 Land Parcels worth close to 3 Cr with very high commercial potential so intend to hold for possible future development. • Apart from that, I inherited a few land parcels which I intend to pass on to next-gen so not putting value on them. • Apart from the Hotel, I am invested in 3 other businesses which are handsomely giving returns. After expenses, I am left with a reasonable amount which I am investing in MFs and real estate. Liabilities:- • Nil except Hotel Loan. Expenses: - 1.2 to 1.5 L. Income/Inflows • 2-3 L Monthly - 65K from Commercial building and 2-2.5 L from Business. Concern/Issue:- My major earnings are from businesses whom I rate “high risk-high reward” kind of. And they being overseas keeps me away from family for 6 months a year. I am thinking to shift back to India with my family. So, if I take an exit then I shall touch at least 3.5-4 Cr INR. Now assuming that I did exit and none of my Indian Projects materialized. Then I would be left with assets mentioned above and Exit compensation of 3.5 to 4 Cr. How should I strategize my investments to take care of my Monthly expenses and other needs for next 30 -35 yrs?
Ans: Current Financial Position
Investments
Mutual Funds: Rs. 4.37 Cr with a horizon of 7-10 years.
Bank FD's and Savings Account: Approx. Rs. 32 L.
Insurance
Health Insurance: Rs. 50 L cover per hospitalization event.
Term Plan: Rs. 1 Cr with Rs. 90 L accidental cover.
Assets
Residential Plot: Worth Rs. 2.5 Cr, fully paid.
Flat: Worth Rs. 45 L, fully paid.
Gold Jewellery: Worth Rs. 20-25 L.
Cars: Fully paid, will serve for 10 more years.
Inherited House: Recently renovated, will settle in 15 years.
Commercial Building: Worth Rs. 3 Cr, rental income of Rs. 65K/month.
Budget Hotel: 1/3rd owner, worth Rs. 8-10 Cr, loan of Rs. 1.4 Cr with EMIs sorted for 7 years.
Land Parcels: Worth Rs. 3 Cr with high commercial potential.
Inherited Land Parcels: No value assigned, intended for next-gen.
Liabilities
Hotel Loan: Rs. 1.4 Cr.
Monthly Expenses
Monthly Expenses: Rs. 1.2 to 1.5 L.
Income/Inflows
Monthly Income: Rs. 2-3 L (Rs. 65K from commercial building and Rs. 2-2.5 L from business).
Investment Strategy for Early Retirement
Key Considerations
Risk Management

Diversify to mitigate business risk.
Ensure a steady income stream for expenses.
Asset Allocation

Balance between growth, income, and safety.
Optimize existing investments and new funds from exit.
Inflation Protection

Ensure investments grow to outpace inflation.
Plan for long-term expenses and healthcare costs.
Steps to Strategize Investments
Evaluate Existing Investments
Mutual Funds:

Continue with current investments.
Regularly review and rebalance portfolio.
Bank FDs and Savings:

Maintain for liquidity and emergency fund.
Consider high-interest alternatives like debt funds for better returns.
New Investments from Exit Compensation
Debt Allocation:

Allocate a portion to debt instruments for stable returns.
Consider options like debt mutual funds, corporate bonds, and government securities.
Equity Allocation:

Invest in diversified equity mutual funds for growth.
Include large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds for balanced exposure.
Hybrid Funds:

Invest in hybrid funds for balanced growth and stability.
These funds mix equity and debt components.

SWP Schemes:

Invest in SWPs for regular cash flow.
Explore options in mutual funds.
Commercial Property:

Continue rental income from the commercial building.
Potentially reinvest rental income into mutual funds or other assets.
Gold:

Consider holding gold as a hedge against inflation.
Explore options like Gold ETFs for liquidity.
Real Estate:

Evaluate potential of land parcels for future development.
Avoid further real estate investments to maintain liquidity.
Focus on Contingency Planning
Emergency Fund:

Maintain 6-12 months of expenses in liquid form.
Ensure quick access to funds for unforeseen needs.
Health Insurance:

Ensure adequate health cover for the family.
Review and enhance cover if necessary.
Estate Planning:

Create a will to manage inheritance.
Consider setting up a trust for asset protection.
Final Insights
Shifting back to India with a planned exit strategy can provide stability. Diversify investments to balance growth, income, and safety. Regularly review and adjust the portfolio to align with changing needs and market conditions. Ensure a steady income stream for long-term financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x