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Retirement Planning at 55: Single, No Savings - How Can I Survive?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7256 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am 55yrs,Male, Single. Working in Pvt Sector. I have no savings till now for my retirement. How do I survive/ How to plan for my survival after retirement. I dont have any property.

Ans: You are 55 years old and single. You have no savings yet for retirement. You also have no property or existing financial backup. Planning for retirement is crucial and requires immediate action. Let us explore a step-by-step approach to building a secure financial future.

Assessing Your Current Situation
At 55, you have limited time to accumulate a large corpus.

Your private sector job may not provide retirement benefits.

You need to estimate your retirement age. Delaying retirement slightly could help.

Assess your current income and expenses to determine how much you can save monthly.

Setting a Retirement Goal
Define your monthly living expenses during retirement. Consider inflation.

Account for medical expenses and any potential health-related emergencies.

Aim for a retirement corpus that can generate enough monthly income to meet your needs.

Immediate Steps to Take
Start Saving Aggressively: Allocate a significant portion of your income for savings.

Emergency Fund: Create a small emergency fund equal to 3-6 months’ expenses.

Avoid Unnecessary Expenses: Reduce discretionary spending to save more.

Investment Options for Retirement
To maximize your savings potential, invest wisely. Diversify your investments across asset classes.

Mutual Funds: Invest in equity-oriented funds for higher returns over the next 5-10 years.

Choose actively managed funds.

Use a Certified Financial Planner for fund selection and monitoring.

PPF (Public Provident Fund): PPF offers safety and decent tax-free returns.

Consider contributing the maximum permissible amount yearly (Rs. 1.5 lakh).
Debt Mutual Funds: Use these for a portion of your savings for stability and predictable returns.

However, note that gains are taxed as per your tax slab.
National Pension Scheme (NPS): A good option for long-term retirement savings.

It provides market-linked returns and tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B).
Planning Monthly Retirement Income
Use the accumulated corpus to generate regular income.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): In mutual funds, SWP provides steady income post-retirement.

Fixed Deposits: Allocate a portion to bank FDs for secure and predictable income.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): Invest in SCSS post-retirement for assured returns.

Health and Risk Management
Buy a comprehensive health insurance policy immediately.

It will reduce the risk of high medical expenses.
Consider term insurance for the next 10 years to secure your family in case of emergencies.

Stay Disciplined with Your Plan
Stick to your monthly savings and investment plan.

Avoid impulsive withdrawals or unnecessary investments.

Evaluate Your Progress Annually
Review your portfolio every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Rebalance your portfolio based on performance and market conditions.

Make necessary adjustments if there are changes in your financial situation.

Income Generation Ideas Post-Retirement
Look for part-time or consultancy opportunities to supplement your income.

Consider teaching, freelancing, or advisory roles in your area of expertise.

Focus on Long-Term Sustainability
Do not rely solely on fixed returns. Ensure part of your portfolio is inflation-adjusted.

Monitor your expenses to avoid overspending.

Avoid Common Pitfalls
Avoid locking funds in low-return investments like traditional savings plans.

Stay clear of speculative investments that promise high returns but carry high risks.

Finally
Starting late may seem challenging, but focused action can help build a secure future. Time is limited, so act now. Begin saving, investing, and planning wisely to ensure financial stability in retirement. A disciplined approach, coupled with expert guidance, will help you achieve your retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7256 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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I am 42 years old living with my wife 2 children of 7 years girl and 1 year boy.. Monthly salary around 1 lakh..monthly exp around 55-60 per month including one child study..we have around 70 lakh..one property with estimate value of 35 lakh..5 lakh in Pf...2 Lakh in stock market.although my job is not stable but also somehow atleast 60-70 I will earn either from job or small business till 52 age. What should I do to survive and want retirement @ 52-53 age...is it possible to survive for us with this situation.
Ans: At 42 years old, your goal of retiring at 52-53 with financial stability is achievable, given your current assets and income. Let's analyze your situation and outline a plan to secure your retirement.

Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses
Your monthly income is Rs. 1 lakh, and expenses are Rs. 55-60 thousand per month, including your child's education expenses. This leaves you with a manageable surplus for savings.

Assets
You have assets totaling around Rs. 70 lakhs, including a property valued at Rs. 35 lakhs, Rs. 5 lakhs in PF, and Rs. 2 lakhs in the stock market. These assets form a substantial base for your retirement planning.

Job Stability
Although your job isn't stable, you anticipate earning Rs. 60-70 thousand monthly until age 52 through either employment or a small business. This income projection adds to your financial security.

Retirement Planning Strategy
Build an Emergency Fund
Start by building an emergency fund. Aim for 6-12 months’ worth of expenses. This fund will safeguard your family in case of job fluctuations or unexpected expenses.

Invest Wisely
Diversified Investments
Invest your savings wisely. Diversify across assets like mutual funds, PPF, and possibly reallocation of stock market investments to reduce risk.

Avoid High-Risk Investments
Given your goal of retiring in 10-11 years, prioritize safer investments with moderate returns. Steer clear of high-risk ventures that could jeopardize your savings.

Child's Education Planning
Continue investing in your child's education. Plan systematically to cover future educational expenses, considering inflation and other financial obligations.

Retirement Corpus
Estimate Retirement Needs
Calculate your retirement needs based on current expenses and expected inflation. Factor in healthcare costs and lifestyle adjustments for accurate planning.

Regular Reviews
Regularly review and adjust your financial plan. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to optimize investments and stay on track with retirement goals.

Family Security
Insurance Coverage
Ensure adequate insurance coverage for health and life. This protects your family against unforeseen medical expenses and provides financial support in case of any unfortunate event.

Estate Planning
Consider estate planning. Draft a will to secure your assets for your family's future. Consult a legal advisor for proper documentation.

Final Insights
With disciplined savings, strategic investments, and prudent financial planning, retiring at 52-53 is feasible for you. Maximize savings, diversify investments, and seek professional advice for optimal results. Your dedication to financial stability and family security will pave the way for a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7256 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 46 years, my wife and me both arw working with 400000 every month in hand. I have 4 houses , 3 under loan. The loan iutstanding is 2,10,00000 and I pay around 212000 as Emis , I have 2 girk children, 1 is 15 years and the other is 10 yeara old. Looking at the curreny market trend I dont think we will survive next 5 years. The property market vakuation would be around 38500000. How do I manage my finances to have a rwapectful retirement. Please nite we dont have any pf or savings but have around 2300000 in sukanya sanridhi.
Ans: First, let's take a moment to appreciate your proactive approach in managing your finances. Both you and your wife have a substantial monthly income of Rs 4,00,000. This is commendable and provides a solid foundation for financial planning.

You have four houses, three of which have loans. The outstanding loan amount is Rs 2,10,00,000, with EMIs totaling Rs 2,12,000. Your property portfolio is valued at Rs 3,85,00,000. Additionally, you have Rs 23,00,000 in Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY) for your daughters.

Now, let’s break down the steps to ensure a secure financial future for your family and a comfortable retirement.

Managing Debt Effectively
The EMI burden of Rs 2,12,000 is significant, considering it consumes over half of your monthly income. Here’s a strategy to manage this effectively:

1. Prioritize Loan Repayment:

Focus on paying off high-interest loans first. This will reduce your interest burden and free up more funds for savings and investments.

2. Refinance or Consolidate Loans:

If possible, refinance your loans to get a lower interest rate. Consolidating loans can also simplify payments and potentially reduce your interest rate.

Enhancing Savings and Investments
Given that you don't have any provident fund or substantial savings apart from SSY, it’s crucial to start building your savings and investment portfolio.

1. Emergency Fund:

Establish an emergency fund with at least six months of living expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a savings account or a liquid fund.

2. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Start SIPs in mutual funds to build a diversified investment portfolio. This will help in wealth accumulation over time. Actively managed funds, chosen with the help of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), can potentially offer better returns than index funds.

3. Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY):

Continue investing in SSY for your daughters. This is a great tool for their future education and marriage expenses due to its high-interest rates and tax benefits.

Planning for Children's Education
With daughters aged 15 and 10, education expenses will soon be a major financial responsibility. Here’s how to plan for it:

1. Education Savings Plan:

Estimate the future cost of their education and start dedicated SIPs to meet these expenses. An actively managed equity fund can offer higher returns to meet these long-term goals.

2. Education Loan:

Consider education loans to fund higher education. This will distribute the financial burden and provide tax benefits under Section 80E.

Retirement Planning
To ensure a comfortable retirement, you need to start saving and investing aggressively.

1. Retirement Corpus:

Estimate your post-retirement expenses and the corpus required to sustain them. Start SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds to build this corpus. Equity exposure is crucial for long-term growth.

2. Regular Investments:

Invest a portion of your monthly income in mutual funds through a CFP. This professional guidance ensures optimal fund selection and rebalancing to achieve your retirement goals.

Insurance Coverage
Insurance is a critical component of financial planning. Ensure you have adequate coverage:

1. Term Insurance:

If not already covered, purchase a term insurance policy. This will provide financial security to your family in case of any unfortunate event.

2. Health Insurance:

Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance coverage for the entire family. Medical expenses can be a significant drain on savings, and adequate insurance mitigates this risk.

Building an Investment Portfolio
Given the current market trends, it’s essential to diversify your investments. Here’s a plan:

1. Diversified Mutual Funds:

Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Actively managed funds, recommended by a CFP, can provide superior returns compared to index funds.

2. Debt Funds:

Include debt funds for stability and regular income. These funds are less volatile and provide a steady return.

3. Gold:

Allocate a small portion to gold. It’s a good hedge against inflation and market volatility.

Reducing Risk and Maximizing Returns
Balancing risk and returns is crucial in financial planning. Here’s how to achieve it:

1. Asset Allocation:

Maintain a balanced asset allocation based on your risk tolerance. A mix of equity, debt, and gold ensures stability and growth.

2. Regular Monitoring:

Review your investment portfolio regularly with a CFP. This ensures your investments are aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning can enhance your savings and investments. Here’s how:

1. Tax-saving Investments:

Utilize Section 80C by investing in instruments like ELSS funds, PPF, and SSY. These investments offer tax benefits and help in wealth accumulation.

2. Home Loan Benefits:

Claim tax deductions on home loan interest under Section 24 and principal repayment under Section 80C. This reduces your tax liability.

Final Insights
Your current financial situation is challenging but manageable with the right strategies. Focus on reducing debt, enhancing savings, and investing wisely. Seek professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to navigate complex financial decisions and achieve your goals.

Your proactive approach and commitment to financial planning are commendable. With disciplined saving, prudent investing, and strategic planning, you can secure a comfortable retirement and ensure a bright future for your daughters.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7256 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi i am 39 year old my in hand salary after tax is 51 lpm I have fixed deposit worth 80 lac ppf of 34 lac, I have own flat fully paid, mutual fund around 13 lac,10 lac emergency fund, my wife housewife and son is 3 year old, what can I do to plan my retirement my current yearly expense is around 9 lacs and I don't have any loan
Ans: Planning for retirement is crucial, and it's wonderful that you're thinking ahead. Let's create a comprehensive plan to ensure a comfortable and secure retirement for you and your family. I'll guide you through the steps and strategies needed, addressing various aspects of your financial situation.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You have a strong financial foundation, which is great. Your current financial assets include:

Fixed Deposit: Rs. 80 lakh
PPF: Rs. 34 lakh
Mutual Funds: Rs. 13 lakh
Emergency Fund: Rs. 10 lakh
Fully Paid Flat
Your annual expenses are Rs. 9 lakh, and you have no loans. With these details in mind, we can create a solid retirement plan.

Setting Retirement Goals
First, let's set clear retirement goals. This includes determining the age you wish to retire, estimating your post-retirement expenses, and accounting for inflation.

Retirement Age: Let's assume you plan to retire at 60.
Post-Retirement Expenses: Estimating your expenses to increase with inflation, let's assume Rs. 12 lakh annually.
Your current expenses of Rs. 9 lakh will likely increase over time due to inflation. Planning for increased expenses ensures you won't fall short of funds during retirement.

Building a Retirement Corpus
To ensure a comfortable retirement, you need to build a substantial retirement corpus. Given your current financial assets and future goals, let's discuss how to achieve this.

Mutual Funds: A Key Investment
Mutual funds are a crucial part of your investment strategy. They offer diversification, professional management, and the potential for higher returns. Let's explore the categories of mutual funds and their benefits:

1. Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks. They have the potential for high returns but come with higher risk.

2. Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in bonds and fixed income securities. They are safer but offer lower returns compared to equity funds.

3. Balanced or Hybrid Funds
These funds invest in both equity and debt, providing a balance of risk and return.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Mutual funds spread investments across various assets, reducing risk.
Professional Management: Experts manage your investments, aiming for the best returns.
Liquidity: You can easily buy or sell mutual fund units.
Compounding: Reinvesting returns can lead to significant growth over time.
Risk and Power of Compounding
Mutual funds come with market risks. However, long-term investments usually balance out short-term market fluctuations. The power of compounding significantly boosts your corpus over time. By reinvesting your returns, your money grows faster.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
While index funds track market indices and come with lower fees, they lack the active management that can potentially outperform the market. Direct funds may save on commissions, but investing through a certified financial planner (CFP) provides valuable guidance and better fund selection.

Investing in Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, chosen by an experienced CFP, often outperform index funds. A CFP’s expertise helps in selecting funds tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Structuring Your Investments
Now, let's structure your investments to build a robust retirement corpus.

Emergency Fund
You already have a Rs. 10 lakh emergency fund. Keep this in a liquid or ultra-short-term debt fund to ensure quick access.

Fixed Deposits and PPF
Your fixed deposit and PPF are safe investments. However, their returns may not outpace inflation in the long term. Consider moving a portion into higher-yielding investments like mutual funds.

Diversifying Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Diversification is key. Spread your investments across various mutual funds:

Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity funds for higher returns.
Debt Funds: Invest in debt funds for stability and income.
Balanced Funds: Include balanced funds to mitigate risk while aiming for growth.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Investing through SIPs ensures disciplined investing and rupee cost averaging. This strategy reduces the impact of market volatility.

Reviewing and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. This ensures your investments stay aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. A CFP can provide ongoing guidance and adjustments.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning maximizes your returns. Utilize tax-saving instruments and plan withdrawals to minimize tax liabilities.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage:

Life Insurance: Protect your family’s future with sufficient life insurance.
Health Insurance: Adequate health insurance covers medical emergencies without draining your savings.
Retirement Income Streams
Plan for multiple income streams during retirement:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Use SWPs from mutual funds for regular income.
Dividends: Invest in dividend-paying funds or stocks.
Part-Time Work: Consider part-time work or consultancy for additional income.
Estate Planning
Estate planning ensures your assets are distributed as per your wishes. Prepare a will and consider trusts for efficient transfer of wealth.

Final Insights
Planning for retirement involves a multi-faceted approach. By diversifying your investments, utilizing mutual funds, and planning for tax efficiency, you can build a substantial retirement corpus. Regular reviews and adjustments with a CFP ensure you stay on track to achieve your retirement goals.

Conclusion
Planning your retirement requires careful consideration of various factors. By following the outlined strategies, you can ensure a comfortable and secure retirement for you and your family. Regularly consulting with a CFP will help you stay on track and make informed decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7256 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Money
Sir I have 1.8 Cr in mutual fund and 65 lacs in equity shares ,Sip of 55 thousand per month,Vpf 10000 per month,30 lacs in fd , 20 lac loan given to relative without interest will come in 2 to 3 years.20 lacs in pf, 1.8 lacs in ppf , one plot of value 3 cr and one plot of value 50 lacs with no rental income. I am doing business also and earning yearly approx 20 lacs and I have salary of 1.2 lacs. I am 40 years old and I have 2 kids one daughter 9 years old and son 4 years old. Let me know considering with no salary and so sip and no business now onward and no expenses also.how much corpus will I will get till age of 50 so I can get approx 3 lacs per months.is it workable with this corpus or I have to do more saving.
Ans: Your financial portfolio reflects thoughtful planning and diversification. Here is a breakdown:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 1.8 crore
Equity Shares: Rs. 65 lakhs
SIP: Rs. 55,000 monthly
VPF: Rs. 10,000 monthly
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 30 lakhs
Loan to Relative: Rs. 20 lakhs (to be returned in 2-3 years)
PF: Rs. 20 lakhs
PPF: Rs. 1.8 lakhs
Real Estate: Two plots valued at Rs. 3 crore and Rs. 50 lakhs
Your annual business income of Rs. 20 lakhs and monthly salary of Rs. 1.2 lakhs are also noteworthy. These provide a strong foundation for wealth creation.

You aim to retire at 50 and generate Rs. 3 lakhs per month as income. This requires meticulous planning, particularly if no SIPs or income contributions are made going forward.

Setting Your Financial Goals
Achieving a monthly income of Rs. 3 lakhs from age 50 implies an annual income requirement of Rs. 36 lakhs. To sustain this for a 30-year retirement, your portfolio should provide inflation-adjusted returns consistently.

Key Factors to Consider
Target Corpus: Based on a post-tax return of 6% per annum, you will need Rs. 6-7 crore to achieve this goal.
Inflation: Assume 6% inflation for cost of living adjustments over time.
Current Portfolio Growth: Project your existing assets’ growth over the next 10 years.
Projections of Current Assets
Mutual Funds
Rs. 1.8 crore is a strong equity-oriented asset.
Assuming an annual return of 10%, the corpus could grow to Rs. 4.67 crore in 10 years without additional contributions.
Equity Shares
Rs. 65 lakhs in equities has higher risk but potential for higher returns.
With a conservative annual growth of 8%, this can grow to Rs. 1.4 crore.
Fixed Deposits
Rs. 30 lakhs in FDs provides stability but low growth.
Assuming a 5% return, the corpus will grow to Rs. 49 lakhs.
Loan to Relative
Rs. 20 lakhs returned within 3 years can be reinvested.
Investing this amount in mutual funds with a 10% return for 7 years could yield Rs. 39 lakhs.
VPF, PF, and PPF
Total provident fund investments (Rs. 41.8 lakhs) provide safety and tax-free returns.
With annual contributions and 8% returns, this can grow to Rs. 1.05 crore.
Real Estate
The two plots worth Rs. 3 crore and Rs. 50 lakhs are non-earning.
Selling one and reinvesting in financial assets can improve cash flow.
Strategy for Achieving Your Retirement Goal
Step 1: Optimize Current Investments
Mutual Funds:

Continue SIPs of Rs. 55,000 for at least 3 years.
Ensure a balanced allocation across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Shift underperforming funds to better-managed schemes.
Avoid index funds, as actively managed funds provide superior returns.
Equity Shares:

Diversify into sectors with long-term growth potential.
Evaluate performance quarterly and consider reallocating underperforming stocks.
VPF and PPF:

Increase PPF contributions to the maximum limit for tax-free compounding.
VPF is a stable instrument; continue contributions.
Fixed Deposits:

Gradually reduce FD holdings.
Reallocate funds to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Step 2: Plan for Real Estate Monetization
Real estate is a significant portion of your wealth but non-earning.
Selling the Rs. 50 lakh plot and reinvesting the proceeds into mutual funds or debt instruments can boost growth and liquidity.
Step 3: Build Contingency and Liquidity
Maintain Rs. 20 lakhs in liquid funds or FDs for emergencies.
This ensures you can handle unforeseen expenses without disrupting long-term investments.
Tax Efficiency Strategies
Equity and Mutual Funds:

Utilize tax-free thresholds for long-term capital gains.
Plan redemptions to minimize tax outflows.
Debt Investments:

Debt mutual funds are more tax-efficient than FDs. Shift gradually to reduce tax liabilities.
Addressing Key Risks
Inflation Risk
Allocate a significant portion of your portfolio to equity for inflation-adjusted growth.
Longevity Risk
Ensure your corpus lasts for 30+ years. Plan withdrawals conservatively.
Market Volatility
Diversify across asset classes to reduce risks.
Maintain a mix of equity, debt, and safe instruments like PPF.
Final Projections
By age 50, with no additional contributions:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 4.67 crore
Equity Shares: Rs. 1.4 crore
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 49 lakhs
Loan Returns: Rs. 39 lakhs
Provident Funds: Rs. 1.05 crore
Total Corpus: Rs. 7.6 crore (approximately)

Is This Corpus Sufficient?
Yes, this corpus can sustain a monthly withdrawal of Rs. 3 lakhs. However, it assumes disciplined withdrawals and minimal unexpected expenses.

Recommendations to Strengthen the Plan
Continue SIPs and contributions for at least 3 more years.
Monetize one real estate asset to improve liquidity and growth.
Rebalance your portfolio annually to align with market conditions and goals.
Final Insights
You are on track to achieve your retirement goals with your current assets. Regular reviews, disciplined investing, and strategic adjustments will ensure long-term success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |461 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm came into a relationship after 2-3 months of having a breakup. It's been 1.5-2 years we are in a relationship I'm his first love. So he's very serious about me. But now as my ex called me a few time all these years & I didn't blocked him until last time my bf thinks I used him to overcome my past relationship & I never loved him. He's soo much hurt from me & he has given me one last chance to move on & not to hurt him again otherwise I'll lose him forever.. other than my relationship I have also hurted him way too much I didn't understood his needs of affection & love he never asks me for anything nothing at all for sharing emotions or anything... He's himself struggling with a lot of things in his life... & I have made many mistakes I have hurted him soo much... I'm in a lot of guilt now... That bcoz of me he's hurt & now I can't do anything I just want him to be alright but idk how... I have this last chance to keep my relationship alive, I just want him to be okay... It's hurting me remembering my past & it's hurting me more that I have hurted someone who truly unconditionally loved me...????????
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry to see you so conflicted. I am not completely certain what went down between you two but in general, a good and honest conversation can help in such situations. Since you mentioned hurting him by not understanding his needs, I recommend you to focus more on communication. Ask him about his love language- what would make him happy, what he expects from you, what you could expect from him, and more. This way, there will be clarity. I am sure you did nothing to hurt him intentionally. Please be strong; this is just a fleeting issue.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |461 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Myself and a guy came to know each other through an online friendly chat app.It's been 7 months we are talking on calls and video calls.From the beginning he was interested to marry me n i saw him as a good friend.Later my feelings turned into love towards him.But,he has a past which he told me in the beginning and said that his ex girlfriend of 1 year whom he know through online has married another guy n left him.I thought he has no feelings towards his ex gf.But,after i developed feelings for him n having clearly told that i love him..he gets his ex gf topic saying they used to talk hours n hours n now he is not able to be with me the same way.He even says she loved him a lot n is unable to forget her love.He says she used to call him always n talk and i am talking only when he calls..he is comparing my love with her.I feeling bad..When i asked before he told he has no feelings on his ex gf but now seems different.He even told me that she is trying to get divorced from her husband n has called him once too.I told about my love to my parents too n they agreed for our marriage.Now i am feeling bad..what should i do?..cut off all ties with him or go a head.Please suggest.I am 24 and he is 25 yrs old
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, have you met this person in real life? A lot of true love stories start online, but it is very important to meet face-to-face before making any commitments. Secondly, not being able to forget his ex can either be the truth or a ploy to end this relationship with you. Either way, it seems like a zone of conflict and I would like to remind you that you deserve better. I know you love him but don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and only you? Would you really like to be with someone who treats you like an option and draws comparisons with the ex? I suggest you rethink the relationship.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Dr Ashish, How do I get my 14 year old teenage son to talk to me? He talks less, is either angry or grumpy and rarely discusses anything at home with anyone. Is this behaviour normal? He used to be a talkative child when he was younger. How can I help?
Ans: Let me reassure you that you’re not alone in facing this challenge, and what you describe is quite common in teenagers. The teenage years are a time of immense internal transformation. It's as if your son is building a new version of himself, one brick at a time, and sometimes, in that process, he may feel the need to pull away to figure things out.

You see, as children grow, their world expands. Their focus shifts from being family-centered to exploring who they are in the larger world. This doesn't mean he cares any less about you; it simply means he’s working on something deep within himself—maybe even trying to understand emotions and situations he doesn’t yet have the words for.

Now, instead of trying to make him talk, which might feel like pressure to him, consider this: how can you create an environment where he wants to open up? Imagine if, instead of asking direct questions or expressing concern, you shared a small, non-threatening piece of your world. Maybe a funny story about your day or a memory of when you were his age. Sometimes, starting with something light gives him permission to engage without feeling interrogated.

Another way to open doors is through shared experiences. Teenagers often speak more freely when they're not face-to-face. Maybe a walk or a ride, cooking a meal together, or even playing a video game could become moments where he feels comfortable talking.

And when he does speak, no matter how small the opening, meet him with curiosity, not judgment. If he shares something, reflect it back to him in a way that says, "I hear you, and I value what you're saying." For example, if he mentions feeling frustrated, you could say, "It sounds like something’s been tough for you lately," rather than jumping to advice.

Finally, remind yourself—and him—this is a phase, not a permanent state. He is still that talkative child deep inside, but right now, he's learning to balance his need for independence with the safety of your love. Your steady presence, even when he seems distant, will be his anchor.

You’re already asking the right question, and that shows how much you care. Trust the process, and trust your connection. It’s still there, even in the quiet moments.

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1394 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am 50 yrs male married for last 20 yrs, facing domestic abuse mentally, physically from my wife, she is extremely aggressive and use foul language in front of our 13 yrs daughter, family members, friends, maid, driver... she is keep blaming me if anything went wrong be it is financial, Social and economical . She always blame my parents with very abusive language.. she always say negative things in front of my family members for all the things which went wrong due to her extraordinary aggressive and abusive behavior, she always make issues out of normal conversation.. she is also working. She doesn't talk and whenever i try to ignore her, she physically abusive and use foul language with me.. i am trying to adjust with her for the sake of my daughter future. She is very negative, if i try to help her, she will start shouting and use abusive language and start physically abusive towards me I don't know how deal with strange behavior... I am confused and worried, but due family, daughter and society i am tolerating her. Pls help and suggest best possible solutions
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Has this started more recently or has it been going on for a while now? This is a good indicator to know if things were most;y like this or if any recent event has triggered this.
If it is a recent thing, I guess you could try and find out what exactly could have caused this. But if it is something that has been happening for a long time, the reasons could be any and many. Since there is also some physical abuse as you mentioned, kindly make an appointment with a professional who will be able to guide your wife through this challenging time. It possibly involves some unresolved things from the past which is making life currently difficult for all of you.
Work as a family unit together for her and not against her. It's going to make matters worse. She may refuse to go to a professional, then the only option left is for you to develop a lot of patience and deal with this adult to adult with her. No fights, quarrels with her but a lot of quiet conversations which she will initially resist but someday she will give in...So if you want the family to get back together in a healthy way, a lot also depends on how you are going to deal with the situation.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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