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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Cosmos Question by Cosmos on Jul 03, 2024Hindi
Money

Hello sir i am 18 years old and i got 35,000 each month i want to enjoy financial freedom at the age of 25 please help me

Ans: Planning for financial freedom at 25 is an ambitious and commendable goal. You have the benefit of starting early, and with Rs 35,000 each month, you can build a robust financial foundation. However, early retirement comes with its unique set of challenges and risks that you should consider. Let’s explore these aspects in detail while providing a comprehensive roadmap to achieve your objective.

Understanding Financial Freedom and Early Retirement
Definition and Goals: Financial freedom means having enough savings and investments to support your desired lifestyle without relying on active employment. For you, retiring at 25 might mean pursuing passions, traveling, or starting new ventures without financial constraints.

Time Horizon: With a seven-year horizon, the challenge lies in accumulating enough wealth to sustain your lifestyle for potentially over 50 years. This requires disciplined saving, strategic investing, and careful planning.

Lifestyle Considerations: Define what your life will look like at 25. Your future expenses, lifestyle choices, and any aspirations will heavily influence how much you need to save and invest.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Income Analysis: Rs 35,000 per month translates to Rs 4,20,000 annually. Given your young age, you have the opportunity to significantly grow your income through career advancements or side ventures.

Expense Tracking: Keep a close eye on your spending. Identify essential expenses and areas where you can save more. Living frugally now can substantially increase your savings rate.

Savings and Emergency Fund: Establish a savings plan that prioritizes building an emergency fund. This fund should cover 6-12 months of living expenses to protect against unexpected financial shocks.

Building a Solid Financial Foundation
Emergency Fund: Secure your financial safety net by saving in a high-interest savings account. This fund will provide stability during unforeseen circumstances.

Insurance: Consider basic health insurance to cover medical emergencies. As you age, and your financial responsibilities grow, evaluate the need for life insurance to protect your loved ones.

Debt Management: Avoid taking on unnecessary debt. If you have any high-interest loans, prioritize paying them off to free up more money for saving and investing.

Investing for Long-Term Growth
Harnessing Compounding: Start investing early to leverage the power of compounding. This principle allows your investments to generate earnings, which are then reinvested to generate even more earnings over time.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Regularly invest in mutual funds through SIPs. This method allows you to average out the cost of investments over time, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Mutual Funds: Focus on actively managed mutual funds to potentially achieve higher returns than index funds. Diversify across different fund categories:

Equity Funds: Ideal for long-term growth, these funds invest in stocks. Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds based on your risk tolerance.

Debt Funds: These funds invest in fixed-income securities, providing stability and steady returns. Allocate a smaller portion here for balance.

Hybrid Funds: These funds combine equity and debt investments, offering a balanced approach to growth and stability.

Diversifying Your Investment Portfolio
Equity Diversification: Spread your investments across various sectors and market caps to minimize risk. This helps cushion against downturns in any single sector.

Sector-Specific Funds: If you’re comfortable with higher risk, consider investing in sector-specific funds like technology or healthcare. These can offer high growth potential but come with more volatility.

Global Exposure: Look into funds that provide exposure to international markets. This adds another layer of diversification and reduces reliance on the Indian market alone.

Potential Risks of Early Retirement at 25
Longevity Risk: Retiring at 25 means you need to support yourself for potentially 50-60 years. This requires a substantial financial cushion to ensure you don't outlive your savings.

Inflation Risk: Over a long retirement period, inflation can erode the purchasing power of your savings. Investing in assets that grow faster than inflation is crucial to maintain your standard of living.

Healthcare Costs: As you age, healthcare costs can increase significantly. Without a steady income, managing these expenses can become challenging unless you have a robust health insurance plan.

Market Volatility: Relying heavily on investment returns can expose you to market risks. Economic downturns or prolonged bear markets can significantly impact your investment portfolio and income.

Social and Emotional Impact: Early retirement can also affect your social interactions and sense of purpose. Many people find fulfillment through work, and retiring early might require finding alternative ways to stay engaged and motivated.

Overcoming the Risks of Early Retirement
Continued Learning and Adaptability: Stay updated with financial trends and be ready to adapt your strategy. This might include part-time work, freelance opportunities, or entrepreneurship to supplement your income.

Creating Multiple Income Streams: Diversify your income sources. Explore avenues like dividends from investments, rental income, or starting a small business to generate additional revenue.

Strategic Withdrawals: Develop a strategy for withdrawing from your investments. This might include using a combination of fixed income and growth-oriented investments to balance income and capital preservation.

Healthcare Planning: Invest in a comprehensive health insurance plan and consider saving specifically for future healthcare costs. This can protect your finances from unexpected medical expenses.

Lifestyle Flexibility: Be prepared to adjust your lifestyle based on financial conditions. Living below your means and being flexible with your spending can help sustain your financial independence.

Leveraging Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP): A CFP can provide personalized advice and help create a detailed financial plan tailored to your goals. They can help optimize your investment strategy and adjust it as needed.

Mutual Fund Distributors (MFD): Investing through an MFD with CFP credentials offers access to a variety of mutual funds and continuous support. They help you navigate investment choices and keep your portfolio aligned with your objectives.

Regular Reviews: Schedule regular check-ins with your CFP to review your financial plan. Adjust your strategy based on changing market conditions, personal goals, and life circumstances.

Practical Steps to Start Your Journey
Budgeting: Create a budget that balances saving, investing, and spending. Prioritize essential expenses and allocate a significant portion of your income towards investments.

Opening Investment Accounts: Set up accounts for your emergency fund and investments. Choose platforms that provide access to a wide range of mutual funds and have good support services.

Starting SIPs: Begin SIPs in chosen mutual funds. Select a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds based on your risk tolerance and financial goals. Increase your SIP contributions as your income grows.

Monitoring and Adjusting Your Financial Plan
Regular Check-ins: Schedule regular reviews to assess your financial progress. Evaluate your goals, track your savings, and adjust your investment strategy as needed.

Portfolio Rebalancing: Periodically rebalance your portfolio to maintain your desired asset allocation. This ensures your investments stay aligned with your goals and risk tolerance.

Staying Informed: Keep abreast of market trends and economic changes. This knowledge helps you make informed decisions and stay on track with your financial strategy.

Final Insights
Planning to achieve financial freedom at 25 is a bold and admirable goal. Your current income of Rs 35,000 per month provides a strong foundation. With disciplined saving, strategic investing, and leveraging the power of compounding, you can build a secure financial future.

However, retiring early comes with significant risks, including the potential for outliving your savings, managing inflation, and covering healthcare costs. It’s crucial to diversify your income streams, invest wisely, and stay adaptable to changing financial circumstances.

Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to tailor a plan that fits your unique goals and risk tolerance. Stay committed to your plan, be patient, and continuously educate yourself about personal finance and investing.

Financial freedom is a journey that requires careful planning and disciplined execution. Enjoy the process, stay focused on your goals, and you can achieve the financial independence you desire by 25.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

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Hello Sir! Myself Madeswaran and I am 33 yrs old. I have worked for 10 years and I have no savings and saved nothing. I had 6 Lakhs in my savings 4 years back. Purchased gold for 1 lakh. Purchased car in 2 nd had for 3.5 Lakhs and Lost 3 Lakhs in forex an year back.I am having debt of 1 Lakh now and cleared Rs.50,000. Now my monthly income is only Rs.45,000. I have house expenses of Rs. Rs.30,000 and Loan emi of Rs. 5,000. I give. I am not able to find how the rest of Rs.10,000 money gets drained away. Now I want my financial freedom at the age of 50. What shall I do amd how shall I start. I am also looking for secondary income to get some financial buffer.
Ans: Hello Madeswaran! It's commendable that you're seeking to take control of your finances and work towards financial freedom. Let's assess your current situation and explore steps to get you back on track.

At 33, with a monthly income of Rs. 45,000 and monthly expenses of Rs. 35,000, it's essential to understand where the remaining Rs. 10,000 is being spent. Tracking your expenses diligently can help identify areas where you can cut back and redirect funds towards savings and debt repayment.

Given your previous financial setbacks, it's crucial to prioritize building an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses and avoid going into further debt. Aim to set aside at least 3 to 6 months' worth of living expenses in a separate savings account as a safety net.

Addressing your existing debt of Rs. 1 lakh should be a priority. Focus on clearing this debt as soon as possible by allocating a portion of your monthly income towards repayment. Cutting back on non-essential expenses can free up additional funds for debt reduction.

Considering your goal of achieving financial freedom by the age of 50, it's important to establish a long-term financial plan. Start by setting specific, achievable goals and creating a budget to track your income and expenses.

Explore opportunities to increase your income through additional sources such as freelance work, part-time jobs, or starting a side business. Generating a secondary income can provide a financial buffer and accelerate your journey towards financial freedom.

Investing in yourself through education, acquiring new skills, or pursuing career advancement opportunities can also enhance your earning potential over the long term.

Finally, seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized advice tailored to your financial situation and goals. They can help you create a roadmap for achieving financial freedom and offer support and guidance along the way.

Remember, financial freedom is achievable with determination, discipline, and strategic planning. By taking proactive steps now, you can pave the way for a brighter financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Gurus, I am 29 yr old male having salary of 1.6 lakhs/month. I have 3+ lakh of corpus in equity. I want financial independence by the age of 45. How should I plan?
Ans: Achieving financial independence by 45 is a commendable goal. At 29, you have a strong foundation to work with. Your salary of Rs. 1.6 lakhs per month and Rs. 3+ lakh equity corpus are good starting points. Let's assess and plan how you can achieve financial independence by 45.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Before diving into the investment strategy, it's essential to understand your current financial position:

You are 29 years old with a stable monthly income of Rs. 1.6 lakhs.
You have an existing corpus of over Rs. 3 lakhs in equity.
Your goal is to achieve financial independence in 16 years.
Understanding these key aspects helps in structuring a robust plan.

Prioritising Financial Independence
Financial independence means having enough wealth to live off passive income without relying on your job. We will focus on accumulating a substantial corpus that generates sufficient passive income by the time you turn 45.

Investment Strategy for Long-Term Wealth Creation
1. Diversified Equity Mutual Funds

Investing in diversified equity mutual funds is crucial for long-term wealth creation. These funds offer higher returns, which are necessary to outpace inflation and build a substantial corpus. Allocate a significant portion of your monthly savings to actively managed equity mutual funds. These funds, chosen with the help of a Certified Financial Planner, can provide better returns compared to index funds.

2. Regular vs. Direct Mutual Funds

Investing in regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner has its advantages. While direct funds may have lower expense ratios, regular funds offer professional guidance. This ensures that your investments are well-managed and aligned with your financial goals. The value of advice often outweighs the marginal cost difference.

3. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)

Start or continue investing in SIPs with a focus on long-term growth. SIPs help in rupee cost averaging and reduce the impact of market volatility. By investing a fixed amount monthly, you build wealth steadily over time. Make sure to review and adjust your SIPs annually based on your progress and market conditions.

4. Diversification Beyond Equity

While equity is essential for growth, diversifying into other asset classes is also important. Consider allocating a portion of your investments into debt funds, gold funds, and PPF. This diversification balances risk and ensures steady returns. Each asset class behaves differently, and this mix will protect your portfolio against market downturns.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is a safety net that protects your financial plan. Set aside funds that cover at least six months of living expenses. This fund should be liquid and easily accessible, like in a savings account or liquid mutual fund. Having this buffer ensures that you don’t have to dip into your investment corpus during unexpected situations.

Maximising Tax Efficiency
1. Tax-Saving Investments

Utilise tax-saving options under Section 80C, 80D, and 80CCD. Investments like PPF, ELSS, and NPS not only reduce your tax liability but also contribute to your long-term goals. Be mindful of the lock-in periods and liquidity of these investments to ensure they align with your overall financial plan.

2. Strategic Asset Allocation

Strategic asset allocation can optimise tax efficiency. By balancing your portfolio across different investment vehicles, you can minimise tax on returns. For example, long-term capital gains in equity are taxed differently from debt. Work with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure your portfolio is tax-efficient.

Risk Management
1. Insurance

Adequate insurance is a critical component of financial planning. Ensure you have sufficient life and health insurance coverage. Life insurance should cover at least 10-15 times your annual income. Health insurance should provide comprehensive coverage, considering your age and health status.

2. Avoiding Over-Reliance on Equities

While equities are essential for growth, over-reliance can be risky. Ensure your portfolio is well-diversified to include debt and other low-risk investments. This protects your wealth during market downturns and ensures stable returns.

Regular Monitoring and Review
1. Annual Review

Your investment strategy should be reviewed annually. Evaluate the performance of your portfolio, adjust SIP amounts, and rebalance asset allocation if needed. This keeps your investments aligned with your goal of financial independence by 45.

2. Adjusting for Life Changes

Life changes like marriage, children, or job changes can impact your financial goals. Reassess your financial plan whenever there’s a significant change in your life. Adjust your investment strategy to ensure that your plan remains on track.

Planning for Retirement
Even though your primary goal is financial independence by 45, it's essential to consider retirement planning. Ensuring a comfortable retirement involves planning for a longer horizon beyond 45. By focusing on both goals simultaneously, you create a more robust financial plan.

1. NPS and PPF Contributions

Consider contributing to the National Pension System (NPS) and Public Provident Fund (PPF). These long-term, government-backed schemes provide stability and tax benefits. While they offer lower returns compared to equities, they add a layer of security to your retirement planning.

2. Debt and Fixed Income Investments

In the years leading up to 45, gradually increase your allocation to debt and fixed-income investments. This reduces the volatility of your portfolio and secures the wealth you've accumulated. Debt investments like bonds, fixed deposits, and debt mutual funds offer stable, predictable returns.

Building Passive Income through Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)
Creating a reliable passive income stream is essential for achieving financial independence, especially when planning to retire early or supplementing your income post-retirement. A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) can be a smart way to generate regular income from your investments while maintaining the growth potential of your corpus.

What is a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)?
An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount of money from your mutual fund investments at regular intervals, such as monthly, quarterly, or annually. This strategy provides a steady income stream while your remaining investment continues to grow. It’s an effective way to convert your lump-sum investment into a consistent cash flow.

Advantages of Using SWP for Passive Income
1. Regular Income with Flexibility

SWP provides a predictable and regular income, which can be adjusted according to your needs. Whether you want monthly, quarterly, or annual payouts, SWP offers flexibility in setting the withdrawal amount and frequency.

2. Tax Efficiency

SWP is more tax-efficient compared to traditional fixed income options like fixed deposits. The withdrawals are considered a combination of capital and gains, which can result in lower tax liability, especially if you fall into a higher tax bracket.

3. Capital Appreciation

Even as you withdraw regularly, the remaining investment in your mutual fund continues to grow. This allows you to enjoy the benefits of capital appreciation while simultaneously receiving an income.

4. Control Over Your Investments

SWP allows you to retain control over your investments, unlike annuities where your capital is locked in. You can adjust your withdrawal amount or stop it altogether if your financial situation changes.

Implementing SWP for Passive Income
1. Choose the Right Mutual Fund

For SWP, it’s crucial to choose a mutual fund that aligns with your risk appetite and income needs. Generally, balanced funds, equity funds, or debt funds with a moderate to low-risk profile are preferred. These funds offer a mix of growth and stability, ensuring that your corpus is not significantly eroded over time.

2. Determine the Withdrawal Amount

Calculate the monthly or quarterly withdrawal amount based on your income needs and the size of your corpus. A common strategy is to withdraw 4-6% annually, which allows your corpus to last longer while still providing a steady income.

3. Start SWP After Building a Substantial Corpus

Before starting an SWP, ensure that you have accumulated a substantial corpus in your mutual fund. This ensures that the withdrawals will not significantly impact the growth of your investment, allowing you to enjoy a longer-lasting income stream.

4. Monitor and Adjust

Regularly monitor the performance of your mutual fund and the effectiveness of your SWP. If the market conditions change or your income needs increase, consider adjusting the withdrawal amount or frequency.

Considerations When Using SWP for Passive Income
1. Impact on Principal

While SWP provides a steady income, it’s essential to understand that regular withdrawals can reduce your principal over time, especially during market downturns. To mitigate this, choose funds with a good track record of consistent returns and avoid aggressive withdrawal amounts.

2. Market Risks

Since SWP relies on mutual fund investments, it’s subject to market risks. In volatile markets, the value of your remaining investment may fluctuate, impacting the sustainability of your withdrawals. Diversifying your investments across different asset classes can help manage this risk.

3. Inflation Protection

Ensure that the funds you choose for SWP have the potential to provide returns that outpace inflation. Over time, inflation can erode the purchasing power of your withdrawals, so selecting funds with growth potential is critical.

Using SWP Alongside Other Strategies
1. Combining SWP with Dividend Income

If you have investments in dividend-yielding funds or stocks, you can combine the income from SWP with dividend payouts. This creates multiple income streams, providing more stability and flexibility in your financial plan.

2. Integrating SWP with PPF and NPS Withdrawals

As you approach retirement or financial independence, you may also have other savings like PPF or NPS. These can be used strategically alongside SWP to ensure a well-rounded income plan. For instance, you can use the SWP for your monthly expenses while keeping your PPF and NPS as long-term growth vehicles.

Final Insights
An SWP is a powerful tool for generating passive income, especially if you aim to achieve financial independence or require a steady income stream in retirement. By carefully selecting your mutual funds, determining a sustainable withdrawal rate, and regularly reviewing your plan, you can create a reliable and tax-efficient income source.

Remember, the key to a successful SWP strategy lies in the balance—ensuring that you withdraw enough to meet your needs without eroding your principal too quickly. With thoughtful planning and disciplined execution, SWP can be a cornerstone of your financial independence plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 36 yr old working in an Engine Manufacturing company and I earn 1L per month. I have a loan of 25L, MF portfolio of 6L, EPF 2L, shares 50k, plot land of about 15L. I live on a rented apartment (30k). My monthly expenses is 50k. I want to get rid of loan and be financially free as soon as possible. Kindly advise.
Ans: Your Financial Snapshot

Age: 36 years
Monthly income: Rs. 1 lakh
Loan: Rs. 25 lakhs
Investments: Rs. 8.5 lakhs (MF, EPF, shares)
Land value: Rs. 15 lakhs
Monthly rent: Rs. 30,000
Monthly expenses: Rs. 50,000

Appreciating Your Efforts

You've built a good investment portfolio despite having a loan.
Your desire to be debt-free shows financial responsibility.
Having diverse investments is a smart move.

Debt Repayment Strategy

Focus on paying off your loan faster.
Consider using some of your investments to reduce the loan.
This can save you interest in the long run.

Budgeting for Financial Freedom

Try to cut down on your Rs. 50,000 monthly expenses.
Every small saving can go towards loan repayment.
Look for areas where you can reduce spending.

Maximizing Your Investments

Keep your EPF as it offers good returns.
Review your mutual fund portfolio regularly.
Consider selling shares to pay off some loan amount.

Actively Managed Funds Advantage

These funds are managed by expert fund managers.
They can adjust to market changes quickly.
This can potentially lead to better returns than index funds.

Rethinking Your Living Situation

Rs. 30,000 rent seems high compared to your income.
Look for cheaper rental options if possible.
Use the saved money to pay off your loan faster.

Income Enhancement

Look for ways to increase your Rs. 1 lakh monthly income.
Consider part-time work or freelancing opportunities.
Use any extra income to accelerate loan repayment.

Insurance Check

Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance.
This protects your finances from unexpected events.
Don't mix insurance with investments for better returns.

Regular Financial Review

Check your progress towards debt freedom every 3 months.
Adjust your strategy if needed.
Stay motivated by tracking how much loan you've paid off.

Finally
Focus on loan repayment for financial freedom. Balance this with maintaining some investments. Regular review and adjustments will help you reach your goal faster.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Pushpa R  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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I HAVE CONSTIPACATION PROBLEM WICH AASAN RELIVE FROM THIS PROBLEM
Ans: Constipation can be uncomfortable, but yoga is an excellent way to stimulate digestion and relieve this issue. Here are some simple asanas you can try regularly to help improve bowel movements:

1. Pavanamuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose)
Lie on your back and bring one knee to your chest, holding it with your hands.
Press your knee gently into your abdomen while keeping the other leg straight.
Switch legs and repeat, or do both knees together.
This pose massages your abdominal organs and promotes digestion.
2. Marjaryasana-Bitilasana (Cat-Cow Pose)
Begin on all fours.
As you inhale, arch your back (Cow Pose) and look up.
As you exhale, round your back (Cat Pose) and tuck your chin to your chest.
Repeat slowly for 8-10 breaths to massage your digestive organs and improve gut motility.
3. Malasana (Garland Pose)
Squat down with your feet wide apart and palms together at your chest.
Keep your spine straight and hold this pose for a few breaths.
This pose helps open up the pelvic area, aiding digestion and elimination.
4. Paschimottanasana (Seated Forward Bend)
Sit with your legs straight and bend forward from your hips, reaching for your toes.
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Drink plenty of water and include fiber-rich foods in your diet.
Practice these poses daily, but avoid forcing your body into any position.
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Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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