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Salary of 1 lakh but EMI is 3 lakhs: How can I manage?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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I have a in hand salary of 1 lakh but my monthly emi is 3 lakhs.How to handle such scenario.Please advice

Ans: Your situation requires careful financial management and strategic adjustments. Here's a step-by-step approach to help you handle this challenge effectively.

Assessing the Current Situation
Income and EMI Mismatch
Your monthly EMI of Rs 3 lakhs significantly exceeds your in-hand salary of Rs 1 lakh.
This gap could lead to financial stress and defaults if not addressed promptly.
Asset and Liability Analysis
Check if you have savings, investments, or other income sources to bridge the gap.
Identify the loans contributing to this high EMI burden.
Prioritising Loan Repayment
Analyse Loan Types
Separate high-interest loans (personal loans, credit cards) from low-interest loans (home loans).
Focus on clearing high-interest loans first to reduce the burden.
Opt for Loan Restructuring
Approach lenders for EMI restructuring to extend the tenure.
Longer tenure reduces EMI but increases total interest outflow.
Partial Prepayment
Use any liquid assets to make partial prepayments on high-interest loans.
This reduces principal and future EMIs effectively.
Exploring Additional Income
Secondary Income Sources
Consider freelancing or part-time opportunities to boost income.
Rent out any property or assets for additional cash flow.
Liquidating Non-Essential Assets
Sell underperforming or unnecessary assets to generate funds.
Use these funds to partially prepay or clear debts.
Cutting Down on Expenses
Essential vs Non-Essential Expenses
Categorise expenses into essential (rent, groceries) and non-essential (luxuries).
Cut down on discretionary spending to allocate more towards EMI payments.
Lifestyle Adjustments
Opt for a minimalist lifestyle until financial stability improves.
Reduce costly habits like dining out or premium subscriptions.
Building an Emergency Fund
Short-Term Emergency Corpus
Keep at least three months of EMIs in liquid funds for emergencies.
This ensures you don’t miss payments due to unexpected situations.
Protecting Long-Term Investments
Avoid withdrawing from long-term investments like PPF or EPF.
These are crucial for your future financial security.
Strengthening Your Financial Foundation
Credit Score Management
Ensure timely EMI payments to avoid damaging your credit score.
A good credit score will help in negotiating better loan terms.
Insurance Protection
Maintain adequate health and life insurance coverage.
This safeguards your family in case of unforeseen circumstances.
Consulting with Experts
Certified Financial Planner Guidance
Work with a Certified Financial Planner to restructure your portfolio.
They can help optimise investments and manage debt efficiently.
Debt Counselling
Seek professional debt counselling for expert advice on repayment strategies.
Final Insights
Managing a high EMI with a limited salary is challenging but achievable. Focus on restructuring your loans, cutting unnecessary expenses, and exploring additional income sources. Avoid liquidating critical long-term investments unless absolutely necessary. Strategic planning and disciplined execution will help you regain financial stability over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 22, 2024

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Hi sir i have the loan of 16 lac and income of 54k with monthly emi of 40k how to mangae all???
Ans: Managing a high EMI on a modest income can be challenging. Your current loan of ?16 lakhs with an EMI of ?40,000 on a ?54,000 income requires careful financial planning. Here’s how to manage your finances effectively.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Income and Expenses
Your monthly income is ?54,000, with an EMI of ?40,000. This leaves you with ?14,000 for all other expenses. This tight margin necessitates a strategic approach.

Loan Details
A loan of ?16 lakhs with a high EMI consumes a significant portion of your income. Evaluating options to reduce the EMI can provide some relief.

Steps to Manage Your Loan and Finances
Budgeting
Track Expenses
Start by tracking all your expenses. Identify areas where you can cut costs. Every rupee saved can help ease your financial burden.

Create a Monthly Budget
Create a detailed budget. Prioritize essential expenses like food, utilities, and transport. Allocate a portion of your income towards savings, even if it's small.

Reducing EMI Burden
Loan Restructuring
Consider restructuring your loan. Extending the loan tenure can reduce the EMI, though it might increase the total interest paid.

Negotiating with Lenders
Talk to your lender about reducing the interest rate. Even a slight reduction can lower your EMI. Lenders may offer better terms based on your repayment history.

Additional Income Sources
Part-Time Jobs
Explore opportunities for part-time work or freelance jobs. This additional income can help cover expenses and reduce reliance on loans.

Monetize Skills
If you have specific skills or hobbies, consider monetizing them. Teaching, consulting, or online gigs can provide extra income.

Managing Expenses
Reduce Non-Essential Spending
Cut down on non-essential expenses like dining out, subscriptions, and luxury items. Focus on saving and reducing debt.

Use Budget-Friendly Alternatives
Opt for budget-friendly alternatives for daily needs. Buying in bulk, using discounts, and choosing generic brands can save money.

Emergency Fund
Building an Emergency Fund
Allocate a small portion of your income to build an emergency fund. This fund can cover unexpected expenses without impacting your EMI payments.

Utilizing Existing Savings
If you have existing savings, consider using a portion to pay down the loan. Reducing the principal can lower your EMI.

Professional Financial Advice
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner. They can provide tailored solutions to manage your loan and improve your financial health.

Debt Management Programs
Consider enrolling in a debt management program. These programs can negotiate better terms with lenders and provide structured repayment plans.

Investment Strategies
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Consider starting a SIP in a mutual fund. Even a small investment can grow over time and provide financial stability.

Benefits of Regular Mutual Funds
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials offers guidance and personalized advice, optimizing your investments.

Avoid Direct Mutual Funds
Direct mutual funds have lower expense ratios but lack advisory services. Regular funds through an MFD provide support and better decision-making.

Financial Discipline
Regular Review
Regularly review your financial situation. Adjust your budget and repayment strategy based on your progress and changes in circumstances.

Set Financial Goals
Set short-term and long-term financial goals. Having clear objectives can motivate you to save and manage your expenses better.

Stress Management
Stay Positive
Financial stress can be overwhelming. Stay positive and focused on your goals. Small steps can lead to significant improvements over time.

Seek Support
Talk to family and friends for support. They can provide emotional backing and sometimes practical advice or assistance.

Conclusion
Managing a high EMI on a modest income is challenging but achievable with careful planning. By budgeting wisely, reducing expenses, seeking additional income, and consulting a Certified Financial Planner, you can navigate this period successfully. Regularly review your financial situation and adjust your strategies as needed to ensure long-term stability and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024Hindi
Money
I have personal of 30Lkah and EMI is 59K and 3 Lakh from App for 29K OD used till 8 lakh and interest paid is 9K 7 credit card with outstanding of 16lakh, My salary is 1.08 Lakh per month, PL and credit EMI itself crossed 130K then i have to pay rent of 16k, School Fees 10k and other food exp, i am not able to manage with single source of income how shall i come out of thus
Ans: Your current financial situation has multiple debt commitments, causing cash flow constraints. This issue can be resolved with structured financial steps. The key is prioritizing expenses, consolidating loans, and ensuring cash flow to cover necessities. Let's examine an approach that simplifies debt management and boosts financial stability.

1. Assessing Your Debts and Commitments

You have personal loans, credit card debt, and an overdraft. High-interest debts like credit cards and personal loans significantly impact your monthly expenses.

Your fixed obligations, including EMIs, rent, school fees, and essential expenses, are higher than your monthly salary. This imbalance needs addressing through focused debt reduction.

Consider consolidating high-interest debts into lower-interest options. This could include refinancing personal loans with lower rates, if available, to reduce the burden of high-interest payments.

2. Prioritizing Debt Payments

Prioritize high-interest debts, especially credit card balances. Credit cards typically carry the highest interest rates, so reducing or eliminating these will immediately lower financial stress.

Aim to pay more than the minimum on high-interest debts. This helps avoid accumulating additional interest charges, allowing more funds for other expenses.

Review each loan’s tenure and interest rate. Try reducing balances on short-term, high-interest loans first, which may ease monthly cash outflow over time.

3. Focused Cash Flow Management

Your monthly income is Rs 1.08 lakh, but fixed expenses exceed your earnings. Focus on generating positive cash flow by setting priorities.

Start by categorizing necessary expenses (e.g., rent, food, and school fees) and debt payments separately. This helps you understand essential cash outflows.

Limit discretionary spending temporarily until you achieve a more manageable financial state. Redirect any small savings toward debt reduction.

4. Increasing Your Income Sources

With a single income source, it can be challenging to meet all obligations. Explore additional income sources, such as freelance or part-time work, that fit your skills and schedule.

Consider opportunities within your workplace that might offer overtime or project-based incentives. Even small additional amounts can help cover essentials or support debt payments.

Another potential source is liquidating non-essential assets, such as unused electronics, jewelry, or investments, and channeling those funds toward debt reduction.

5. Reviewing Monthly Budget and Expense Cuts

Rent and school fees are fixed, but some flexibility in food and utility costs might provide savings. Keep these expenses within defined limits.

Set a target for savings on regular expenses, even if small. For example, 5-10% savings in these areas could help with debt servicing.

Track every rupee you spend, adjusting the budget monthly to ensure you stay within limits. This discipline helps in preventing unnecessary spending and redirects funds towards debt repayment.

6. Building a Contingency Plan

Set aside a minimal emergency fund, even if it’s Rs 5,000–10,000, to avoid credit card dependency during emergencies.

Any unexpected income, such as bonuses or gifts, should be allocated primarily towards debt reduction until obligations are more manageable.

Once your debt burden is reduced, aim to build an emergency fund that covers at least three months of essential expenses to prevent similar situations in the future.

7. Negotiating with Creditors for Relief

Approach your creditors, especially credit card companies, for possible interest rate reductions or restructuring options. Sometimes, they may offer relief on interest rates or payment flexibility for loyal customers.

For the overdraft and personal loan, inquire with your bank about reducing interest rates or switching to a secured loan. Lower rates mean lower monthly interest payments.

Keep communication open with all creditors, showing your commitment to repayment. This proactive approach may result in temporary relief or adjustments.

8. Reassessing Investment Goals and Plans

Focus primarily on paying off debt rather than investing during this period. Avoid any new investments or purchases until debt levels are manageable.

If you have small savings or assets, consider using them strategically to clear high-interest debts. This is a temporary measure and should be replaced by a renewed savings plan once debt obligations reduce.

Avoid risky investments like direct stocks or schemes promising quick returns. Stable and disciplined debt repayment is the priority.

9. Simplifying Credit Card Management

Limit your active credit cards to one or two with the lowest interest rates. This reduces the complexity of managing multiple due dates and payments.

Avoid making new purchases on credit cards. Switch to cash or debit card transactions for routine expenses to prevent adding to the outstanding balances.

Create a repayment plan targeting credit cards with the highest interest first. Small but consistent payments will gradually lower your overall balance.

10. Financial Discipline and Goal Setting

Financial discipline is key here. Set monthly targets to clear small portions of debt and ensure strict budget adherence.

Write down clear, achievable goals, like reducing credit card debt by 20% over the next six months. Achieving these smaller goals boosts motivation.

Reward yourself (in small ways) when you meet each target. This positive reinforcement keeps you motivated and helps maintain discipline.

11. Long-Term Financial Health

Once debt is under control, focus on rebuilding your financial base. Prioritize creating an emergency fund, then consider stable, low-risk investments.

Avoid high-interest debts in the future. If a loan is needed, look for the lowest interest option and evaluate its necessity.

Learn from this experience to maintain a balanced approach between income, expenses, and debt. This practice helps in long-term financial stability.

Finally

Managing high debts with a limited income is challenging but achievable with a structured plan. Focus on paying high-interest debts first, manage expenses, and explore additional income sources. Consistent budgeting and financial discipline will ease your journey. Stay focused, and over time, financial stability will be within reach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |956 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I would like to stay anonymous. Im 27F, recently got engaged and my wedding is in 5 months from now. This match is arranged by my parents within our community. Initially things went well, but after the engagement when we went outside for dinner he was speaking well but before leaving he said this is a suggestion from my end and told that there is slight space between my two teeth in the front and while smiling it creates black image in the photos. So it would be best if i would use invisible aligners so that before wedding it would be fixed adding to this he said he will take care of the expenses and he said he had this thought for a week so its better to disclose it with me. He also said that he didn't tell this to his parents he wanted to check my thoughts on this first, also he said he wanted myself to look very very pretty on the wedding and his relatives should say "Wow, we have never seen such a pretty bride", also he commented about my hair being short actually its medium length but i like to keep my hair short. I really got frustrated when he said all those things this got me very irritated. I didn't speak much, i said i wanted to leave and he dropped me at my place. The next day i asked him if we can meet again to get clarification on this thing, when i asked him the next day about this he said "its just a suggestion if you can take it its fine or you can leave it its upto you". He never accepted that he hurted me or made a wrong statement he kept on saying he didn't mean that way i took it very personally and im creating unnecessary ruckus. at last he said i could have said things differently but he didn't ask for sorry at all. I thought he wont talk about my features again but then after a week he again asked me you were eating outside food for a week you should have gained weight(trying to be funny here), i said no. Because him and his mother already asked about my weight like "why are you so thin? you could have put up some weight know"? I have been in this weight for many years, how much ever i eat my weight remains the same its because of the genetics. But people dont understand this and easily ask some body shaming questions. After this event he is not talking like before and even i dont push him, one of my friend asked me to take initiative and make calls to stop this awkward situation and i took lead called him four times in a week he spoke but he didn't bothered to call me again he was only texting after that too im okay with that but still i feel he might ask me to make changes in my feature, weight etc before the wedding. Im not sure how to deal with this.
Ans: When someone loves and accepts you, they don’t focus on “fixing” things about you to meet external standards, whether it’s for wedding photos or to impress relatives. His insistence that you should look “very, very pretty” for others’ approval shows that his priorities might not align with yours. You weren’t looking for a makeover; you were looking for a life partner who values you for who you are.

His response when you tried to talk about it also speaks volumes. Instead of acknowledging your feelings and reassuring you, he dismissed your concerns, making it seem like you were overreacting. A partner who truly cares would have listened, understood why you felt hurt, and taken responsibility for how his words affected you. Instead, he shifted the blame onto you for "creating unnecessary ruckus," which shows a lack of emotional maturity.

The weight comments, too, are unnecessary and inconsiderate. Genetics determine body type, and no one should feel the need to change themselves to meet someone else’s expectations. His family’s remarks about your weight, combined with his attitude, suggest that this won’t stop after the wedding. If they’re already making you feel self-conscious now, imagine the expectations and unsolicited “suggestions” that might continue in the future.

The distance that has formed between you both after this conversation isn’t just about awkwardness—it’s about emotional disconnection. A strong relationship is built on respect, comfort, and mutual appreciation, not on one person feeling judged and the other acting indifferent. The fact that you had to take the lead in calling him multiple times, while he didn’t reciprocate the effort, says a lot. A healthy relationship should feel mutual, not one-sided.

Right now, you need to ask yourself: Can you truly be yourself in this relationship, or will you constantly feel pressured to meet his and his family’s expectations? Do you feel emotionally safe with him, or do you feel like you have to defend your choices, your body, and your appearance?

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and your peace of mind matters. If his attitude is already making you question yourself and feel frustrated, you have every right to reconsider. You don’t need to “deal” with this by adjusting to his expectations—you need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want to spend your life in.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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