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Should I buy a flat or invest my Rs 2 crore retirement fund?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7592 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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I am going to retire soon with retirement fund of 2 Cr along with pension sufficient for me and my spouse. I have own builder flat in Delhi and health coverage. I have one married daughter who is well settled with 2 kids under 5 years. One flat in my building is on sale for 2 Cr. I need advice for investment for 2Cr retirement fund . Should I buy the flat in my building or should I invest 2 Cr in senior citizen saving scheme, post office MIS , fixed deposit in Bank. My spouse of same age is also earning equally.

Ans: Retirement is a significant phase of life, and your financial decisions now will shape your future security and lifestyle. Let’s analyse your situation and investment choices.

Assessing Your Current Position
You have a retirement fund of Rs. 2 crore, which is substantial.

Your pension adequately covers your and your spouse’s living expenses.

Your spouse’s earnings provide an additional safety net.

You own a flat in Delhi and have health insurance coverage.

You have no immediate financial dependency, as your daughter is well-settled.

Should You Invest in Real Estate?
Avoid investing Rs. 2 crore in another flat, even if it is in your building.

Real estate offers low liquidity, making it harder to access funds in emergencies.

Rental income might not justify the high capital investment, considering property management costs and potential downtime.

Real estate lacks diversification compared to other investments, increasing risk.

Alternative Investment Options
1. Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS)
SCSS is a secure option offering fixed returns for retirees.

Invest up to the permissible limit for predictable and regular income.

It is a low-risk investment backed by the government.

2. Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (MIS)
Post Office MIS provides guaranteed monthly income.

It is another safe choice for retirees with capital preservation as a priority.

Returns, though lower, are steady and reliable.

3. Bank Fixed Deposits
Fixed deposits (FDs) offer fixed returns and flexible tenures.

Senior citizen FDs provide slightly higher interest rates.

Split the funds across different banks for better safety and liquidity.

4. Balanced Investment in Mutual Funds
Invest in a mix of debt and equity mutual funds for moderate growth and stability.

Actively managed funds through an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner can optimise returns.

Debt mutual funds provide stable returns while equity offers growth potential.

Avoid direct funds due to their complexity and the need for constant monitoring.

5. Liquid Funds and Emergency Reserve
Allocate a portion to liquid funds for quick access in emergencies.

These funds are more effective than savings accounts for parking surplus money.

Maintain an emergency reserve for at least 24 months of expenses.

6. Inflation-Protected Investments
Some funds and bonds are designed to protect against inflation erosion.

These investments ensure your purchasing power remains intact over time.

Tax Considerations
Plan investments to minimise tax liabilities under your income bracket.

Be aware of the latest tax rules on mutual funds and fixed deposits.

Capital gains from equity investments over Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Fixed deposit interest is taxed as per your income slab. Plan withdrawals accordingly.

Succession Planning and Gifting
Consider creating a detailed estate plan to avoid future legal hassles.

Set up nominations and update wills to ensure smooth wealth transfer.

You may gift small amounts to your daughter or grandchildren under tax-free limits.

Final Insights
Investing your Rs. 2 crore retirement fund wisely ensures peace of mind and financial stability. Opt for a diversified approach balancing safety, liquidity, and moderate growth. Avoid locking all funds into real estate to keep your portfolio flexible. Thoughtful planning now will safeguard your golden years and your family’s financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7592 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 39 years old IT employee , I have monthly income of 3.5 lakhs and have a 10 years old son and wife .I have 35 lakhs in PF and 8 lakhs in ppf ,All I invested is in real estate and no other investments also i have 48 lakhs lakh an remaining for a house ,Where should I invest of I need to lan retirement by 50 will need 1.5 lakhs income per month post that
Ans: Retiring by age 50 with a steady monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakhs is a significant goal. Given your current assets, it's crucial to strategically plan your investments to achieve this target. You have a strong base, and with careful planning, you can reach your retirement goals.

Assessing Current Financial Situation
You have a solid monthly income of Rs. 3.5 lakhs. This is a good start.

You have Rs. 35 lakhs in your Provident Fund (PF) and Rs. 8 lakhs in your Public Provident Fund (PPF). These are excellent long-term savings.

You have invested Rs. 48 lakhs in real estate. However, real estate alone may not be enough for retirement. Diversifying your portfolio is crucial.

Understanding the Importance of Diversification
Diversification is key to minimizing risk and maximizing returns. Currently, your investments are concentrated in real estate. You should consider diversifying into different asset classes.

Building a Balanced Investment Portfolio
1. Equity Mutual Funds:

Equity mutual funds can provide high returns over the long term. They are suitable for your retirement goal, which is more than a decade away.

Consider allocating a portion of your funds to diversified equity mutual funds. These funds invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks, providing a balanced exposure to the equity market.

2. Debt Mutual Funds:

Debt mutual funds are less risky compared to equity funds. They provide stable returns and can be used to balance the risk in your portfolio.

Investing in debt funds will ensure that a portion of your investments remains safe, while still earning moderate returns.

3. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Your current PPF investment is Rs. 8 lakhs. Continue contributing to PPF as it offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns. It’s a safe investment for long-term financial goals.

4. Provident Fund (PF):

With Rs. 35 lakhs in PF, you already have a significant amount saved. Ensure you continue contributing to this fund, as it provides a reliable source of retirement income.

Exploring the Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, run by experienced fund managers, can potentially outperform the market. These funds require active monitoring and adjustment, which can lead to better returns compared to passive index funds.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Index funds follow the market index, and they do not aim to outperform it. This means during market downturns, index funds will also suffer. They lack the flexibility to adjust holdings based on market conditions.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:

Actively managed funds have the potential to generate higher returns. Fund managers can make strategic decisions based on market trends and economic conditions. They can also provide a more tailored investment approach.

Considering the Role of Certified Financial Planners
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can offer several advantages. They provide personalized advice and help create a financial plan tailored to your goals.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Investing directly without professional guidance can be risky. You might miss out on strategic opportunities and fail to manage risk effectively. A CFP can help optimize your investment strategy.

Benefits of Regular Funds through CFP:

Investing through regular funds with the help of a CFP ensures you receive expert advice. They can help you navigate market complexities and make informed decisions. This professional guidance can lead to better financial outcomes.

Creating a Retirement Corpus
To achieve your retirement goal of Rs. 1.5 lakhs monthly income post-retirement, you need to build a substantial corpus. Given your current assets and income, a disciplined investment approach is essential.

1. Setting Clear Goals:

Define how much you need at retirement. This will help you understand how much to save and invest each month.

2. Regular Investments:

Invest regularly in mutual funds through Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs). SIPs help in averaging out market volatility and build a corpus over time.

3. Reviewing and Rebalancing:

Regularly review your investment portfolio. Rebalance it to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance. This involves shifting funds between asset classes based on market performance and your investment horizon.

Importance of Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses. This fund should cover at least six months' worth of expenses. It ensures you don't have to dip into your long-term investments in case of emergencies.

Managing Insurance Needs
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage. Life insurance protects your family in case of any unfortunate event. Health insurance covers medical expenses, preventing financial strain.

Planning for Your Child's Future
Your 10-year-old son's education and future needs should also be planned for. Consider investing in child-specific mutual funds or creating a dedicated investment plan for his higher education and other needs.

Evaluating Current Investments
Real Estate:

While real estate can provide good returns, it's not very liquid. Consider the rental income potential and capital appreciation of your property.

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF):

These are secure investments with tax benefits. Continue contributing to these funds for long-term stability.

Achieving Financial Independence
To achieve financial independence by 50, you need a comprehensive financial plan. This involves:

1. Increasing Savings:

Try to save and invest a significant portion of your income. Aim to save at least 30-40% of your monthly income.

2. Reducing Debt:

Avoid taking on new debt. Pay off any existing loans to reduce financial burden.

3. Enhancing Income:

Explore ways to increase your income. This could be through promotions, bonuses, or side gigs.

Final Insights
Reaching your retirement goal by 50 is achievable with disciplined planning and strategic investments. Diversify your portfolio, invest in equity and debt mutual funds, and continue contributing to PF and PPF. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your investments and ensure a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7592 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2024Hindi
Money
Greetings I am retiring in April 2027. I may get a retirement corpus of around 2Cr. I have FDs of around 60 L Mutual Funds 40L. I have two flats and the home loan of one flat will be repaid before my retirement. For the other flat there is no loan. Myself and my wife have ancestors property (land)valued at around 6 Cr. I may need a monthly income of 75 K.Kindly suggest investment options for me
Ans: First, congratulations on your upcoming retirement. You've done a great job building a solid financial foundation. You have a diverse portfolio with fixed deposits, mutual funds, real estate, and ancestral property. This diversification provides stability and potential growth.

Your expected retirement corpus of Rs. 2 crore is substantial. With this, along with your current assets and minimal loan commitments, you are well-positioned for a comfortable retirement. Let's evaluate your options to generate a monthly income of Rs. 75,000 while ensuring your capital grows and remains secure.

Creating a Retirement Income Plan
Fixed Deposits (FDs)
You have Rs. 60 lakhs in fixed deposits. FDs offer security and guaranteed returns. However, their interest rates may not keep pace with inflation. It's wise to keep a portion of your retirement corpus in FDs for liquidity and safety. Allocate around 20-25% of your corpus here.

Mutual Funds
You already have Rs. 40 lakhs in mutual funds. Mutual funds are excellent for growth and can be tailored to match your risk tolerance. Consider the following types of funds:

Balanced Funds

Balanced funds provide a mix of equity and debt. They offer growth potential while minimizing risk. Given your age and risk tolerance, a balanced fund can help maintain stability.

Equity Funds

Equity funds are suitable for long-term growth. They can be volatile, but with a horizon of 10-15 years, they can significantly enhance your returns. Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds to spread risk.

Debt Funds

Debt funds are less risky and provide regular income. They are good for short-term needs. Invest in high-quality debt funds to ensure safety and reasonable returns.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Use an SWP from your mutual fund investments to generate a regular income. It allows you to withdraw a fixed amount monthly, providing you with Rs. 75,000. This method ensures that your capital continues to grow while providing you with the needed income.

Additional Investment Options
Senior Citizens' Saving Scheme (SCSS)
SCSS is a government-backed scheme offering attractive interest rates and regular income. It's safe and suitable for retirees. You can invest up to Rs. 15 lakhs individually or Rs. 30 lakhs jointly. The interest is paid quarterly, providing a steady income.

Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS)
POMIS is another secure option. It offers a fixed monthly income and is backed by the government. You can invest up to Rs. 4.5 lakhs individually or Rs. 9 lakhs jointly. The interest rate is competitive, and the monthly payout can supplement your income.

Corporate Bonds and Non-Convertible Debentures (NCDs)
Investing in high-rated corporate bonds and NCDs can provide higher returns than traditional FDs. They come with a fixed tenure and interest rate, offering a predictable income stream. Ensure to choose high-rated instruments to minimize risk.

Dividend-Paying Stocks
Investing in blue-chip companies that pay regular dividends can provide a steady income. Dividends are usually paid quarterly and can supplement your monthly income. Choose companies with a strong track record of consistent dividends.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs)
MIPs offered by mutual funds invest predominantly in debt instruments with a small portion in equity. They aim to provide regular income and capital appreciation. MIPs can be a good option for generating monthly income with moderate risk.

Assessing Risks and Diversification
Risk Assessment
Retirement planning requires balancing risk and returns. While you need growth to beat inflation, capital preservation is equally crucial. Assess your risk tolerance and align your investments accordingly. A mix of safe and growth-oriented investments will ensure stability and growth.

Diversification
Diversification reduces risk and enhances returns. Spread your investments across different asset classes like FDs, mutual funds

, government schemes, and stocks. This strategy ensures that poor performance in one area does not significantly impact your overall portfolio.

Tax Efficiency and Planning
Tax-Saving Instruments
Maximize your tax benefits by investing in tax-saving instruments under Section 80C, such as Equity-Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) and SCSS. These instruments help reduce your taxable income while offering growth and regular income.

Tax on Returns
Understand the tax implications of your investments. For instance, interest from FDs and SCSS is taxable, while long-term capital gains from equity mutual funds enjoy favorable tax treatment. Plan your withdrawals and investments to minimize tax liabilities.

Health Insurance
Ensure you and your wife have adequate health insurance coverage. Medical expenses can erode your retirement corpus quickly. A comprehensive health insurance plan will provide peace of mind and financial security.

Estate Planning
Wills and Trusts
Estate planning is essential to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes. Draft a will to specify how your properties and investments should be allocated. Consider setting up a trust for efficient estate management and to minimize disputes among heirs.

Nomination and Succession
Ensure all your financial instruments have updated nominations. This simplifies the process for your heirs and ensures that your assets are transferred smoothly. Discuss your plans with your family to avoid confusion and misunderstandings later.

Emergency Fund
Liquidity
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a liquid instrument like a savings account or a liquid mutual fund. It provides a financial cushion for unexpected expenses.

Reviewing and Adjusting Your Plan
Regular Reviews
Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance. Financial markets and personal circumstances change, so adjust your plan accordingly. Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner to stay on track.

Rebalancing
Rebalancing your portfolio periodically is crucial to maintain your desired asset allocation. If your equity investments perform well, they might constitute a larger portion of your portfolio, increasing risk. Rebalance by selling a portion of equity and investing in debt to restore balance.

Stay Informed
Keep yourself informed about financial markets and new investment opportunities. Continuous learning helps make informed decisions and adapt to changing market conditions. Subscribing to financial newsletters and attending seminars can enhance your knowledge.

Long-Term Growth Strategies
Equity Investments
For long-term growth, maintain a portion of your portfolio in equity investments. Equities have historically outperformed other asset classes over the long term. However, they come with higher risk, so balance your equity exposure based on your risk tolerance.

Real Assets
While you've asked not to consider real estate, it's worth mentioning that your ancestral property is a significant asset. Ensure it is well-maintained and consider potential income streams from it, such as renting or leasing, to supplement your retirement income.

Genuine Compliments and Appreciation
You have done an admirable job of planning and saving for your retirement. Your diverse portfolio, debt-free lifestyle, and significant assets reflect careful planning and financial discipline. It’s evident that you have a clear vision for a comfortable and secure retirement.

Your meticulous approach towards ensuring a regular income and safeguarding your assets for the future is commendable. You’ve laid a strong foundation for your golden years, and with a few strategic adjustments, you can enjoy a financially worry-free retirement.

Final Insights
Retirement planning is a continuous process that requires regular monitoring and adjustments. Your primary goal should be to ensure a stable and sufficient income while preserving your capital. Diversify your investments, assess risks carefully, and make informed decisions.

Utilize safe investment options like SCSS, POMIS, and high-rated corporate bonds for regular income. Consider mutual funds for growth, and always keep an emergency fund. Regular reviews and rebalancing will keep your portfolio aligned with your goals.

Stay informed, and don’t hesitate to seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your strategy. Your proactive approach and diversified portfolio set you up for a successful and enjoyable retirement. Keep up the good work and continue to make prudent financial decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7592 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 09, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am going to retire soon with retirement fund of 2 Cr along with pension sufficient for me and my spouse. I have own builder flat in Delhi and health coverage. I have one married daughter who is well settled with 2 kids under 5 years. One flat in my building is on sale for 2 Cr. I need advice for investment for 2Cr retirement fund . Should I buy the flat in my building or should I invest 2 Cr in senior citizen saving scheme, post office MIS , fixed deposit in Bank. My spouse of same age is also earning equally.
Ans: You are in a financially strong position with a pension that meets your needs, additional income from your spouse, and no major liabilities. However, careful planning of your Rs. 2 crore retirement fund is essential to maximise growth, ensure liquidity, and meet future requirements. Below is a detailed analysis of your options.

Real Estate as an Investment
Purchasing another flat for Rs. 2 crore in your building may seem appealing for proximity and potential rental income.

However, real estate is illiquid and may not offer consistent returns or easy encashment when needed.

Maintenance costs and the time required to manage tenants can add stress during retirement.

Additionally, property prices in Delhi's saturated market may not appreciate significantly over the next few years.

Instead of locking the entire Rs. 2 crore in real estate, consider more flexible investment options.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS)
SCSS offers safety, regular income, and tax benefits under Section 80C.

You and your spouse can each invest Rs. 30 lakhs, totalling Rs. 60 lakhs.

The interest earned is paid quarterly, ensuring a steady cash flow.

However, the lock-in period is five years, extendable by three years.

SCSS is an excellent choice for a portion of your retirement fund, providing predictable returns.

Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS)
POMIS is a safe option offering monthly interest payments.

The maximum individual limit is Rs. 9 lakhs, and Rs. 15 lakhs for joint accounts.

Combined with SCSS, this can create a reliable income stream.

POMIS also has a five-year lock-in, with limited liquidity.

Fixed Deposits (FDs) in Banks
Bank FDs are simple and secure investments.

You can ladder your FDs across different maturities for liquidity.

Choose senior citizen FDs for higher interest rates.

Reinvest the interest or opt for regular payouts based on your needs.

However, FD interest is taxable, reducing post-tax returns.

Balanced Investment in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds can offer inflation-beating returns over the long term.

Invest Rs. 50–75 lakhs in a mix of equity and hybrid mutual funds.

Hybrid funds balance growth and stability, suitable for retirees.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) ensure monthly income while maintaining capital appreciation.

Actively managed funds outperform index funds by leveraging market opportunities.

Avoid direct funds as regular funds offer better guidance through a Certified Financial Planner.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund of Rs. 10–15 lakhs in liquid assets.

This can be parked in liquid mutual funds or savings accounts.

It ensures quick access to cash for unforeseen expenses.

Health and Life Insurance
Ensure your current health insurance is adequate for rising medical costs.

A top-up health plan may be worth considering.

Review your life insurance needs, if applicable, to protect your spouse financially.

Tax-Efficient Withdrawal Strategy
Plan withdrawals from your investments to minimise tax.

Withdraw from debt instruments first to let equity investments grow.

Use SCSS and POMIS income for regular expenses to avoid redeeming growth investments prematurely.

Gifting and Family Support
Consider gifting a part of your wealth to your daughter under Section 56 of the Income Tax Act.

Such gifts are tax-free for both you and the recipient if given within family relationships.

Ensure you balance gifting with retaining enough for your future needs.

Final Insights
Investing your Rs. 2 crore retirement fund strategically will ensure financial security and flexibility. Avoid locking funds in another flat due to its illiquid nature and uncertain returns. Instead, allocate across SCSS, POMIS, FDs, and mutual funds for steady growth, liquidity, and a regular income stream.

A diversified portfolio will secure your financial independence and allow you to support your family comfortably. Periodically review your investments with a Certified Financial Planner to adapt to changing circumstances.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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I am a 20 years old guy and in my past romantic relationships, have shown signs of emotional instability, too much dependency and lack of awareness of boundaries which affected my relationships badly...I hadn’t interacted with people in a long while since 2020 (precisely when lockdown had started) and feel that some aspects of my personality are not developed fully as they should be at this age. How to work on this? Also, i have noticed that I am able to create a good first impression but it soon pales and I feel like I am subtly disrespected or talked down to, and this has been happening in all interactions...i am always respectful (often to a fault!) and even have people pleasing tendencies...i sometimes ask immature weird questions and that might probably be the reason (but they’re never inappropriate)...but i do want to gain insights into why i am experiencing what i am and how to navigate this situation well so that I can maintain healthy relationships in future. Thanks you!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
Navigating Boundaries- You can speak to your partner in the early stage of the relationship to understand their boundaries. This way there will be clarity and you won't overstep. You can set up some boundaries too.
For better interpersonal skills, you can proactively follow some rules- like active listening, avoiding overthinking, asking open-ended questions, and resisting the urge to seek your partner's approval.
About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?
Ans: it's crucial to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship brings you the happiness and fulfillment you seek, or if the challenges you face are too significant to overcome. It's important to differentiate between staying out of love and staying out of fear or obligation.

Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

Your family's disapproval complicates things further, but it's important to remember that this is your life and relationship. While their opinions are significant, they shouldn't be the sole deciding factor in your happiness. Balancing respect for their wishes with your own needs is a delicate task, but ultimately, you need to make a decision that feels right for you.

If the relationship feels unsustainable despite your efforts, it may be time to consider a different path. It's understandable that you’re concerned about her well-being, especially given her mother's trust in you, but staying out of guilt or obligation can lead to further unhappiness for both of you. If you decide to part ways, doing so with kindness and honesty can help mitigate some of the hurt.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. Weighing your feelings, the relationship dynamics, and your family's expectations will guide you toward a resolution that prioritizes your well-being and future happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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My age is 41 years. I have two kids. Nurturing n looking after them n whole home single handedly. I am a visiting faculty in a institute . Earns very nominal earning. My husband hits me, taunts me and use very arrogant words to me like tumhe belt se maarunga n similar many worst words. His family has been always unsupportive to me . Now after 16 years of marriage, he still wants me to please his mother n other family. Which I completely avoid as they have never supported me and always boycotted me. His real brother is in politics and all family members including his cousins do follow him and boycotted me n husband. Now for everything my husband blames me and says if you gave pleased them, all might have good. But inspite of pleasing them a lot , they are like treating me like I am a stranger. I handle n manage everything still by the end of the day.... everything is in vain. Husband says...What you did for home? I will never ever give my money to you and so on. I am literally in trouble thoughts, what to do ? I even many times thought to end my life but my kids are the reason I continuously bears everything. Please suggest what shall I do.
Ans: it's important to acknowledge that no one deserves to be treated with such disrespect and abuse. Your feelings of isolation and frustration are valid. It can feel overwhelming when the people who should support you instead make you feel like an outsider.

In situations like this, it’s crucial to find support outside the immediate family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer you emotional strength and practical advice. Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide strategies for dealing with the abuse and stress.

You’ve shown immense resilience, especially for your children. They need you to be strong, and seeking help is a vital step in preserving your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, prioritizing your health is not selfish; it’s necessary for you and your children’s future.

Also, explore any legal avenues or resources available for individuals in abusive relationships. Local support organizations, legal aid, or women’s shelters can provide advice and assistance if you decide that leaving the relationship is the best option for your safety and well-being.

You have already shown great courage by managing so much on your own. Continue to seek out support and know that you are not alone in this journey. There are people and resources willing to help you find a path to a healthier and more secure life.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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