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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
ranvir Question by ranvir on Aug 31, 2023Hindi
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hi sir : my son doing job since two year monthly earning is 60 K. but his saving is nil. pl. advice where to invest

Ans: It's great that your son has started earning, and it's essential to guide him on saving and investing for the future. Here's a step-by-step investment plan tailored for him:

Emergency Fund: Start by building an emergency fund equivalent to 3-6 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible, like a savings account or a liquid fund.
Debt Repayment: If he has any high-interest debts like credit card bills or personal loans, it's wise to clear those first to avoid paying hefty interest.
Investment Options:
Equity Mutual Funds: For long-term wealth creation, he can start SIPs in diversified equity funds. A mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds can provide growth.
PPF (Public Provident Fund): A tax-efficient and safe option for long-term savings with a lock-in period of 15 years.
NPS (National Pension System): A retirement-focused investment with tax benefits, offering a mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.
Term Insurance: Since he's working, consider getting a term insurance plan to ensure financial security for his dependents.
Health Insurance: A comprehensive health insurance plan to cover medical emergencies can provide financial security and tax benefits.
Budgeting and Savings: Encourage him to create a monthly budget to track expenses and identify areas to save. Automating investments through SIPs can also help in disciplined saving.
Financial Education: Educate him about the importance of financial planning, saving, and investing. Encourage him to read books or attend workshops on personal finance.
Starting early with disciplined saving and investing can help him build a substantial corpus over time. Encourage him to consult a financial advisor for personalized guidance tailored to his financial goals and risk tolerance.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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My son is of 23 years old having bank balance of 13 lakh which he generated from you tube What will be best investment for him for future
Ans: Firstly, congratulations to your son for building a bank balance of ?13 lakhs from his YouTube channel at such a young age. This achievement shows his dedication, creativity, and hard work. Now, it's essential to invest this money wisely to secure his financial future. Let's explore the best investment strategies for him.

Understanding His Financial Goals
At 23 years old, your son likely has different financial goals compared to someone older. His goals might include:

Building an emergency fund
Saving for higher education or career development
Long-term wealth accumulation
Future big purchases like a car or travel
Planning for retirement
Understanding these goals will help in creating a tailored investment strategy.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial for financial security. It provides a safety net for unexpected expenses or income disruptions. Your son should set aside at least 6 months' worth of living expenses in a safe, easily accessible account, like a high-interest savings account or liquid mutual fund.

Investing in Mutual Funds
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers who aim to outperform the market. They research and select securities to achieve better returns. While they have higher fees than index funds, the potential for superior performance can justify the cost.

Diversification Through Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds offer a mix of equity and debt investments. They provide the growth potential of equities and the stability of debt instruments. This balance can be ideal for a young investor looking to grow wealth with moderate risk.

Equity Mutual Funds for Growth
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks and are suitable for long-term growth. Given your son's young age, he can afford to take higher risks for potentially higher returns. Large-cap funds, multi-cap funds, and sectoral funds can be considered for a diversified equity exposure.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds merely replicate a market index and don't aim to outperform it. They can be too passive for a young, ambitious investor seeking high returns. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, adapt to market conditions and seek opportunities for higher gains.

Avoiding Direct Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios but require self-management. Without professional guidance, your son might miss critical market insights and strategic adjustments. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional management, regular reviews, and strategic planning.

Considering Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs allow investing a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This approach can be beneficial as it:

Promotes disciplined investing
Reduces the impact of market volatility
Helps in rupee cost averaging
Starting SIPs in a mix of equity and hybrid funds can be an effective way for your son to grow his wealth steadily.

Long-Term Wealth Accumulation
Compounding Benefits
Investing early leverages the power of compounding. The longer the investment period, the greater the compounding effect. Starting now, your son's investments can grow significantly by the time he reaches major financial milestones.

Diversifying Investments
Diversification reduces risk by spreading investments across various asset classes. Besides mutual funds, consider a small allocation in gold funds or international funds for further diversification. These can hedge against market volatility and currency risks.

Education and Career Development Fund
Your son might consider pursuing higher education or professional certifications to advance his career. Setting aside a portion of his investments in a dedicated education fund can ensure he has the resources when needed.

Future Big Purchases
If your son plans big purchases like a car or travel, short-term debt funds or fixed deposits can be suitable. They offer safety and liquidity while providing better returns than a regular savings account.

Retirement Planning
It might seem early, but starting retirement planning now can yield tremendous benefits. Investing in equity mutual funds through SIPs can build a substantial corpus over time. This early start will ensure financial independence in his later years.

Conclusion
Your son's financial journey has started strong with his earnings from YouTube. By investing wisely in mutual funds, building an emergency fund, and diversifying his portfolio, he can secure a prosperous future. Regular investments through SIPs, professional guidance from a CFP, and a focus on long-term goals will help him achieve financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

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Sir I.am 54 yesrs , my son going abroad for studies 2 years , want atleast 250000 per month for him Was having office from 20 yrs which was on rent and i use to get not more than 35000 per month after tds abd maintenance, so sold that now worried as fd gives very less returns Thinking for mutual fund but worried At present have one od account too where can manage his studies, but office sell pymt 1 cr want some good returns so that can return at the end to od act Please help
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Needs
You are 54 years old, and your son is going abroad for studies.

You need Rs. 2,50,000 per month for the next two years for his education.

You sold your office property and have Rs. 1 crore.

You aim to invest this amount to get good returns.

You also have an overdraft (OD) account to manage expenses temporarily.

Evaluating Investment Options
Fixed Deposits (FDs)
Fixed Deposits are safe but offer low returns.

They provide guaranteed returns but may not meet your monthly needs.

FDs are suitable for conservative investors but might not generate sufficient monthly income.

Mutual Funds
Mutual funds can offer higher returns compared to FDs.

Equity mutual funds have potential for growth but carry higher risk.

Debt mutual funds are less risky and provide moderate returns.

Balanced or hybrid mutual funds invest in both equity and debt, balancing risk and return.

Creating a Balanced Investment Plan
To achieve your financial goals, consider a balanced investment plan.

This can include a mix of mutual funds and fixed deposits.

The goal is to generate monthly income while preserving capital.

Monthly Income from Investments
You need Rs. 2,50,000 per month for your son's education.

This translates to Rs. 30,00,000 annually.

Let's explore how to achieve this through investments.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from mutual funds can provide regular income.

SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount periodically.

This can help in generating the required monthly income.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds can offer higher returns.

They invest in stocks and have potential for capital appreciation.

However, they come with higher risk due to market volatility.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed income securities like bonds.

They are less risky and provide stable returns.

Debt funds can be a good option for generating regular income.

Creating a Diversified Portfolio
Diversification helps in balancing risk and return.

Consider investing in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds.

A balanced portfolio can provide growth potential and stability.

Emergency Fund
Keep a portion of your funds as an emergency reserve.

This ensures liquidity for unforeseen expenses.

An emergency fund provides financial security and peace of mind.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP).

A CFP can provide personalized advice based on your financial goals.

They can help create a comprehensive investment strategy.

Tax Efficiency
Tax planning is crucial to maximize returns.

Invest in tax-efficient instruments to reduce tax liability.

Consult a CFP for tailored tax-saving strategies.

Monitoring and Reviewing Investments
Regularly monitor your investments.

Review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals.

Adjust investments based on market conditions and financial needs.

Calculating Required Returns
To generate Rs. 2,50,000 per month, let's calculate the required returns.

Assuming a 10% annual return, calculate the monthly withdrawal amount.

Creating a SWP Plan
Set up a SWP from mutual funds to get the required monthly income.

Choose a mix of equity and debt funds to balance risk and return.

Review the SWP plan periodically.

Balancing Risk and Return
Assess your risk tolerance before investing.

Equity investments have higher risk but potential for higher returns.

Debt investments are safer but offer lower returns.

Benefits of a Diversified Portfolio
A diversified portfolio reduces risk and enhances stability.

Investing in a mix of asset classes balances potential returns.

Diversification is key to a successful investment strategy.

Conclusion
At 54, planning for your son's education is critical.

A balanced investment strategy can help generate the required monthly income.

Consider a mix of mutual funds and fixed deposits.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Regularly review and adjust your investments to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 08, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 45 years earning 2.1laf per month and investment is 20K per month MF since last six months. PPF(18 lakhs) NpS(7Lakhs)and HDFC policy (9 lakhs) and PF 38 lakhs are my savings still today. I have 2 twin boys studying 2nd standard. Please suggest investment plan for my son's education and retirement plan.
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Position
First, let me appreciate your disciplined approach to saving and investing. You earn Rs. 2.1 lakh per month and already invest Rs. 20,000 per month in mutual funds. Your existing savings in PPF (Rs. 18 lakhs), NPS (Rs. 7 lakhs), an HDFC policy (Rs. 9 lakhs), and PF (Rs. 38 lakhs) are commendable. This demonstrates a strong foundation for future financial goals, including your sons' education and your retirement.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Your current investments provide a mix of safety, tax benefits, and potential growth. Here’s a breakdown:

Public Provident Fund (PPF): With Rs. 18 lakhs, PPF offers tax-free returns and safety. However, its long lock-in period limits liquidity.

National Pension System (NPS): With Rs. 7 lakhs, NPS is good for retirement due to its low-cost structure and tax benefits. But, it's not very liquid and has some equity market exposure.

HDFC Policy: The Rs. 9 lakhs in the HDFC policy should be carefully reviewed. Often, investment-cum-insurance policies offer lower returns due to high charges. You might consider surrendering this policy and reallocating the funds to higher-yielding investments.

Provident Fund (PF): Your PF savings of Rs. 38 lakhs are a solid, risk-free investment with decent returns and tax benefits. This forms a crucial part of your retirement corpus.

Investment Plan for Your Sons' Education
Given your sons are in 2nd standard, you have around 15 years before they start higher education. This time frame allows for a balanced investment strategy that maximises growth while managing risk. Here’s a structured plan:

Step 1: Estimating Future Education Costs
Education costs are rising, and it's crucial to estimate future expenses accurately. Assuming an annual inflation rate of 6% for education costs, let’s calculate the future cost of a four-year course.

Let's assume the current cost of a good quality higher education is around Rs. 10 lakhs per year.

Using the formula for compound interest, Future Value (FV) = Present Value (PV) * (1 + r)^n

Where:

PV = Rs. 10 lakhs
r = 6% (0.06)
n = 15 years
FV = 10,00,000 * (1 + 0.06)^15 = Rs. 23,96,000 approximately per year

For a four-year course, you will need roughly Rs. 95,84,000 for each son, totalling Rs. 1.92 crores.

Step 2: Investment Strategy
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in Mutual Funds: Continue your current SIPs and gradually increase them as your income grows. Actively managed funds can offer better returns compared to index funds, as professional fund managers aim to outperform the market.

Diversification: Spread investments across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This will balance risk and growth potential.

Equity-Oriented Child Plans: Consider mutual fund schemes specifically designed for children's future needs. These plans often have a lock-in period, ensuring disciplined saving.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): If your sons were daughters, SSY would be an excellent choice for secure, tax-free returns. Instead, look for similar secure options tailored for boys.

Regular Review: Monitor the performance of your investments annually. Adjust the portfolio based on market conditions and changing financial goals.

Retirement Planning
Retirement planning requires a detailed assessment of future expenses, inflation, and life expectancy. Given your current age of 45, you likely have 15-20 years before retirement. Here’s a structured approach:

Step 1: Estimating Retirement Corpus
Estimate your monthly expenses post-retirement. Assuming your current monthly expense is Rs. 1 lakh, and you expect to maintain the same lifestyle:

Consider an inflation rate of 6%.

Using the formula for compound interest, FV = PV * (1 + r)^n

Where:

PV = Rs. 1 lakh
r = 6% (0.06)
n = 20 years (till retirement)
FV = 1,00,000 * (1 + 0.06)^20 = Rs. 3,21,000 approximately per month

You’ll need to plan for at least 20 years post-retirement. Thus, your annual requirement would be Rs. 3.21 lakhs * 12 = Rs. 38.52 lakhs.

For 20 years, considering the inflation-adjusted returns, you will need a significant corpus.

Step 2: Building the Corpus
Increase Contributions to NPS: Enhance your NPS contributions to benefit from its long-term growth and tax benefits. Diversify your NPS portfolio to include a balanced mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.

Mutual Funds: Continue with SIPs in diversified mutual funds. Increase the amount periodically. Actively managed funds with a focus on blue-chip stocks can offer stability and growth.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Continue contributing to PPF for its tax-free, secure returns. The long-term nature of PPF aligns well with retirement goals.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF): Maintain and possibly increase your EPF contributions if feasible. EPF offers risk-free, decent returns and is a cornerstone of retirement planning.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance. Medical costs can erode your savings significantly. A robust health insurance plan safeguards your retirement corpus.

Step 3: Adjusting Investment Strategy
Reduce Equity Exposure Gradually: As you near retirement, gradually shift from equity to debt funds. This reduces risk and ensures capital preservation.

Diversify: Include debt funds, balanced funds, and government bonds in your portfolio. This provides stability and regular income post-retirement.

Review and Rebalance: Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance it to maintain the desired asset allocation and adjust for market changes and personal financial goals.

Benefits of Investing Through Certified Financial Planners
Opting for regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) has several benefits over direct funds:

Professional Guidance: A CFP provides expert advice tailored to your financial goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

Regular Monitoring: CFPs monitor your portfolio regularly, making necessary adjustments to optimise returns and manage risks.

Comprehensive Planning: CFPs offer holistic financial planning, considering all aspects of your financial life, including taxes, insurance, and estate planning.

Behavioural Coaching: A CFP helps you stay disciplined and avoid emotional investment decisions, which can be detrimental to long-term goals.

Administrative Support: Managing investments can be complex. A CFP handles the paperwork, compliance, and administrative tasks, allowing you to focus on your life and career.

Final Insights
Your disciplined saving and investing habits are commendable. With a well-structured plan, you can comfortably achieve your sons' education and your retirement goals. Focus on increasing your investments gradually, diversifying your portfolio, and seeking professional guidance to optimise returns and manage risks. Remember, regular reviews and adjustments to your financial plan are crucial to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
Money
I am retired having 25000 per month extra for investment for my son.please suggest best option
Ans: it's commendable that you are planning to invest Rs 25,000 per month for your son's future. Let's discuss a detailed investment strategy that aligns with your goal, ensuring both safety and growth.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
First, we need to understand the primary objective of this investment. Is it for your son’s higher education, his marriage, or his future financial security? Clarifying this will help in designing an appropriate investment strategy.

Setting Up Financial Goals
Once you identify the primary objective, set clear financial goals. Here are some possible goals:

Higher education fund
Marriage fund
Start-up capital for his future business
Financial security and independence
Diversified Investment Strategy
To ensure a balanced approach, let's diversify the investment across various financial instruments.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs in mutual funds are a great way to invest regularly and benefit from the power of compounding. Choose actively managed funds for better returns.

Benefits of SIPs:

Rupee Cost Averaging: Reduces the risk of market volatility.
Compounding: Long-term investment leads to significant growth.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a government-backed scheme offering stable returns and tax benefits. It's suitable for long-term goals like higher education or marriage.

Benefits of PPF:

Safety: Government-backed security.
Tax Benefits: Under Section 80C.
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
If you have a daughter, SSY is an excellent scheme for her future education and marriage. It offers high interest rates and tax benefits.

Benefits of SSY:

High Interest Rate: Better returns compared to other fixed income schemes.
Tax Benefits: Under Section 80C.
National Savings Certificate (NSC)
NSC is another safe investment option providing guaranteed returns. It’s ideal for conservative investors seeking fixed returns.

Benefits of NSC:

Guaranteed Returns: Safe investment with assured returns.
Tax Benefits: Under Section 80C.
Balanced Advantage Funds
These funds automatically balance between equity and debt based on market conditions. It’s a good option for moderate risk-taking.

Benefits of Balanced Advantage Funds:

Automatic Rebalancing: Adjusts based on market conditions.
Growth Potential: Exposure to equity for higher returns.
Child Plans
Child plans are specifically designed to secure your child’s future needs. These plans provide a lump sum amount at crucial stages.

Benefits of Child Plans:

Goal-Oriented: Designed to meet specific financial needs.
Life Cover: Provides insurance cover for the child’s future.
Education Plans
Education plans ensure that you can cover the future educational expenses of your child. These plans offer both savings and insurance.

Benefits of Education Plans:

Dual Benefit: Savings and insurance.
Education Fund: Ensures sufficient funds for higher education.
Gold Investment
Gold is a traditional investment preferred by many for its stability and value. Consider investing in gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds.

Benefits of Gold Investment:

Hedge Against Inflation: Protects against inflation.
High Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell.
Regular Monitoring and Review
Investing is not a one-time activity. Regularly monitor your investments and make necessary adjustments to stay on track.

Tips for Monitoring:

Annual Review: Check the performance of your investments annually.
Rebalancing: Adjust the portfolio based on market conditions and financial goals.
Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can help you save more. Utilize tax-saving instruments to minimize tax liability.

Tax Saving Instruments:

Section 80C: Investments like PPF, ELSS, and NSC.
Section 80D: Health insurance premiums.
Health and Term Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health and term insurance to protect your family against unforeseen circumstances.

Health Insurance:

Comprehensive Coverage: Covers medical expenses.
Family Floater Plans: Ensures the entire family is protected.
Term Insurance:

Adequate Coverage: Provides financial security to your family.
Low Premiums: Affordable premiums for high coverage.
Teaching Financial Literacy
Educate your son about the importance of saving and investing. Financial literacy will help him make informed decisions in the future.

Basic Financial Concepts:

Savings and Budgeting: Importance of saving money and managing expenses.
Investing: Basics of different investment options.
Avoiding High-Risk Investments
Given your preference for low-risk investments, avoid high-risk options like derivatives and speculative trading. Focus on stable and secure investments.

Low-Risk Investments:

Government Schemes: PPF, NSC, SSY.
Bank Fixed Deposits: Guaranteed returns.
Creating a Will
Ensure you have a will in place to secure your son’s future. It provides clarity on the distribution of assets and avoids legal complications.

Benefits of a Will:

Clarity: Clear distribution of assets.
Legal Security: Avoids disputes and ensures your wishes are honored.
Professional Financial Advice
Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice. A CFP can help design a tailored plan based on your financial goals and risk appetite.

Benefits of Consulting a CFP:

Personalized Advice: Customized investment strategy.
Regular Monitoring: Professional guidance for managing investments.
Setting Up an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial to cover unexpected expenses without disrupting your investments. Set aside 6 to 12 months of living expenses.

Emergency Fund:

High-Interest Savings Account: Easy access and better returns.
Liquid Mutual Funds: Low-risk and easy liquidity.
Final Insights
Investing Rs 25,000 per month for your son’s future is a commendable step. Diversify your investments across safe and stable options to ensure steady growth and security. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to stay aligned with your financial goals. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide professional guidance and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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