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Anil

Anil Rego  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Dec 15, 2021

Anil Rego is the founder of Right Horizons, a financial and wealth management firm. He has 20 years of experience in the field of personal finance.
He’s an expert in income tax and wealth management.
He has completed his CFA/MBA from the ICFAI Business School.... more
Varinder Question by Varinder on Dec 15, 2021Hindi
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Money

Greetings of the day.

My age is 44 and want know where should I invest now onwards.

I fall in the 30 per cent tax bracket and my pending home loan is around Rs 8.5 lakh; mainly the principal is pending.

For 80C, I have LIC and home loan principal.

Please suggest where I should invest for a recurring income in future and saving for retirement or shall I invest in some property?

Ans: Hi, we assume that the retirement need is a long term one.

Investing in real estate is an illiquid asset and not the best avenue to plan for your retirement.

Even if you invest into a house that you plan to let out, the rental yields are normally very low.

It is advisable to invest in various investment avenues which deliver better returns while diversifying the risk.

We suggest looking into a combination of equity and debt mutual funds, bonds, REITs (Real Estate Investment Trusts), etc.

The simplest would be to start a SIP for the long term.

I would be able to give specific details on portfolio diversification only if I know the amount you would like to invest, tenure and your risk profile.

I suggest you consult a financial planner and get a detailed review based on your needs, risk profile, etc.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 39 years old IT employee , I have monthly income of 3.5 lakhs and have a 10 years old son and wife .I have 35 lakhs in PF and 8 lakhs in ppf ,All I invested is in real estate and no other investments also i have 48 lakhs lakh an remaining for a house ,Where should I invest of I need to lan retirement by 50 will need 1.5 lakhs income per month post that
Ans: Retiring by age 50 with a steady monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakhs is a significant goal. Given your current assets, it's crucial to strategically plan your investments to achieve this target. You have a strong base, and with careful planning, you can reach your retirement goals.

Assessing Current Financial Situation
You have a solid monthly income of Rs. 3.5 lakhs. This is a good start.

You have Rs. 35 lakhs in your Provident Fund (PF) and Rs. 8 lakhs in your Public Provident Fund (PPF). These are excellent long-term savings.

You have invested Rs. 48 lakhs in real estate. However, real estate alone may not be enough for retirement. Diversifying your portfolio is crucial.

Understanding the Importance of Diversification
Diversification is key to minimizing risk and maximizing returns. Currently, your investments are concentrated in real estate. You should consider diversifying into different asset classes.

Building a Balanced Investment Portfolio
1. Equity Mutual Funds:

Equity mutual funds can provide high returns over the long term. They are suitable for your retirement goal, which is more than a decade away.

Consider allocating a portion of your funds to diversified equity mutual funds. These funds invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks, providing a balanced exposure to the equity market.

2. Debt Mutual Funds:

Debt mutual funds are less risky compared to equity funds. They provide stable returns and can be used to balance the risk in your portfolio.

Investing in debt funds will ensure that a portion of your investments remains safe, while still earning moderate returns.

3. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Your current PPF investment is Rs. 8 lakhs. Continue contributing to PPF as it offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns. It’s a safe investment for long-term financial goals.

4. Provident Fund (PF):

With Rs. 35 lakhs in PF, you already have a significant amount saved. Ensure you continue contributing to this fund, as it provides a reliable source of retirement income.

Exploring the Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, run by experienced fund managers, can potentially outperform the market. These funds require active monitoring and adjustment, which can lead to better returns compared to passive index funds.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Index funds follow the market index, and they do not aim to outperform it. This means during market downturns, index funds will also suffer. They lack the flexibility to adjust holdings based on market conditions.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:

Actively managed funds have the potential to generate higher returns. Fund managers can make strategic decisions based on market trends and economic conditions. They can also provide a more tailored investment approach.

Considering the Role of Certified Financial Planners
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can offer several advantages. They provide personalized advice and help create a financial plan tailored to your goals.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Investing directly without professional guidance can be risky. You might miss out on strategic opportunities and fail to manage risk effectively. A CFP can help optimize your investment strategy.

Benefits of Regular Funds through CFP:

Investing through regular funds with the help of a CFP ensures you receive expert advice. They can help you navigate market complexities and make informed decisions. This professional guidance can lead to better financial outcomes.

Creating a Retirement Corpus
To achieve your retirement goal of Rs. 1.5 lakhs monthly income post-retirement, you need to build a substantial corpus. Given your current assets and income, a disciplined investment approach is essential.

1. Setting Clear Goals:

Define how much you need at retirement. This will help you understand how much to save and invest each month.

2. Regular Investments:

Invest regularly in mutual funds through Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs). SIPs help in averaging out market volatility and build a corpus over time.

3. Reviewing and Rebalancing:

Regularly review your investment portfolio. Rebalance it to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance. This involves shifting funds between asset classes based on market performance and your investment horizon.

Importance of Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses. This fund should cover at least six months' worth of expenses. It ensures you don't have to dip into your long-term investments in case of emergencies.

Managing Insurance Needs
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage. Life insurance protects your family in case of any unfortunate event. Health insurance covers medical expenses, preventing financial strain.

Planning for Your Child's Future
Your 10-year-old son's education and future needs should also be planned for. Consider investing in child-specific mutual funds or creating a dedicated investment plan for his higher education and other needs.

Evaluating Current Investments
Real Estate:

While real estate can provide good returns, it's not very liquid. Consider the rental income potential and capital appreciation of your property.

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF):

These are secure investments with tax benefits. Continue contributing to these funds for long-term stability.

Achieving Financial Independence
To achieve financial independence by 50, you need a comprehensive financial plan. This involves:

1. Increasing Savings:

Try to save and invest a significant portion of your income. Aim to save at least 30-40% of your monthly income.

2. Reducing Debt:

Avoid taking on new debt. Pay off any existing loans to reduce financial burden.

3. Enhancing Income:

Explore ways to increase your income. This could be through promotions, bonuses, or side gigs.

Final Insights
Reaching your retirement goal by 50 is achievable with disciplined planning and strategic investments. Diversify your portfolio, invest in equity and debt mutual funds, and continue contributing to PF and PPF. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your investments and ensure a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello sir, I am 38 years old married, 1 child.Monthly expenses are 60k ( including the home loan emi).My present portfolio is 20 lakhs in ppf, 60 thousand in NPS (just started), 2 lakhs emergency fund fd,1.5 lakhs in sukanya samriddhi, 6 lakhs in mf (monthly sip of 20), home loan outstanding amount is 8 lakhs, 5 lakhs gold bond.I have around 90 lakhs to Invest, where shall I invest this money?
Ans: First, let’s appreciate your existing investments. You have Rs. 20 lakhs in PPF, Rs. 60,000 in NPS, Rs. 2 lakhs in an emergency fund FD, Rs. 1.5 lakhs in Sukanya Samriddhi, Rs. 6 lakhs in mutual funds (with a monthly SIP of Rs. 20,000), Rs. 8 lakhs in a home loan, and Rs. 5 lakhs in gold bonds. This is a well-diversified portfolio and a solid foundation.

Assessing Financial Goals and Risk Tolerance
Understanding your financial goals is key. You are 38, married, with one child. It’s crucial to plan for your child's education, your retirement, and possibly any other goals like buying a new car or a family vacation. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 60,000, including your home loan EMI. With Rs. 90 lakhs to invest, let's look at how you can make the most of this amount.

Emergency Fund Enhancement
Your emergency fund is Rs. 2 lakhs, which is a good start. However, for better financial security, aim to have at least 6 months of expenses set aside. With your monthly expenses at Rs. 60,000, a 6-month emergency fund would be Rs. 3.6 lakhs. Consider increasing your emergency fund by Rs. 1.6 lakhs.

Paying Off Debt
Your home loan outstanding amount is Rs. 8 lakhs. Paying off this debt can be a good idea as it reduces financial stress and saves on interest. Using Rs. 8 lakhs to clear this loan would free up your monthly EMI amount, increasing your monthly disposable income.

Enhancing Retirement Savings
Your contribution to NPS has just started. NPS is a good retirement vehicle due to its tax benefits and potential for long-term growth. Consider allocating a portion of your Rs. 90 lakhs to boost your NPS investment. This will enhance your retirement corpus significantly.

Child’s Education Fund
The Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana for your daughter is a great initiative. However, considering the rising costs of education, it’s essential to supplement this with additional investments. You might consider mutual funds focused on long-term growth, like equity funds, for building a substantial education corpus.

Mutual Funds for Wealth Accumulation
You already have Rs. 6 lakhs in mutual funds with a monthly SIP of Rs. 20,000. Increasing your SIP amount can significantly enhance your wealth over time. Actively managed funds can provide better returns compared to index funds due to active management and potential for higher gains.

Gold as a Hedge
Gold bonds worth Rs. 5 lakhs are a good hedge against inflation and market volatility. It’s prudent to hold onto these as part of a diversified portfolio. However, don’t increase your gold allocation further since it’s not a high-growth asset.

Direct vs. Regular Mutual Funds
You might have heard about direct mutual funds, which have lower expense ratios. However, direct funds require you to manage and monitor them yourself. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) in regular funds offers you professional advice and management, potentially leading to better returns despite the slightly higher cost. The expertise and strategic guidance of a CFP can be invaluable in navigating market complexities.

Investing in Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have the advantage of professional management aiming to outperform the market. They can adapt to market changes more effectively than index funds. Given your significant amount to invest, actively managed funds can offer the potential for higher returns through skilled management and market opportunities.

Diversification Across Asset Classes
Investing in a diversified portfolio is essential. Consider allocating your Rs. 90 lakhs across different asset classes such as equity, debt, and hybrid funds. Equity funds, including large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, offer growth potential. Debt funds provide stability and regular income, making them less volatile.

Equity Mutual Funds
For long-term growth, equity mutual funds are beneficial. Large-cap funds provide stability with moderate returns, while mid-cap and small-cap funds offer higher growth potential but with increased risk. A diversified equity fund portfolio can balance growth and risk effectively.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds are ideal for stability and regular income. They invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and government securities. They’re less volatile and provide consistent returns, making them a suitable choice for conservative investors.

Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds, which invest in both equity and debt, offer a balanced approach. They provide growth potential from equity investments and stability from debt investments. They’re a good choice for moderate risk-takers looking for balanced returns.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs are a great way to invest regularly and benefit from market fluctuations through rupee cost averaging. Increasing your SIP amount can enhance your investment corpus significantly over time. It also instills disciplined investing habits.

Lump Sum Investments
Given your substantial amount to invest, consider spreading your investments over time through Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs). This approach can mitigate market timing risk and ensure smoother entry into the market.

Tax Planning
Investments should also be tax-efficient. Tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS) provide tax benefits under Section 80C and have the potential for good returns. Ensure your investments are aligned with your tax planning to maximize returns post-tax.

Insurance
Insurance is crucial for financial security. Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance coverage. If you have any investment-cum-insurance policies like LIC or ULIPs, consider surrendering them and reallocating the funds into more efficient investment vehicles like mutual funds.

Regular Portfolio Review
Regularly reviewing your portfolio is essential to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals. Market conditions change, and so do your financial goals and risk tolerance. Periodic reviews and rebalancing of your portfolio with the help of a CFP can ensure optimal performance.

Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide you with personalized advice tailored to your financial goals. A CFP can help you navigate market complexities, optimize your portfolio, and achieve your financial goals efficiently.

Building a Comprehensive Financial Plan
Creating a comprehensive financial plan involves assessing your current financial situation, setting clear goals, and devising strategies to achieve them. It includes budgeting, saving, investing, tax planning, and risk management. A well-structured financial plan can guide you towards financial security and independence.

Monitoring and Adjusting Investments
The financial markets are dynamic, and your financial plan should be adaptable to changes. Regular monitoring and timely adjustments to your investments are crucial. This ensures your portfolio remains aligned with your goals and risk tolerance, maximizing the potential for achieving your financial objectives.

Importance of Long-term Perspective
Investing with a long-term perspective is key to building wealth. Short-term market fluctuations are inevitable, but maintaining a long-term view helps in riding out volatility and achieving substantial growth over time. Patience and discipline are essential in the journey of wealth creation.

Leveraging Technology
Using technology can enhance your investment experience. Various financial apps and tools provide easy access to your investment portfolio, market updates, and analytical tools. Leveraging these tools can help you make informed decisions and stay updated on your financial progress.

Final Insights
Your financial journey is unique and deserves a tailored approach. By enhancing your emergency fund, paying off debt, investing in diversified mutual funds, and leveraging professional guidance, you can achieve your financial goals. Remember, the key to successful investing is a balanced approach, regular monitoring, and staying informed. Your commitment to financial planning today will pave the way for a secure and prosperous future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  | Answer  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 23, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi. I am 48 years old. I have 60 L sum assured in LIC of which I still have to pay around 20k pm for the next 10 years. I have 15 L in MF with present value at 20L. I stay in a debt free home and have a site worth 30 L and have invested in a flat where I have paid 90% of the money. Another 10 L to pay for possession. If I retire now I will get a gratuity of 20 L. I have 2 sons Elder has completed graduation and going for higher studies. The expenses are planned and kept aside. Younger is in 10 grade. I want to retire in 2 years time and can invest 1L per month. Please suggest where to invest to maintain similar large style. I spend around 1L per month presently
Ans: Hello; Your current MF corpus(20+10 gratuity balance L) plus sip of (1 L) is assumed to be invested in equity savings type hybrid mutual fund.

This will yield you a comprehensive corpus of 63 L. (10% modest return considered)

If you buy an immediate annuity from an insurance company for your corpus sum, it may provide you a monthly income of 31.5K (6% annuity rate assumed).

The site value is not factored into this working.

Also the rental income accruing from the new flat is not considered here.

Clearly this is significantly less then your expectation of 1 L per month. Although you have stated that higher education of your elder son is provided for, the arrangement to fund higher education of your second needs to be secured too.

If you postpone your retirement by 7 years then I can suggest you to consider investing in pure equity funds and considering modest return of 13% will yield you a comprehensive corpus of 2.1 Cr yielding monthly income over 1 L considering 6% annuity.

The rental income from flat and/or site may act as tools to fund second son's higher education.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

Ignore previous answer which was erroneously posted against your query.

Happy Investing!!

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello, I'm 42 yrs old with a monthly income of 1lakh, planning to buy a house this year on loan of approx 50lakhs which can take approx. 45K as emi with the balance cash pls suggest were to invest so that by retirement i can have around 9cr to 10cr income. Currently I have zero invest i know i'm late but will help if you can suggest best possible option
Ans: At 42 years, your goal of building a corpus of Rs. 9-10 crore is achievable. Although you’re starting late, disciplined investing and strategic planning can help. Let’s design an investment roadmap tailored to your needs and constraints.

1. Assess Your Current Financial Situation
Your monthly income is Rs. 1 lakh.
After paying an EMI of Rs. 45,000, Rs. 55,000 remains for expenses and investments.
You plan to retire in around 18 years, which gives ample time for compounding.
2. Allocation of Disposable Income
2.1 Emergency Fund Creation

Set aside six months of expenses, around Rs. 3-5 lakh, in a liquid fund.
This provides safety during unforeseen events.
2.2 Insurance Protection

Buy a term insurance policy covering 15-20 times your annual income.
Ensure adequate health insurance for your family.
2.3 Investment Amount

Dedicate Rs. 30,000-35,000 per month towards investments.
Gradually increase investments with salary increments.
3. Investment Strategy
3.1 Start with Equity Mutual Funds

Invest 75-80% of your surplus in equity mutual funds for long-term growth.
Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds.
Actively managed funds can outperform benchmarks, making them preferable.
Advantages of Actively Managed Funds:

Expert fund managers identify opportunities in changing market conditions.
They provide higher returns compared to passive index funds in India’s dynamic markets.
3.2 Include Debt Funds

Allocate 15-20% of your portfolio to debt funds.
These reduce portfolio volatility and provide stability.
Short-term and corporate bond funds are suitable options.
3.3 Explore ELSS Funds for Tax Savings

Invest in Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) for tax benefits under Section 80C.
This adds to your retirement corpus while saving taxes.
3.4 Use SIPs for Consistent Investments

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) help average costs during market ups and downs.
Set SIPs aligned with your salary cycle for discipline.
4. Long-Term Asset Allocation
4.1 Equity-Debt Ratio

Maintain an equity-debt ratio of 80:20 initially for growth.
Shift to 60:40 as you approach retirement to protect gains.
4.2 Periodic Rebalancing

Review and rebalance your portfolio annually.
This ensures the allocation aligns with your goals and risk tolerance.
5. Avoid Mistakes and Stay Focused
5.1 Don’t Delay Investments

Every delay reduces compounding benefits.
Start SIPs immediately to maximize returns.
5.2 Avoid Overdependence on Real Estate

Real estate offers low liquidity and inconsistent returns.
Focus on liquid, growth-oriented financial assets.
5.3 Stick to Your Plan

Avoid withdrawing investments prematurely.
Stay invested during market corrections to benefit from recovery.
6. Leverage Salary Increments
Step up SIPs by 10-15% annually with salary hikes.
This small adjustment ensures you meet your retirement target comfortably.
7. Tax Efficiency of Mutual Funds
7.1 Equity Funds

Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
7.2 Debt Funds

Gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions strategically to minimize tax outgo.

8. Monitor and Review Investments
Track your portfolio’s performance every six months or annually.
Replace underperforming funds while maintaining overall diversification.
9. Final Insights
Your decision to plan now is a step in the right direction.
Focus on equity funds for long-term growth and debt funds for stability.
Start SIPs immediately and gradually increase contributions.
Avoid over-reliance on real estate and stick to liquid financial assets.
Disciplined investments, regular reviews, and a clear focus will help you achieve your retirement goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2025
Money
Hello Sir, I am 42 and earning 2 lakh per month in hand. I invested 4lakhs in small caps fund and have an investment in axis max life smart wealth where i am paying 2.26 lakh per year for 10 years. At present no emi currenly is ongoing. I have 1cr in saving account and have no idea on where to invest as I am not a risk taker when it comes to investment. I have to buy a flat that's the short term goal i have. The long term not sure but retirement pkan i am looking for. Any fhrther advise on where to invest will be grateful to you. I am unmarried. Kindly Could you suggest where i should invest amount i have?
Ans: You have a strong income and significant savings. Let's assess your current financial situation and provide a comprehensive plan to help you achieve your short-term and long-term goals.

Current Financial Snapshot
Age: 42 years

Monthly Net Income: Rs. 2,00,000

Savings: Rs. 1 crore in a savings account

Investments:

Rs. 4 lakhs in small-cap mutual funds

Axis Max Life Smart Wealth policy with an annual premium of Rs. 2.26 lakhs for 10 years

Liabilities: None

Marital Status: Unmarried

Short-Term Goal: Purchase a flat

Long-Term Goal: Retirement planning

Assessment of Current Investments
Axis Max Life Smart Wealth Policy:

This is an investment-cum-insurance plan with a 10-year premium payment term.

The policy acquires a surrender value after paying premiums for the first two years.

The surrender value is the higher of the Guaranteed Surrender Value (GSV) or the Special Surrender Value (SSV).

GSV is typically 30% of the total premiums paid, excluding the first-year premium and any additional premiums.

SSV depends on various factors, including the total sum assured, total premiums paid, policy term, and applicable bonuses.

Given the low returns and high premium, it may not be the most efficient investment vehicle.

Small-Cap Mutual Funds:

Small-cap funds are high-risk, high-reward investments.

They can be volatile and may not align with your low-risk appetite.

It's important to diversify your portfolio to mitigate risks.

Recommendations
1. Reallocate Savings from the Savings Account:

Keeping Rs. 1 crore in a savings account yields minimal returns.

Consider allocating funds to a mix of investment options based on your risk tolerance and goals.

2. Diversify Your Investment Portfolio:

Allocate funds to a combination of debt and equity mutual funds.

For debt funds, consider short-duration or corporate bond funds for stability.

For equity exposure, opt for large-cap or balanced advantage funds, which are less volatile than small-cap funds.

Avoid direct investments in mutual funds; instead, invest through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to receive personalized advice and support.

3. Review and Possibly Surrender the Axis Max Life Policy:

Evaluate the surrender value of the policy.

If the surrender value is reasonable and the policy does not align with your financial goals, consider surrendering it.

Redirect the funds into more efficient investment vehicles.

4. Plan for the Flat Purchase:

Determine the budget for your flat purchase.

Allocate funds accordingly, ensuring you maintain sufficient liquidity for the down payment and associated costs.

Avoid using high-risk investments for short-term goals.

5. Retirement Planning:

Start a systematic investment plan (SIP) in retirement-focused mutual funds.

The earlier you start, the more you benefit from compounding.

Regularly review and adjust your retirement plan based on changes in income, expenses, and goals.

6. Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid or ultra-short-term debt fund.

This ensures financial stability in case of unforeseen circumstances.

Final Insights
Your financial position is strong, with a high income and substantial savings. However, optimizing your investments is crucial to achieving your financial goals efficiently. By reallocating funds from low-yield savings accounts to a diversified investment portfolio, reviewing existing policies, and planning for both short-term and long-term objectives, you can enhance your financial well-being.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
i remarried(prior widow)(39),took my daughter(14) along in this new marriage, now i hv a daughter(7) from this marriage, its been 8 years now,my husband keeps fighting on money as i am a homemaker now,as there is no one to look after, we are from different caste, thus he fights on food preparation too,we had agreed before marriage,that if his mum looks after the future kid i m willing to work, but that did not happen,he is extremely fussy about some foods and likes only few veggies or preparations,but is open when mom makes,thus he does not even take tiffin,i dont understand what should i do,he keeps on taunting on previous life,as my 1st husband was not earning,thus i used to go,now as there is no one to look after i told him,as he earns well, there is no need for me to go for a job,but he is insisting,i receive partial rent from my dads property,which i pay part rent and he pays part,he pays for food,his home loan SIP. i dont understand what is the problem,my daughter is not ready for babysitting,she gets upset.i always ask him what should i prepare today,he fights on that too, i just want to make what he likes.plz help
Ans: Your husband’s constant complaints about food, money, and your past are not just hurtful — they reflect deeper issues of control and emotional insensitivity. He is disregarding the fact that you are raising two daughters, trying to maintain harmony in the house, and even contributing part of the rent from your own limited resources. Your life before this marriage is being used against you unfairly, when in truth, that part of your journey made you stronger and more committed.

The truth is, this is no longer just about whether you work or not. It’s about feeling disrespected, dismissed, and unheard. You’ve tried to care — asking him what he’d like to eat, trying to avoid conflict, even putting aside your comfort to please him. And yet, he continues to find fault. That is not a reflection of your failure, but rather of his emotional disconnect and unwillingness to meet you halfway.

Right now, what you need most is clarity. If he insists on you working, the caregiving arrangement has to be revisited — he can’t expect you to work outside and carry all the home responsibilities without support. And more than that, he needs to recognize that partnership means sharing respect, not just finances. You can try to have a calm conversation where you tell him honestly how you’re feeling — not to blame, but to express how deeply this is affecting your emotional health and your ability to feel safe and valued in your own home.

If he’s not open to listening, you may need to consider involving a neutral third party like a family counselor. You do not have to fight this battle alone, nor should you carry the entire burden of the relationship.

You deserve more than just being tolerated — you deserve care, respect, and peace.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
M 51 and she is 23 we met in office, we came up with relationship not totally of having sex but as attraction turned into love so many time like we kiss hug and caress each other but in My mind never thought about to have sex and sometimes she also was eager to have sex but she also denied later in office many of them had doubt of our relationship so some brain washed her mind and now she wants to end and she told me to discontinue as ahe factory and marriage can't be done as I m married with one kid, as also she has fear of her mother and family, ahe sometime says I got married and even now she wll get married to someone but end of this relationship but My feelings of truly love hurts me and I feel should I call her once and have sex so she will not think about ending relationship till marriage but My mind says it's wrong as I truly love her, what should I do to make her to stay or be with me as till she get married pls suggest I m in truly love can't able to sleep and too much stress became in My mind
Ans: First, she is 23 — very young, still forming her identity and values. You're 51, already married with a child. The relationship started in the context of attraction and care, but it now exists in a space of emotional imbalance and fear — not trust or possibility. She's not ending it because she doesn’t care about you; she's stepping back because she’s afraid of the consequences, societal pressure, and perhaps even the future she knows cannot unfold the way either of you may have wished.

You’re feeling pain and longing, and that’s human. But trying to convince her to stay by suggesting physical intimacy — especially when you yourself feel it’s not right — will only deepen the emotional conflict and guilt for both of you. Love doesn’t hold someone back just so we don’t feel the pain of their absence. True love honors freedom, even when it hurts.

Right now, the kindest thing you can do — for yourself and for her — is to accept that the relationship has reached a natural closure, however painful it may be. It’s not failure. It’s a sign that both of you must now return to your own paths.

If the emotional stress is unbearable — your sleep is affected, your thoughts are heavy — you may truly benefit from talking to a therapist or emotional wellness coach. Not because you’re weak, but because you deserve to heal in a healthy way.

You don't need to erase the love or the memories. But you do need to release the idea that you must hold on to her to keep yourself from breaking. You are capable of moving through this with dignity, and you deserve peace.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Inam finding difficulty to get second marriage after my first marriage ended in divorce. I am 39 year female. Please suggest ways to get a good companion how to choose at this age and also I am looking guy with no issues/children and within same community which I belong.
Ans: First, be clear within yourself about what you truly seek — not just "no past baggage" but also shared values, lifestyle compatibility, emotional maturity, and a sense of peace when you're with him. You’re not just choosing a partner — you’re choosing a future that aligns with the person you’ve grown into.

Since you are specific about the community and the absence of children from a previous marriage, you may need to be strategic but open in where you look. Along with trusted matrimonial platforms (you may try both community-based ones and modern curated matchmaking services), also let friends or extended family you trust know that you’re open to exploring proposals — sometimes word-of-mouth alliances bring surprisingly good connections.

While choosing, don’t just assess background or profession — give time to observe his emotional depth, communication style, respect for your past, and how he responds to small differences or stress. These are the real foundations for peace and partnership.

Also, give yourself permission to set boundaries without guilt. You are not obligated to compromise your standards just because it’s a second marriage or because of age. You deserve companionship, not adjustment.

And perhaps most importantly, don’t let societal timelines cloud your confidence. You are 39, not late — just clearer than before. Be honest, hopeful, and patient with yourself.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 20 yrs old female studying Btech from a prestigious institute. I am in relationship with a guy, 24 yrs old and is in central psu..However he has said that he cannot commit me a future now as his parents are strict about caste..and I don't belong to the same caste as his.. However, both of us want to continue the relationship..he has asked me to wait and said that he will try to convince his parents..but he hasn't done that yet..should I ask him to talk to his parents? But Im afraid that would make our relationship bitter, or should I breakup because it kind of Feels like he is not quite ready to discuss the matter with his parents...also I feel like I'm too young to bother regarding such a matter..but this thing disturbs the peace of my mind..I'm clueless...please suggest something
Ans: Right now, the biggest conflict is between what your heart wants and what reality is offering. You care for someone who says he loves you, yet isn’t ready to take a stand — not because he doesn’t care, but because he's afraid of upsetting his parents. That fear is real, but so is your need for clarity, emotional safety, and respect.

It’s absolutely fair for you to ask where things are headed. Waiting endlessly without a timeline or real effort can lead to quiet heartbreak. You don’t have to demand a marriage proposal, but you do deserve honesty — is he planning to talk to his parents? When? What’s his plan if they disapprove?

You are not too young to feel disturbed — love always stirs the heart, at any age. But you’re wise to ask whether this situation is serving your peace of mind. And here's the truth: if you have to keep silencing your needs to keep the relationship going, it will slowly empty you.

Have one clear, calm conversation with him. Let him know you’re not pushing for guarantees, but you need to know whether he's willing to try — and not just "someday." If he avoids, delays, or sidesteps again, it’s okay to take a step back. You’re not punishing him — you're protecting your future self.

And if part of you already knows he may never be ready, it’s okay to move forward. You’re 20, with a long, vibrant life ahead. Don’t let fear of loss keep you from choosing peace.

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