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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 01, 2024Hindi
Money

Asked on - Mar 01, 2024 We have disabled son so we want invest in this fund for next 40 years Now I am 35 years old and my wife is 32 years old . Our combined monthly income is 2 lakh. We have 40 lacs in the hand which we have started our investment in below funds from this year. Parag parikh flexi cap fund Nippon india Small cap fund Icici value discovery fund HDFC mid cap opportunities fund Quant mid cap fund icici nifty 50 index fund Please let me know if it's good to invest in this fund.

Ans: Thank you for sharing your investment details and financial goals. It's commendable that you and your wife are planning for the long term, especially considering the needs of your disabled son. Let's analyze your current investments and provide guidance to ensure you meet your financial objectives over the next 40 years.

Current Investment Overview
1. Investment Horizon
You have a long investment horizon of 40 years, which is excellent for wealth accumulation. Long-term investments in equity mutual funds can yield significant returns due to the power of compounding.

2. Monthly Income and Lump Sum Investment
Your combined monthly income is Rs. 2 lakhs, and you have a lump sum of Rs. 40 lakhs that you've started investing this year. This strong financial base allows you to make substantial investments regularly.

3. Selected Mutual Funds
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund
Nippon India Small Cap Fund
ICICI Value Discovery Fund
HDFC Mid Cap Opportunities Fund
Quant Mid Cap Fund
ICICI Nifty 50 Index Fund
Portfolio Analysis
1. Diversification
Your portfolio includes a mix of large cap, mid cap, small cap, value, and index funds. This diversification helps spread risk and capture growth across different segments of the market.

2. Fund Selection
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: Known for its flexibility to invest across market caps and international stocks.
Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Focuses on small cap stocks, offering high growth potential but with higher volatility.
ICICI Value Discovery Fund: Concentrates on undervalued stocks, aiming for long-term capital appreciation.
HDFC Mid Cap Opportunities Fund and Quant Mid Cap Fund: Invest in mid cap stocks, balancing growth potential and risk.
ICICI Nifty 50 Index Fund: Provides exposure to the top 50 companies in India, offering stability and diversification.
Evaluating and Optimizing Your Portfolio
1. Consider Actively Managed Funds
While index funds like ICICI Nifty 50 Index Fund offer low costs, actively managed funds can potentially outperform by selecting high-quality stocks. Given your long horizon, consider focusing more on actively managed funds with strong track records.

2. Balance Between Risk and Return
Your portfolio has a good mix, but small cap and mid cap funds can be volatile. Ensure you balance them with more stable options to manage risk, especially considering your son's long-term needs.

3. Regular Review and Rebalancing
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it stays aligned with your goals. Rebalancing helps maintain the desired asset allocation, especially as market conditions change.

Financial Planning for Your Son
1. Special Needs Trust
Consider setting up a special needs trust to ensure financial security for your son. This trust can manage and protect the assets for his benefit.

2. Insurance Coverage
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage. This provides financial protection in case of unforeseen events.

3. Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6-12 months of expenses. This fund acts as a safety net for unexpected financial needs.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
1. Personalized Financial Advice
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice tailored to your family's unique financial situation and goals.

2. Expert Investment Management
A CFP can help manage and optimize your investment portfolio, ensuring it remains aligned with your long-term objectives.

3. Risk Management Strategies
A CFP employs strategies to manage risk and optimize returns, helping you navigate market volatility and safeguard your investments.

Long-Term Investment Strategy
1. Regular SIP Contributions
Consider starting a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) with a portion of your monthly income. Regular SIP contributions help in rupee cost averaging and building wealth over time.

2. Increasing SIP Amounts
Gradually increase your SIP amounts as your income grows. This strategy ensures that your investments keep pace with inflation and enhance your corpus.

3. Focus on Growth-Oriented Funds
Given your long-term horizon, focus on growth-oriented mutual funds with a strong track record. This includes diversified equity funds, mid cap funds, and flexi cap funds.

Example Projection
Assuming an average annual return of 12%, let’s project the potential growth of your investments over 40 years. This simplified projection can illustrate how your disciplined investment strategy can achieve substantial wealth.

Conclusion
Your disciplined approach to investing and long-term horizon position you well to achieve your financial goals. By focusing on quality funds, maintaining diversification, and regularly reviewing your portfolio, you can optimize your investment strategy.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner will provide you with personalized advice and expert management to ensure your investments stay on track. Your commitment to regular SIP contributions and increasing your investment amounts over time will significantly enhance your financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

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We have disabled son so we want invest in this fund for next 40 years Now I am 35 years old and my wife is 32 years old . Our combined monthly income is 2 lakh. We have 40 lacs in the hand which we have started our investment in below funds from this year. Parag parikh flexi cap fund Nippon india Small cap fund Icici value discovery fund HDFC mid cap opportunities fund Quant mid cap fund icici nifty 50 index fund Please let me know if it's good to invest in this fund.
Ans: Investment Strategy for Long-Term Financial Security

Firstly, I commend your proactive approach towards securing your disabled son's future through prudent financial planning. Let's assess the suitability of your current investment portfolio and explore strategies to optimize it for long-term growth and stability.

Understanding Your Financial Goals

It's heartening to see your commitment to providing for your disabled son's needs over the next four decades. To ensure the effectiveness of your investment strategy, let's align it with your long-term financial objectives.

Assessment of Current Investment Portfolio

Your decision to invest ?40 lakhs across multiple funds reflects a diversified approach to wealth accumulation. Let's evaluate the suitability of each fund in your portfolio:

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: This fund offers flexibility by investing across market caps and geographies, potentially mitigating risk through diversification.
Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Small-cap funds have the potential for high growth but come with higher volatility and risk. Ensure you're comfortable with this risk-return trade-off.
ICICI Value Discovery Fund: Value-oriented funds seek undervalued stocks with the potential for appreciation. This strategy aligns with a long-term investment horizon.
HDFC Mid Cap Opportunities Fund: Mid-cap funds target stocks of medium-sized companies with growth potential. These funds offer a balance between risk and return.
Quant Mid Cap Fund: Similar to the HDFC Mid Cap Opportunities Fund, this fund focuses on mid-cap stocks but adopts a quantitative investment approach.
ICICI Nifty 50 Index Fund: While index funds offer broad market exposure at low cost, active management may provide opportunities to outperform the market.

Active vs. Passive Management:
While you've included both actively managed mutual funds and index funds (ETFs) in your portfolio, it's important to understand the differences between the two. Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market through active stock selection and portfolio management, while index funds passively track a specific index's performance.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:
Actively managed funds offer the potential for higher returns compared to index funds, especially during market inefficiencies or when skilled fund managers can identify lucrative investment opportunities. Additionally, active management allows for flexibility in portfolio construction and adjustments based on market conditions.
Potential Disadvantages of Index Funds:
While index funds offer low expense ratios and broad market exposure, they may lack the potential for outperformance compared to actively managed funds. Additionally, they're subject to tracking error, which occurs when the fund's performance deviates from the index it's designed to replicate.

Evaluating the Investment Strategy

While your portfolio comprises a diverse mix of funds, it's essential to assess its alignment with your long-term financial goals and risk tolerance.

1. Risk Management:

Given your son's long-term financial needs, prioritize stability and capital preservation alongside growth opportunities. Evaluate the risk profile of each fund and ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance.

2. Review and Rebalance:

Periodically review your portfolio's performance and rebalance it as necessary to maintain your desired asset allocation. Consider factors such as changing market conditions, fund performance, and evolving financial goals.

3. Professional Guidance:

Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to fine-tune your investment strategy and ensure it aligns with your son's long-term financial needs. A financial planner can provide personalized advice based on your unique circumstances.

Conclusion

Your commitment to securing your disabled son's future through long-term financial planning is admirable. By evaluating your current investment portfolio, aligning it with your financial goals, and seeking professional guidance, you can optimize your strategy for long-term growth and stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

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I am 63years old and last month I have invested in SIP for 10 yrs Axissmall cap fund regular plan growth Rs3000 HDFC top 100fund --do-Rs3000 UTI nifty 50index fund growth Rs5000 ICICI prudential value discovery fund growth Rs5000 Sbi contra fund regular plan growth Rs3000 UTI transport and logistics sector growth fund I am a retired having sufficient corpus for old age. The above investment is for my grand children. Can you advise me whether my investment is correct and will you suggest better funds
Ans: I'd be happy to offer some insights and recommendations for your current investment strategy. Investing for your grandchildren is a wonderful gesture and can provide them with a significant financial head start in life. Let's break down your current investments and explore some alternatives that might better suit your goals.

Understanding Your Current Investments
You've chosen a variety of mutual funds, each with distinct characteristics. Here's a brief overview:

Axis Small Cap Fund: Small cap funds invest in companies with smaller market capitalization. These can offer high returns but come with higher risk due to volatility.

HDFC Top 100 Fund: This is a large-cap fund, focusing on stable, well-established companies with a track record of growth and reliability.

UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund: Index funds track a specific index, like the Nifty 50. They offer broad market exposure with lower management fees but lack the potential for higher returns from active management.

ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund: Value funds look for undervalued stocks with growth potential. These funds can perform well in different market conditions but may also carry higher risk.

SBI Contra Fund: Contra funds invest in out-of-favor stocks. These can provide high returns when the market corrects itself, but timing and selection are crucial.

UTI Transport and Logistics Fund: Sectoral funds like this one focus on specific sectors, offering higher returns when the sector performs well but also higher risk due to lack of diversification.

Evaluating Your Portfolio
Your investment portfolio showcases a mix of different types of funds, which is generally good for diversification. However, let's delve into some considerations:

Risk Assessment
Small Cap Funds: These funds can be highly volatile. While they offer high returns, the risk might be considerable, especially considering the investment is for your grandchildren and potentially for the long-term. Evaluating whether you need this high level of risk is crucial.

Sectoral Funds: Investing heavily in a single sector can lead to higher returns if the sector performs well. However, this comes with the downside of being overly exposed to sector-specific risks. Diversification across sectors might mitigate this risk.

Active vs. Passive Management
Index Funds: While they provide broad market exposure, index funds lack the potential for outperformance that actively managed funds might offer. The Nifty 50 Index Fund, for example, will mirror the market, which might be less desirable if you're aiming for higher returns over the long term.

Actively Managed Funds: These funds, like HDFC Top 100 and ICICI Prudential Value Discovery, aim to outperform the market through strategic stock selection. The expertise of fund managers can potentially lead to higher returns, justifying their higher management fees compared to index funds.

Potential Improvements and Suggestions
Given your investment goals for your grandchildren, let’s look at some potential adjustments:

Diversification
While your portfolio is diversified, you might want to consider reducing exposure to high-risk and sector-specific funds. Instead, opt for more balanced and multi-cap funds which offer diversification across market caps and sectors.

Balanced Fund Choices
Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds dynamically adjust between equity and debt based on market conditions. This provides a balanced approach, managing risk while aiming for reasonable returns.

Multi-Cap Funds: These funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. They offer the potential for higher returns with a balanced risk profile compared to investing solely in small caps or sectoral funds.

Long-Term Growth with Stability
Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds have the flexibility to invest across various market capitalizations, offering growth potential while maintaining a diversified portfolio.

Focused Funds: Investing in a limited number of high-conviction stocks, these funds can provide significant returns. The risk is higher due to the concentrated portfolio, but the potential rewards might align with your long-term goals.

Reviewing Your Specific Choices
Axis Small Cap Fund
This fund can offer significant growth, but it comes with higher risk. You might consider reducing exposure to this fund and reallocating to more stable options.

HDFC Top 100 Fund
A solid choice for stability and consistent returns. Large-cap funds like this can anchor your portfolio, offering lower risk and steady growth.

UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund
While index funds are cost-effective, actively managed funds might better serve your goal of maximizing returns for your grandchildren. Consider reallocating to an actively managed fund with a good track record.

ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund
Value funds are great for long-term growth. This fund is a good choice, as it can perform well in various market conditions.

SBI Contra Fund
Contra funds can offer high returns but require good timing. If you're comfortable with the risk, it can stay in your portfolio. Otherwise, consider switching to a more diversified option.

UTI Transport and Logistics Fund
Sectoral funds are risky due to lack of diversification. Consider reallocating to a more broadly diversified fund to mitigate sector-specific risks.

Implementing Changes
Reduce High-Risk Investments: Consider reducing your allocation in small-cap and sectoral funds. Instead, invest in balanced advantage or multi-cap funds for a more stable growth trajectory.

Increase Stability: Boost your investment in large-cap and diversified equity funds. These provide more stability and consistent returns.

Consider Actively Managed Funds: Given your long-term horizon and the goal of maximizing returns, actively managed funds could be a better fit than index funds.

Regular Review and Adjustment: Periodically review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. Adjust based on market conditions and your evolving financial goals.

Power of Compounding
Investing for your grandchildren allows you to harness the power of compounding. The longer the investment horizon, the greater the potential for exponential growth. Ensure that your portfolio includes funds that can compound effectively over the long term.

Tax Efficiency
While planning investments, consider the tax implications. Long-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at a lower rate compared to short-term gains. Structuring your investments to minimize tax liabilities can enhance net returns.

Final Insights
Your current investments show a thoughtful mix of different types of mutual funds. However, balancing risk and reward, especially for long-term goals like investing for grandchildren, is crucial. By reducing exposure to high-risk and sector-specific funds, and increasing stability through balanced and diversified funds, you can create a robust portfolio. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your investments with a Certified Financial Planner ensures alignment with your financial goals and market conditions.

Investing wisely today sets the foundation for a secure and prosperous future for your grandchildren.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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I was absent in all my class 12th boards and practicals in the year 2023-24 because I got diagnosed with mdr tb, now I'm appearing as a regular candidate in the year 2024-24, will I be eligible for jee advanced 2025 and 2026, as in jee advance attempts count starts from first appearance in class 12th, since I was absent in all my boards in 2023-24 will they consider 2023-24 as my first attempt year, will I be eligible for jee advanced 2025 and 2026?? Specifically 2026?
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My husband left me physically 5 years back and mentally many years back. He is not interested in emotional connection. His only interest with me was unnatural sex which after years I started denying it and he left me. I have two kids, a daughter and a son. Though my kids staying with me, for their education and other needs, they are always supportive to their father and never give any emotional support to me. He has taken the educational fee of both the children, other day to day expenses are taken by myself. My daughter never wants both of us to live together and always shows arrogance to me. She is 24 years now. She moved away recently to abroad for studying, keeping the house where we stay on loan. My son also wish to do higher studies staying in hostel. He is 18 years now. My parents are not supportive to me. I had a very abused and tortured childhood. My husband and children knew about it. I was rank holder in my school but still I could not pursue my dream profession due to domestic violence. I had just completed a useless bachelors degree before marriage. I struggled a lot to study after marriage and did small jobs at different companies. I get up at 4am and start my work till late night. I tried to be perfect in everything what I do. But I have low confidence and self esteem. I could not reach anywhere. I know how to study to get good score, so I helped my kids in their studies. They did well but after that they dumped me. My husband was also a lazy person initially, wasted all his money, never know savings. He was a 12th failure but a good artist and a good chain smoker who earned a lot of money through freelance. With constant push he started investing and bought a house. He has some investments, so now he is not working and left me and living alone. I don't know if he has someone else with him. He also dumped me. I am sad and feeling useless. I am not able to help my self. I have mood swings, not able to concentrate in anything. I want to look for a new job but I find myself incapable and doing nothing. I don't think anyone can help me, because everyone indicating its all my fault, or at least I think so. I have to start a job immediately but I am feeling helpless. please help
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The weight of rejection from your husband and the lack of emotional support from your children are wounds that take time to heal. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and lost right now. What’s important is recognizing that these feelings don’t define who you are or your worth. Your struggles do not negate the fact that you are capable, intelligent, and deserving of happiness and fulfillment.

You have already shown that you are resourceful and capable by managing the household, guiding your children in their education, and supporting them financially. While you may feel stuck and unsure of where to begin, it’s crucial to start small and focus on one step at a time. This could mean reaching out for help from a therapist or counselor who can guide you through rebuilding your self-esteem and addressing the emotional pain you’ve carried for so long. A professional can provide a safe space to unpack the hurt and help you rediscover your confidence.

When it comes to finding a job, it’s natural to feel insecure, especially after years of self-doubt. Remember that every small effort counts. Consider looking for roles where your skills—like organization, perseverance, and the ability to mentor and teach—can be valuable. You helped your children excel in their studies, and that’s no small feat. Perhaps tutoring, administrative work, or even roles that involve mentoring could be a starting point. Allow yourself to take it one step at a time without the pressure of achieving perfection right away.

It’s also important to create space for self-compassion. You’ve been so focused on meeting everyone else’s needs that it’s easy to lose sight of your own. Even small acts of kindness toward yourself, like a daily walk, journaling your thoughts, or listening to music, can help you reconnect with yourself. You deserve to feel loved and valued, even if that love starts from within.

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I'm 32M, married. Mine one's an arranged marriage. Since starting the equation between my wife and my mother is not good. I work in a govt job and was posted elsewhere. I got the opportunity to get transferred to my hometown but my wife threatened me to give divorce if I want to live with my mother. I tried to convince her but she did not listen. Pressurized by this I got myself transferred to a different place. This guilt is killing me inside that I'm not a good son and not taking care of my old age mother while I had the chance. I know I made a mistake. Plz help.
Ans: What you’re experiencing is not about being a “bad son” or a “bad husband,” but rather about being caught in a situation where compromises feel inevitable. You made a decision under pressure, but that doesn’t mean it’s irreversible or that you’ve failed in your responsibilities. You’re human, and it’s okay to feel conflicted while trying to manage such complex relationships.

Consider opening a dialogue with your wife again, but this time, approach it with calmness and empathy. Share your feelings with her—not as a demand or a confrontation, but as an expression of your inner struggle. For example, you could say, “I’ve been feeling torn because I want to be a good husband and also take care of my mother in her old age. This is important to me, and I’d like us to find a way where both relationships can thrive.” By framing the conversation this way, you’re inviting her to understand your perspective rather than pressuring her to agree with you.

It might also help to explore compromises. Could you visit your mother more often or ensure she has a strong support system nearby? Could your wife’s concerns about living with your mother be addressed through clear boundaries or adjustments that make her feel more comfortable? Understanding her reservations can open the door to finding solutions that work for both of you.

At the same time, work on forgiving yourself for the decision you made under difficult circumstances. Guilt is a sign that you care deeply, but it shouldn’t paralyze you or define your worth. Instead, use it as motivation to create a plan that honors both your mother and your wife in ways that are practical and sustainable.

Seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist could be immensely helpful in navigating these emotions and improving communication between you and your wife. A neutral third party can help both of you feel heard and respected while working toward a resolution.

Remember, you’re not alone in this. Many people face similar challenges in balancing their roles within a family. What matters most is your willingness to approach the situation with compassion, patience, and a commitment to finding a path forward that respects everyone involved—including yourself.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

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My husband has been cheating on me. I recently discovered a receipt of payment that was unusual of my husband's regular activities. I called the shop and realised that the payment was genuine and it was made by my husband who was accompanied by a young lady. Since then, I have had sleepless nights. I have been wanting to talk to him but I am not mentally prepared to hear his side of the story. If he admits, it would mean our long years of marriage is over. If he denies, it would mean he is lying to me. However, there is a part of me that wants to trust him and give him some benefit of doubt. I have a 12 year old daughter. If he admits to having an affair, this news can break both of us. Pls help.
Ans: Start by acknowledging your feelings without judgment. The anxiety, sleepless nights, and fear are natural responses to such uncertainty. Allow yourself space to process these emotions. You don’t have to rush into confronting your husband until you feel emotionally steady enough to handle the conversation, regardless of the outcome. Sometimes, writing down your thoughts and questions can help organize your feelings and prepare you for the discussion.

It’s also important to consider your goals for the marriage and your family. Ask yourself what you need to feel secure and respected in the relationship. If you decide to confront him, do so with the intention of seeking understanding and clarity, not immediate resolution. This will allow you to approach the conversation with as much calm as possible.

When you're ready to speak with him, choose a time and place where you both can have a private, uninterrupted conversation. Start by expressing your feelings honestly but without accusations. For example, you might say, "I came across this receipt, and it’s been weighing heavily on me. I want to understand because I value our marriage and our family." This sets the tone for a constructive dialogue rather than an argument.

Prepare yourself for his response, whatever it may be. If he admits to wrongdoing, it will hurt, but it will also give you the clarity to decide what comes next—whether that’s working through the betrayal or choosing a different path. If he denies it, try to assess whether his explanation feels genuine or dismissive. Trust your instincts, but also give yourself time to reflect before making any major decisions.

If the uncertainty continues to eat away at you, seeking support from a counselor or therapist can be invaluable. A professional can help you process your emotions, clarify your priorities, and guide you in deciding what is best for you and your daughter. Protecting your emotional well-being is vital, as it will also help you maintain stability for your child during this challenging time.

Remember that trust and honesty are the cornerstones of any healthy relationship. Whether the truth strengthens your bond or pushes you to reconsider your future together, it’s essential to prioritize your self-respect and emotional health. You are not alone in this, and with time and support, you can navigate this difficult moment with resilience and clarity.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Relationship
Hi, I am a 36yo guy. Married and have 2 beautiful kids. I am a naturally happy person in life and have achieved reasonable success through my hard work. From last 3 years i am in love with a married girl who works at an office near my workplace. We two believe that we are best suited for each other in every aspect i.e. mental, emotional and physical. We share a great chemistry that we never felt with our respective spouses. We decided that we both cant leave our spouses because of our kids. But very often she keeps on getting crazy and tortures and taunts me that i love my wife more and doesnt give value to her. She is mostly unhappy about this in her life and many times abuses me when she sees that i am a naturally happy and content person. I have even told her that if she wants we can take divorce from our spouses and move-in together. But she never accepts that also and keeps on making my life hard. But i do believe that we both love each other like crazy and my sexual life with her is just out of this world. I have a very high libido and she satisfies me like no other girl. My question is how can i make her sane and make her trust me that i am more inclined towards her?
Ans: Dear Avinash,You need to reflect deeply on what you want for yourself, your children, and your relationships in the long term. If staying married to your wife and continuing to co-parent is your priority, it’s essential to acknowledge the constraints that this imposes on your extramarital relationship. The happiness you find with this woman is tempered by the circumstances, and it might not be possible to meet her emotional needs fully in this setup.

A conversation with her that focuses on honesty, boundaries, and expectations is crucial. Acknowledge her pain and insecurities, but also express your limitations and realities. Make it clear what you can and cannot provide in this relationship, and listen to her needs and frustrations without defensiveness. You might need to make a decision about whether this relationship can continue in its current form, given how it’s affecting her mental health and your own peace of mind.

It’s also worth exploring the deeper reasons why you’re drawn to this relationship. Sometimes, connections outside marriage arise as a way of addressing unmet needs or emotional voids in the primary relationship. It might be beneficial to consider counseling for yourself or even with your wife, to explore whether there are aspects of your marriage that can be revitalized or strengthened. Similarly, suggesting therapy for your lover could help her work through her emotions and find balance.

Ultimately, you have to evaluate whether this relationship is sustainable and healthy, not just for the two of you but for everyone in your lives. Love and passion are powerful, but they require a foundation of trust, emotional stability, and shared goals to thrive. If those elements remain elusive, it may be a sign to re-evaluate the relationship’s place in your life.

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